金継ぎ|Kintsugi

Man, this one's pretty freaking cool. I stumbled across this concept online. 金継ぎ is the art of repairing broken ceramics with gold. It highlights the imperfections and celebrates them. Each streak of gold celebrates the brokenness of the ceramic. The philosophy behind this is that everything is beautiful, even with its flaws.

As humans, we all have our shortcomings. You may not be the perfect student, son/daughter, boyfriend/girlfriend, or even, person, but you try your best. You try to improve yourself, you try to be a better person, you try to build your little garden. You try, and try, and try, but there's always work that needs to be done. There's always something that you can be improving on. Whether it is being a better student, being more disciplined, being more clean, etc. The need for continual self-improvement is eminent, constantly looming over your head.

You feel that the flaws you have need to be covered up. Hideous scars that cover you with flaws and imperfections, tainting the perfection that you’ve built for yourself. Like a disease that sweeps through a population, it destroys, it wrecks havoc, it kills.

Yet perfection is boring, mechanical. A completely white room, emulates an asylum that drives you mad. Complete silence screams in your ears. A smell so pleasant that it hurts to inhale after a while. Perfection doesn’t mean that you’ll be appreciated. Perfection doesn’t mean that that people will adore you. Perfection doesn’t mean that you will be loved.

After all, your flaws are what make you human. Your failures are what makes you human. Your weaknesses are what make you human. Humanity, in and of itself, may not be beautiful. Humanity struggles with flaws and failures and shortcomings. Humanity is anything but perfect. But it is the acceptance and celebrations of our flaws, that allow us to become who we are.

A 2 Year Reflection

July 2021 - July 2023. 2 years.

2 years, and one hell of a ride later. I sit contemplating all the changes and memories within the last 2 years. What would the David of 2 years ago think of the David now? Or how would the David now think of the David of 2 years ago. Many things changed about me, physically, emotionally, mentally. This is just a little piece about everything that I’ve learned over the 2 years.

My life in Singapore can be broken down into a few distinct phases. Pre-NS, Recruit and Trainee Life, Unit Life, and finally, ORD Life. It’s quite a general break up, but it is how most guys would describe their NS journey as well. There are stories and lessons learnt during each phase in my NS journey, stay a while and dip your toes into my memoir of my NS life.

My NS starts unlike many others with the initial enlistment. No, my NS story begins pre-enlistment. I arrived back in Singapore, on the tail end of COVID-19. I was given 1 week after my graduation to report back to Singapore, and there I was.

Lesson 1: Mental Health Here’s lesson 1. Mental Health, something I was really struggling with at the time. I’ve since developed, probably, very different views on it now than back then. I was still very much set on getting over a girl and determined to only message her once a month, just to check on how she was doing. At the same time, I picked up a part time job at a ramen store in downtown. It was a combination of messaging her more often than I promised, the lack of sunlight in that basement kitchen, and exhaustion in general that led back to a relapse in mental health issues. I took some time off work, to recover and quit a month before my enlistment date of 050122.

During this period, I was probably still much like a kid. I got a brief taste of what working life was like. I did feel like I brought different views to the friends around me at the time, maybe due to the fact that I lived overseas. As a person, i probably would hate who I was back then. But all in all, pre-enlistment life was one of freedom. Although, maybe too much freedom can become, itself, a vice as well.

The transition to Recruit life on tekong resort, although not terrible (due to my personal PES Status) still came with its own troubles.

Lesson 2: Not everyone will like you, and you shouldn’t give a fuck anyways Yea, I said it. Dude, there will always be haters, whatever you are doing. Maybe someone doesn’t like your face, maybe they think you’re too attention seeking, maybe they’re just racist. it happens, fuck you gon’ do about it. It’s just a part of life, whether the other person is jealous or what not, there will always be haters. Even more so if you are excelling and a certain part in life.

I faced some racism in the fact that I wasn’t seen as a chinese person, or a singaporean, more specifically. There are some that shun you for having lived your life overseas, and that you aren’t one of them. Yea, shit happened. But that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.

Lesson 3: Build your own connections This one’s important. Even thought there were people in my same section in BMT that hated my guts just caused I lived overseas, there are people that are also curious about you. Not everyone is an asshole, you’ll always have at least 1 friend, you just gotta find out who they are.

BMT kinda threw me into this weird environment where you gotta learn how to make friends. You survived only by being able to make friends and help each other out in times of need. It forces you to use your social skills to survive. Without a unified section, you would all suffer.

Lesson 4: It is what it is, suck thumb and carry on I learned a bit of this lesson at the tail end of my BMT. I was appointed Platoon IC. Whilst the position of appointment was only supposed to last for a week, mine lasted for 3 whole weeks. Why? I have no clue.

Platoon ICs are in charge of carrying out and disseminating information to the rest of the platoon. Although it is seen as a position of authority, if you or your platoon fucked up, it’s on you. I was appointed close toward the end of BMT, when all of our high keys had already been completed. What does this mean? Well, people don’t really give a fuck anymore. It was a tough time getting people to cooperate with me in counting stores and all that cause it would’ve been free time otherwise. But this takes it back to lesson 3. That group of connections you built, they’ll help you out.

My Trainee life was split into 2 main phases. Security Trooper and Navy phase. My Trooper phase went by quite smoothly although, to the end, there was an important lesson I did learn... 

Lesson 5: Physical Health is important Throughout my BMT, I didn’t really take physical health too seriously. I did a lot of cardio, but nothing serious in terms of weight training. I managed to lose up to 5kgs due to the fact that camp food was inedible and that we did cardio only. I suffered from serious back pains then, due to only training chest and arms back in my high school days. The muscle imbalance caused severe back pains through BMT and IDTI life. I’d always blamed it on a disk herniation back in my Volleyball days. One of my specs suggested it was muscle imbalance and that I hit the gym to build a stronger back.

I never really took that too seriously, although I did start hitting the gym and climbing with some of my BMT section mates in April (end of trooper phase). Things were smooth sailing until I got to the second part of Naval Training.

Lesson 6: Stop being a lil Bitch This one’s a fun one. My naval training phase wasn’t easy. Naval culture had it’s methods of breaking down individuals more so than army did. There are many stories that I have that contributed to this experience, however, 3 main ones stick out. 215 turnout, Tests, and Turnout test. Within the span of 1 month, and these three events, I grew to develop a stop being a little bitch mentality.

These were by far some of the toughest times during my training phase. Studying 16 hours a day (wait did you just say study??? yes, yes I did. These tests weren’t easy fr), sleeping in a room not knowing when an ear piercing alarm would go off, and all the hazing that we went through after it did go off. Although I must say I was quite thankful for the experience. It had helped me develop a mindset and brought me closer to my batchmates and senior batch as well.

Lesson 7: Being a teacher It’s often said that every man should have a mentor, equal, and mentee. My NS followed a similar structure. It wasn’t long before the next batch of juniors came in, and it was our turn to take over in the training of the junior batch. Teaching the material was not only more mentally straining than studying for it, it was also more physically straining. Zavier and I would spend the whole day in the ops room teaching our juniors. Teaching was more than just imparting the knowledge that had previously been given to us, it was also about building a bond with those that were under us as well. It was more than just, write this, read this. At the end of the day, We managed to get them through their junior phase and into the next.

Along came Supervising batch. I took upon myself the responsibility of doing morning duty at the main tower. Maybe it was because I was there that the xinjiao might not have been able to learn as quickly, but what’s done is done. I would come to learn that taking a step back may be what is necessary in crucial times.

Lesson 8: Everything is worth trying, at least once Everything is worth trying once. that’s what I believe. I used to say “I’m not a clubber and never will be”. “What’s so fun about loud music and jumping up and down”? Well, I found out what was so fun about it. I really enjoyed clubbing, and I still do. Maybe it’s because I have obsessive type of personality? But yea, if I didn’t try clubbing, many things in NS would’ve probably gone differently. So try everything, even if it’s just once. You never know what might be your thing.

Lesson 9: Stepping up to the plate Supervising batch was pretty smooth sailing, but I was selected to take over as the next 2IC, and for an extended term at that. I would say that my 2IC term was relatively smooth sailing at the start as well. However, I would say that I did learn a few things during those times. Leadership skills was definitely one of them. I needed to discover myself as a leader. What type of leader I was, or wanted to be. We all dealt with our own individual problems as leaders within the unit. I won’t go into details of what issues I came across during my term, but let’s just say, some people are dipshits and I had to learn to work with that.

Having stepped up to the leadership role and completing my duties faithfully, it was finally my turn to step down from the military life style. With it, I would learn a lesson that I would not be able to fix.

Lesson 10: Taking a step back/Letting go I’ll admit that I’m honestly quite passionate about serving in the military, after all, it did teach me many lessons. One of these lessons I only learnt recently. After completing my duties, it was time for me to take a step back from all of it. Not having to go into camp as much, not needing to be there for the platoon, letting the next generation of soldiers step up to their respective plates. At the time, there were some changes made to the standard operations, to which I got quite furious about. It was a change to activation that would greatly slow down our timings. Although I wanted to maintain the same timing for activation, I had to learn to take a back seat and let the next generation fend for themselves. For me, it was about letting go of that passion and look forward to the next phase in my life.

It’s been one hell of a ride for sure. So many ups, so many downs. It was fun though. All the experiences I had, the friends I made, food I ate. Was it worth the 2 years? Yea, I’d say so. It was well worth the 2 years.

自省

自省| (Jisei)

I initially intended to write some form of reflection. A look back over certain events that had recently occurred, only to discover this Japanese phrase.  自省 is a very unique form of “self-reflection”; it is also known as a death poem. The self examination of an individual as they lie helplessly on their death bed, waiting to pass into the next life. A time of deep reflection, self thought, helplessly wishing that, maybe, one could’ve done better in this life.

Where am I at in life right now? Am I who I, personally, want to be? Can I be better? How can I improve myself even further than what I already have?

I often find myself sitting, thinking, pondering these thoughts. What is the next step? Where am I headed to next? As my time in Singapore is drawing to a close, I always think, “Have I made the most out of the 2 years that I have spent here”? Although, no amount of thinking can ever aide in recuperating the already spent time, I still have roughly 4 more months left here. 4 more months of adventures left to be had. Food to eat, places to be, bouldering routes to send, weight to lose, experiences to be had. What exactly do I want to do with my remaining 4 months of free time.

“It was just for fun, not everything has to be a fucking life lesson.” said the great Michael Reeves in his latest video titled “A Boring Video”. That just stuck. At this point I probably had been trying too hard to make lessons out of everything that I did, though some form of weird, delusional copium to get me through life. Just do it for fun.

For fun, do I remember how to have fun? Through the course of these two years, National Service, or army, pretty much became my entire personality. It was all people would ask you about because you were always marked by some unseen indicator that you were an NSF. How did people know? I have no idea. You just kinda get a sensing for it I guess. “Oh that guy’s in the army, or that guy, or that guy.”

I think that it has definitely pushed me out of my comfort zones though. I am not sure if I have always came off as friendly, but I definitely came off as socially awkward, I think.

I want to be a barista. I really do, it looks so cool. The whole process of it, measuring the beans, grinding, frothing the milk, then latte art. It feels so controlled, so calming. It probably isn’t calming during rush hours at a cafe, but, something about coffee just calms me down. The fresh smell of coffee grinds every day, the mellow and chill cafe music, the ambiance it brings, and don’t get me started on other cute baristas. It’s pretty much a job requirement to either be cute, fashionable, or good-looking in order to be a barista. Law of the World.

Being a barista does come with the downside of having to interact and talk to random strangers, maybe make small talk some times. Is it worth it? mmmm Maybe. The pros of being a barista would out weigh the potential hazardous conversations I may have on the job. That would have to be determined once I land a job as a barista. Maybe in university.

I’ll do it, for fun, cause not everything has to be a fucking life lesson. And, who knows, maybe, just maybe, I’ll be someone’s barista crush.

By some unknown force of Nature, I feel compelled to jot something down onto Tumblr today. Upon reviewing my source of inspiration, Photos, I decided I’ll write about City Pop.

Maybe it’s somewhat typical of me to be listening to some form of J-pop. Albeit I have been listening to a much wider spectrum of music lately. City Pop has been my go-to night vibe music while doing night duty nowadays.

City Pop is a genre of Japanese Pop music which is influenced by Western soft rock, R&B, funk, and boogie. Emerging in the 70’s, peaked in the 80’s before being derided by the younger generation of Japanese teens in the late 80’s. It was repopularized in the 2010’s through music blogs and reissues where it gained an online following.

There was always a certain picture painted in my head while listening to City Pop. It was always a late night drive, under dimly lit neon lights on a quiet city street in a convertible car. The wind would blow softly through your hair in a refreshing breeze while you soak in the night city from a nearby high way. Alternatively, compilations of scenes of deserted store fronts from 70s and 80s anime would also play through my head. It was always a sense of quiet and peace.

My experience with City Pop shined on one specific night. 220223, was the first time I went to a club. Lasting until the early morning of the next day. All my friends, who lived in the east, decided to take a cab home together. That just left me. Me and midnight city streets. The club was only some 4km from home, so I decided to trek through the streets, all on my lonesome, while listening to City Pop.

The walk totaled roughly an hour as I took my time strolling the deserted streets, flickering back alleys, and abandoned bridges. Although the city lights still shone steadily, it was a quiet and meditative walk.

City Pop was perfect for my Night duties. It wasn’t too slow, nor too upbeat. It rode that perfect tranquil of night drive. I’d be found staring away at the bleak sea front, keeping watch at night. Silently listening to the soft beats of City Pop, humming away to the tune of the song. Because some nights will be long, but there will always be a city pop playlist to go with it

310123

Just felt like doing a little bit of journaling today. It’s been one hell of a month. 26 days in camp, 5 days out. Today is one of those rare days.

Before I start though, Tiong Hoe Coffee @ Vivocity. Flat white, hot, getting scents of flowers and cranberries, $5.50.

Damn, did I mention it was one hell of a month? I’ll start by recounting events that happened during the month. It initially started pretty slowly. We did have a couple extra ops related things occur, but nothing too bad. Pretty quite throughout the first half of the month. Then it hit.

Chinese New Year, or well, Lunar New Year, cause China do be a hot topic right now. We brought in a couple ships, USS MAKIN ISLAND, USS WAYNE E. MEYER, USS CHUNG HOON, and USS NIMITZ. That makes 2 CVNs and 4 carrier type ships in my CDS career. The schedule was pretty whack the entire month, my platoon ended up with the shorter end of the straw on that one. Did manage to expand on my patch collection though.

Combat Shoot Support Proper. Well, Marksman, baby. I shot 35/38, pretty good if I do say so myself. Pretty shag 4 days of work though, but that’s a free $200 which I will gladly take.

Injury. Well, remember that bad fall I had in December of last year? Turns out I tore a tendon and sprained several ligaments in my foot. Been off the grind for a hot minute, no climbing, no gym, too much food = gaining weight, not good.

Stress. you know, I never understood why people drink sadness or stress away, but now I do. I’ve been feeling pretty stressed lately. Maybe it’s the upcoming 2IC term, maybe it’s exhaustion, maybe it’s the Mac Health Sci Supp App, or maybe it’s nothing. But wow, Stress.

Dreams. I have been having one too many dreams about her. It’s kinda strange. I don’t even know why. It ain’t like I’ve been looking through any photos or texts. Maybe it’s her upcoming birthday? It’s so strange. One dream was us driving down some random road before I got caught in an accident. Maybe it’s a reflection of my life spiralling out of control. I haven’t got the faintest clue... they just happen out of nowhere.

Gym. Well, progress has been pretty nonexistent. In fact, it might be a regression. But, well, when there’s lows, you can only go up from here. So here’s to dedicating February back to the grind.

But man, 2023 is already 1/12th over. Time really flies. This time last year, I would’ve been half way through BMT with my mates. Still chonky. The more I think about it, the more grateful I am for the past year. Everyone I’ve met, especially my Sea Soldier friends, it’s all been such a blessing. Yi Da, Kai Jie, Matthew, Zavier, Lyon, Aniq, TL. Man... 8% of the year is done, and I’ve got, what? T-06 months left if I’m disrupting my service. So, let’s make the most of it. Here’s to a February, a productive one.

Sincerely, CHEF LUNGLESS

List of Dishes to learn before ORD

- Bak Chor Mee - Har chiong kai - Cai Chao kueh - Char siew - Hei bi hiam (paste) - Hokkien mee - Chicken herbal soup - imitation crab soup - Pig intestine soup - Nai Nai’s fried rice - Sao rou - Char kuey teow - Xia mee

2022, The Year of Growth

Well, 2022 officially ended, it’s currently 020123 1121H. I’m currently at Mellower, a cafe near Bugis station in Singapore. Ordered a $9 pour-over coffee (Why is pour over so expensive when the equipment needed is so much cheaper than espressos?), and writing a brief reflection on the year of 2022. So many things happened recently and in the past year. I was recently appointed as 2IC (Second-in-Command) and will serve a term of three months before appointing the next one. That aside, let’s take a trip down memory lane, month by month, and see how 2022 helped me to grow.

January Here’s the turning point of my life, really, enlistment month. Jan 2nd, I shaved off all my hair, and on Jan 6th, I reported to camp, ready (or not so ready), for my first day on Tekong Island. After falling sick, and booking out, during confinement week, I went home for a short rest before heading back in, and on January 21st, alongside my section mates, we all booked out for the first time together, taking a commemorative photo on the bus. Special shoutout to my section mates Jeremy, PC, Hifzillah, Hansel, Enrico, Solomon, Darren, Xavier, John, Wei Zhe, Theijes, and Taiyu for sticking it through BMT together.

February Queue my obsession with Coffee and cafe hopping. During the next few months, I spent so much money on cafe hopping with my friend Irving.; It was... pretty bad. We went once per bookout, going to roughly 4 or 5 cafes per session. My bank account would not be this sad if we had cut back on the amount of cafes we went to. Oh yea, we also went to PS Cafe at Dempsey Hill, and there was this mad cute waitress there. Her smile, the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Even though she was wearing a mask, the way her eyes smiled as well, oh man. My friends also threw me an early birthday celebration and I got to eat Aunty Shirley’s to-die-for Ondeh Ondeh Cake. My cousin’s threw me a celebration as well, it was a lovely time. On my actual birthday, I went shopping by myself, I ate at a semi fancy Japanese restaurant, and bought myself a watch, further expanding my watch collection.

March POP loh! Congrats to Mohawk Company on the Passing Out Parade, although virtual, it was definitely a celebratory moment. Completion of our 2 months in Tekong Island. I received the “Best in Platoon” award. We got a 5 day block leave, which I fell sick on and wasted 5 days of leave, but received our postings on the Friday of that week. SEA SOLDIER, it said. What’s that? well.... it’s essentially a naval security trooper. I dreaded the idea of being a security trooper, after all, they were just called glorified security guards. However, I would come to call ourselves as Base Defense Specialists. I reported to IDTI (Island Defense Training Instituition) at Clementi Camp for a 5 week security trooper course. Aside from that, I went to Uncle Alvin’s house and prepared a 3 course meal with Ashley for friends. It was a sashimi starter, which required some plating work, a beef steak served with sweet potato puree, and desert was an apple ratatouille with fresh cream.

April First ever bouldering session at Bukit Timah Bff Climb w/ PC and Enrico. Absolutely grateful to PC for introducing us to this sport. We started climbing more with friends from BMT, and still do to this day. At IDTI I learned to fire a GPMG, really cool. One thing to note, this gun can explode... so ya gotta move quick. All in all, what an experience, not every0one is trained to fire 2 guns. Halfway through april, I graduated from IDTI and earned my second “Best in Platoon” award. From here, I was posted to DSTB (Defense and Security Training Branch) at Tuas Naval Base. Here, we went through a 3 week Naval Conversion Course. After which I graduated, without an award :( ahahahahah.

May Welcome to Changi Defense Squadron. I was resolute on joining the boating team at Changi Naval Base. After arguing my way to be posted far from my home, I was informed that, due to my health, I would be unable to join that boating team. During another short 3 week training course at HQ, we took a couple tests, and turned out on the last day of our training. I will never forget that turnout. Officers we had never seen before kicked open the door with a speaker blasting an air raid siren and started shouting at us. Since we had never seen them before, and as they were not in uniform, we all thought it was a prank played on us by our seniors. However, with the emergence of our training officer, we scrambled our bearings together and rushed downstairs. It is here, that I would like to note that, since this was the last day, we all had made Ice tea to consume together. However, we were forced to pour it out and fill our bottles back up with water. being in a rush, this left us with a mixture of half ice tea half water. After dropping 60 over push ups, and bear crawling around the parking lot, we stood at attention for a water parade, where, our officer instructed us to pour our water over ourselves reasoning that “Y’all are sea soldiers. Why y’all scared of a bit of water. You think the rain will stop for you isit? Fucking pour the water now!” Yea, fun times.

210522 Well, this was it, the last straw. I know this is already a pretty long post, but I think this was probably one of the most important days of the year. The last few messages I ever sent to Nat. It probably wasn’t the best way to end things? Neither was it very conclusive? I just kinda stopped texting her after that. From graduation till this day, I texted her every now and then to check up on her, hoping that a relationship was still possible after I made my return to Canada. Today was the final day. The whole time I was writing posts about giving up, I never actually meant them. It was the sort of copium you’d think it was. Delusional. It was tough. tough not to talk to her, tough not to want to just slip a message to her. Just to say hi or something. But anyways, it’s been, what, 7 months now? I hit the living fuck out of the gym, I started going out with friends more, I started to seize life by the throat, I didn’t want to wait around any longer. I think I can confidently say I’m no longer obsessed with the delusion, but I do think she still holds a very special place in my heart, i just, never want to see her again. Well, this would make class reunions a little biut awkward, but oh well. Yeah, I wish I don’t see or hear from her again, who knows what will happen if I do. But you know what they say, be careful what you wish for.

June Gym, and a lot of it. I started experiencing bad back pain back in April. This was when one of my sergeants in IDTI suggested I start training my back. He noticed that my arms and chest were developed, however, my back might not have had the strength to support that weight. So, well, here begins my gym journey. I never really documented any progress, just took the occasional mirror photo every once in a while. But, I started off not being able to deadlift, now hitting 150kg 1 rep. Benching 60kg, and squatting 60kg. I gained overall probably another 6kg, but It’s not all muscle. Working on that.

To Be Cont’d...

July My Mom and sister came to visit. This month was filled with eating good food, and spending time with them. I have many many photos, both of the food and with them. this was also the time of my OJT phase in CDS (Changi Defense Squadron). I spent countless hours sitting in the ops room studying for my tests, roughly 16 hours a day. Alongside seeing my first aircraft carrier USS RONALD REAGAN, I managed to pass all my tests on my fifth mount due to some complications with COVID. Mid month, my sister and mom flew back to Canada. I went to buy my first pair of climbing shoes, and came back to the hotel, and collapsed in tears. It wouldn’t be for another year before I would likely see them face-to-face again. Back to navy related things, there was something everyone had to pass, a turnout test. The timing to hit was 1:30. it wasn’t impossible, but very physically demanding. However, that wasn’t the worst part. The siren in the bunk was. It was an Air raid siren, and some brilliant genius decided to take off the muffler. My seniors informed me that if you sat for a minute listening to the siren, it would cause permanent hearing damage. Needless to say, I have mild PTSD from that thing. Anyways, I managed to pass my OJT batch turnout in three tries, and fell out of junior batch turnout after 1 attempt as I slipped and crashed into multiple bikes be for carrying on.

August Nothing much of note occurred during August. I started flashing 7s at Bff climb, hit 100kg deadlift on reps, and decided that I would patch up a bomber jacket with patches of FWS (Foreign Warships) I got. I purchased an Alpha Industries bomber jacket for $160 and set that aside. I carried on with the rest of my OJT phase... waiting for the new batch of OJTs to come.

September As many of my friends went commenced their second year of university, my batchmate, Zavier, and I started teaching our juniors the ropes. 3SG Alden, 3SG Lyon, and PTE Matthew. By the way, there’s something Sus about Alden, we’ll need to conduct a phone check on him eventually. After a very much uneventful first month, they managed to pass their tests by their fifth mount. I started wilding out on patches, meeting many foreign sailors along the way. I introduced my 72 batchmates to bouldering. We spent the day climbing. Shoutout to my Plt 2 72 boys, Zavier, Kai Jie, Aniq, and Colby. Solid guys. However, my seniors, 68 batch, were about to ORD. We custom ordered some tags for them with callsigns.

October October was uneventful, but well, uneventful is good amidst chaos at times. I went out with Irving to do some photography, teaching him a little about editing along the way. This was the first month I completed an 8 at BFF climb, super proud of my progress. I should start working toward better footwork. Also, 30th October marked the end of Kaguya-Sama: Love is War manga series, I’m sad it ended, BUT, Kaguya and Shirogane get married so all is well.

November Yet another uneventful month. One of my climbing vids popped off with 1k views, and I met new bouldering friends, Clair, ZiYi, and Jhean. I also went solo climbing for the first time... hit my first 8 I did without a beta.

December The final month of the year. My uncle visited CNB (Changi Naval Base) and we got to tour a bunch of the warships, they were, realllllyyyyyy coool. I also travelled to Malaysia (first time abroad with friends), to go climbing and eat food. There was this scrumptious burger, Woodfire? I think the burger place was called, definitely need to go back there. We went climbing, karaoke, and ate food, a trip to remember. The 74s came in shortly after, at the start of December, and I entered my supervising batch. I started having a lot of fun in camp, doing silly things with my friends.Took a selfie with a rat too. I purchased my second pair of climbing shoes, before taking an incredibly bad fall and dislocating my ankle, those shoes gonna be collecting a little bit of dust. Was on crutches for a while. I was appointed 2IC recently, and currently shadowing the 2IC to learn. Other than that, more warships, and the festive season, where mine wasn’t so festive... ahahahaha. Expanded the patch collection though, it’s looking mad sick.

But yea, 2022 was a productive year. I met so many new friends. I just want to shoutout to Yida and Tien Loung for teaching me everything in CDS, as well as Zavier my tower buddy. We still have quite the journey together, but it’s been a heck of a time with you guys. The ending is definitely rushed, but I just had 2 cups of coffee and I’m on a caffeine high so yea, BYE!

To 2023, where new adventures await!

想い出

Short Preface

想い出｜思い出 (Omoide), different from 記憶 | (Kioku) meaning one’s own memory, can also mean remember. While both technically mean memory, omoide refers to memories that one shares with others. The difference between to the two ways of writing omoide is that the first typically invokes stronger emotions, often used in books and song lyrics, while the latter is more commonly used in day to day uses.

Memories...

It was a relatively hot day, 251122, and we were facing some man power issues. Duty was extended that day...

Seated around the table, during an eight hour duty, My friends and I were discussing some of the new anime games that were recently released. I went to download one of them only to realize that my phone was entirely out of space. Checking my storage, I realized that I had accumulated over 14,000 photos since 2015, 700 of which were videos. Some of these videos being over 10 minutes in length, namely, our Physics class vlogs.

I went back to the very top, December of 2015, and started to scroll through my photos. It was a visual trip down memory lane, each set of photos or screenshots defined by the person I was at the time. It starts with Boxing day of 2015, dinner at Gals Sushi, a photo of my grandfather and my sister, my 13th birthday, and then... I found, screenshots of our conversations. Ah, wonderful. I thought. I pulled up the small album of accumulated screenshots and read through them.

In the beginning of Summer after 7th grade, when we did the Chubby Bunny Challenge, near the end of 8th grade during Mrs. Espeut’s music class, then graduation, lifesaving course, cooking camp, my introduction into photography in 9th grade, Remedium, adopting Sushi, Japan trip, Ramen, National Service, and my bouldering adventures. Some key memories I picked up when I scrolled down the gallery.

Looking back on these memories, evokes a sort of nostalgic sadness, especially since I’m so far away from the people I created these memories with. I may see them again and go on to be life long friends, or I may never see them again and we all slowly drift apart. I miss the times in high school, when life didn’t seem all that crazy, wasn’t all that hectic, when responsibilities of the adult world did not plague our naïve minds. I miss my friends.

I wonder if I’ll ever see some of these people again. Of course I’ll make an effort to meet with old friends to talk about the good old days, but what about the ones that I wasn’t that close to? What about the ones that I’ve already drifted away from? It’s a sad thought, really, never seeing some of the people I grew up with again.

I don’t really know where I wanted to go with this, or how exactly I wish to close this out. It’s just a thought. A happy-sad thought, of memories, both good and bad.

ゆめ

I had a dream. I had a dream, and in it, we were together. I had a dream where you decided to let it all go and took me as a partner. We spent day after day with each other, keeping company, talking about the silliest of things, whispering secrets, truly, it was bliss. It was the perfect scenario, the picture I’d been chasing. Spending the rest of my life together with you.

I had a dream. I had a dream where we went on cute dates. Like, to the movies, to the park, to a fancy dinner restaurant, to a ballroom where we danced the night away. You were so beautiful in every one of them. You always dressed so cutely and elegantly, I could never take my eyes off of you. You were the only thing that I held close to my heart, shinning brilliantly, like a diamond, for the world to see.

I had a dream. I had a dream that I saw you again after these 2 years. Tears flowing down from my eyes as I ran over to hug you. It had been too long, far too long. These last 2 years had been unbearable without you by my side. “I’ll never let you go again,” I whispered, “never”. I didn’t want to feel the pain of separation again. I would remain at your side forever.

I had a dream. A dream I wanted to become reality. A dream I wanted to be true. But…

I woke up from that nightmare, and grounded myself, once more, in reality.

“It ain’t happening chief, it’s over,” I cried, “What a scary nightmare that was…”

Thinking Thoughts

Gosh… it’s 0532H, a solid 6 and half hours into my midnight duty. It’s a quiet night, lo-fi on the speaker, phone in hand typing out this… whatever this is. The sound of fans in the background, an incinerator plant in the distant lands, the city lights, the vast amount of ships that fill the empty canvas of water behind me, it created an atmosphere that had me feeling like reading up on old text messages. I don’t know what it was, maybe it was a combination of things like watching romance kdramas, not enough data for the month, and the general atmosphere, but here I am.

So I did, and then I started to think. I started to think things again. For the longest while, probably since my enlistment, I’ve pushed myself to stop thinking about too many things. But… on this particular night, I couldn’t possibly turn down the idea of thinking and reflecting a little. A little on my past relationship of sorts.

I had a little collection of roughly 96 screenshots of our past conversations, the oldest of which dated back to May 24, 2016, a little over 8 years as of today’s date August 22, 2022. It had already been that long huh? It was nostalgic reading through those messages. Messages from hangouts, to sms when I had gotten her number, to Imessages when we started to get older, to calling each other, to… going back to being strangers, again.

Reading through these messages almost made me feel like I’d teleported back in time to those youthful and carefree events before I’d be pulled back to face the harsh reality that it was all in the past. A past that I could never go back to. I still wish to know how she’s doing, if school’s been alright, was she struggling with physics, if she’s made new friends yet, so on and so forth. But I guess I’ll never know, huh. It’s definitely not been easy for me to completely ignore the fact that I still had her contact, and I still could message her if I really wanted to. But you know what, it’s been 3 months and we’re still going strong, well kinda strong.

I can’t help but notice the excessive use of “Lol”s in our conversations. She would say it, then I would, then she would… I’m certain that pretty much every sentence we sent probably contained a “Lol” in there. Maybe it was the awkwardness, or maybe it was how I found her laughs and giggles to be quite contagious, even if they were just over text. I could practically imagine it.

When things took a turn for the worse, I clung to these memories, hoping, praying that things would start to be better. Yea, no, it didn’t get better. It never does, does it. After all, this isn’t a kdrama. One of my biggest pains is that I won’t be able to marry this girl, I’m not gonna lie, it still saddens me, saddens me a lot. I went from imagining futures with her by my side, to futures without her existing in my world. The memories I keep are a part of me, they both hold invaluable happiness and gut-wrenching sadness too.

I was scrolling through TikTok the other day, and I happened across 2 particular ones that stuck in my mind. The first was,

“If you wrote a book about falling in love with someone you can’t have, what would the last line be?”

The other, was a quote, a quote from non other than Winnie the Pooh.

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” -Winnie the Pooh

When I read those words on my screen, I just smiled. It was a smile filled with sadness and regrets, but a smile that had told me I had taken a small forward.

Coffee

Coffee is more than just... coffee. The caffeinated drink most university students drink in order to pull an all-nighter on work they probably should've finished a while ago.

Either it's coffee, or in my friend's case, Redbull. Coffee was never always just coffee to me, I used to drink coffee just for the caffeine as well. Coffee is so much more than just a bitter drink that adults drink all the time. It's more than just about downing 5 cups of coffee in the span of 30 minutes to stay awake for the night. It's more than just a drink.

I probably began drinking coffee religiously in my sophomore year of high school, but I first started drinking coffee at the age of seven, back in my home country of Singapore. Singaporean coffee is quite unique, and has an incredibly different taste to any other type of coffee. There are two factors that differentiate Singaporean coffee from the any other type of coffee in the world. 1) Singaporean coffee beans are roasted together with either margarine or butter, giving it a very rich and sinful mouthfeel and 2) It's usually taken with either condensed or evaporated milk. Unless you're weird and take Kopi-O Kosong. I mainly had Kopi when I was younger; I only had it because of the condensed milk it contained and was simply like any other type of sugared drink to me.

Fast forward a couple years and my family had moved to Canada. I no longer had excess to that sweet, sweet childhood drink. It was then I started to drink the Nespresso coffee. Nespresso made capsules you put into one of their machines to extract a coffee in espresso style. This made their coffee incredibly silky and rich, even having the foam on top of each coup. Setting aside the cost of the machine, each cup of Nespresso Coffee usually only set you back about $0.70. Of course, back then, I took each cup with creamer and sugar, and it wasn't until high school that I started drinking coffee without sugar, and then creamer two years after that. My favourite coffee from Nespresso was initially the Arpeggio coffee. I would take it with 2 teaspoons of creamer. The Arpeggio had a nice balance of roasted and nutty flavour while staying pretty neutral. I loved the rich and filling taste of each mouth of coffee. A few years later, Nespresso introduced their World Exploration series, and I came to enjoy the Indonesia Coffee Capsule. It was a seemingly refreshing take on the same flavour profile of the Arpeggio coffee.

In sophmore year, I finally started attending a youth group one of my good friends, Maja (Matcha), introduced me to. Our Youth Pastor, Hartley, was somewhat of a coffee fanatic. Before meeting Hartley, I had no idea that there was different types of coffee out there. Hartley took myself, Maja, and a bunch of our other friends out on coffee trips several times. I grew quite fond of my friends and coffee over the course of those trips. After a year of meeting Hartley, I moved from the Nespresso capsules to Coffee beans, most often making filter/drip coffee as it was the cheapest option to start with. There was something about waking up every morning, grinding the beans, boiling the water, and pouring it over the grinded beans in a figure-eight fashion, and stirring clockwise after every pour. It felt... systematic, controlled, and made me feel that everything would be okay.

I've come to like a dark, nutty, and roasted coffee, staying low on the acidic side of things, making it an incredibly enjoyable drink while remaining easy on the stomach. Visiting coffee shops has now become one of my new hobbies, especially since moving to Singapore. Having to join the military has somewhat encouraged me to enjoy the little things in life a little bit more, one of those little things would be my morning cup of coffee. I now often find myself sitting in a coffee shop, the faint sound of the espresso machine, banging, and chattering in the background as I sit, quietly, sipping my coffee. Life has become pretty hectic lately, and my health hasn’t been in the best condition. I went to a cafe to write this piece, and it has reminded me to take things a little slower in life. You don’t always need to be moving so fast, looking for that next thing, or the next chapter. Just slow it down, sit down for an hour or two, and drink some coffee.

To me, coffee has become more than just a sweet childhood drink. It's more than just and overpriced cup of caffeine. It's more than just bitter brown water. Coffee has become an experience, and one of the many little things in my life that I have to learn how to treasure.

Here are the different ways of ordering Singaporean Coffee: Kopi: Black coffee with condensed milk and sugar. Kopi-C: Black coffee with evaporated milk and sugar. Kopi-O: Black coffee with sugar. Kopi Peng: Iced Kopi.

Siew Dai: Less sugar. Kosong: No sugar. Gah Dai: Extra Sugar.

章

I’ve never really been a fan of books, or reading at all for that matter, I gave up reading probably in the sixth grade. The only series I really ever enjoyed reading was Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson Series, so much so that I even collected the books. I’ve never really been a fan of reading, but I did like to write.

I wrote a fair bit as a young child, about my aspirations and dreams, the things I wanted to do when I was older, the places I wanted to go, etc. In my primary school days, my fascination for drawing and manga began, so I wrote a short comic strip with some of my friends about “Sushi the Rainbow Pooper”. The comic book followed Sushi, a blue cat with wings, on an adventure with his friends. We came up with the idea that his nemesis should be Ihsus, an ambigram of the name Sushi. To say that it was not well received among the teachers would be an understatement. 

I went through quite a phase in grade 7-11... I was depressed, probably. I was never actually clinically diagnosed with depression neither did I seek a doctor’s help for it, but it was a phase indeed. During those times, when I didn’t know what else to do with my emotions, I would write. i would write down what I wanted to on a piece of paper, crumple it up and throw it out, or tear that paper to shreds. It was quite therapeutic, honestly, and probably prevented me from driving myself off the edge at times, so for that, I’m quite thankful. Although many of those “literary” pieces are now gone, I’ve managed to find a few of them and they’re probably somewhere on this page.

It hasn’t been long since I’ve started a new chapter of my life. It’s maybe only been a couple months since the end of my senior year of high school. I’ve moved quite far away from where I was a couple months ago and I feel like I’ve changed quite a fair bit too. The one thing that probably hasn’t changed is my heart. I’m still reading the old chapters of my life, wishing that this new one hadn’t started. My heart still yearns for the tragic chapter it just read.

It was just a couple words,

Just part of a chapter,

Just... part of that stupid book.

But my heart didn’t want to move on from it. I haven’t had many chapters in my life yet, I’m still quite young. But my heart refuses to budge and move on to the upcoming chapters ahead of me. It’s kinda stupid.... ahhhhhh it’s all so stupid. Especially that one chapter.

A Happy Chef

“You don’t have to be a Michelin Star Chef. Just be a Happy Chef, that’s good enough.” - Andre Chiang in the film “Andre and his Olive Tree”.

Cooking has been an important aspect of my life in the past year or so. My cooking journey began in November of 2020, where I made my first bowl of Tonkotsu Ramen from scratch. It kinda started out as a small interest, and eventually grew to be a pretty big part of my life in the past year. Cooking was a hobby, and quite an expensive one depending on what you make, but I enjoyed the evenings I would spend in the kitchen. I went on to make several renditions of Tonkotsu Ramen (developing my own recipe along the way), Chili Oil, Singapore Chili Crab, and several other dishes as well. It functioned as an outlet of stress relief, and because of it, I felt that my senior year of high school was a lot more chill and relaxed.

Cooking wasn’t only a passion and a hobby, but it was also a teacher. I believe that you can take any experience or activity and learn broader life lessons from it. That, in and of itself, was a lesson I learnt recently from another life experience as well. Here are 5 lessons that I felt that cooking has taught me:

1. It’s an experience.

Before I started cooking, and even a long time after I did, I always thought of food as more of a chore and nourishment than it was an experience. The one important thing to keep in mind during a meal, is that it won’t happen again. That meal was stamped in time at that specific point. Sure you can serve the same dish to the same group of friends or family, but it’s not the same experience. So, put that phone away, pull out some drinks, and cherish the time with your friends, because soon enough, you might find yourself half way across the world with a different group of people surrounding you. Remember to take a step back, and stop to smell the roses, even if it is just every now and then.

2. Attention to Detail.

I’m definitely not an expert at this by any means, heck I still suck at it, but one important thing that cooking has taught me is the attention to detail in even the littlest of things. Often times, the dishes served are a combination of several components. That soup you are having? The broth, salt, and chunks of toppings. The fried rice? The rice (obviously), oil, wok hay, and toppings. For ramen, I have to individually prepare the tare, broth, aromatic oil, chashu, menma, ajikiku, and the ramen tamago. If I were to screw up one of these aspects, the entire dish would be ruined. you wouldn’t remember whether or not the soup was good, only what wasn’t. Making ramen so many times has taught me that every single component of a dish is important, no matter how inconspicuous it may be. Another lesson is that if you pay attention to the smaller things, you won’t fail to pay attention to the bigger things as well (a wise lesson taught in the bible). So you know... think about it. What aspects of your life are you forgetting? What aspects of your life can you improve? What aspects of your life are you not paying that little bit of detail to?

3. Patience

On average, my Tonkotsu Ramen would take me anywhere from 2-3 days to fully prepare. In order to serve my ramen, I was tasked with preparing all the different components together to fully complete that bowl of ramen. Spending the first day on prepping the broth to boil, scrubbing out the bones, washing them, making the tare, and getting the chashu ready. The second day was completing the rest of the toppings and the aroma oil, and on the final day, it was a gruesome 17 hour wait from midnight before the ramen would finally be ready. Making Ramen isn’t an easy process, neither is it fast. Although it does take a long time to make, the end result was always a huge pay off. In modern society, many of us have become impatient because of how fast information moves thanks to the internet, many people lose interests very quickly. I believe that with a little bit of patience and hard work, you can see that your actions will bear fruit.

4. Heart

Have you ever had food someone didn’t put their heart into cooking? It’s pretty bad. Sure you can argue that if a professional chef were to just randomly throw stuff together it might still taste good, but it doesn’t have the taste of “care”. Eating food that the chef made while thinking about the customer tastes a lot different than tasting food that didn’t have a second thought put into it. That could be the secret behind every Grandma’s cooking, is the love and care for her grandchildren. Thinking about the needs of the consumer, and then cooking something made for that person, or out of love for that person, will always make the food taste better. Same goes with the other aspects of our life. People can tell whether or not you care about that part of your life. Your lifestyle, health, the people around you, your family, your studies, your work, etc. People notice how much heart you put into these things. So do it with all your heart. Don’t show any reserve in the amount of heart you put into your life, because people notice. They will notice these things.

5. Be a Happy Chef

(You) Be a Happy Chef. I recently watched the film Andre and His Olive Tree, and one of the biggest things that stood out to me was when he recalled a story of a young boy that told Andre that he wanted to be a Michelin Star Chef. Chef Andre replied, “Why do you want to be a Michelin Star chef? You don’t have to do that. Just be a Happy Chef, that’s good enough”. When he said that, I immediately whipped out my phone and typed it down in my notes app. It kinda hit. No matter how far you make it in the culinary world, whether you are a humble home cook or a 3 star Michelin chef, as long as you are a happy chef, that’s all that really matters. Cooking isn’t about being the best, cooking isn’t about acquiring Michelin Stars, cooking isn’t about serving $300 meals. Cooking is about creating once-in-a-lifetime experiences, while having the patience to pay attention to detail, putting all your heart into what you are making, for the people that are around you. And as long as you are a happy chef, I’m sure that you can accomplish that too. 

I

Fucked

Up

Again.

I’m the worst kind of human.

Whatever Your Heart Desires

He didn’t want much in life. he didn’t really have a goal, a mission, or really, any other materialistic want. He always found himself in a repeating cycle, never seeking out any type of new adventure. But that was what his heart desired. Repetition. Repeating a cycle, over and over again, living the same day that he did yesterday.

She always wanted to find something new. She was always looking around the shop for the new books that had been released, or a new adventure to begin. She detested when things were monotonous and boring, always finding a way to spice things up. She loved “New”, she loved “Interesting”, and that’s what she wanted. To experience something new and exciting every day. That was what her heart desired.

He spent all of his free time working on cooking. That was the one thing that he was actually good at. He cooked in his free time, he cooked even when he had school, he cooked even when he didn’t feel like he had the energy to do anything else. Cooking was everything to him; it was what his heart desired. He devoted every second of his free time perfecting his craft, learning new techniques, and cooking for friends. Because, to him, food wasn’t simply about appeasing the body’s need for calories and energy. food was about an experience, catalyzed through his food, for his audience to experience. Providing his audience with a great experience was all that his heart desired.

She was in her first year of university. She was struggling as she worked through her assignments. She stared blankly at the assignment she was working on. Frustrated, she crumpled the paper and tossed it, burying her head between her hands. She wanted to be done with this assignment. She didn’t want to work through it anymore. She was completely spent on energy. She sat there, in her sun-lit bedroom, with the window open. The slight sound of construction can be heard coming from below. All her heart desired was to finish this God-forsaken, stupid assignment and move on with her life. That was what her heart desired.

Vibes

He quietly sat at his desk, listening to his 20 hour long Bossa Nova playlist, listening to the rhythmic and continuous thocking of his mechanical keyboard. It was another night that the boy found himself, once again, with nothing better to do with his time. He typed, and typed, and typed while vibing out to the jazzy beats playing softly into his ears.

He slowly veered off into his own world and soon found himself thinking about, simply, nothing. He scrunched his face in slight frustration, wanting to think of something to think about, but nothing ever did come to mind. He stopped his typing and looked up into the night sky from his sixth story apartment. The sky was littered with light pollution from the nearby streetlights.

No stars were shining tonight.

“I feel lonely” He thought to himself. He didn’t exactly know what he was looking for in a companion. Did he want to find someone romantic? Or maybe he just wanted a close friend? Maybe he was looking for someone to discuss some random topic about, or maybe just to sit in silence and enjoy the other person’s company. Regardless of the type of person he was looking for, he didn’t have that companion. 

He didn’t mind being alone, he sometimes even found joy and peace in his quiet times. tonight he thought slightly differently though. He wished for someone to be there with him, just to sit quietly, and maybe have a short exchange of words every now and then. But he didn’t have anyone, not anyone that was close to him at least. So there he was, sitting quietly at his desk, listening to that 20 hour long Bossa Nova playlist, slowly drifting off into his own world.