One morning while I was getting ready for school. My mother asked me to come inside of her room to comb my hair into a slick and smooth high top bun like I’d always wear. I was giving her a hard time because I was unaware of the meaning of time and the hardships of being a parent of three. It was apparent that I was hard of hearing and had a hard head to match like the costume jewelry earrings that she would spray perfume on the backs with to clear away the stench as she assumed my other classmate’s spewed rains of spit into the rings and pit of my ear, while whispering their secrets they didn’t want me to share.
However, on this particular morning as I stood next to the tan chaise that sat across from our clothed sofa chair. I chose to be a delinquent as I refused to relinquish and submit to her tactics of fear. Instead, of walking into her room to do my hair, I crossed the palm of my hand over my chest as I ignored her demands to take a stand and digress to sing, “I pledge allegiance to the flag”–– my mother used the comb to whoop my ass, as a hard head makes up for a bottom as soft as cotton. I was used to receiving whoppings quite often but this one was done just before school, as I walked on the bus with my forehead swollen and bruised. I developed a huge lump that left me dormant and confused. As I sat on the bus crying with one hand covering my wound.
When the bus finally made its last stop in front of my school. I hopped off to walk on the black cement playground with different shapes drawn-on. To find my place in the line that me and my classmates devise to wait for our teachers to take us inside. However, my eyes were still full of tears as I wept and cried, which led to an old friend of mine to walk me to see the nurse inside. So I could let out my cries and outburst about the patriotic ass whopping that I deserved. But little did I know her only purpose was to protect and serve her earnings. Until after I finished the day of learning about cursive and the well rehearsed courses endorsed by the same government forces that forced their way into the doorsteps of my home– to question my mother’s abilities of parenting alone.
When my mother received a call from my school on the phone, she was shocked and appalled by what I pulled to overthrow her disciplinary tool, as it hit her in the womb way down below the belt. She felt as though my tears were crocodile cries for help, as I volunteered to share the story behind the swelling. Ever since Difice came to question her about the welt they let me stay like the grudge she held. Till this day, my mother felt betrayed in a way that never subconsciously faded away. It left a scar and stained a mark on our parallel parked universes, as I was given away, handcuffed, and incarcerated without a key. My soul was taken by the enemy to whisper in the ear of my therapy and social work listener so they could hear my most kept secrets and mysteries just to leave and disappear like a red-seeded dandelion petal leaf floating in the air.
Love is at war!
Its what everybody's fighting for
Each solider lost at shore
Playing the battlefield like the four horsemen
Swore on the bible to protect the unforeseen forces
That drink the blood and flesh of the Devil's serpent
The GMO female, the female that has lost touch with her femininity because she has masculated herself and abandoned her soul
She feels her insecurities and vulnerabilities has to be kept deep inside
To hide away the pain
In order to sustain
A regular life
In this mundane society
She cries her eyes when men aren’t around
And puts on a smile when they are in her presence
Because they are her competitors not her companions
She can only reveal herself in the face of other women because she believes this world would be a better place if all men were castrated or wiped away like the tears she cries to the female gods that she prays to at night
She has neglected the power of vulnerability
She has neglected the power of receptivity
She has neglected the power of standing strong in her emotions
As she would much rather stand alone & isolated on a “utopic” island amongst women of all different walks of life arguing about who will be their next president
She is a by product of the system she often finds herself battling
However she has no self-identity without having to go to war
She is manufactured, well packaged, and advertisable because if she would ever be anything less
She would be condemned by the men that she allows to live within the island of her own mind