decayingdaily
As Long as I'm Hungry No One Can Hurt Me
A Personal Diary as I Rot. That is all. H:4'11"
CW:100.4 GW: 92 UGW:84
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8/12 - 8/15/20
I haven’t logged in the past few days but here’s the results.
8/12- 800
8/13- 800
8/14- 1000+ Binge
8/150- 660
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8/11/20
Breakfast- I snacked on an apple and PB2 way early in the morning before waiting til 12 to eat actual breakfast. Made a waffled tofu, cauliflower rice, and leafy greens salad.
-240
Snack- I keep grabbing 1/2tbs of icing. I hate myself why did I get this it’s so addicting. Then I had a carrot and hummus before bed because I have no self control.
-190
Lunch- Veggie patty, avocado, and spinach salad
-200
Dinner- my mom wouldn’t let up til I had a potato so I grabbed the smallest one, also a quarter of a bean bun.
-200
Daily Total- 830
I need to do better! 800 calories for anyone is super fucking easy but I’m stuck at home without any distractions and all I think about is food. I’m so fucking weak why can’t I do the most simple thing! Just don’t eat that much!
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20 Calorie Per Pint Vegan Ice Cream
OKAY OKAY OKAY I’m so excited for this one because it’s SO GOOD and SO LOW CALORIE, it’s also high in protein, low carb and pretty much fat free! Get ready for this y’all because this is one of my favourite recipes~
Ingredients (makes 2 pints):
1 cup aquafaba - the water from a can of chickpeas (40 kcal)*
1 tbsp granulated stevia (0 kcal)**
0.5 cup granulated Splenda or other 0 cal sweetener of choice (0 kcal)
OPTIONAL: 1 tsp imitation extract OR 1 tbsp 0 cal syrup of choice (0 kcal)
*You could use the water from any can of beans, but I find that chickpea water has the least bean-y flavour.
**I found adding a bit of stevia helps it set up and get a thicker consistency, but you can omit this if you don’t have stevia.
How to:
Pour your aquafaba into a bowl, add your sweetener and stevia (if using) and whip with an electric mixer until stiff peaks (when you lift the mixer out of the bowl, a little mountain should form and hold its shape even if you jiggle the bowl).
This may take some time! It’s usually around 6-10 minutes for me, less if you refrigerate the aquafaba beforehand.
Add your imitation extract/syrup (if using) and whip it into the mixture until incorporated. Be careful not to add too much, especially if you’re using syrup, so that it doesn’t get too liquidy!
Transfer into a freezer-safe container and freeze overnight.
Enjoy some bomb-ass low calorie ice cream!
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100 or Under Meals
This is mostly for my reference, but I figure perhaps some of you would like some meal ideas that are low calorie and (most importantly) filling! I’ve tried and tested pretty much everything on this list, these are my go-to meals when I’m really hungry and need something to fill me up~
Hot meals:
Spicy shirataki noodles (6 kcal, recipe here) and a caramel almond drink (40 kcal, recipe here)
Vegetable broth (0 kcal, recipe here), boiled with 100g celery (16 kcal) and 50g carrots (21 kcal), and hot vanilla (45 kcal, recipe here) + 1 tsp real vanilla extract (6 kcal)
Maple porridge (55 kcal, recipe here) and 1 cup almond milk (40 kcal) OR almond drink (40 kcal, recipe here)
Oat pancake (19 kcal, recipe here courtesy of @safe-ana-low-cal-recipes) with 1 tbsp 20 calorie nutella (recipe here) and 1 cup hot vanilla (recipe here)
Smoothies (super filling, trust me!) Refer to my master post for calorie breakdowns and exact amounts needed (bonus tip: my mix n’ match master post makes really thick smoothies, so you can totally thin them out with water for more volume at no cost!):
Blueberry smoothie (skim milk, blueberries, sweetener, 75 kcal)
Banana smoothie (almond milk, banana, 90 kcal)
Mango-blueberry smoothie (almond milk, mango, blueberry, xanthan gum, sweetener, 78 kcal)
Creamy peach smoothie (skim milk, peaches, sweetener, 70 kcal)
Strawberries n’ creme smoothie (2% milk, strawberries, sweetener, 85 kcal)
Bananaberry smoothie (almond milk, banana, strawberries, blueberries, cherries, xanthan gum, a little sweetener, 97.5 kcal)
Filling snacks and other meals:
Chicken wrap (58-60 kcal, recipe here) with hot apple cider (2 kcal, recipe here)
1 or 2 pints vegan ice cream (20-40 kcal, recipe here) I know this sounds kinda weird, but this has a ton of protein and is crazy filling (plus you get to eat low cal ice cream for a meal so who’s complaining?)
Steamed vegetables with whatever seasoning you like (variable kcal, but the kinds I have are 2 cups broccoli for 100 kcal or 2 cups assorted veggies for 80 kcal, I usually add salt and garlic powder to them)
Huge salad (79 kcal total) with 3 cups mixed greens (36 kcal), 100g cucumber (16 kcal), 2 medium plum tomatoes (22 kcal), 5 radishes (15 kcal) and 0 cal dressing, salt to taste
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8/10/20 Food Log
Breakfast- I made a kale, avocado, and seitan salad. Then a peppermint and green tea!
-200
Snack- Two peaches and soy cream cheese
-140
Lunch- Grilled barbecue tofu with a waffle iron! Steamed kale, cauliflower rice, and a mini yellow potato
-200
Dinner- Half a red bean bun for a snack and half of a veggie wrap my friend made me. I’m super paranoid because even though I know it was only half, I have no idea how many calories are in a wrap style flat bread. The closest I can find online are around 200-300 for a full wrap but it didn’t have a lot of layers and the wrap was small so I’m going to just say it was 170 to hopefully overestimate it by 50 calories and try not to think about it too much before my brain explodes.
-260
Calorie Total-800
Ps. my food looks gigantic but its just because i cut up everything small and NEVER use american dinner plates. I only use ones that are 9 inches or less in diameter.
I really hope I didn’t go above my calorie limit. Fingers crossed!
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Thin challenges
Does anyone else remember these “thin challenges” that used to be so popular in the 2000’s (back when skinny was what was both desirable and expected). I remember growing up these used to be so common and almost “expected” or all women. Are there anymore that you guys/gals/non binary pals remember or that I’m missing? What are your opinions on the challenges? Do you believe that some people are more “designed” for these challenges or do you think that everyone has the opportunity to beat them if they put in enough work? (ie: born taller or thinner, giving them an “unfair” advantage). I am really curious and would like to hear other opinions!
The Belly Button Challenge
Goal was to be able to turn your arm around your waist and touch your belly button (note: you cannot pull or stretch your arm into position, it must fall naturally to truly count)
The Bikini Bridge Challenge
Goal was to have your hip bones so prominent when lying down that your bikini would just naturally rest taunt across your body, without touching your stomach.
The A4 Challenge
Goal was to have your waist be the size of an A4 piece of printer paper (or approximately 8.3 inches)
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8/9/20
I dropped 2lbs in the past week! Hoping I can keep it off and continue to shed more!! Maybe it was just water weight but hey it’s something. I can feel my shoulder blades even more now so maybe it actually was fat!
Breakfast- I fucking ate 2 and a half tablespoons of frosting! I fucking hate myself what the FUCK. I woke up and the first thing my brain said was “mmm yes frosting”
-160
Lunch- I tried to make shirataki noodles. I made them semi-edible but the texture still felt like chewing worms. It was able to eat half of them but they were just 10 calories for a huge amount so I wasn’t complaining. Then I had some plant ground beef.
-210
Snack- I fucking snacked all day. Random shit from all over the kitchen.
-150
Dinner- I had a red bean bun and some vegetables.
-230
Daily Total- 750
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8/8/20
My diet plan this week is to be as low carb as I possibly can.
Breakfast- I made myself a smoothie bowl that was only 170 calories but then I added 7 almonds for some extra fiber and protein.
-218
Lunch- Broccoli, cauliflower rice, and a plant based sausage.
-213
Snack- Two coconut biscuits I made with almond and coconut flour to avoid carbs They are only 27 calories and i’m proud of em. Also 5 of those Unreal m&m things.
-71
Dinner- My family was getting take out so I got two nime chow rolls. I feel fucking fat and I went above my calorie limit. I need to eat less tomorrow.
-325
Calorie Total- 827
I’m a fucking cow. I’ll do better tomorrow.
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8/7/20 Food Log
Breakfast- I wasted my breakfast calories with an oatmeal raisin cookie and these vegan m&ms
-210
Lunch- I made cauliflower rice!! I made some high protein edamame noodles and boiled some brussels sprouts. It filled me up so much!
-310
Snack- I had a peach and made my own sweet creme with soy creme cheese and almond coffee creamer! It tasted so good!
-110
Dinner- I took some generic low cal and low sodium bean soup, then added spices, chunky salsa, and the cauliflower rice to make a chunky and super filling chili.
-155
Total- 785
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8/6/20 Food Log
Breakfast- I made my own guacamole and chips out of some leftover avocado and this low calorie flat bread! Tasted great and I really needed that avocado for my health. Added some carrots too.
-230
Lunch- Brown rice and one gardien burger! Those burgers are my life savers. I can have one for a meal and the entire things 130 calories, packed with protein.
-270
Snack- I baked my own oatmeal raisin cookies! They aren’t very ed safe because one is 70 calories but I was proud of them.
-70
Dinner- Flat bread chips, hummus, and carrots
160
Total- 730
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8/5/20 Food Log
Breakfast- PB2 and an apple. Then a few mini pretzels
-140
Lunch- I used three mini yellow squashes, a mini potato, and a super low oil recipe for a crepe. I made this cheesy butter squash crepe thing! I made an ENTIRE PLATE of food that only amounted to 260!
-260
Snack- energy drink and a sip of beer that I'm still counting it as like 10 calories becauese I'm paranoid
-55
Dinner- It was my father's birthday so I had to eat spaghetti and plant based meatballs. Luckily I talked my way into only eating a small bowl!
-225
Snack- I had some frozen mango!
-30
Total-710
-90 calories from my daily limit! Hopefully I can continue this!
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8/5/20
I’m just sitting here every day doing absolutely nothing. I’m not in school, I have no job, I don’t even have the desire to get out of bed. I’m a lazy fat pig and I know that no matter what, I will never change.
I am nothing more than a glorified goldfish. I’ve leached off of everyone in my life. There has been nothing I have ever accomplished for myself. There will never be anything I will ever accomplish for myself. I know there are a million productive things I could be doing with my time, but I won’t do any of them. It’s not depression, it’s pure, unbridled laziness. The situation made even worse by the fact that I can acknowledge how much of a cow I am and not fix it.
I used to be braver. I used to be able to start things.
I never finished them though. I’ve never been able to finish anything I’ve ever started. My mom is in denial and tries to convince herself that I’m better than I really am and that I will get over this. She lies to herself because she does not want to face the cold fucking reality that the baby she brought into the world is nothing. Every parent wants to believe their children are special, especially her. As long as she tells herself that I’m not as fucking useless as I really am then she can avoid it.
I keep telling myself to fix this. I’ve tried in the past but I was bolder then. I actually had ambition and a strong drive to fix myself. But I wasn’t strong enough, and now I know for a fact that if I tried to fix myself today I wouldn’t make half the progress I once did.
Only problem is how cowardly I am. I know I won’t have the determination to finish anything, especially myself. I can daydream though. It’s the only thing that makes me happy anymore.
I had an apple and pb2 for breakfast. It felt good because I never thought I would be able to eat peanut butter again. Highly recommended. Hoping I can eat less than 800 today. That’s my goal.
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8/4/20
Breakfast- Black Coffee, PB2 and an apple. Then a small chikpea, spinach, avocado, and tomato salad.
-260
Lunch- My brother made crepes and I snacked here and there on pretzels. Its better to be safe than sorry so I'm counting the calories based on how the amount I ate disgusting I feel
-340
Dinner- Red beans, salad, and the other half of my sweet potato from yesterday.
-200
Total-800
_____________
I fell asleep at 8pm accidentally and couldn’t exercise. I’ll just have to work twice as hard tomorrow
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8/3/20
Rules: 800 or less. 4 liters of water. Exercise.
Breakfast- two scoops of protein powder. Raw. A rice cake with PB2.
-180
Lunch- Spinach, Chickpeas, and some Avocado.
-220
Snack- TWO FUCKING MANGOES. I WASTED 200 CALORIES ON THESE FUCKING MANGOES. I hate my fucking fat brain. I could have had the protein i needed but no.
-200
Dinner- Some red beans. Then a zero calorie energy drink. After a few hours I had half of a small sweet potato. I wish I could have eaten the whole thing. I purposefully picked the smallest one I could find, but the internet says there are 400 calories in just 1lb! mine weighted 0.54lbs so I had to cut it in half to meet my 800 calorie limit. I really wish I could have eaten the whole thing.
-200
800 TOTAL
I also managed to put in my daily workout somehow!
_________________________
Today was kinda hard. I wish I could have eaten more even though I know I don’t need it.
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Diary 8/3/20
My name is Emma. I’m 17 and weigh 102lbs at 4′11″.
102lbs is what my scale says but I can’t wrap my head around it. I feel like it’s broken. that weight may seem skinny to most people, but when you are as short as I am it doesn’t matter. I am on the heavier side of the ‘normal BMI’ spectrum. My doctor has told me to loose weight for my size before and so i’m using that to justify this shit.
If you saw me you would never guess I was 102. My fat is distributed like a fucking goblin. My neck, collar bones, and upper chest are slim. But my arms are huge. My love handles are huge. my thighs are huge. my butt if flabby.
I’ve been restricting for a while but this is the first time i’m making a blog about it.
Welp, that’s the introduction.
Today my lungs feel dry. They feel like i’m sick but i’m not. It’s harder to breathe because of it. I hope it goes away. I hate it. I can’t breathe like I used to. My heart flutters and my chest aches. Every time I get up I can feel my blood trying to catch up with me. I’m so dizzy and tired. So fucking tired. Why does my body want to sleep after every meal? I can’t fucking understand it.
The worst part is that I only restrict 800 calories and yet I feel like I have the right to complain. Other girls who are taller than me have the courage and determination to eat less than 500 a day. I used to have the courage to do that too, but that was a long time ago. I wish I was strong enough to eat less. I wish I was strong enough to fast for days. I wish I was sicker. God, I know it’s selfish. It’s so selfish.
I love and hate feeling like i’m rotting. But if I rot away all the ugly, underneath will reveal those beautiful broken bones.
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Personal Statistics and Expectations
To be Pretty by my 18th Birthday
Heaviest weight- 125+, Lowest weight- 90
Current weight- 102
First goal weight- 97 -5lbs
Second goal weight- 92 -10lbs
UGW- 84 -18lbs
_______________________
DAYS SINCE LAST BINGE- 8
Days til GW1- 37
Days til GW2- 77
Days til UGW- 158
_______________________
RULES: 800 calories or less! Exercise 30 minutes every day! 1 Gallon of water! Burn ankle every binge. NO BINGES! EAT PROTEIN!
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