have determined that noise my cat makes that’s like “bbrrp” and the audible equivalent of ??!!! is actually the sound of a thought occurring in her little burger head. she’s not used to them. they happen and she has no precedent for them because her memory is like a goldfish’s. so she bbrrp.

whenever i'm trying to talk myself out of buying something i don't need i always hear my old russian professor's voice echoing in my head: "WHAT??? WILL YOU DIE THE RICHEST MAN IN THE GRAVEYARD?" and then i make an unwise financial decision

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by Larry Tracchini

The fact that makeup is considered to be “mature” and “sexulized” implies that being a clown or mime is the sluttiest job out there

ugliest sweater you've ever set eye upon rotting in a thrift store

house of leaves is the perfect book for people who love wikipedia but wish it could be scarier

i understand the appeal of the suburban texan life, cruising at 45 with the AC on down the giant streets with the massive municipal lawns that nobody ever walks on, separating them from the massive parking lots and the big cars. like I'm glad it isn't me but i do understand. there is some kind of profound beauty there. we need to tax their carbon and destroy their way of life

hush little baby dont you cry. mamas gonna buy you a big horse fly. and if that big horse fly dont fly. mamas gonna buy you another horse fly

okay i'll bite is such a good phrase. like i will

I wish I could make cats understand the concept of fairness. Of hypocrisy. I wish next time Beatrice was eating I could stick my hand in her bowl and dig around and say "see? Not very nice is it?" And she would say "I understand now father you're right". But instead? Big fat paw in my soup

that's fucking it. bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark