Newts are just dry salamanders

There’s a bad smell in the neighborhood, and one of my neighbors yelled at the top of his lungs “MARTHA WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL!”, followed up by a meek “I think the rooster died under the house again.”

I’m sorry, what do you mean again? Has this rooster died multiple times under the house? is this an Immortal Rooster? 

A skeleton stole my heart and my pelvis

me irl

this is the no good marill of disenfranchisement reblog to die someday

MY FUKN NEIGHBORS ROOSTER STARTED CROWING AT 5:06 THIS MORNING, AND MY ROOM IS ABOUT 100 METERS FROM THE COOP! 

can I call the cops because I’m so fuckin tiered. 

Rebloging for the magic

this is the money dog, repost in the next 24 hours and money will come your way!!

Ok

since our rival is named hop, are we named skip and jump?

Yay its LGBTQ+ pride Month  

always reblog the pissed government

Vaccinate your children, asshole.

This sign appeared in Buenos Aires, Argentina a while ago and it says that it’s brought to you by the “Communication Secretary for Assholes” with the official Argentina’s National Emblem.

Life Hack:

wanna bleach your hair without “paying” for it, or lots of hair damage? take up swimming, or water polo or something in a chlorinated pool, don’t wash your hair out afterwards, and boom! white hair 

I failed at the whole post a joke every day, because it turns out I like sports and sleep way to much for me to be on Tumblr enough

Idea:

due to the nature of the anti-abortion law, women should be able to get an abortion, but say that they didn’t know that they were pregnant. Or, they could have a bad thing done to them, and get an preventative abortion, calming that thy didn’t know, and that it was just for emergency.  

If you look at the description of the image, its oddly specific, and I find that sorta weird

Please stop shouting

Guys, remember when criticizing others, don’t yell. That makes it look like your in the wrong, and frankly, you stop making sense after a period of shouting. 

*But I don’t shout at all! that is reserved for the extremists, like PETA or Infowars!*. 

Yes, but do remember that you just stated that only the extremists shout, so please keep a cool head about you, and calmly explain why you think the way you do, you will be taken more seriously.