Its crazy how jack blacks kid just looks like if jack black had a son

“If you have time to watch Netflix you have time for a side hustle” my side hustle is relaxing so that my body and brain can heal from by this nose-to-the-grindstone bullshit. I refuse to feel guilty for being a human with the need to relax sometimes. my side hustle is no.

I like the expression new-fangled. I don't know what it means for something to be fangled, but I sure as hell know it was recent

Under communism the wait staff will not ask if Pepsi is okay. You will not even find out that's its Pepsi instead of coke until you take your first sip. Unless you train like me, to know the difference from the sound of the Fizz alone, that is the only way we can beat communism and I can teach you. Take my hand. Not like that you grabbed it gay. Stop. Giggles. I SAID STOP

some loser: humans are innately selfish creatures

my psych book:

so i love peppermint candy and when i was in middle school theyd hold a candy cane sale in december, one quarter per candy cane! extremely excellent deal, except i was twelve and completely broke. so one year i scrounged for floor change for a couple of days before deciding i was desperate and stealing $20 from my mother’s nightstand 😔 it weighed on me for a full decade until a few months ago i decided to finally confess to my mom and she was like. yeah dude you came home with eighty candy canes. do you think i’m stupid

Apparently Kaladin is the only thing I can draw

ive gotten so much mileage out of this tweet. every time i see something on the internet that makes me mad i just think to myself "people in real life: hey man how's it going" and i keep it pushing

The icon for Banishment is so funny.

Just get outta here. Leave.

If a worker who isn't the owner says ANYTHING similar to "I'm not really supposed to do this but-" and then does something that helps you, under no circumstances inform the business, including through reviews. You tell them that the worker was polite, professional, the very model of customer service and why you like to go there. You do not breathe a word of the rulebreaking.

10 or 11 little ducks have been spotted crossing the dash board

I think people argue with me less since I got in the habit of starting posts with "I think" despite not really changing anything else about the way I post. I think it helps also to add an "I think" at the start of every new thought or change of topic just in case people get confused about whether or not I'm still discussing my thoughts rather than immutable universal facts about the world.

I have never wanted anything more

those cicadas about to have the time of their lives

like the idea of unnaturally aged cheese. making my gouda old using dread magics forbidden by the college of sorcery