Neil Perry it seems l've grown quite fond of you tho there are no sexual urges or desires you come to me as a long lost friend whom I once picked apples with in papa's orchard 🍂
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there isn't any tenderness, it's fake: like god
there's just teeth and a wound
i told my mother if their wish to make me pursue medical succeeds, i'll never write ever again
and she laughed and congratulated me, told me to never write ever again: teeth
she knows how much i love to write: a wound
now i write, like it's cheap; vulgar; pathetic; and ugly: like being queer in the 80s
i hide it, i create a blog to place it to a world which doesn't want to feast on it
the world: a wolf
as a young woman, i let it tear me asunder in exchange for little love: sacrificial lamb like your mother
i weep for hours and hours and suddenly it starts to rain
no sun tomorrow, my soul starts to rot
it smells, it smells. it smells, mother.
so i write this, act of vandalism: prison is this house i was raised in
yearn to see the sky, feel the rain pouring on my eyes: captivation
not a moment i feel less paranoid, why did you terrorize me this way, mother? father?
i do not know what to say to you,
nor that you will ever listen: maybe it's my submission
11:11. Make a wish. Sham: like god
—dead poet, rooted but flowing
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