Urination Fear

I am getting really aderanized around creating fear (and no shame) around big medical briefs and urinating, which has made me extremely tired and mentally exhausted. It’s like an addiction, one where the adrenaline from induced trauma is fetishized and is an extreme sexual turn on.

This is similar to what DaddyMax does to train diaper dependence on sissy diaper fags, but in his case mixing shame and fear.

There is this video which I studied, found here (https://twitter.com/MasterMaxim4/status/1553849392767049729) there is this beat playing with toilet sounds and it’s has traumatic vocals, it reminds me of a kid in a school bathroom being unable to pee and being spanked to make him pee. Phrases include “When do you think you’re going?” Being shouted by a adult male, “naugh ty I wan ted to pee”, “oh no no!” “Oh no!” “Ohh my god, oh my god!” Followed by a what sounds like a slap (when the guy spanks his diapered ass). There is the child saying “nnnooottt again.” Before the “when do you think you’re going?”. Before the beat drops there is a high pitched cat call, almost as to mock. The beat and melody sounds like it’s meant make the recipient feel dumb.

I believe in CJR’s case, he has created a cycle of alternating fear and shame, with a primary turn on from shame. In the low phase, He fears being exposed, and seen urinating. This desire builds as need for release from the fear adrenaline builds. In the high point of the cycle, he gives into the shame and exposes himself (which creates an extreme sexual turn on) and creates more fear of being exposed. With inherent social anxiety in his life, desire for thick diapers and this fear / shame cycle addiction, he has been able to train his nervous system for years so urine backs up into his kidneys and lower stomach (my goal, so I actually have medical need for thick adult medical briefs, the more medical and institutional looking the better!). I think CJR has made peeing extremely fearful and shameful, so he is able to pee when his mind is in the state of being pathetic and weak (part of the fear / fetishized shame cycle).

Feeling beautiful.

Time to diaper up for work. 1st layer with massive pad.😍

Layer 2.

Preparing for a session in my latex suit.

Diapered up for work. Very pleased with the tapes.

So imagine this during the day before sunset.

Today’s shopping diaper!

Tonights diaper for the bar. Hope to fill it up!

Before cumming, it was such an explosion this time.

Layer four, working from home today!😀

Morning routine, 5th day in a row. Putting on today’s diaper for work!😅

The bum in all it’s glory!

Here’s some pictures from last night and Friday night.

Wearing a diaper tonight. Here’s a couple pics of before I wet and a video of me wetting.