when i was really little and had just learned how to write my full name . i noticed my twin brother had really messy handwriting. while mine was like … as nice as it could be for a little kid. so i wrote my name in his handwriting on a wall and i waited to see who our parents would get mad at . and they blamed him. and that was when my life of crime began

silliest thing about my body is that I regularly experience precordial catch syndrome, which is basically the medical term for an extremely painful "twinge" in your chest cartilage that's not medically significant & which we can't really explain.

anyway, mine falls in the extreme in that the "twinges" can last several minutes and they range anywhere from "agh, minor inconvenience, I just need to sit still for a moment" to "this is the worst pain I've ever experienced in my entire life, the ethical thing to do now would be to shoot me."

the problem is, when it's the latter, I literally look deranged. the "catch" comes on so fast, mid-breath, I gasp in sudden agony, clutch my chest, and seethe in agony as I struggle for as much oxygen allowed in the shallowest breaths possible. sometimes it's so bad I end up on my knees or even lying on the floor, basically writhing in pain, clenching my teeth like I'm turning into a werewolf or something. and of course people are terrified. they're asking what's wrong, but I can't talk. They're asking if they should call 911, and I'm just shaking my head and holding up a "just a minute" finger and also groaning in anguish,

and then the silliest part of all is that the minute it ends, there's no residual pain. not even the ghost of it. it's gone as suddenly as it came and I catch my breath and I say, "WELL! Anyway," and I immediately try to get back to the conversation but nobody's ever quite receptive to that for SOME reason

Cover illustration for Space Dragons: Luxorian's Crew by Veo Corva! 🪐🐉

Another collaboration with the wonderful Veo Corva, who trusted me to get wayyy out of my comfort zone for this novella cover. The Kickstarter will be launching soon, so make sure to follow V for more info!

Obligatory reference to sample size.

carbon monoxide

happy Mother’s Day to these two queens

faking your own death and then posting full ass and balls on an alt is so fascinating. like i almost can't even be mad at him that's so funny

the mr beast extension has created a thumbnail that made me laugh so hard my body started hurting

me: i am an innocent little bean

me:

me:

me: *reads hardcore yaoi 5 mins later*

no offense to salmon but it seems a lot easier to swim with the tide than against it

dragon meat, you, and me

I have just learned that Mountain Goats are NOT, in fact, actual Goats.

oh yes it's that time of year

i don't necessarily believe or care if misha collins is ever telling the truth about anything, btw. i AM interested in how far he'll escalate, though, so i continue to pay attention.

gonna start saying “if it werent for [poor circumstance] we could have been balls deep” regularly now