darth-razmus
Just a Warhammer Spot
Hello there. Here lies various Warhammer things I am writing or building. Some grimdark some grimderp all of it fun....I hope. 40 M The Great White North and friend to all who asks. Banner from @rowscara
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馃憼one shoe stories馃タ
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Terra Sonalis
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Kurea-Storm
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The Travelling Troglodyte
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Abhuman Auxilia
Perfectly canonical auxilia guardsmen
Starring Adeline who belongs to 0kaliz (https://twitter.com/0kaliz)
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So since the Custodes have canonical access to modern human cultural material it is in fact totally plausible for Bayezara to be playing whatever cheesy music is appropriate for riding a motorcycle down from space
Shield-Captain Valerian: So according to heretical M2 theologian Inmanuel Kant-
Shield-Captain Bayezara: I鈥橫 GONNA HIT HIGH ORBIT LIKE A BATTERING RAM ON A GOLDEN-BLACK ANTIGRAV BIKE
Valerian: In terms of the Categorical Imperative-
Baezara: CAUSE THE METAL IS HOT, AND THE ENGINE IS HUNGRY, AND YOU鈥橰E ALL ABOUT TO SEE THE LIGHT
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more sisters, this time i present to you a sister supirior with a prismatic sword!
Here's also a close up on the eyes!
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I want to say no but we all know the Emperor's Children...
HOLY SHIT GUYS
Their adding cum shots to WARHAMMER!?!
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Older Commissioned piece
A Rogue Trader before they became a rogue trader.
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So for the Inquisiton Retinue I am planning to build and write about gonna use the Dark Heresy books to build the acolytes and the mystic
So we currently have a felinid and a meme Krieger so lots of shovels
Now to see what I can use for the others...
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Silly Hobbies: Primarch Edition
Apparently I wrote too much according to tumblr, so I'm sorry if it's choppy :[
Lion El'Johnson - He actually really loves analyzing "literature"; but not normal literature like Shakespeare or Kafka. He likes analyzing things like The U.S Constitution and The Treaty of Versailles. He does this because he thinks it will help him diplomatically (it doesn't, nobody gets why he does it otherwise, not even his sons).
Fulgrim - This man knows how to dance to every K-Pop song known to man. He can throw it back to "Baby Got Back" and has tried to teach Sanguinius and Ferrus Manus how (It didn't go well, Ferrus threw his back out ). This man knows the exact choreography to "Womanizer", "Nude" and so many other songs.
Perturabo - He likes making useless contraptions; like infomercial level sort of inventions. He has invented bread-dogs, a time-machine to go back exactly two seconds for each use, a voice-recording recorder, etc. He uses Dorn to test it out, despite their... feelings for one another. He knows that Dorn will give him a blunt answer; even if he is told that the invention is "stupid".
Jaghatai Khan - He's really good at acrobatics, specifically everything with the asymmetrical bars; this man could easily escape a pack of dogs with a pen in his pocket (If anyone gets this reference I will be so proud). He attempted to teach Angron how to do the basics, but it didn't go that well; the man is just simply not flexible enough yet.
Leman Russ - This is a secret that he will take to his grave because he suffers from major internal misogyny. He knows how to knit, and he's REALLY good. He grew up on a planet that is 75% of the time below zero, of course the second he got ahold of yarn and wool he got to making warm things for his marine-sons! However, he plays it off as things like: "the citizens of Fenris have donated these for our cause".
Rogal Dorn - He likes making massive forts, societies and various massive structures in Minecraft, with Legos, Lincoln Logs, and those small, ceramic Christmas towns. They're usually quite extensive, but not extravagant. He will pester Perturabo and Magnus to look at them, and this often leads to debates about how these civilizations would function.
Konrad Curze - He teaches cooking classes; however, they are not pleasant. At the end of meal prep, all students are covered in blood due to Konrad butchering whatever protein they had prepared. The food actually tastes amazing, however the process of making it is certainly a battle within itself. Sevatar is his sous chef, which means he frequently has to do most of the work that isn't butchering.
Sanguinius - Honestly, animal rehabilitation. I know this sounds absolutely odd, but due to him having wings, he has to know how to keep a healthy batch of feathers! He's excellent at bird handling, and actually really enjoys it. He's saved at least 54 birds (he doesn't get to find many, his sons typically try to steer him away).
Ferrus Manus - Dude actually makes some really mean jewelry; like the man makes the permanent ankle chains, ring engravements, earrings (with the help of Fulgrim). He's made a lot for his brothers like Leman, Fulgrim, Magnus, and the Khan. They're all very appreciative (though Ferrus has to make Leman a special mixture so he doesn't chew through it by accident).
Angron - He does extreme sports! It helps focus on something that doesn't direct his anger at things that he doesn't need to focus on. It's somewhat funny to think of him riding a BMX, but his absolute favorite is bungee-jumping! He has forced demanded that his sons and brothers try it to "toughen them up". However, nobody except Konrad wanted to. (They both had a great time! One of the few times they've actually bonded over anything.)
Guilliman - He enjoys grading papers... He enjoys signing up to grade the essays of AP classes on Terra and does it every year if he has the time. He takes the pleasure of learning things about literary merit from other people's perspectives, and every time it makes him consider becoming a professor (even though it would be highly impractical).
Mortarion - He enjoys escape rooms, especially with Konrad and Horus. They actually usually have a great time, though sometimes they have to stop Konrad from digging into the walls. He actually commissioned Perturabo to make an elaborate escape room with hatches and secret pathways all around a set of shipping containers. It was so fun that he actually decided to keep it. (He still discovers new routes and puzzles in it every time he goes in.)
Magnus the Red - He plays Dungeons and Dragons with Khan, Guilliman, Perturabo and Alpharius and Omegon. He ALWAYS is the Dungeon Master, no matter what. This is not because he is selfish and possessive (he is a little), but because nobody in the group can seem to maintain a regular gaming schedule. They have simply resorted to Magnus being the godly controller of their games.
Horus Lupercal - This man fishes. I'm sorry, he does the straight, white man fishing and poses. He takes pictures of the fish with the awkward raised arm but genuine smile. He sometimes gives the fish to Konrad, however, less so after finding out from his students what happens during his classes.
Lorgar Aurelian - He writes fanfiction. He likes to show Magnus and Horus his angsty stuff. This stuff is even enough to make Magnus cry a little. Lorgar, however, also writes smut. I believe that this man has never had the intimate touch of any person. Not because he's celibate, but because he's a bitch. The smut's written like in the early days of Wattpad. It's disastrously bad (Think "his meat-cicle entered her mound"). Leman found it one time, he tormented Lorgar for weeks with it.
Vulkan - He bakes! He has learned all the favorite sweets of all of his brothers, making sure to surprise them occasionally whenever they haven't spoken in a while. He loves it whenever there are big events, gives him a chance to see all of his brothers and see them enjoy his work. (There have been some small altercations due to people hoarding food)
Corvus - He likes fashion; but not in a New York fashion week way, more of an Edna from The Incredibles way. He uses the help of Ferrus and Leman to help sew cloaks, shape up boots, and they use Sanguinius and Fulgrim to model it to make sure it looks good and it works.
Alpharius Omegon - They like mimicking their brothers as much as possible; in a "try to look exactly like them" way. It is actually really impressive, even going past the uncanny valley vibe. This led to Mortarion walking in on two versions of himself standing at his bedroom door and it made him piss his pants; and nobody believed him when he told the rest of them.
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Femstodes and felinids .... That is all
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Just a thought I had while looking at memes; why is everyone dunking on Meme-Roboute for wanting to court Meme-Yvraine? Everyone acts like he's this perv who's into xenos when in this relationship Yvraine is the actual pervert.
Not only is that man significantly younger than her (stasis time does not count), he's also a bona-fide gentleman. Even if the logistics of intimacy would work out he would be mainly concerned for her health and safety. She meanwhile would see it as a challenge, Dark Eldar background and all. He's the one putting together a proper date following all the proper courtship protocols and socialising standards, and she is the one barely holding it together to not try and drag the man off into the bedroom and rip his toga off like a wild beast.
Roboute is totally the civilised and normal part in this relationship - people really should see Yvraine as the unhinged monster-fucker that she is definely seen as in Eldar society. Just perceived as a certified freak and that's not even accounting for the whole death god thing...
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Hey now, you鈥檙e an all star
listen to what I orchestrated
SoundCloud
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I just realized I didn't post these two yet. Behold, Inquisitor Katarin Criona, as well as her sanctioned Eldar "confidante" who just so happens to have the same last name, Katarin definitely didn't pull a fanon Guilliman and end up in a committed relationship with an Eldar. I post this today as a way to say Happy International Lesbian day.
By this, I mean she totally did and is only saying she isn't because, well, heresy.
I do actually have a nice bit of backstory written for them. You will likely remember Inquisitor Criona's more foundational lore from Luka's lore stuff. She is essentially a genetically distinctive clone of Luka who he treated as a daughter and then secreted away to the Schola Progenium when she displayed Inquisitor-grade psyker abilities and control over them, got instated as an Inquisitor, etc. Etc.
What I wish to discuss here is how Inquisitor Criona managed to find her way to having her most trusted member of her retinue be a sanctioned Eldar named Telbrae.
Inquisitor Criona hadn't meant to come across Telbrae, she hadn't even been aware there were any Aeldari on the world she had been staging an infiltration mission to destroy a warband of Slaanesh worshipping Night Lords known by the title of "The Children of the Masque", where she and her retinue uncovered a large amount of non-corrupted prisoners, most of which human, but the one in the most visibly worst condition being an Eldar of the Ynnari.
This Eldar was Telbrae, who had been taken prisoner and was being planned to be used as a sacrifice by the warband before Inquisitor Criona had found her.
Telbrae was so genuinely broken mentally by the torture she had suffered under the warband that, even though she knew the likelihood of an inquisitor returning such a favor, she made the immediate decision to repay this mon-keigh for saving her life.
Inquisitor Criona, being a member of the Ordo Malleus, didn't particularly despise the Aeldari, and simply had her retinue to open the cells and let the prisoners escape, saying they'll sort through them to see who needs or needn't be purged once they destroy the source of the corruption.
While most of the prisoners fled, Telbrae limped her way to the Inquisitor's vessel and raided a medical kit, using it to tend her wounds, before picking up whatever weapons she could find, and then making her way back to the Night Lord stronghold.
During the battle, Criona and her retinue were mostly successful, but as they approached the end of the battle, the warband began to push back and maim her forces, her Astartes retinue being gravely wounded, with them only managing to survive due to a sudden surprise attack as the champion of the warband being stabbed from behind, his mouth sputtering blood, and collapsing, revealing Telbrae wielding a bit of acquired Eldar tech Luka had gifted his daughter, a Harlequin's Kiss.
Telbrae then proceeded to collapse on her face from exhaustion, and awoke on Inquisitor Criona's flagship in the medical ward, with an Inquisitorial Rosette brand beside her. As she stirred, she discovered Criona behind her, where Criona told her what options she had. Either join her, where Criona would have to brand her with and make her a sanctioned xeno, where Telbrae would essentially become her servant, or be killed as there wasn't much way to secret an Eldar out of the ship.
Telbrae, upon analyzing the situation and managing to tell Katarin was being genuine with her frustration over the circumstances of recruiting Telbrae and the genuine intent to treat her as a proper member of her retinue, upon which Telbrae accepted. Resulting in the obvious of Katarin 饾槤饾槍饾槞饾槧 饾構饾槍饾槗饾槓饾槉饾槇饾槢饾槍饾槗饾槧 putting the brand on Telbrae's forehead, while also offering her glove as something to bite down on so as for Telbrae to not end up screaming.
After this, Telbrae began serving as essentially part of Criona's retinue, alongside a few sisters of battle and one Justicar of the Grey Knights. Telbrae quickly proved her competence and value as a member of Criona's retinue during a battle where Inquisitor Criona found herself almost eaten by a Carnifex, hence the lost forearm, where Telbrae once again proved a keen assassin, stabbing the Carnifex, before swiftly dragging Criona out of harms way, and revealing Telbrae's proficiency as a bonesinger (ie. The eldar who make wraithbone stuff).
This is why Inquisitor Criona has a rather distinctive prosthetic hand, its actually an artificed wraithbone prosthetic which Luka augmented upon when he next met with Katarin and immediately jumped at the chance to understand how wraithbone works.
It was during this time Luka also gifted Katarin with a specially crafted power sword. A power sword which may or may not be made out of blackstone which Luka managed to successfully charge in such a way to repel the warp, which he achieved through trial and error.
The time where Katarin and Telbrae began to become close, was when that one puritan inquisitor attempted to hold Luka hostage. During this time, Katarin was, understandably, extremely stressed and increasingly volatile. During this time, Telbrae ended up essentially serving as a stress reliever for Katarin. By this I mean Telbrae found herself being used as a sparring partner so Katarin had something to throw a bunch of attacks at and tire herself out without actually injuring someone, because, you know, eldar are hard to hit. Yes, I'm implying sapphic swordfighting.
This caused their relationship to gradually evolve from simply respect to genuine friendship and then, as you can probably guess by the fact Telbrae shares the last name in that drawing, love. No, the two didn't get married as both know they'd likely be shot on sight, but the two do consider themselves as partners.
This became revealed to Luka when Telbrae and Katarin eventually arrived to that Inquisitor's ship and found Luka had killed him and was pilfering the Inquisitor's treasury, where he then proceeded to do the meme of "YOU DID WHAT WITH A WHAT?! KATARIN!" Before proceeding to calm down, do the classic dad duty of threatening Telbrae's life if she ever betrays Katarin, and then proceeded to go back to pilfering as much stuff as he could before Katarin and Telbrae managed to drag him back to the ship.
Now, for current lore for them, following a lore incident I will go into later, Katarin has essentially become the Inquisitor stationed within the Hephaeston system and its borders, as the prior Inquisitor of the region... shall we say, tried to pull a Months of Shame after Hephaeston II and Hephaeston III came under siege by Word Bearers and Iron Warriors respectively but managed to fend them off. That Inquisitor then got immediately beaten to death by both Arthurian Deus, chapter master of the Hephaeston Hammers, as well as three chapter masters of three chapters who were very closely tied by honor to the Hephaeston Hammers, as well as his own Grey Knights who were not going to put up with being put into attrition warfare against genuinely loyal space marines because of one Inquisitor with a fragile ego. Suffice to say, that Inquisitor is now dead, and Katarin has proven a welcome replacement.
Anyways, that is all I can think of for now. I will maybe add more later, maybe not
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still working on the big lady, im not showing you the back of the hair its a MESS right now
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they're done!!
meet brother inpes and his dead boyfriend iacto! don't ask why these supposed iron hands successors have such an ornate dreadnought with a three on his chest ignore that bit 馃檮
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