curlsincriminology
good intentions, terrible follow-through
Jazz. Late 20s. she/her. multi-talented dingo. writer.
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Every time someone likes or reblogs one of the old criminal minds fics I wrote, I have the urge to purge them from my blog
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'why r you smiling at your phone' cool girls from tumblr interacting with me mind ur business
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the way joe sings I want your video makes me so 👀👀👀
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I love your KBD universe, I know that Beth is having a hard time with being the weird kid and I just have to say as a lover of weird things and people I would love to see something where Bethie comes home from school happy to have met someone who LOVES that she’s a little weird!
dad!steve and his weird girls <3 mom!reader, 1k
When you get home from work with the big kids in tow, Steve’s gonna kiss you stupid. With baby Wren gurgling on his tummy and less-baby Dove sitting by his head where he lays on the couch, he’s never been this happy. He’ll be happier when the big girls are home, but for now, he’s snug as a bug, treated by his second youngest to a buffet of affection.
“Love you,” Dove says, kissing his cheek for the tenth time in the last two minutes. He can’t stop laughing.
“I love you, too!” he says, shifting his hand to give Wren some more room.
“Love you, dad,” Dove says.
“I know, baby, I know. Thank you for the kisses, you’re so nice.”
Dove kisses him again. “You’re happy,” she says.
“So happy. Can I get another kiss, you think?”
He turns into her. She’s sitting too high to be cuddled; all Steve can do is take in her sweetness. He can’t believe how quickly her babyhood has passed into toddlerhood, and she’s been sort of a nightmare, but she’s also his little girl. She’s your daughter, her sisters’ sister. She was always going to be lovely, and Steve feels it like a loving punch as she noses at his ear. “Daddy,” she laughs, “you’re too warm.”
“I’m blushing, babe, I’m getting all these nice kisses!” He laughs like an idiot and decides he must hug her, pulling his arm up and scooping her into his chest.
She groans in annoyance before she realises what he’s doing, “Hug!” she says excitedly.
“Hug!” he echoes, wrapping his arm around her. She’s starting to look less like a baby and more like a little tiny kid, which he hates and loves at the same time. “Aw, I love you, Dovey.”
The door clatters open. Wren jumps at the sound, hiding her face in Steve’s neck, to which he gives a good back rubbing. “It’s okay, bubby, it’s just your mommy. Don’t be silly, huh? Just mommy. You’re gonna be happy when she turns the corner.”
“Shoes,” you’re saying from the door, though Steve can’t see you, he can tell you’re smiling. “Shoes, Beth, then you can tell dad.”
“Daddy, we’re home!” Avery shouts.
“I can hear you, babe!” he shouts back, not unkindly.
“Dad, I have something to tell you!” Beth shouts.
Steve hoists himself up into a sitting position, two babies in his arms, knowing you’ll know he’s laid down all day from the mess of his hair alone but not trying to hide it. You can do whatever you want on your vacation days, you’d teased. Just make sure you feed the kids.
“Hi,” you say, appearing in the doorway, two balls of energy at your legs that bolt for Steve the second they see him.
“Girls, I don’t have long enough arms,” he says, trying to cuddle them all, even though it’s impossible.
He finds himself suddenly relieved of the second youngest. Dove might love her father, but she adores her mother, and she hasn’t seen you all day —she slinks down out of his hold and through the mess of her sisters to grab at you, to which you gratefully receive her, pulling her up to station on your hip. “Hi, gorgeous,” Steve hears you say. Avery pushes him back, climbing into his lap with a happy sigh. “Miss me today? I missed you,” you ask sweetly.
“What did you want to tell me, Beth?” Steve asks curiously, grinning as Avery makes herself comfortable on his thigh, her arm wrapping behind his neck. He’s happy to see everybody else so happy, even if it’s hectic.
Beth beams up at him with her brightest smile in weeks. She’s been having such a hard time at school, Steve wondered if he could start homeschooling, coming home upset nearly every other day. It isn’t fair. His relief that she’s had a good day is palpable.
“Dad, there’s a new girl! Her name is Francesca and she’s got the same birthday as me and guess what!”
“What?” he asks.
“She said she likes being weird!” Beth’s eyes glow shiny with joy. “Cos Hilly called me weird, and she said she likes being weird. She said we can be best friends.” Beth hits his knee in her excitement. “She liked me, dad.”
“Why wouldn’t she like you?” he asks, wondering how old he’ll have to be before he stops tearing up at Beth’s good heart. He blinks quickly to dispel any tears before they can gather. “Her name is Francesca? When did she move? Do you think she wants to come for dinner?”
Your laugh is a snort. “Steve.”
“What? Friends come for dinner. Best friends! Did you speak to her mom?” he asks you.
“I didn’t see her.”��
“Don’t worry, Beth, I’ll speak to her in the morning. We’ll see if they want to come for dinner or go swimming or something.”
Beth’s smile gets wider, “Really?”
“Yeah, really!” He gives Avery a little shake. “Did you meet Francesca?”
Avery nods. “She’s pale and she has big hair. Curly hair, too.” Her voice is a tad scratched, perhaps from the cold out.
Steve lets his weight fall into the arm, cautious not to squish your baby, a grin on his face to rival Beth’s. She gets the memo and climbs up, claiming that last bit of space under the baby to hug his stomach. He tries to wrap them all up, gurgly Wren, exuberant Beth, and poor cold Avery. “You coming?” he asks you.
There’s dinner to make. You ignore it, crossing the mess of the living room to flop down on the couch next to them all. Steve lifts his face in that way you always recognise, and is pleased as punch when you peck him quickly.
You don’t realise how Steve thinks of you, he’d say. Don’t realise he wants another kiss, then another, that you’re on his mind when you aren’t there, and dominate it when you are. He loves his babies, but he loves you too. He wants another kiss.
“Steve,” you scold lightly, surprised as he presses two kisses to the corner of your mouth.
“Sorry. Beth, tell me more about Francesca. What did she say exactly?”
Beth takes a deep breath.
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i love six o clock because the clock looks so stupid. "|" like get real
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I love when the bed sheets hit just right and I can do my little cricket feet until I pass out
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I would get a bumper sticker that said “my dog was fired from stranger things but they kept the zionists” :)
y’all remember when they just. forgot will’s birthday in s4
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I adore your 'kisses before dinner' au. Bethie has my entire heart <3!!!
Is it possible to request a fic where Bethie is in a stage of wanting to dress similarly and wear makeup like mom!reader? And Steve catches the lovely moment of them getting together for their mommy/daughter date and marvels at his pretty girls? 🥹<3
thank you for requesting!! mom!reader
“I want to wear blue.”
“Yes,” you say, dragging out the soft ‘s’. “Your favourite colour out of all of the colours, mommy remembers.”
Bethie smiles and looks down at your feet. “Yeah, mommy.”
You reach for her face, cupping it in two loving hands to encourage her to look up again. Your fingers cover the side of her heads, your thumb rubbing sweet, gentle circles into her cheeks. “You know how you told dad you wanted to dress like me?”
“Yeah,” she says, holding your wrist. She has very little hands, even for her age.
“Well, I’ve got us dresses that are nearly the same one, and they’re blue. Should we have a look at them?”
You and Bethie kneel by the dresser to unearth the paper bag you’ve tucked away in the bottom drawer under Steve’s socks and underwear. Bethie waits patiently, quiet and still, her hand tucked under her legs to stop from snatching. You admire her dedication to being well-behaved. “Baby, you can touch them! They’re for us!”
Steve gets really worried about Bethie being shy, and he can’t understand it. “You aren’t shy!” he’d said to you before, “And I’m not shy, I don’t get it, I really don’t. All her favourite people are loud.”
“We aren’t shy now, Steve. But you were a quiet kid, right? That’s what your mom said.”
“My mom would tell you the sun is blue to spite me.” But he’d conceded. Steve doesn’t mind if Bethie’s shy, he just wants what’s best for her, and being shy can be awful.
Building her confidence was a big reason behind these mommy-daughter dates. Building her confidence, tackling Avery’s want for affection (which she deserves to have), and getting Dove out of the house —you love getting to have them one on one. You and Steve are gonna switch out after this set. He had big plans for his dates.
You’re trying to keep it simple. You and Bethie pull on your matching dresses and dark tights while your shoes wait for you downstairs. You'd tackled her hair that morning, leaving makeup as your last port of call. “Alright,” you command, patting your lap where you sit cross-legged on the floor, “come here, sweetpea.”
She lets out one of those happy-excited gasps that only kids seem to be able to make and hurries into your lap. You hear Steve’s footsteps on the stairs as she sits, your pretty husband edging open the door with his foot to peek inside. You smile at him, hoping it says to come inside.
“Can I have, um, lip gloss? The pink one? That you always say gives sticky kisses?” Bethie asks.
“Yeah, for sure. I thought we’d powder your face first, how’s that?”
She nods and closes her eyes. You pout at Steve, summoning him to sneak to the bed so he can see her tightly squeezed eyelids and her lips puckered for gloss. He puts his hand on his heart.
He melts more and more as you go. Bethie relaxes her eyes the longer her makeup takes, though you only add little tiny dabs of everything. A dusting of powder, a short patting of crème blush on her cheeks.
“Last but not least,” you say, gliding the pad of the lip gloss applicator over her bottom lip. “Rub your lips together.”
“Like this?” She rubs her lips, gloss spreading up into her cupid’s bow and under her nose.
You wipe the smudge away with your pinky nail. “Perfect.”
“You can say that again.”
Steve doesn’t sound like he’s joking. He clutches the fabric of his t-shirt just below his heart, totally in love as Beth opens her eyes to smile at him shyly. “You look amazing,” he says, fingers tapping his chest in emphasis. “Beth, you look so pretty.”
“You think so?”
Steve sits on the end of the bed to hold her hand. He’s soft with his touches, caressing her arm with his other hand as he says, “Of course I do. How about you blow mommy off and go on a date with me tonight instead?”
She giggles. “No, daddy!”
“You don’t wanna go out with me instead?” He ruffles his hair. “Is it the way I look?”
“No, me and mom are gonna go to the pizza party at the bowling alley,” she says.
“I like bowling.”
“For time together,” she says, flopping into Steve’s arms to hug his front. “It’s okay, dad, I’m coming back.”
“You are?” He kisses her forehead, meeting your eyes over her head, fondness in their slight squint and furrow of his brow. “That’s good. Miss you too much if you didn’t.”
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I am obsessed with the kbd universe! They’re so cute and the babies are adorable. I remember in a previous scenario you said reader would hold his hands with her hands and I feel like they would totally put their hands in each other’s back pocket jeans!! Literally obsessed
dad!steve x mom!reader
“Avery Harrington,” you say sternly. “What are you doing?”
Avery shoves a handful of chocolate cereal into her mouth. “What, mom?”
“You got cereal all over the floor, honey, what are you doing?” You kneel down with a sigh and start to rake the cereal into a pile. “You could’ve just asked, Avery. I would’ve made you a bowl. You know, with milk?”
“I didn’t want any milk, mommy.”
She says mommy when she’s in trouble because you can’t stay mad at her. Not when her eyes are all wide like her dad’s, and she’s smiling just like him too. “You want some?” she asks, holding out a handful of chocolate pillows.
You take one. She smiles even wider and throws the rest into her mouth.
“Alright,” Steve says, slipping his hands under your armpits, “what the hell.”
You push your legs under you to help him stand you back up. “She’s hungry, I think.”
“And your solution for this was dry cereal?” Steve asks her.
She nods happily, emphasised by a crunch of cereal as she takes another mouthful.
“Okay,” Steve laughs, pulling your pyjama pants up where they’ve slipped under one hip, and then your shirt down where it’s risen. “Want me to make you a bowl? With milk?”
She giggles and flops back against the fridge. “That’s what mom said.”
“So weird,” Steve murmurs, his arm stretching out behind you. He curls it around you, his hand tucked into the front pocket of your pants. He gives your thigh a deep squeeze. “Like we’re connected or something. Like, soulmates?”
He kisses your cheek to your lips. He tastes a little like the strawberry jelly the girls had on their sandwiches this morning; you can picture it if you think back, Steve holding a teaspoon between his lips as he cut their sandwiches into lopsided stars and hearts. “Love you,” he says, pecking you again before he moves away to check your face. “Guess we better make lunch.”
“Apparently they know how to fend for themselves now.”
“Apparently not.” Steve takes his hand from your pocket, but ends up searching under your shirt instead, fingers with a mind of their own as he traces your tummy. “There’s chocolate pillows everywhere.”
“She’s only little.”
“Yeh, dad! I’m only little,” Avery says through a mouthful.
Steve giggles like a kid and peppers a couple more kisses into your cheek. “She’s a baby. Let’s all have baby food for dinner. Mashed up sweet potatoes and applesauce.”
“I’m not that little,” Avery decides.
“No?” Steve gives you a last temporary farewell kiss before he bends down to give her the same treatment, pulling her up by the armpits, and kissing her chubby cheek. “Too big to be eating cereal on the floor then, aren’t you? Come on, Ave, let’s clean up and I’ll make you some dinner. Go get the vacuum, okay? Let’s clean up these crumbs.”
“Kiss first?”
“You just don’t wanna help me,” Steve grumbles, but he does as she asks, too.
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Omg please kbd uncle Eddie:’)
dad!steve x mom!reader, 1k
“Hi, Uncle Eddie.”
Eddie rubs his hands together, holds them out in front of himself, and summons the prodigal child forward. “Bethany. Quick, give me a hug.”
Bethie walks into his waiting arms, her giggle infectious as she says, “That’s not my name.”
“Bethie,” Eddie says with a sigh. “You know my full name is Edward. Full names are nothing to be ashamed of.”
“It’s Bethie.”
She pushes the hair off of his shoulders. He smiles at her and her little hands. If someone told him ten years ago he’d be carrying Steve ‘King of Hawkins High’ Harrington’s babygirl around like a treasure he’d laugh in their face, but he loves Beth. She’s hands down his favourite Harrington, and he’s allowed to have favourites as an uncle, though the other clingers are cool too. Beth is Eddie’s favourite because she’s an underdog, and because she’s so clearly infatuated with him. They’re best friends.
He gives her a pat between the shoulders and slips down into a seat in front of the TV. There’s no signs of the other babies nor their parents; Eddie always lets himself in when he’s coming around and he doesn’t expect wait service, but a hello would be nice. “Where’s mom and dad?” he asks, setting Beth down into the seat beside him. He zeroes in on a plate of pretzels and snags a few for snacking. “You’re downstairs by yourself?”
“No! They’re in the kitchen.”
“Really? What about Ave and Dove, then?” he asks through chewing.
“Dove is napping and Ave, um, went somewhere.”
He raises his brows. “Dad took her somewhere?” He imagines Beth would tell him Avery’s run away with similar nonchalance.
“To Grandma’s. They’re going to watch a play.”
“Oh,” Eddie springs up off of the couch. “Stay here, sweetheart, I’ll just go make sure they know I’m here.”
Eddie is scared to open the door. Why is it closed? He supposed parents are deprived of one another but he doesn’t wanna see you kissing. Then again, if he does see you kissing, Steve will die of embarrassment. That’s worth it.
“Hello!” he shouts, throwing open the door.
He makes you both jump hard, Steve’s head thwacking a cabinet and your hand thrown to your chest. You almost fall on your ass where you’re kneeling by Steve’s leg. His pant leg is pushed up to the knee, and you have a tweezers in hand —Eddie frowns abruptly.
“What the hell are you doing?” he asks.
“Steve has a tick, you fiend. When did you get here?”
Steve groans. “The door was locked,” he says, rubbing the back of his head.
“Not well. Just stuck my credit card in there and wham. You guys should slide the chain in if you’re gonna leave poor Bethie all by her lonesome, don’t you think?”
“Eddie, the door was locked,” Steve says. “You’re the only weirdo in Hawkins willing to break in. Plus, I still have that baseball bat in the garage.”
“Sure. Come on, sweetheart, get off the floor. Let Eddie have a stab at it.”
You laugh and pull Steve’s pants down over his shin. “It’s fine, I already got it. He might get Lyme’s now because you scared the fuck out of me–”
“Language.”
“–but I heated it up and I think I got it.” You look up with a smile. Steve pauses his pained head rubbing to beam at you lovingly.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine. Or he’ll turn into a zombie, and that would make him cooler. Win win. So, dinner?” Eddie asks. “Should I go get something?”
“Nah, I made ravioli, you rude idiot. Where’s Beth?”
“I told her to stay put in case you were making out.”
Steve helps you up from your kneeling to dust you off. “Thanks for saving my life,” he sighs tiredly, kissing your cheek.
Eddie rolls his eyes and turns away. Steve should love and appreciate you, you’re awesome, but he’s also a loser and Eddie’s entitled to thinking such disparaging thoughts about his friend from time to time.
You and Steve made a kid as cool as Beth, so Steve can’t be too bad of a loser.
“Uncle Eddie?”
“Yes, my lovely sweetpea angel?” Eddie asks.
She stares at him, adorable in all her chubby-cheeked, sugary-eyed sweetness with her hands held up for another hug. Eddie leans down, says, “Daw, I can’t say no to you,” as she giggles into his hair. He strokes the top of her shoulder with his thumb. “So what’s happening? How did that painting go with mommy, did you put it in the contest?”
Steve nudges you forward with a hand on your shoulder. “He’d make a good dad, right?”
“For sure,” you say, “not as good as you, though.”
“Oh, you’re flirting with me, that’s cool… Are you free Friday night?”
“Probably gonna be pulling ticks off of some other guy's leg.”
“Oh, that’s fine, I was busy anyways.”
Beth giggles as Eddie tips her backward, a mixture of nerves and excitement that kids experience so much more than adults.
“I always expected him to just end up with a kid. Like, one night stand style,” Steve says.
“There’s nothing wrong with that. At least then he doesn’t get stuck marrying somebody he doesn’t love.”
Steve glares at you as you laugh, dragging you into his arms to smush kisses into your cheek. “Don’t even joke about that.”
“Sorry, honey. I hope Eddie gets as lucky as me someday.”
Beth begs to be put down through giggles. “I don’t know,” Steve says, resting his cheek on your temple to watch her laugh, “I don’t think Eddie has luck, just sheer force of will.”
“He’d totally get a baby in a basket on his doorstep.”
Steve mulls it over. “God, he totally would.”
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dad!steve eek!!! maybe some for kbd!? no rush, anyway love you!! <3
kisses before dinner au —mom!reader, 1.1k
Bethie squirms uncomfortably in your lap. “I’m sorry, mommy,” she says.
“Well don’t be,” you say, hand to her forehead and holding her back so she can see your face, how you’re not angry. “It’s okay. You don’t like it?”
“I’m not hungry.”
You don’t get it. Bethie hasn’t eaten anything all day. She refused breakfast, snacks, smoothies, and hot chocolate. The plate in front of her repulses her, no matter how gently you plead with her to try it. “Honey, I don’t see how that can be true.”
She’s in your lap because you’d been hoping helping her eat might make it easier for her. She was thrilled to sit in your lap, but not even slightly inclined to eat her mac and cheese, or any sides. You offer her a slim carrot baton shining with honey, wiggling it from side to side.
“Doesn’t that look yummy?” you ask softly.
She looks down at her hands.
You drop the carrot. You’re genuinely perturbed. Not easily panicked, this has thrown you off kilter. Beth has been picky ever since she started school, and you don’t mind, you’ll accommodate and feel sorry that she misses out on Steve’s chicken pot pie, but there’s a difference between being picky and having a total aversion to food she used to enjoy.
Avery tries to pretend she’s not watching. Steve doesn’t bother, frowning deeply despite the baby in the high chair beside him and Dove on his thigh, the two girls giggling about something. The rest of them have cheeks covered in cheese sauce and sticky lips, but your Beth…
Maybe it’s too much to have everyone watching, you think.
“Okay. Okay, let’s leave it for later, yeah? Will you help mommy with something? Is that okay?”
Beth nods emphatically. “Yes!”
You help her down off of your lap and take her little hand. “We’ll be back in a minute.”
Steve shakes his head, at a loss. “Sure,” he says, though his face says something different. What are we going to do? “Take your drink.”
You grab the glass if only to appease your worrier.
You and Beth leave the kitchen and the living room to sit on the stairs. There isn’t much privacy to be made in the house, but this will do. You put her on the step above you to sit eye to eye, and you take her little hand, rubbing circles slowly into the soft palm of it.
“Is there something mommy can get you?” you whisper. “Anything at all. Because you’re so big now, you know you need to keep yourself nice and strong with dinner. Yeah? You need to eat so you can have lots of energy. I know,” —you smile at her startled frown— “you said you’re not hungry, but it’s okay. We don’t have to eat all of something. Me and you could go have McDonald’s, or pizza! We could have something special. We could go get donuts. Anything you want, even if it’s only one bite.”
“I don’t know, mom…”
“Anything you want, baby. Even if we get there and you don’t want it anymore, or it’s not what you thought.”
Bethie decides in whispers that she’d like McDonald’s ice cream. You could cry. You almost do when you con her into eating half of ‘your’ cheeseburger on the drive home, her little feet swinging in the footwell as she licks ketchup off of her fingers.
You show Steve the wrapper when you get home proudly.
“Good job, mom,” Steve says, reaching for you in the doorway.
Bethie brandishes the cup tray of ice creams to her sisters in delight. They scramble in screeches to get there first.
“Wren!” Bethie cheers, wiggling an ice cream at her baby sister where she lays in a bouncer. “Mom, can I feed Wren?”
“Only the plain one, baby.”
“Yeah, I know. Wren, look! I have ice cream. You want ice cream?”
“Little spoonfuls,” Avery says, reaching for her own ice cream, big sister instincts quelled by excitement. “Oh my gosh, there’s fudge.”
Steve nudges your hip with his hand. “Hey, you okay?”
“That was a bit scary.”
“It’s just a bad day for her. She’s okay. Did you eat anything?” he asks, curling an arm behind your back.
“No. I got you a strawberry-kiwi smoothie, though.”
“Anything for yourself?”
You shake your head. “I knew Beth would only eat if I was eating it, so I had a bite.”
“You’re a genius,” he says, hugging you to his side. His shirt smells like detergent under your nose. “I kept your dinner in the oven. Only take a minute to heat back up.”
“Did you eat yours?”
He puts his lips to your cheek and doesn’t answer.
“This is nice,” you murmur.
“I know.” He rubs your back. You’ve never had to ask him to do it, he just grabs you up and sets about soothing an ache you don’t have. He’s always been like this.
“I can’t believe I had to sweet talk my six year old into eating fast food,” you say, watching Beth over the curve of his shoulder. She swallows a spoonful of ice cream and crinkles her eyes at the cold. “I never could’ve imagined this.”
“Thank god. You never would’ve let me date you if you did.”
You laugh and angle your head up for a kiss. “That’s not true,” you murmur.
He kisses you but seems more eager for a hug, hooking his arm higher up behind your back and cuddling you into his neck. “I’m not sure what we’re going to do,” he confesses, “but if you keep being that gentle? She’s going to be fine.”
You brim with a weird pride. Steve knows intimately the kind of parent that you are, and how hard you try, so if he thinks you’re doing a good job, you must be. “Dinner was great,” you promise.
Steve laughs. “I know. It was fucking bomb. Honey roasted broccoli? These kids don’t get how good I am. I could go pro.”
Dove wanders over with clumsy footsteps but better pronunciation. “Smoothie, daddy,” she says, holding his pink smoothie up to him with an urgent look.
“Oh, thank you.” He pats your arm and breaks away to bend down. “Thank you, gorgeous,” he says, taking the drink and smiling huge at her. She says something in garbled kid talk and leans in to give him a hug, and then she runs back to her ice cream.
Steve looks at you adoringly.
“How’d you give me four perfect girls?” he asks, knowing he’s cheesy, his smile turning teasing.
“A lot of hard work.”
“I can tell.”
#every time I read this series I am seconds away from dropping everything to invent a machine that makes steve real and my husband#these are my KIDS!!!
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We’d be like Jessie and James from Pokémon 🥹
god I just want to be bitch4bitch with steve , please it was what I was born to do
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does ms. roan have tumblr, I have some ideas for her
listening to new music makes me realize my brain is Special. Like I can’t hear SHIT but I also am just down to believe whatever my brain comes up with
Like yeah chappell roan is singing about her bed being a mermaid and the demon from the good place, sure! I don’t fucking know! Music is weird!
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god I just want to be bitch4bitch with steve , please it was what I was born to do
#even better bitch4bitch4BITCH with Robin!!!!#the bitch trio#no one is safe!!#Dustin’s in training with max!!#Mike was too annoying
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listening to new music makes me realize my brain is Special. Like I can’t hear SHIT but I also am just down to believe whatever my brain comes up with
Like yeah chappell roan is singing about her bed being a mermaid and the demon from the good place, sure! I don’t fucking know! Music is weird!
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he likes to be included (this is prior to his bi awakening)
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