me taking a klonopin from my new prescription which is 2x stronger than the old one and then being like wow I am SO tired

2023

1. COMMIT TO THE BIT

2. PARTAKE IN THE DIVINE ACT OF CREATION

3. LET THE SOFT ANIMAL THAT IS YOUR BODY LOVE WHAT IT LOVES

12:04 Oh also I had a single edible when we got home from his Nanny’s right, and I had an edible as soon as I got home right around 9:30, around 10:15 I feel goofy and around 10:40 I slipped into an hour and 20 minute time dilation [12:00AM RN] exactly like the two trips I told y’all about last time (I’m actually still tripping major balls; experiencing events before they happen so my brain processes them before they seem like they’re happening to me right, which makes them feel infinite, and making everything I see or do RN a BAD MEMORY like I swear to god I’ve been hearing my mom clank pans in the sink for an hour and then also hearing random bits of sentence dialogue just actual randomly, like I had originally experienced during my first bad high right like hearing random barks and sounds from things that DEF ARENT HAPPENING AROUND ME??? And bro this trip was the most wild bcuz I was the most aware of it like this has been absolutely terrifying to experience again?? But also I hate that I love it like the thrill of not knowing if I’m gonna make it out of the time dilution type thrill ugh I can vent abt this for hours

12:07 I want to write an essay about everything I’ve felt in the past 80 minutes but it’s so refreshing and also terrifying to experience? I don’t want to ever have this feeling while at work? and my brain confuses this exact feeling with how reality actually is? And that it takes the weed to activate it ya know?

12:08 And something more fuckign wild was that I can describe what I mean by communicating with the 4th dimensional beings now, what was happening is I was thinking something, and then the people and objects around me were reacting TOGETHER RANDOMLY to make a reply to.

12:11 So I was conversing with myself but with the surroundings? So I would think “Oh for this to stop do I need to ____” (ex: oh no I’m super stupid high again do I need to (and then I see a dog) and then a TV show or my mom and dad talking would SPEAK OUT IN RESPONSE “oh- yea-H”)) or Id think “

Life can be a totally different conversation between several dimensions right. Like a 4 dimensional one? The being that I just was right now, was talking with the environment I was feeling like deadass

12:15 So a thought talking and then a brain talking with the rest of the environment around it. Like life doesn’t matter because we are a conversation between those things too. And also I know I’m still high because I’m still having these conversations. Like my body was getting so hot temp wise when I was telling myself “Oh no I got stupid high because Weed is bad and always bad for you!!” And then literally the TV would say no in the dialogue. And just now I’m feeling cold when I was walking around thinking that was the best thing it was like playing A Literal Hot and Cold game with reality itself.

12:20 I’m very much in a wild spot rn because I’m simultaneously like Yo It Deadass Will Be Okay Though, YOUVE DONE THIS TWICE BEFORE AND YOU DID A LOT OF MENTAL WORK BETWEEN THE LAST TIME AND THIS TIME. YOU WERE READY TO ACTUALLY TAKE AN EXPERIENCE AND LESSON AWAY THIS TIME.” And also bein like “Oh my God This is hell because everyone is acting this way BECAUSE THEYRE TRYING TO STOP ME FROM FEELING LIKE THIS, AS IF I WAS DISRUPTING THE SIMULATION SO THEY SAME AND DO RANDOM THINGS LIKE RANDOTRON FROM RICK AND MORTY IS CONTROLLING THEM. THIS LIFE SUCKS FOR THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE TRAPPED BECAUSE OF YOUUUUU but then it’s also like Yo I’m just actually high as balls rn and other people experience the same high I do but going in a diff perspective so the high itself is different

12:21 Sorry for the LITERAL FLOW OF STONED AF CONSCIOUSNESS

Bf saying he doesn’t want kids bcuz the kids we are around rn are a lot to deal with and him like not realizing it’s a dealbreaker to me?? And like thinking it’s funny that I was getting upset telling him we will have kids bcuz I told him DAY 1 that I want kids someday. and so I got quiet and just started playing on my phone and so he has the audacity to ask me just now if I’m mad at him and when I say yeah he gets quiet, sorry it’s a sore subject when my PARTNER says he doesn’t want kids when that’s one of the things on my imaginary vision board like it’s not an If it’s a When type thing.

Okay so last night I was talking to the bf for like 5 minutes, in and out of vc and he said he muted me like he always does cuz he can hear me without the vc, and he said hr changed to his noise cancelling headphones, and he made me sad by telling me that I was super loud last night and that he didn’t tell me then because he didn’t want me to be sad, and that he doesn’t want me to be sad about it. Do y’all ever feel like you have an emotional reaction and then other people feel bad for making you feel bad and then are like, hey don’t feel bad it’s okay I’m not mad! And like kind of pressuring you to feel better to not hurt their own feelings type thing? Like it gives off hitting your sibling, them crying, and being like omg no it’s okay you’re fine see see don’t tell me mom

Undo the Damage of Sitting

walking around the room setting up my computer and I accidentally step on his blanket and he immediately moves it from under me and acts as if he wanted to use it. Motherfucker just tell me you think Im dirty

"being in the military is hard" theres harder things. Like telling my mom she was wrong about something

waiting to take a shower until I’m feeling much goofier later I’m excited

one thing you need to know about me is that i am constantly having insane galaxy genius ancient greek philosopher level thoughts about everything ever all the time but before leaving my mouth they get filtered through seven layers of autism and come out sounding like a youtube comment made by a nine year old