cyanocardiotype
Aw Beans
Sideblog | I do arts in theory :)
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Amusing (tormenting) my sibling by explaining TF2 ship discourse to them
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happy pride month i had a stupid idea
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stop drawing for others. don't draw for yourself either. play video games
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Redoing my Mann & Machine notes. I think I was projecting just a wee bit when I wrote up part of Demo's info but I might leave it like that anyways
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Sometimes i regret giving myself a name that gives every trolldier and sniper in a 5k hammer unit radius one more reason to try to remove my temporal lobe through my ear but then again they were probably going to do it anyway huh. May as well have some fun with it
I've had Headus Hurtus as my steam name for a while now and usually people call me Headus or H/H or just Med/ic but yesterday I came across someone who decided to just call me head (uncapitalised)
#cyano.txt#the one beforehand was Bad Aim: Do Not Uber buuut. there's funnies to be done with that too unforchunately.#also it's no longer accurate bc my soldier and heavy aim is no longer completely awful
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My favorite part of the zombie gamemode so far is that Zombie Spy’s ability uses his “Tom and Jerry aaah” scream voicelines.
Go Anti-Sneaky Boi go! Yell at them! Yell at the warm-blooded living flesh! *Sounds like an anvil landed on his foot*
#it'd be delightful from a serious perspective. like. usually you think of the living screaming but imagine the dead doing it#that said. yeah in game it's real funny. guy whose special ability is shrieking real loud#cyano.rb
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do not follow me for more harvest tips i think this map is one of the circles of hell and that's coming from a 2fort enjoyer
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I always thought my sense of direction was kind of bad, but people's comments on cp_steel make me reconsider sometimes.
If I was going to complain about anything about the map, it'd be the fact that I always convince myself that I can make the jump onto Point E as a Medic... but that's more a me problem than a map one.
#cyano.txt#tf2#i stare at the enormous Void beneath my feet and the scout i followed back to point E starts egging me on#i decide to crouch-jump across fall down and die instantly losing half a bar of uber. My scout dies to a direct hit three seconds later
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It's true that TF2 players never look up but it's also true that if you give TF2 players enough time they will somehow find ways to climb on top of objects that were probably not built to support the full weight of the average mercenary + weapons. Chimneys. Lampposts. Exit signs the depth of a particularly thick novel. Windowsills fifteen feet up from the nearest flat surface. All ridiculous places to stand. All, somehow, accessible to players with enough determination.
And nobody will see them manage it, because TF2 players never look up.
#cyano.txt#tf2#one time i looked up on sawmill and there was a spy in the rafters inside of spawn WITH THE INTEL ON THEIR BACK#A) how the hell do you get up there as a Spy and B) how are you still carrying that??? Absolutely befuddling
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A butterfly at rest sits with its wings closed; its corpse, then, can be natural or beautiful, but not both.
Technically a screenshot redraw; initially I was just going to draw the pose, but the loadout got to me and I got overexcited and started changing things. IRL, the unfortunate Scout in question was me, and I died because I double-jumped too high in the air and hit the ground real hard. I'm great at this game :)
I do have a blue (well, AQA) Scout that corresponds-ish to this loadout, but. Idk dying like a bug isn't really a Josie thing to do on a thematic level. He's more of a "run over by low-flying-saucer-but-refuses-to-believe-it-happened" kinda guy.
#tf2#tf2 scout#scout tf2#blood#are there other tags I ought to be using??? Like there's not enough blood to count as gore i dont think he's just real dead#Not ship art btw the arrow was just Convenient and fits better than like. A whole sword or a bolt or something#cyano.tf2
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Playernames in descending order of how true I think they are
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Go ahead and explain your reasoning in the tags if you like!
#Tbh I think it's Spy. I don't think Spy tops out any single metric for “worst class for x type of learning failure” but he's usually podium#like in terms of dying badly upon messing up heavy is probably worse because positioning kills you /fast/ but spy is close behind#in terms of low impact from stuffing up sniper can literally do zero damage across a whole game but spy is close behind#in terms of getting focussed down by enemies medic is painful but spy is only behind due to patchy visibility#in terms of time to recover your position even though spy is fast you have to get /into/ enemy territory so you're more on par with#a slower class. In terms of “will my death be funny” the answer is probably no (as opposed to. Say. Stepping on your own bombs)#in terms of “will my team support me” the answer is probably no because not only will they probably not /notice/ you but spy has a bad rap#in general. Like. I think the gap between “competent spy” and “good spy” is relatively narrow because once someone gets the basics down#it's easy to lean more heavily into psychology to get one-up over people quickly. But the gap between “bad spy” and “competent spy”#is not only a decent gap compared to classes like soldier or medic. It's a /painful/ gap and has far less bright patches to keep you going#someone said that spy is basically just announcing to everyone in a server that you think you're smarter than them and i think. Like#in terms of cognitive load Spy is similar to Engineer or Medic but lacks a lot of those collaborative aspects and has a sharper. Uh#imma call it the “dopamine curve”. So not only are you more self-reliant than them it's also harder to scrounge wins#hitting one revolver shot feels the same as hitting one scattergun pellet even though the revolver shot is objectively more skilled#idk. I think a lot of the other classes that are painful to learn either mechanically or gamewise have some sort of mitigating factor#and spy really doesn't. And /because/ of that the perceived difficulty of the learning process is ratcheted up#like MECHANICALLY SPEAKING a backstab isn't much worse than running headfirst at someone to get within kissing distance because#otherwise your gun does shit damage. Or like. Learning not to put your sentry gun /there/ because it'll get long-range megadestroyed#but like. It hurts a whole lot more#cyano.rb
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Was meant to be thinking up a new spray but I got distracted. Could probably do one for the other mercs but not today it's damn near 3AM
Sadly I could not imagine Spy doing a thumbs up or smiling like that. I did try but it didn't work. So I had to put him in a smug little pose instead
#when i say a hyoid is like a wishbone I mean shapewise btw. A hyoid is rounded rather than having a sharp corner though#So not as useful for like. Wishbone pulling business#tf2#almost made a joke referencing meet the spy but. Eh. Didn't feel right in the context of the others#why does Demo deserve it? Well there are lots of reasons actually do you want the character ones or the mechanical ones or the fandom ones#cyano.tf2
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Merc Notes:
Scout gets a lot of sad marks from me because he's melodramatic and stuff and also bc I can see him going headfirst into a serious relationship and Fucking It Up Real Bad. That said he's also petty enough to earn plenty of funny points
Soldier is pretty inherently funny due to quirks like "probably his own divorce lawyer" but in some cases I think this gets counterbalanced by his pair being either too no-nonsense or other types of relationship just being funnier
Pyro doesn't take well to divorce IMO but when he does I think he'd be an absolute Dick about it. That said a decent amount of the asshole behaviour would probably come from Genuine Issues
Demoman's fairly good at Sad Divorce because he's all Complicated and stuff and I can also see a decent amount of rivalry developing post-divorce as well
Heavy is an interesting case because I think there's a Line that the opposing party would have to pass and before that he'd be Regular levels of divorced and after it's like. Wow okay give this man a wiiiide berth before he takes you at as collateral
Engineer Divorce feels funnier in-team because he has to be Repressed to a certain extent, whereas it's just Really Divorced cross-team because he's allowed to be Much Meaner and also because of the increased potential for Mutual Killing
Medic Divorce feels surprisingly dynamic to me because he spends a lot of time working (in-team) or being picked/pestered (cross-team) so there's a sort of cases of two individuals being Forced Into Close Vicinity. That said he's entirely capable of being a bit of an asshole to people he likes so there's a lot of space for humour as well
Sniper Divorce feels much better in-team because I don't think he should be allowed the catharsis of murder, and also because he spends all his time in the backline Just Standing There which is not very interesting tbh?
I have faith in Spy's ability to be petty to a frankly ridiculous degree, either in the funny way or in the Oh My God Why Did You Even Date Him way
Pair Notes:
I think Demo and Sniper Divorce works better in-team because the miserable breakdown of communication and clashing Issues hits significantly harder when it's less "oh so we were meant to hate each other after all" and more "this should have worked but it didn't"
I think Heavy and Engineer Divorce works better when they aren't allowed to shoot each other, and also when there's stuff like ammo/metal competition and Gun Measuring Contests thrown in. Also because I don't think Heavy would necessarily aggravate Engineer quite enough for it to be /proper/ for him to retaliate verbally so all the murderous instinct would just. Fester. Badly. He wants to swear at him so bad but they've been divorced for too long now :(
While cross-team Engineer and Medic divorce links into the flow of battle very nicely I believe in-team has the edge first because it places them in fistfight/passive-aggressive sniping vicinity more often, and also because like it or not Engineers and Medics are Important to Each Other in a mechanical sense and you gotta aggravate those egos as much as possible
I think In-Team Sniper and Spy are the perfect example of potential divorce because they already have the stupid rivalry and pettiness and all that but when they're in the same team you have much more room for it to be a Miserable Mistake of a Relationship rather than just a Nasty Breakup
I am of the opinion that Soldier and Heavy divorce would be nuclear in the sense that they'd bring out the worst of each other and that's BEFORE you get to stuff like trying to organise custody of the guns and divorce settlements and insults towards each other's country/family/cooking/etc.
I didn't mark In-Team HeavyMedic divorce as funny because while the Divorce Arc WAS very funny it's not really the first thing I'd think of in terms of divorce? Maybe because I sort of don't think they'd actually get to divorce with that sort of argument I think it'd be like. Slower. Like the sort where the dynamic is born of them waking up one day and being like "oh. I just don't care anymore. I'm sick of it. Ok" and then everyone else just has to Deal With It
I think Soldier and Medic conventional divorce would sort of just be regular normal divorce which is just not as interesting as the sort of trash fire you could get out of a break-up-make-up type relationship? Like. I think it's funnier if they're perpetually either in honeymoon phase or freshly bitter exes (and their friends are like Man You Gotta Stop)
Soldier Demoman prototype divorce should be obvious but I'd also like to add that for every cross-team divorce that happens AFTER this specific one it becomes exponentially funnier. Because they did it again.
Bonus Off-Grid Note: Adminpauling divorce would probably end in death but not in the fun way I don't think. However I think Pauling and Zhanna being long-distance exes is the funniest thing in existence. Not just in the way it sort of recontextualises some of the TF2 comics' Off Choices in a fun sense but ALSO can you imagine being Pauling and knowing your ex's taste also includes Scout and Soldier. Peak misery AND she's presumably still single at the time
Bonus Off-Grid Note 2: Spyma divorce feels like it could be sad but also feels like you could argue for it being canon. Saxton and Maggie are already exes but I don't think they're divorced. Like they're basically like Romantic Movie Exes who are meant to get together but with TF2? Soldierzhanna divorce would be miserable but I don't think it would be miserable in the fun way I think it would just sort of feel like a waste.
So I saw a post a while back which inspired me to make this chart. It is, of course, just my opinion.
Originally I was going to divide Not Really into (Love Wins) and (Boring) but I felt like that was splitting hairs a little.
Anyway. Feel free to debate, offer opinions, etc.
Image details & blank grid version below the cut. Will put extra notes in a reblog
Cross-Team Divorces labelled Dynamic: Scout and Medic, Soldier and Heavy, Soldier and Engineer, Pyro and Sniper, Pyro and Spy, Two Demos, Demo and Engineer, Heavy and Medic, Heavy and Spy, Engineer and Medic, Engineer and Spy, Medic and Spy, Sniper and Spy, Two Spies
Cross-Team Divorces labelled Funny: Two Scouts, Scout and Pyro, Soldier and Pyro, Soldier and Heavy, Soldier and Spy, Pyro and Heavy, Pyro and Engineer, Pyro and Sniper, Pyro and Spy, Demo and Engineer, Demo and Medic, Heavy and Engineer, Heavy and Spy, Two Engineers, Two Medics, Two Snipers, Sniper and Spy, Two Spies
Cross-Team Divorces labelled Sad: Scout and Pyro, Scout and Heavy, Scout and Sniper, Soldier and Demo, Soldier and Spy, Pyro and Engineer, Demo and Sniper
In-Team Divorces labelled Dynamic: Soldier and Demo, Scout and Medic, Pyro and Medic, Heavy and Medic, Engineer and Medic, Scout and Sniper, Medic and Sniper, Heavy and Spy, Engineer and Spy, Sniper and Spy
In-Team Divorces labelled Funny: Scout and Soldier, Scout and Heavy, Soldier and Heavy, Soldier and Engineer, Pyro and Engineer, Demo and Engineer, Heavy and Engineer, Scout and Medic, Scout and Pyro, Heavy and Sniper, Engineer and Sniper, Medic and Sniper, Soldier and Spy, Pyro and Spy, Heavy and Spy, Sniper and Spy
In-Team Divorces labelled Sad: Scout and Pyro, Scout and Demoman, Pyro and Demoman, Soldier and Engineer, Pyro and Engineer, Heavy and Medic, Scout and Sniper, Soldier and Sniper, Demo and Sniper, Sniper and Spy
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So I saw a post a while back which inspired me to make this chart. It is, of course, just my opinion.
Originally I was going to divide Not Really into (Love Wins) and (Boring) but I felt like that was splitting hairs a little.
Anyway. Feel free to debate, offer opinions, etc.
Image details & blank grid version below the cut. Will put extra notes in a reblog
Cross-Team Divorces labelled Dynamic: Scout and Medic, Soldier and Heavy, Soldier and Engineer, Pyro and Sniper, Pyro and Spy, Two Demos, Demo and Engineer, Heavy and Medic, Heavy and Spy, Engineer and Medic, Engineer and Spy, Medic and Spy, Sniper and Spy, Two Spies
Cross-Team Divorces labelled Funny: Two Scouts, Scout and Pyro, Soldier and Pyro, Soldier and Heavy, Soldier and Spy, Pyro and Heavy, Pyro and Engineer, Pyro and Sniper, Pyro and Spy, Demo and Engineer, Demo and Medic, Heavy and Engineer, Heavy and Spy, Two Engineers, Two Medics, Two Snipers, Sniper and Spy, Two Spies
Cross-Team Divorces labelled Sad: Scout and Pyro, Scout and Heavy, Scout and Sniper, Soldier and Demo, Soldier and Spy, Pyro and Engineer, Demo and Sniper
In-Team Divorces labelled Dynamic: Soldier and Demo, Scout and Medic, Pyro and Medic, Heavy and Medic, Engineer and Medic, Scout and Sniper, Medic and Sniper, Heavy and Spy, Engineer and Spy, Sniper and Spy
In-Team Divorces labelled Funny: Scout and Soldier, Scout and Heavy, Soldier and Heavy, Soldier and Engineer, Pyro and Engineer, Demo and Engineer, Heavy and Engineer, Scout and Medic, Scout and Pyro, Heavy and Sniper, Engineer and Sniper, Medic and Sniper, Soldier and Spy, Pyro and Spy, Heavy and Spy, Sniper and Spy
In-Team Divorces labelled Sad: Scout and Pyro, Scout and Demoman, Pyro and Demoman, Soldier and Engineer, Pyro and Engineer, Heavy and Medic, Scout and Sniper, Soldier and Sniper, Demo and Sniper, Sniper and Spy
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