colorlesstazaki - Tumblr blog

colorlesstazaki · 2 years

Text

Hidlaw

She latches on to him like leaves rising to the dapple of rays - he is her sunshine, and she is his world. She is okay to be stuck in this constant, but alas the sun needs to set.

hidlaw [hid.law.] : yearn (v.), to long, have a strong desire (for something) to long for something in the past with melancholy, nostalgically.

“I think I made you up.” She rolls right into the crook of his neck where she can smell the remnants of her scent. A privilege in itself, for how many in a million does one get to have skin pressed onto skin and leave a trail fresh for but a few hours?

Does he smell himself in her hair too?

“Good morning.” Sasuke’s smiles are only hers alone, a secret she holds dear but a secret she wishes to let out to the awaiting crowds. What a blessing to be under the curve of his lips, exuding happiness with each syllable, his fingers spinning into her rose spun strands. “You’re gonna be late.”

Sakura grumbles, nestling closer into his nook, her sanctuary. “Ten minutes.”

He smells her hair again, inhaling her own remnants into the pores of his soul, and maybe they all mix up to form some sort of a whole - his and hers, forever mingling inside their organs until they dissipate into the miniscule hairs of their skin, forever smelling like each other, unable to tell whose scent ends where.

“I don’t wanna leave you,” she says to the silence in the room.

“I’m good at being alone.” His honesty is straightforward yet subtle. She doesn’t know if it’s meant to be a jab or simply self-awareness, but amidst the chaos in her mind, she chooses to believe the latter.

“I’ll always come home to you.” It’s a promise she will never break.

Sasuke smiles. What a blessing.

x x x x

“You need a pet.” He always eats dinner first. It couldn’t be helped, not with her graveyard shift at the hospital.

“But I already have you?” He doesn’t laugh. Uchiha Sasuke never laughs out loud, but his eyes crinkle and that’s more than enough. She’s glad that he finds this amusing, but deep down she knows she couldn’t take care of another human being besides herself.

“Get a cat. A black one. They’re lucky.”

He likes cats, but he never takes in one. She saw him feed strays behind their apartment before. She wonders how they’re doing now. Maybe she can do the feeding sometime. The kibble jar is just under the sink.

She nods and proceeds to tell him about the mundane life of a doctor. In a peaceful era, the oddities now come in forms of freak accidents - nothing too extreme to handle. They both have seen too much. Maybe this is their punishment for having tainted their hands in the war, a boring, mundane life.

But isn’t that what she wants? To live out a boring, mundane life.

With Sasuke, of course. “Why don’t I marry you?” The curve ball doesn’t catch him off guard.

He places a finger on her scroll and quietly demands that she look at him. Her tool of detachment leaves her sight, and she is now looking at him completely. Has he always been this hazy?

“Don’t be silly,” he replies.

x x x x

She rushes into the rain despite Kakashi’s insistent scream. No, she doesn’t want to wait out the storm. She can handle lightning. She survived a chidori to the chest after all. Even when the thunder drowns the loud voices, she picks out Shizune’s. No, she doesn’t want to stay at the hospital. A 19-hour surgery was enough. No, she doesn’t want to sleep in her quarters. She has a home.

And that home is him.

He’s supposed to be here.

She opens all the lights, curses when she realizes the power’s down, and runs amock through the complex’ halls to find him, even a bit of his shadow. His scent, oh his scent. It’s drifting away, she feels it, wisps of his smell escaping her body.

She punches herself. In the gut. Forgets to gauge her strength and she pukes everything she ate two days ago onto the wet puddle gathering around her. She curses.

One hour has passed. She’s afraid to open the door of her own apartment. Afraid to see his clothes strewn around, his things scattered along with her scrolls, but worthless in his absence. She tumbles on the carpet of his shirts, the same blue shades alternating with gray or deep muted shades of violet, and she tries, oh she tries to sniff whatever he has left for her to take.

She cries in muffled gasps. She knows the science; it has always been proven that one can die of a broken heart. How many minutes then will it ask for her life force to give up?

His hand reels her back from the vortex of inescapable grief. She ends her journey short in the cradle of his arms.

“I thought you left.” It’s more of an admonition than regret. You could never leave me, that’s what she’s trying to say.

“I just ran into a problem. The window was open.” Her hand travels along his good arm, his only arm, and her fingers traverse each crack like water to its tributaries.

Her chakra is warm against his skin. He glows in the dark, her sunshine in the night, and she is warm, dappled by his light.

“You can’t heal that.” He states the obvious.

“I know.” But she continues anyway.

x x x x

“I think I made you up.” Days melt into nights. She doesn’t know - doesn’t care - when the sun sets. She drifts in time under his eyes, against his comfortable weight beside her, and stays in the same safe space, on the crook of his neck, her sanctuary, her nook, with his fingers spinning roses with her hair.

“I have to go.” His whisper fades into her strands.

“You can’t.”

She begged in the past. Begged for his attention, for his love. When she stopped, it came to her, overflowing. She didn’t know how to contain it, where to put these foreign affections, how to compartmentalize these with the Sasuke she once knew. But she didn’t need to. There is never enough space for a love that’s more than enough.

He once said she filled his lonely existence up. Maybe hers was like a shower of cherry blossoms, littering the ground until there was no inch left to cover. He refuted, told her it was spring, continuously in bloom where it was perpetual in winter. So she stopped begging and started accepting.

“Please. You can’t.” She holds him close. Maybe she can melt into him.

“You have to.” Again, his whisper fades into her strands.

x x x x

Sakura wakes up alone. She doesn’t want to remember the exact moment he left her embrace, this bed, his clothes, this world. She cries. In muffled gasps. Maybe heartbreak will come sooner this way.

It doesn’t. His hand doesn’t even reappear.

On the fifth day, she finds the kibble jar on top of the counter. Half full, half empty. She struggles to open her door, struggles to walk the stairs, struggles against the twilight. Pretty, perfect shades of blue and purple and gray, blending into this image of Sasuke in her head and she slips on the curb, gasping in pain, the kibble jar open for feast for the hungry stray cats.

She runs upstairs. He should be back. He should be.

But he doesn’t.

She lives in contradictions and expectations, fading away at each instance. This isn’t so bad after all - to be stuck in this limbo.

When morning comes yet again, proof that the world continues on turning, and the peeking sunlight hits her on the face, she cries. It’s visceral, the chasm he left. It’s true how they say grief is inescapable. But it isn’t as harsh as she thought it would be. She imagines the kind of grief that sucks you right in when it comes, a vortex, a blackhole of emotions.

But this grief is gentle in its torture.

The sunshine creeps on her whole body, but she never feels the warmth. It ends up falling on the cracked urn, the ashes spilling out and traveling with the gentle breeze.

On the tenth day, Sakura takes a bath. She combs her hair and puts on his blue shirt.

“Just this one time.”

His voice doesn’t respond. He’d tell her she’s beautiful in his clothes but better without.

“Okay, just one shirt.” Instead it’s Ino who rouses her from slipping in.

She is flanked by her blonde best friends, one on each side, hands supporting the cracked urn. They ask her his favorite place, and before she could answer, it rains. It soaks them, even the ashes. He becomes mud.

Through her muffled hearing and blurred sight, she makes out Ino and Naruto yelling at her to take cover. But she doesn’t move. She’s stuck.

But maybe it’s all right. Grief is gentle. She stands under the downpour, still flanked by her best friends, wanting to move but unable to leave her unsteady. She opens the lid of the urn, and Sasuke spills out onto the ground as mud, seeping into the cracks on the soil, becoming one with the earth.

With that, he transforms into spring.

Sakura smiled on that day, under the rain, where the water from the skies washed away her pain, but never his scent.

Maybe there will be sudden strokes of loneliness, of yearning, of reaching for something that isn’t there anymore. Sakura knows this. These moments will come unguarded, and she will be at their mercy. But she promises to come home to him. To see every spring, to smell his scent with every node of a leaf, with every bloom of a flower, and every breeze that trails through her hair.

AO3 version

Late entry to SS Angst Day and Valentines Day! I'm opening commissions next week! Just going over the details and then I'll post the guidelines. Yay thanks for reading!

54 notes · View notes

colorlesstazaki · 2 years

Text

Sasusaku fic rec list

I made this list for my bf to coerce him into reading more sasusaku (after forcing him to watch Naruto too). It has some of my all-time favourite fanfics and it’s short (so I wouldn’t scare the poor guy that much), but I thought I could share it here too! It also comes with the commentary I wrote for him. The one no one asked for.

Canon-Divergent

•don’t touch my hand and call it love - rawrchelle

Words: 94k [T]

Status: Complete. Emotionally devastating. Amazing. Great.

•Heartbeat - letmeannoyyoutoday

Words: 70k [M]

Status: Incomplete but honestly I love it so much. So sweet. So SAD. So beautifully written.

•Our Little Secret - Sakura’s-Perverted-Inner

Words: 69k [T]

Status: Complete. Sasuke turns into a freaking CAT and it’s the greatest, funniest thing in the world. I love it.

•Clipped Wings - amukWrites

Words: 5k [T]

Status: Complete. I have always absolutely loved this one. Read it plz.

•Welcome to Hell - flowerslut

Words: 12k [T]

Status: Complete. I like stories where the Naruto plot diverges into what could have happened if Sasuke took over and became Konoha’s leader at the height of his madness. And this one is just explosive in all the messed up, right ways.

•yours, forevermore - DeepPoeticGirl

Words: 27k [M]

Status: Complete. By my fave writer! And yes, it’s more Hokage!Sasuke, but it’s amazing. Short and sweet (and plenty hot).

•Chains - Boriqua-chan

Words: 27k [M]

Status: Complete. If you ever feel horny and want to read a really long, dragged out porn. This is it. THIS is it baby. That’s it. It is shamelessly hot and it is good.

•Swallow Your Sleep - flowerslut

Words: 50k [M]

Status: Incomplete. I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I READ THIS A YEAR. It’s incomplete and it hurts with every breath I take BUT I just love it. Danzo takes control over Konoha.

•The Lack of Oxygen - astoryaboutwar

Words: 4k [K]

Status: Complete. Star Trek/Battlestar Galactica themed! Very nice even if I have never watched those movies. I don’t like sci fi fics but I liked this one. That’s how well-written it is.

•Over There - JinnySkeans

Words: 46k [M]

Status: Incomplete BUT so good. Set in WWII where Sasuke is a soldier and Sakura is a medic. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I cannot express how good this author is. Thas it.

•Harmonious - decrescence

Words: 11k [T]

Status: Complete. Deaf Sasuke. NEED I SAY MORE. My kokoro? Dead. Read it.

•Confession - K-chu

Words: 10k [M]

Status: Complete. HOT PRIEST SASUKE. Good lord (pun intended).

— — —

Again, this list does not reflect all the fics I love and adore. Make sure you check out other stories by every author listed as well! They’re great.

446 notes · View notes

colorlesstazaki · 2 years

Text

Happy birthday to our beloved heroine! She deserves all the love and happiness.

424 notes · View notes

colorlesstazaki · 2 years

Text

Quietus Suggested Tracklist

I’m pinning this to my Tumblr page and removing it from my FF.net profile because it has gotten way too long.

This is a list of tracks I listened to while writing different chapters and scenes in the story for anyone who may be interested in hearing them.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these songs, am not gaining from sharing, neither am I writing the lyrics in my story. Songs belong to their respective creators. I have merely shared these links for atmosphere building purposes and because they inspired the mood of chapters/scenes.

Chapter 3

Alice in Dreamland - Vocaloid [OFF VOCAL/Instrumental version] - The creepy carousel theme, when Sakura meets you-know-who:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akGdHniy1P0

Fate/Rebirth - Vocaloids Len/KAITO/Gakupo - The song that plays when she’s cooking her meal:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZiMKpP3c48

Chapter 4

Archangel - TSFH - The field/abduction. From 1:25 is where it gets really epic - Sasuke storming through the field, about to swoop down on Sakura:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCEjoHQl5BA

Chapter 7

Always With Me - Spirited Away [Music Box version] - The tune that is the inspiration behind the music box in Sakura’s room:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1n63ohUzTY

Chapter 8

Silken Twine - Amethystium - When Sakura encounters the dancing nymphs in the gardens:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnZRyehFSnQ

Strangely Beautiful - Amethystium - When Sakura encounters the sirens in the spring:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EANJUqRlcw

Chapter 15

Fable - Amethystium - Sakura’s walk through the garden/following Sasuke:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WzbKeWylYk

Chapter 16

Beyond - Matthew Mayer - The piano scene (both flashback and Sakura watching Sasuke play):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7lgR6FfTng

Chapter 18

Lebanese Moon - DJ Zeki [Many thanks to Sara U for telling me the correct name/artist] - Sakura’s dream (Festival Music):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvgYBKOOMMM

I Go Crazy Because of You - T-ara - The forge/shirtless Sasuke! xD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMmTQBIP8bE

Chapter 19

Heart of Fire - Valentin Wiest - Retreating harpies and angry Sasuke!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKdG5VMk5vo

Chapter 21

Breathless - Brand X Music - Sakura enters the forbidden door and sees the portrait of Sasuke’s family:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9e1WK44p9W8

Chapter 24

Elysium - Bond - When Sasuke’s chariot takes off full speed/journey through the Underworld (up to 2:30… beyond that it slows down/they arrive at the locations):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2sz2pgBqeM

Election Daze - TSFH - The moment the enchanted forest starts coming to life:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NFwaM1bfz4

Moonlight Water - Immediate Music - The hushed, twinkling beauty of the jewel cavern:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcvJMBwvv3w

Chapter 26

Dark Intentions - KPM Music - Hinata and Neji following Sai in park (including Sasuke’s appearance):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VP_I1wQRdP0

Steren - Gwendal - Apollo, Kore and Hades running through the forest:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMRcuUfT2qY

Chapter 27

Arcana - Immediate Music - When Sasuke draws Kusanagi against Naruto, and the battle that follows:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQX6SjX-TZc

Chapter 29

Myth - Delerium - The long awaited ballroom dance scene. Sasuke enters at 1 minute 40 seconds:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HM_ThCMImBU

Chapter 30

The Ancients [No Choir Version] - TSFH - When the chariot approaches the ghostly fields of Asphodel:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV5-ePui_fw

Mirage - Valentin Wiest -When Sakura turns to face the front of the carriage and asks to leave the Asphodel Meadows. At 1:27 the chariot moves on from Lethe and the faster part of the track plays on for the drive toward the mountains.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4PheSa7cjw

Aphelion - Jesper Kyd - When Sasuke and Sakura approach the bridge before the waterfall and the interaction that follows it. This one is so BEAUTIFUL!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nl8Bc0Q2ag

Fortress of Seduction - TSFH - When Sakura starts to hear the siren voices in her head:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JHzdVEdFec

World of Fireflies - Jasper Blunk - When Sasuke holds out his hand to Sakura and they step out of the underpass. At 1:03 is when the people/children start passing Sakura:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkVGPZBc_Gc

Chapter 31

Vorrina Pi - E.S. Posthumus - Sakura takes Sasuke’s hand and steps into Elysium:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qODLH8aM_s8

No Fear - Epic Score - Sasuke and Sakura fight the fearsome dragon Ladon:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_P317_lxjBY

Prelude of Dreams - AudioMachine - Sakura enters the Hesperide Garden and sees the Golden Apple Tree for the first time:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7j44brOxb4Q Chapter 33

Archangel [Harp version of TSFH’s ‘Archangel’] - Nimrodia - Sasuke’s harp piece. Note that this is a beautiful harp rendition of Sakura’s kidnapping in Chapter 4 - major credit to the very talented harp player:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtisroWpm4

Temptation - Delerium - The following music plays from the point at which (roughly, depending on your reading pace) when Sakura begins answering Sasuke’s question, “What do you live for?”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4JE6ZIXWlY

Chapter 34

Sakura enters and walks through the haunting beauty of the maze:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8erXPXrPbM

The Madness of Duke Venomania [Off vocal/Instrumental Version] - Gakupo Vocaloid - The satyrs chase Sakura and the nymph in the maze:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiaXZC5sIiY

Chapter 35

Illusions - Thomas Bergersen - When Alastor leaves the boarding banks and arrives at the Plains of Judgement:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1qzm3UUTrg

Electric Angel - Vocaloids Rin and Len - Sakura’s dream sequence of Apollo, Kore and Hades (repeat if you need to):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMtcsY4G3wE

Chapter 37

Winterspell - TSFH - Chiyo and Sakura’s sleigh ride through the icy tunnels from this point: ‘As they drew closer, the tunnel walls began to change in hue and structure’, through to where the journey comes to an end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjPtvKCrmoY

Blizzard - TSFH - The point at which the Oracle orbs begin to play: ‘But it was too late. The orb seemed to grow in size – and it suddenly felt unnervingly like her mind was being drawn – no – hurtled - into it’ up to the part just before she sees the army in the sphere.

2:26 - The point at which Sakura sees the silhouettes together in the woods.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsJz0OSviXU

Starvation - Thomas Bergersen - When Sakura looks into the blue sphere and sees the army up to the point where she is pulled from the visions:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xT_lO7CYWnA

Chapter 38

Cry - Thomas Bergersen - Listen to this track from the point at which Hades sees the lifeless bodies on the floor, onwards until the point at which he is pulled into the ground.

Please pace yourselves to read the part where the shadow hands come out of the earth at 3:02 on the track.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8GG_Mp27gk

Chapter 39

Exhumed - TSFH - Pace yourselves to read from the point where Sasuke sees the female figure walk through the mist, to the end of the scene.

1:00 - The point at where Sasuke first recognises the owner of the possessed body’s voice and flashes back to the figure’s face.

2:09 - When Sasuke watches the deceased young mortal man sit up again for the first time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4nf5WQrtIo

Chapter 40

The Last One - Audiomachine - Listen from the point at which Hades removes Kore’s cloak just before the music changes, and they begin a slow, sensuous dance, up until the end of the dance scene:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnhAYhnHqZk

Chapter 41

Big Sky - TSFH - When Sasuke looks into the orbs. At 1:03 is where he sees his mother running in one of the spheres. It builds up to the final climax of the image he sees at the very end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoZnQNtrO2k

Chapter 42

The Kraken battle from the start of the chapter. These are actually two separate tracks to listen to, as it’s very long. Please listen to them in the order listed.

Massive Outbreak - TSFH - At the immediate start of the chapter.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBHorZqi-30

Durga - E.S. Posthumus - Play this one on repeat after the first one finishes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_4BfAIDEPY

Gift of Life - Thomas Bergersen - Play the following in Tsunade’s flashback scene:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgOoB4BeNso

Chapter 43

Darkness - Michael Maas - The piano scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcTtutq6gAg

01:45: The point at which the piano piece reaches its final crescendo and Sakura’s eyes move to inspect Sasuke.

Blackheart - TSFH - The start of the scene in Elysium up to the point just before the watching of constellations: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QLUDBeprZw

White Angel - Florian Blur - When Sakura starts to talk about the sky and star-gazes, up to the end of this scene where she falls asleep: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11uQiX6RRg4

Clockmen [No Choir Version] - TSFH - The point at which Sasuke steps through the opening in the wall up until the end of this scene where he sees the jars.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBLEEbsdiWs

Avenger - Toshiro Masuda [Naruto OST] - When Sasuke tells Sakura to leave him and his visitor onwards:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8w6H2rp9zI

Chapter 44

Swan’s Death - Impact Music - The final scene where Sasuke returns to a sleeping Sakura, until the end of the chapter:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DdX1T31vBE

Chapter 45

Am I Not Human? - TSFH - When Sakura hears the truth, from the point at which she says “You aren’t joking.” Repeat until the end of the scene.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGyAqbezgZU

Breathe - TSFH - At the waterfall; begin from the point at which Sakura speaks to Sasuke when he first arrives, onwards. Repeat as necessary.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=573f8Abs_hE

Pace your reading with the music so that at 2:09 is the part where Sasuke closes the gap between their faces.

Chapter 46

Animals - Maroon 5 - The training session, from the point where Sakura first attacks Sasuke, to the end where she pushes him off her when they are on the ground and starts to confront him. You may need to repeat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZvDOTiypuM

Fortress of Mirrors - Valentin Wiest - When Sasuke’s Sharingan activates upon witnessing Sakura’s attack, up to the end of the chapter. Please pace yourself for effect so that:

01:53: Is when he sees Sakura’s hands grasping the soil - and the reaction that follows.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNpebgMs36c

Chapter 47

You Are My Spring - Sung Si Kyung (Secret Garden OST) - When Sasuke holds an unconscious Sakura in the forest and is tortured by his feelings for her. Lasts up to the end of this scene. Many thanks to Otome-musings from tumblr for recommending this gorgeous song; the lyrics are perfect to capture his agony!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTn61LE5Z18

Fearless - Thomas Bergersen - The light-orb race. Please pace yourself for effect so that:

02:14: Is when Hades alights at the end of the branch and closes in on Kore.

02:30-2:40: When he slams her back against the treetrunk and what immediately follows.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EAlt9MgqgA

Sublimation - Cavendish Trailers - When Hades whisks Kore to another forest, to watch the fireflies, up until the end of the scene.

01:53: Is when he kisses her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L3RxSxJbZI

Chapter 48

Forbidden Love - Ivan Torrent - When Hades says goodbye to Kore (This is really emotional… made me well up).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCVL3WTKagE

Chapter 49

Fierce Deity - Valentin Wiest - When Sakura reaches the staircase and overhears certain voices in the entrance hall, up to the point before the next track following this one.

01:17: When Sasuke looks up and meets her gaze at the top of the staircase.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV11D5qcjIk

Playing with Fire - Chroma Music - The scene where Sakura turns her back to the doors and faces the fireplace, and Sasuke enters her room. Repeat until the start of the next track indicated below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7RhzdTCwiM

Up From The Ashes - Groove Addicts - The scene following the kiss where Sakura apologises to Sasuke, up until she leaves the bedroom. Repeat as necessary.

00:26: Is where he feels the first stab of pain inside his chest.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgZm3lV2d1Y

Hyperdrive - Immediate Music - The point from which Sakura exits her bedroom and runs, until the end of the chapter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tR42CmwCcJA

Chapter 50

Dancer in the Dark - Megurine Luka - From the start of the chapter until Sui and Sakura cross the river.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xu1Dssui2o

All The King’s Horses - Two Steps From Hell - After Sui and Sakura cross up to just before they meet the Furies:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZ53O9n38nw

Wasp Queen - Really Slow Motion - The Furies appear and the following chase.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAw1eJvB6aA

Black Angels - Epic Score - Furies chase continued.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-SZuahQ2q8

Omnis Lacrima - Final Fantasy XV OST - Yoko Shimumora - When Sasuke gets to the surface. 0:44 is when he steps out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSkpr4LPT8w

Fahrenheit - Immediate Music - Battle music - Suigetsu VS Sasuke - Play after the above.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUKBaOYtknc

Dragonland - Thomas Bergersen - Sakura confronts Sasuke. 1:32 is when he teleports her out the palace to Tartarus until end of chapter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzU26jUnE7k

Chapter 55

Run Like Hell - Iconic Audio - Plays when Black Zetsu approaches Sasuke, up until the genjutsu is cast.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8EMdr6nsQU

Zenith - Audiomachine - Play when the illusion of the Olympus throne room is cast. 1:04 onwards is where Sasuke sees the faces within the crystals.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfL7rmXnw6Y

Chapter 56

Leon’s Theme (Extended) - Castlevania Lament of Innocence: When Sakura first steps into the ballroom:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyjmWC6Ebdk

The Gypsy Waltz - Ezra Raymond - The start of Kore’s dark waltz with Hades, until it ends.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wfxXF9m1Os

Wildfire - Audiomachine - As Kore walks away from the waltz, until the end of the scene where she flees the ballroom. At 01:09 is where she notices and meets the masked man’s gaze:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN1wKBOOE4g

Hook’d - Kira - The song Sakura hears on the radio in Ken’s car (original lyrics altered in respect of copyright):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6evzTaBGm4

Bed of Nails - TSFH - Sasuke’s exchange with Madara:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNIM1I_iQk8

Rapid Eye Movement - TSFH - When Suigetsu appears in the glass, up to the end of the chapter:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4i6UxCDLe0M

Chapter 58

Wilderness Howl - Audiomachine - The start of the fight on Olympus, repeat as required, until the point it ends.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMGTE9SAoIE

The Untold - Bandcamp - When Sasuke is warped back to the Underworld, until the end of the chapter. - 02:12 - Where Sasuke checks his arm.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-iHnbPb60Y

Chapter 59

Insomnia (Official Faithless Epic Cover) - 2WEI - Killer B fight scene (repeat as needed). 01:07 - when they start to circle B at the beginning of the fight.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7jvGu3iRDs

No matter what, I will fight - Brian Delgado - Music that plays when Sasuke returns to his kingdom, to end of chapter:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-C2EdkqTa_E

Chapter 60

The Endless Light - Trevor DeMaere - When Sakura visits her temple’s pool and floats in it, up to the end of that scene.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCecN1POBdw

Chapter 61

Waltz for the Moon Remake FF8 - Enrico Deiana (Originally Composed by Nobuo Uematsu) - Ballroom music

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJXIpt089v8

Rise of the Planets - Audiomachine - Naruto and Shikamaru see the Chimera fight scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vksdrgSSLGs

Run for Your Limbs - TSFH - Evacuating the ballroom

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQg7e5NZJ7M

Chapter 62

O Destina - Immediate Music - When the Hydra emerges and the fight that follows

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aTkzOYP1Zs

The Glorious Ones - Really Slow Motion - When Sasuke and Taka alight at the roof of the base. From 0:54 when he turns his face to look in the direction of the explosion (overruns into next fight continuation scene):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHqjcI56vyk

Wars of Faith - Audiomachine - When Sasuke and Taka alight outside the building and then walk through the ruins. At 01:54 - They see the Hydra.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GjNX7jcLK0

Forgiven - City of the Fallen - When Sasuke walks out the building, looks at the traumatised people and casts Genjutsu. At 01:15 - Where he casts the illusion and bodies fall. Play until end of chapter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lqpMUkt8DM

Chapter 64

Itachi Uchiha’s theme - Yasuharu Takanashi [Naruto OST] - Flashback scenes involving Sasuke’s happy memories with his family, beginning with the game of hide and seek in Nyx’s garden, until the final flashback with Shisui, Itachi and Sasuke:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYKzdx-B1w0

Tears in Paradise - Epikus - When Hades enters the cavern - 02:00 - when he sees the lifeless bodies on the ground.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG_mSydQ2t8

Scene of Disaster - Naruto OST - When Hades wakes up in the Underworld after the war.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94D8tH3qkGg

Tragic (Hisou) - Naruto OST - From where Hades first collapses unconscious in the throne room and is in and out of consciousness, up until Chiyo finds him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ie_MgzVb3yo

Man of the World - Naruto OST - From when Hades wills himself to die, onwards, ends at the scene just before where Hades rounds up the servants.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsBxRkIcK-k

Moving Shadows II - TSFH - When Hades rounds up the servants and slaughters the traitors.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPQanvez6kI

Dawn -Arn Andersson - When Hades visits Elysium then stands at his mother’s bridge, thinking.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fw15Vp5zeDc

Moving Shadows- TSFH - Final scene when Hades sits on the throne of the Underworld.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvKGxcEg2lA

Chapter 65

Wake the F-Up Samurai’ - Brian Delgado - The Thanatos vs Deimos fight, from the point it starts to the end of the fight.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCgyRK63w3s

Chapter 66

The Path of Silence - Emotional Viola Music - When Kore is fleeing from the ballroom, up until she is trapped by her pursuers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErKcCMork4E

I Have Overcome the World - Efisio Cross - When Kore clasps her hands together and builds her final barrier, up until she is sent to sleep.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05dCl1wWELY

I Have Seen Much - Naruto Shippuuden OST - When the cloaked figures visit Hecate/Chiyo and one kneels before her, to the end of the scene.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpBtgcehS7w

Vicarious - Audiomachine - For both of the Hypnos flashbacks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuzWj9arn4w

Chapter 67

Shake It Off - Taylor Swift - Festival Music starting from the point Sakura and friends are having fun at the different attractions, up until she sees the Carousel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIOVMHMNfJ4

Memories - Michael Ortega - When Sakura sees the Carousel ride and remembers the previous year’s festival.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Z3h0T-LJAM

Where is Your God Now? - Rok Nardin - The full fight scene with the cyclops and the masked man, up until Kakashi transports them out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsvzP8EO65w

From Womb to Tomb - Nick Kaelar & Mitchell Broom (feat. Elizaveta) - Final scene when they teleport back to Tsunade’s house and where Sakura is being healed. 00:38 where they see her wound mending and realise what this means.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M2w5ndI20A

Chapter 68

Divided by One - Secession Studios - When Ino regains consciousness and the scene that follows.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=furO_085RzQ

Republic - Ninja Tracks - Infiltration of base scenes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5M1G1gHmcJo

Sunder - Really Slow Motion - When Naruto and Sakura free Hinata and the scene that directly follows:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6lViC50N8o

Veiled in Black -Extended [Arrangement] - Final Fantasy XV OST - When Shikamaru, Sai and Sakura first hear the sound of explosions in the tunnel, onward until she lands on the surface.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBjrzTNmjds

Soul Battles - Ryan Taubert - When Sakura lands back on the surface, until the end of the chapter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFWp7yKcmbg

Chapter 69

Iron Poetry - Really Slow Motion Music - The part where Chiyo talks to Sasuke about trying to help him as best as she could, up until the end of that scene.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_xMXyD82s

Breathe Without - Nurko feat. Luma - Toward end of Sakura’s dream where she reaches out to touch Sasuke, up until the end of the chapter where Sasuke collapses on his bed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkWmJNnhW8U

Chapter 71

For Your Entertainment - Adam Lambert - When Team 7 steps into the nightclub.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsPFDzAGb4A

Chapter 72

Fearless - DTD Music - Team 7 vs Griffins battle.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JZ4T_mF4oM

Gods Bound by Rules - NieR OST - Navigating through the caverns/puzzles.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vun29HO1nbk

Escape - Ebunny - Team 7 vs Medusa and Gorgon Harpies battle.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsZAnfR4ON4

Assembly of Messengers - Immediate Music - When the torches light up and the lights in the final circular area take form (0:30 when Team 7 see what it is).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uytpBKodx0A

Chapter 73

Never Ending Memories (ft. Carl Hausman) - CRZYSND - Team Seven’s Meeting with Minato https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4lcR1bcZFA

Super Psycho Love - Simon Curtis (Nightcore version) - Bar Scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTr8BM2Q-qY

Shameless - Camila Cabello - Sakura’s dream sequence

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPoDJoTSpUk

Chapter 74

The Great Fortress - World Music Official - When Team 7 enter The Hidden Sand Village and travel through the desert.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEhvMCR8K7Y

Chapter 75

Run - Ross Bugden - The Minotaur’s Maze scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GWU-pcNR0Q

Armifer - GRV Music - The Skolex worm fight

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2azNJu5GN4

Varuna - E.S. Posthumus - The memory spheres scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBDlAHE68Dk

Chapter 76

Death Hymn - Lucas King - When Kore’s touch begins poisoning nature

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y_b6hUXUrQ

Crown of Thorns - Efisio Cross - When Kore sees the red eyes and hears the words spoken to her

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSCyhAPMQqw

Dethrone the King Extended - X-Ray Dog - Scene where Cronus finds Kore’s empty cell until end of his flasback

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoxQBuPfEZQ

Red Like Roses Part II - Jeff Williams - Motorbike chase fight scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ftd5d8_8Bgg

Battle Theme - Owari No Seraph - Naruto VS Sasuke

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AINcGl9l57o

Chapter 77

Heartbreaker - G-Dragon - Sasuke and Sakura sparring scene (From 0:15 seconds)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnY4gEmDOxM

Lies - Marina and the Diamonds - Sasuke reflecting on the trees after Sakura leaves

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgZ9Llabn-8

Gothicus - Audiomachine - Spider tunnel scene up until Sakura and Sasuke are about to jump off the web. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G29u55EXbh4

League of Legends ‒ Phoenix - Cailin Russo, Chrissy Costanza - When Sakura and Sasuke alight on the overhang of rock up until the end of the chapter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VA6eSOO88M

Chapter 78

Impure King - Hiroyuki Sawano - Team 7 vs Arachne and Karkinos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDII5oKg4A0

Last Strike for Glory - Dream Cave - The Battlefield - Start of the memory sphere with the climb up to Olympus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_6ErrT3HMM

Fire Mountain - TSFH - The Summit - From the point the Kyuubi storms through Olympus and the fight that follows.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgIfsOGWdi0

Hell Shall Perish - Efisio Cross - From when Cronus sacrifices his kin to the end of the memory sphere. 01:00 is when Zeus and Hera are stabbed by a blade.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GctVS0fIoJ4

Majesty of Justice - Supreme Reach - The motorbike chase scene until end of chapter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YScHdPVoCBU

Chapter 79

Guardians - Dream Cave - Travelling underwater/Suigetsu’s palace.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kp0YpVKrapI

Echoes from the Deep - Valentin Wiest - Entering the underwater temple.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mN7rtZVF0I

A Fight to the Death - Kingdom Hearts II - The Charbydis battle up until Susano'o is formed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0GMsXe08Gk

Kalki - E.S.Posthumus - Charbydis battle after Susano'o is formed and while falling into the whirlpool.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tjt2EZA_Yg

Battlefields - 2WEI - Final scene when Sakura wakes up until the end of the chapter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gP6TEe4fbI

Chapter 80

Take the Crown - Succession Studios - Scene with Sasuke, Sakura and Madara, up to the moment Sasuke is shown the genjutsu.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLNlAj2x4sw

The Fall - Succession Studios - When Cronus orders Hypnos and Thanatos to show their loyalty up until the end of that flashback.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLo1vouRCnw

Entombed - Immediate Music - Flashback of Thanatos in the cavern with his parents. 01:22 when he lifts an unconscious Sasuke.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F24mWn13O9M

Otar the Foul - Epikus - After Sasuke is released from the genjutsu up until Madara

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zP_lAuTRRCI

Dimension One - Really Slow Motion and Giantapes Music - When Sakura falls. 00:20 when Sasuke follows

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5KdqwkiR6g

Chapter 81

Dimension One - Really Slow Motion & Giantapes Music - Sasuke in the pool (continues from last chapter)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5KdqwkiR6g

Sonera - Thomas Bergersen - When Sasuke lands in the Underworld up until the end of the scene when Chiyo appears

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3B72N9MYk9k

The Vision - X-Ray Dog - When Sasuke awakens on the shore.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlk6NT7HAP8

L’Appel Du Vide - Thomas Bergersen - When Sasuke awakes and the talk that follows. 4:10 - Sasuke’s response after Sakura apologises.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Du2WF0e0QhM

Sun and Steel - Audiomachine - When Homura collapses until the end of the chapter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy7oD4NowhI

Chapter 82

War Games - Immediate Music - When Sasuke is surrounded by ANBU and begins slaughtering them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNiOchqm6SY

Ten Thousand Slain - Audiomachine - Danzo vs Sasuke

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYUd0qQ38So

Vendetta - Jo Blankenburg - When Danzo approaches Sasuke to take his eye to the end of the scene.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9pNx9rhqTE

Chapter 84 Powerless - Adrian von Ziegler - When Sasuke enters the shrine room and grieves.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xx_Fl6qZOxM

Akatsuki theme - Naruto Shipuuden OST - When Tsunade is interrupted in her healing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vl9_l7Fkr2E

Chapter 87

Nivaos Pi - E.S Posthumus - Visiting the Land of Dreams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKdGBeeizJc

Nolitus - E.S. Posthumus - When Sakura and Sasuke cross the bridge to the Tree of False Dreams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6UP6A7Wz4k

Chapter 88

Garden Forgotten by Time - Castlevania Lament of Innocence OST - Hall of Day and Hall of Night/Statue Gallery tour

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEKFIdQbGvY

In The Shadow of Time - Audiomachine - When Sakura enters The Groves

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVluvQrCBfE

Chapter 89

Born In Gold - Jasper Blunk - Scene where Sasuke takes Sakura to the cavern with the tree

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wi6eLnsZrbg

Chapter 90

Innocence - Jo Blankenburg - Start of the chapter until the end of the duet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MdZvYCtmD4

The Fields of Novigrad - Krale - When Sakura enters the Elysian Fields again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xy0j_bTRNgU

Journey to Aurora - Andreas Kübler - After Sakura places the garland on Sasuke’s head until the end of the scene in Elysian Fields.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmSmRiZp4nk

Chapter 91

Methods of Madness - Succession Studios - Sakura’s second encounter in her dream until the end of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPAJLlS4XkM

Chapter 93

Love me Hard - Elley Duhe - Love Scene (censored on FF)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd4PuDSopg8

Chapter 96

Hero with a Red Mask - Rok Nardin - Beginning of the flashback scene of the end of the war up to the throne-room/Thanatos’s ascension:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqE8BlTR-O8

Light of the Fallen - Fabian Schock - The deaths and burials of Hypnos and Thanatos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPR35V-gwXI

Chapter 97

Power Over Me - Dermot Kennedy - Sasuke and Sakura walk through the field

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bH7buXxxkI

Between Heaven and Earth - Audiomachine - The boat boat ride along Lethe to the starlit cavern

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcgRrJ2Q8xg

Lit Fuse - Audiomachine - Infiltrating the Hideout

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8X_FGAdWuc

Destroyer - Audiomachine - Karin and Suigetsu encounter an enemy and the battle that follows

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EnVWlZEY5mI

Chapter 100

Barren History - Audiomachine - Karin and Suigetsu’s scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kLC9CcHSyE

Being Alive - Audiomachine - Wandering the desert and entering the temple of The Fates. 01:41 - The temple unearths from the sand

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vH_gcp0GEbc

Crossing Destiny - Audiomachine - The conversation with The Fates

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMOH-BkkBPU

Chapter 101

Approaching the End - Gothic Storm - When Sasuke steps out of the mirror and the scene he witnesses in the past:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRbqTYTCMyc

The Power of Savfk - Savfk - When Sasuke is returned to the temple of The Fates:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBWkmmDG1dk

Chapter 102

Why Do We Fall? - Hans Zimmer - The conversation with The Fates

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHoAC_zDhuc

Sands of Time - Audiomachine - When Sasuke accepts the blade

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYWEefJZ91g

Battle Weary - Audiomachine - When Sasuke enters The Crossroads of Fate up until he is returned to the battle:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAd_7HCIILE

Chapter 104

Lesser Evils - Audiomachine - When Sasuke returns to the palace to Sakura and the scene that follows.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUo6Cq5sQ74

Tangled Earth - Audiomachine - Sasuke’s confrontation with Obito

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2tI68UYJv0 Chapter 105 Death of a Hero - Emanuele Patetta - When Sakura pulls Sasuke into her arms https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIuely_hs9A Succession Studios - With No Mercy - The confrontation/battle in the throne-room https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=665La2ZY7pA Succession Studios - The Demand of Man - Final scene when Chiyo starts to work her seals https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJeBz3HxGsI

68 notes · View notes

colorlesstazaki · 2 years

Text

private pleasures - chapter 7

Read the new update on Ao3

Pairing: Haruno Sakura / Uchiha Sasuke

Rating: M (eventual E)

Summary: A seasoned corporate executive, Sakura Haruno struggles to breathe life into a dying marriage. From a chance encounter to a simple lunch invitiation, professional lines blur into something messy and a little heated, and working nights takes on an entirely different meaning.

(remastered from FFnet)

Excerpt:

“Hm… just because we almost kissed and made up, doesn’t mean I let it go.” She held no reservations with bringing it up so teasingly, and maybe it was because, as much as she fought against it, she was finally accepting what she wanted from him.

“Is it the almost part that needs fixing?” The baritone of his voice floated to her ears and Sakura sucked in a silent breath.

He was smooth. She would give him that.

They certainly had the time for it. A chance nearly missed that could be mended by whispers of skin and kisses of rapture. As dark as the world was now, it could begin and remain a secret as it was meant to.

Give me time, she’d said, in the face of a present opportunity that lay in waiting, and all hers for the taking.

17 notes · View notes

colorlesstazaki · 2 years

Link

MODERN AU - TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST

Chapter: 2/? Fandom: Naruto Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warinings Apply Relationship: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke Characters: Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto

Summary: He had forced himself to ignore the call of different places, walking with his head bowed and his hands sunk into his pockets, with no real destination. He just needed to focus his attention on something else, on something that didn’t exist only in his mind, risking driving him crazy. Yet, even without diving into the past to torment him there were those same eyes of jade and pink locks.(…)

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　―

Remorse is often associated with memories. It is the thought of not having been able to change certain events of the future that is one’s torment. We focus on the past, going over every moment, wondering what we could have done to prevent certain situations from happening. Guilt and remorse lurk in people’s souls, turning the past into something to be avoided in order to not suffer, not something to be preserved in the form of precious memories. Yet, it seems human nature hides a kind of intrinsic masochism, which leads someone to cling to that very past that could not be changed.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　―

January 2021

Despite his increasingly full days, his constantly required presence in the office during those delicate times, Naruto had decided to allow himself at least one day a week to spend with his friends.

He couldn’t accept the idea those six years had passed so quickly and they had been so far apart in that time. It could be argued they were now completely different people, but the blond did not want to contemplate even this possibility. Yes, six years had passed, but how many years had they been together and inseparable?

For as long as he could remember, Sasuke and Sakura had been a constant in his life. There wasn’t a moment in his memory when they weren’t both there. At least until that fateful day six years earlier.

He had felt lost as never before. In his youth, he had to bear the tragic death of his parents, but the mere presence of those two people seemed to hold his hand to keep him away from the abyss of loneliness in which he was so close to sinking. And he clung to them with all his strenght, dependent on their presence, their voices. Desperate, he had sunk his nails into Sasuke and Sakura, as if he feared letting them go would mean the total collapse of his whole world. And so it had.

Sasuke had decided to leave, to leave Konoha in search of revenge. He had been so blind he hadn’t realized how visceral the change his friend was undergoing was because of the hatred he was harboring. And when Sakura had called him in tears, unable even to speak because of her sobs, something inside him had shattered, like a vase violently thrown against the floor. And it had been Sasuke who had done it, one of the two people he trusted most.

He had been searching for him for months, unable to surrender, unable to come to terms with the hole that threatened to pierce his chest. There was no loss to resign himself to, for his friend would have came back, even if it meant dragging him by force. It was what he had whispered through his tears to Sakura, who was harpooned desperately to his chest, and it was what he kept repeating to himself; an extreme method of not allowing despair and pain to take over.

Yet, this had inevitably happened. Time had passed and there seemed to be no trace of Sasuke. And while he continued to search and cling to every little glimmer of hope in order not to face the facts, others seemed to have lost it all.

Sakura had sought his comfort at the exact moment Sasuke had left her. They had lived in symbiosis for days, unable to lose sight of each other, almost as if they feared even one of them might vanish into thin air. In those hours immediately following his disappearance, in her desperation even she had seemed certain things would settle down quickly. As the days passed, however, as the blond matured in determination, Sakura lost hers. Unlike him, she had been able to sense what was happening. Unlike him, she had decided not to delude herself, perhaps because, unlike him, she had been able to witness his departure, seeing his eyes darkened by the dullness Naruto knew was there but did not believe was so ingrained, so pressing.

In the end, what should have been a short distance had become a seemingly irreparable fracture and Sakura had left him. Accepting the pain of loss meant having to live with it every day, in a place that in every corner preserved memories of a past long gone.

He’d thought it was a good idea when Sakura had told him she wanted to take a few days for herself, away from Konoha. He would have known she was distracted elsewhere while he could have continued to search, so at her return she could have found everything the same again.

The days had quickly become weeks, the weeks months and Sakura had never returned. She had left him too and the awareness of that umpteenth fracture had shattered him into a thousand pieces, smashing even what remained of his hope. All that was left was remorse.

Now everything was changing, unexpectedly and frantically. Sakura had returned to Konoha a little less than a year before and Sasuke only a few months after her, almost as if it had been destiny itself to choose that moment to assent the indissolubility of their union.

Of course, there had been setbacks, such as the dark-haired’s accident, which had forced him into a hospital bed for months. It had been a hard blow. At the exact moment when Naruto had felt again the warmth that only those two people could give him, it had been violently ripped away from him. And once again he had begun to hope, unable to accept Sasuke might not awake, that fate could be so cruel as to turn on them like that, mocking the bond that, despite the years passed, was still there, tainted.

For this very reason he could not accept this new opportunity, this new beginning, was not considered as such by his friends. They had to make up for the time lost in all those years, they had to spend every available moment together, to the detriment of any other commitment. He would not allow everything to fade away again, not now he could finally cling once more to the feeling of belonging, to the warmth that could be imitated but never entirely replaced.

“ Naruto… what are you doing here? ” From the tone of her voice she sounded exasperated, but the blond ignored her expression, instead welcoming her with a wide smile.

“ I was at your house and granny Chiyo told me this week your shift is in the evening. I know when you work in the evening you always take your break at 9 so here I am! Shall we have dinner together? ” Naruto seemed extremely pleased with his investigative skills, unable to accept perhaps Sakura was explicitly avoiding him.

The girl was clearly pondering her next words, knowing Naruto wouldn’t take no for an answer. So she sighed, nodded her head and preceded the blond man down the steps leading to the hospital parking lot.

“ I also brought you something sweet. ” He continued, as cheerful as a child in a candy shop, proudly waving a packet of dangos from a store familiar to both of them, where they often indulged in those sins of gluttony as kids.

She couldn’t help but smile, immediately dropping all the disappointment she initially felt at the thought of Naruto’s intrusive way of inserting himself into other people’s lives. Not that this had ever been a problem. It only became so at times when Sakura needed time to herself.

“ I thought you had a tight schedule this month. ” Naruto flashed a wide smile, partly embarrassed and partly guilty. It wasn’t that he was failing in his schedule, but it was also true in the last while, since Sasuke had awakened, the breaks he allowed himself were more frequent and longer.

“ I’m entitled to a dinner break too, right? I didn’t want to eat alone in the office. ” The blond shrugged, approaching the now familiar pastel green car. It was a fairly spacious hatchback, but not so bulky as to be unmanageable in traffic or impossible to park in. It was practical but not unpleasing to the eye. Just what he would have expected from Sakura.

“ And it didn’t occur to you to go back to your house? ” Again that guilty smile, combined with the hand gesture with which Naruto went to nervously rub the back of his head, moments before he entered the vehicle, in the passenger seat, so as to protect himself from the winter cold.

“ It would have taken me half the time just to get there and… “ He didn’t want to admit he was disappointed whenever he managed to spend even five minutes with Hinata, because the moments never seemed to be enough and every time he was forced to leave, her saddened expression was a hard blow to swallow. Fortunately, Sakura was smart enough to understand what his silence was expressing, so she left the topic fall, at least for the moment.

“ Speaking of coming and going… ” He began, pouring from the thermos of hot water into his instant ramen packet. “ Why haven’t you visited Sasuke since he woke up? And don’t tell me you didn’t have time… you work just two floors below! ” Sakura clamped her fingers into her chicken sandwich, imprinting her nails on the soft bread, stopping in the act of biting into it. Her lips were parted, her gaze instead turned in front of her.

She took a few moments to compose herself, but said nothing for several instants. Instead she allowed herself ample time to take a bite of her dinner, chewing it carefully and slowly. A way to delay her answer, evidently. A response that didn’t come, however, which caused Naruto to frown. He had expected resistance from her on the subject. He also expected several attempts to minimize it, to deflect it. What he didn’t expect was complete silence. That was not like her.

He waited for a few more moments, where only silence prevailed in the vehicle, muffled by their breaths. Sakura continued to keep her gaze turned in front of her, surely sensing Naruto’s inquiring eyes, which didn’t take his blue irises off her profile for some time.

Then he sighed as his stare was drawn to a small photograph hanging in the rearview mirror between the two seats. The image represented a little girl who was familiar to Naruto, so small but at the same time so bright and lively. She was at times similar to her mother in her attitudes, but her raven hair and onyx eyes told a different story, a story Naruto was unaware of.

“ That’s not what you’re thinking about. ” She didn’t even need to turn in his direction to understand what the blond man’s attention was focused on. Sakura sharpened her gaze, still aimed at an undefined point outside the windshield, so absorbed in her thoughts she didn’t realize how many moments of silence separated her previous words from the next.

“ That’s not why I’m avoiding him. In fact, I’m not avoiding him at all. I simply don’t see why I should go to him. ” Her tone was extremely serious and grave, her expression harsh as Naruto had rarely seen it, only at times when her anger was aimed at concealing a deeper suffering.

“ You’ve done that for months…what’s different now? ” The blond barely tilted his head to the side, certain raising that simple doubt would not be enough to lead her to give in. Sakura could be terribly stubborn.

“ What was I supposed to do? Of course I went to see him… You think that him is aloof to me? We were inseparable for years, the three of us. I didn’t stop caring about him. God knows I tried, believe me. ” Only then did she turn to him, meeting his gaze. Sakura had never stopped grieving over Sasuke’s departure. Even in that moment the pain was visible in her jade eyes, mixed with disappointment, anger, resentment, resignation.

“ I have prayed every day he would wake up but that doesn’t mean I want him back in my life. I’m just glad he’s okay. That’s all. From now on nothing about me affects him and vice versa. ”

“ Is it really though? ” That question spontaneously left Naruto’s lips and she didn’t even need to follow his gaze to understand what he was referring to.

“ Don’t. ” Sakura admonished him, hardening her expression. “ Don’t assume things you don’t know about. Not everything is as simple and linear as you think. ”

“ He doesn’t remember anything from the last six years, Sakura-chan. Do you think it’s a coincidence? His memory stops at when he left. Don’t you think it’s a sign? ” The girl let a mocking snort escape, shaking her head at the same time.

“ Just because he doesn’t remember the consequences of what he did doesn’t mean they’re gone. Sasuke…he may have forgotten but I haven’t. ” Naruto tightened his lips, unable to hide his disappointment and dismay. He could understand Sakura, he really could, but that didn’t mean he necessarily had to passively accept her choice. Maybe it was selfish, but he wasn’t willing to give up on them, not now fate had kindly offered him that new chance.

“ I’m not saying you should pretend nothing happened. I just think you should at least meet him, a recollection of what it was… ”

“ The past is the past, Naruto. Dwelling on memories and pretending you can replicate them will only hurt you. ” There was warning in Sakura’s tone, but all the apprehension she was feeling towards him shone through her face. She was certain he was deluding himself again, that another bitter deception would only be the final blow. They couldn’t act as if those six years hadn’t passed, as if Sasuke was still their Sasuke, as if he hadn’t left them to devote himself to a path full of darkness and hate, of violence and resentment.

“ So you’re telling me you will never want to meet him? ” Naruto lowered his gaze, fixing his blue irises on the plastic container clutched between his two hands.

“ I think…I think not. That’s the way it is now, I can’t tell you for sure about the future. ” Those simple words instilled a strong hope in him. A part of Naruto, the one that was more rational and so never considered, suggested to him maybe Sakura had a point, that just hoping things could go back to the way they were would mean climbing to a ruinous fall. But he didn’t care. If there was even the remotest possibility they would return to what they once were, Naruto was willing to take a chance.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　―

February 2021

Along with the loss of his most recent memories, Sasuke had also forgotten the feeling of emptiness living in that house caused him. Or rather, he remembered how overwhelming it was to feel it, but not the true intensity of the anguish that seemed to follow him to every corner of the dwelling.

Each room held painful memories, made all the more vivid, close and real because of his amnesia. It was strange to have the knowledge he had lived six years of his existence and yet be completely unaware of it. Anything could have happened in that time and he was ignorant about it. All he could rely on were the memories that remained, to the point sinking into them was becoming dangerously spontaneous. He was risking to lose touch with reality altogether.

He thought he had hit rock bottom that very morning, when his mind had spontaneously given birth to the thought maybe Naruto had a point and he would have done better by accepting his invitation. He had immediately called himself idiot, questioning his sanity, and then decided to leave the house. Yes, he undoubtedly needed some fresh air.

Unfortunately, he was in Konoha. In any other place it would have been difficult to orient himself without memory, he would have had to start all over again from the beginning, but it was undoubtedly preferable to the melancholy the streets of that city caused him at every step.

He had forced himself to ignore the call of different places, walking with his head bowed and his hands sunk into his pockets, with no real destination. He just needed to focus his attention on something else, on something that didn’t exist only in his mind, risking driving him crazy. Yet, even without diving into the past to torment him there were those same eyes of jade and pink locks. He had been wondering for days about the nature of those photographs, why they were in his room, but even trying he hadn’t been able to give himself a concrete answer. On the other hand, there was only one person who could give him explanations and it was clear this same person had no interest in seeing him.

He let out a barely audible gasp of frustration, due to his own thoughts. Was he unable to think of anything else? There were so many unresolved questions, so many sensations overlapping each other. Why not focus on those? If his life had suffered that abrupt interruption, preventing him from continuing on the tracks he was on, he should have started again from the point of departure.

The death of his parents had marked the terrible turning point. Taking the current year, almost ten had passed since that event. Ignoring the six of which he had no memory, there were about three. Three years separating the tragic event from his departure. In that time he had accumulated a fair amount of anger, of hatred. He had felt powerless, since he had not been able to prevent the death of his parents. He had felt helpless under the weight of injustice, since no light had ever been shed on that incident, which probably could not be considered as such. He had felt abandoned, since Itachi had decided to go away and leave him behind, almost as if his younger brother was a burden he didn’t want to bear, just as he had no interest in finding out what had really happened to their family.

Three years in which his only comfort came in the form of a girl with bright jade eyes and pink locks and a loud young blond boy. At a certain point not even their presence, their warm light, had been enough, no longer sufficient to illuminate the darkness that was engulfing him.

The point of no return had been marked by the police filing the case concerning the death of his parents. On that occasion, after three years, he had had the opportunity to see his brother’s face again, characterized by cold indifference, heedless of the umpteenth injustice they were suffering. He had hated him with every fiber of his being, swearing it would come for him too, right after he had found the murderers of his parents. He would have his revenge on everyone.

To do so, it was necessary for him to enter a dark and shady world in which he could not take his first steps alone. It was perhaps luck Sasuke had already attracted the attention of a notoriously dangerous man, who like a snake slithered underground and attacked anyone who caused him trouble.

Orochimaru had already sought contact with his brother Itachi, eager to have an Uchiha among his ranks, someone who could act as a puppet for his purposes, thanks to the right connections of a renowned, respected and feared surname. When the major refused, the snake turned his attention to the minor, claiming to know details that could lead him to the truth, to revenge.

And that had been enough to allow him to make a choice. It hadn’t been easy, torn between the visceral need for the warmth he so much craved and the desire to take revenge on those who had caused a light in him to go out. He couldn’t go down that road remaining anchored in the past. He could not maintain his ties and at the same time slip into the snake’s den and sink into darkness. He had made up his mind but at the moment when the decision needed to be expressed, he had hesitated. That hesitation was followed by acceptance, by considering perhaps he could have gone on even without revenge. Then came the fear, the fear of his own thoughts, the terror lying down and basking in Naruto’s laughter and Sakura’s arms could take him away from what he knew had to be done and what he knew only he could accomplish. And he was gone. Pierced by her tears, torn apart by her desperate plea, he was gone. And there his memories were interrupted.

Where should he had to start again, then? Orochimaru seemed like the most sensible choice, but without knowing what had happened in those six years he certainly couldn’t just show up at his place. He wasn’t even sure if his hideout was still the same one he had decided to go to long ago.

The unknown was also his presence in Konoha. Why had he decided to return there? What had brought him to that city where there were only remorse and regrets?

“ Fuck… ” He muttered to himself as he realized where he had unconsciously come. While his mind was wrapped in that blanket of thoughts, his feet had carried him all the way to the hospital. It seemed when he tried to keep his head away from the pink and green, his body acted spontaneously, refusing to give him a break.

He looked up at the sky, sighing heavily. The right choice would have been to turn back and pretend he hadn’t walked that far, but any semblance of rationality seemed to leave him when his dark eyes caught an all-too-familiar shade of pink.

Sakura was leaving the hospital, heading in the direction of the parking lot rather quickly, and just as quickly Sasuke had begun to head towards her.

It was a mistake, as he knew she did not want to see him. The girl was aware of his presence in Konoha but had never sought him out, nor had she gone to see him when his eyes had reopened in that same hospital. That knowledge was a valid reason to keep himself away, but there was no semblance of lucidity in his mind. He just wanted to look into her eyes and talk to her, if only for a few moments. It was a visceral and illogical need, the necessity to approach the past in the last months had done nothing but torment him and by which he had let himself be tortured without too much delay, in search of a masochistic comfort.

With his mind clear of all thoughts, focused only on the figure not far from him, Sasuke lifted his right hand to rest it on her shoulder. The simple contact seemed to give him a burst of heat that radiated from his palm to his whole body. He took a few moments to contemplate that sensation, so terribly familiar he thought, in an instant of madness, the last time they had found each other so close had happened just before and not years ago. At the same time, however, his heart was afflicted by a sense of nostalgia, ready to remind him time had passed, even if he was unable to remember it.

Assisted by his hand, Sakura turned around, and finally he could meet her gaze, the one that had accompanied him day and night in the last months, without respite. It was as if time had stopped, as if his memories and reality were merging into one, real and tangible and not just a reflection of his damaged mind.

That warmth he felt was most vivid at the chest, as if there was the epicenter of a fire, fueled by her proximity. His obsidian eyes seemed to drown in those brilliant, crystalline pools. Black and green mingled and merged, as had happened so many times before. There was nothing different. He could still look into those eyes and feel as if that stare belonged to him. He could see them with such familiarity it gave him the impression he could look straight into her soul.

What woke him up like a bucket of cold water was the sudden change in Sakura’s expression. Her gaze, which for the first few thousandths of a second had seemed so familiar, so loving, became hostile, with a hint of fear. Her eyes were wide with surprise and unease, the corners of her lips curving downward. With a sharp gesture, Sakura stepped back until her back was touching the car door behind her, trying to put distance between them and break the slight contact.

“ Sakura… ” It was useless to try to harp on that warmth he had felt, in a desperate attempt to not let it dissipate. It had now been replaced by the frost emanating from the girl in front of him, by that hard expression and that look so unfamiliar.

He knew he wasn’t cherished by her. It couldn’t be any other way, given the way he had left her years ago. He had replayed that last memory in his mind hundreds of times over the last few weeks, meticulously analyzing every detail. It had hurt her, and that expression had haunted him from the moment his eyes had opened again. Yet, even that didn’t compare to the animosity he felt in that moment, the coldness, the resentment that emerged from her face. He couldn’t remember a single moment when Sakura had looked at him that way, although she had had reasons to do so over the course of their years together.

“ Sakura… ” He wanted to continue, to say something, but in reality he didn’t even know how to do so. Did he perhaps need to justify himself? Did he have to apologize? Sasuke had had his reasons for leaving, he couldn’t have acted any differently. It had been necessary to hurt her like that. Could she not understand that? She, who had always been able to do it with a single glance? Who was able to catch his thoughts sometimes even before they could take shape in his mind?

“ What do you want? ” If her expression had been able to upset him, her tone had the effect of a punch in the stomach. The one before him was not the Sakura of his memories and the illusion in those six years nothing had changed was now totally collapsed, crushed by reality. That time had passed, bringing with it changes and mutating the ones they were, until they became the people they had become. Sasuke, however, did not know who or what he was. All he thought and felt at the moment were feelings related to the self of six years before. And that Sakura…was not his Sakura.

Although unable to recover quickly from the bewilderment this awareness had caused him, Sasuke could at least wear a neutral expression, designed to hide the whirlwind of emotions that gripped him at the moment. He stepped back a step, without taking his eyes off her face. Not even for a single moment did Sakura’s face show the slightest sign of relenting, a semblance of the warmth that, he was sure, had been there for a split second. Perhaps it was just a projection of his memories? Had he seen what he wished to see, rather than what was before his eyes at the moment? That was a distant and defensive woman, compared to the sunny and loving Sakura who lived in his memories?

“ I’m back. ” That simple statement left his lips naturally, almost as if it were obvious what he wanted from her at the moment was simply for her to acknowledge his presence, rather than pretend he didn’t exist, as she had been doing for the past few months.

Sasuke frowned at the girl’s lack of response, which he would have liked to react to by grabbing her and shaking her, hoping to awaken the real Sakura. A shrug of the shoulders, combined with a grave expression. Distrust, anger and something resembling fear imprinted in her jade eyes.

“ I can see that. ” As if to further emphasize the distance between them, Sakura crossed her arms over her chest, clearly defensive. Her gaze had begun to wander in every direction as long as it didn’t rest on his figure, on his face.

In the moments of silence that followed, Sasuke continued to carefully scan her face, almost as if he expected a sudden change, something he could associate with the images that in those weeks had provided him with the only comfort he could hold on to. He seemed unable to accept the past he had harped on in the last period existed only in his mind, among his memories.

“ I must go now. ” The urge to stop her led him to take a step in her direction. He didn’t miss the way her muscles stiffened. She almost seemed to want to smear herself against the car behind her in order to get away from him. That, however, was not enough to curb his tongue, his personal need to talk to Sakura, even if it was not what she wanted.

“ You didn’t come by. ” He observed, offhand. It was probably an unintelligent and uncalculated move, but it was difficult to think clearly in that situation, even for him. He didn’t even have to wait for the change in her expression to realize his mistake.

“ Stop by for what? Did you want a welcome home party? A parade in your honor? ” At the very least, the coldness flaunted by the girl up to that point had now dissipated, giving way to anger and resentment.

The frown already on Sasuke’s face deepened, and a frustrated sigh escaped his lips. He had caused the damage himself, but now he certainly wasn’t willing to take responsibility for it. Whatever happened between them couldn’t have been enough to erase the years they’d spent together, the enormous affection Sakura had always shown for him, ever since they were just children. So he wasn’t sure he deserved that treatment, or at least that was what he kept telling himself.

“ Tch. ” He spurted out, sinking his hands into his pockets. “ Save your sarcasm for someone else. ”

“ Is that why you came looking for me? To fight? ” No, that was certainly not the meeting he had imagined, but then again, he hadn’t really wondered what he had expected either. Up until a few moments before, he hadn’t even known he would be standing in front of Sakura at that very moment.

“ I wasn’t looking for you. I was just passing by. ” In that instant it seemed vitally important to clarify something that to his ears appeared so true and plausible. Unconsciously he had reached the hospital, he had not left home with the intention of meeting her, so it was not a lie.

Sakura couldn’t hold back a frustrated groan as she brought her hands to her face, clearly irritated by the turn this conversation was taking. It was only then he realized how tired she looked, her jade eyes ringed with bluish circles, her face as pale as a sheet. For a brief moment, Sasuke felt the urge to cut the conversation short so as not to burden her further, but the pressing need for her was more critical than the urge to do her any good, apparently.

“ Alright. Alright. You were walking by and you thought it best to refrain on me something I clearly didn’t own you but you have the nerve to demand it. I guess that’s it. ” Without even giving him a chance to retort, Sakura turned her back on him, ready to get into what he assumed was her car.

As had happened just moments before, when his legs had spontaneously pulled him toward her, Sasuke rather abruptly closed the door, his hand still pressed against the cold glass of the window as his figure towered over her obviously smaller one.

It was clear he didn’t mean to hurt her, just stop her. His gesture had been abrupt, sure, but not unusual. His proximity was close but not intended to intimidate. Still, Sakura’s face took on yet another hue he hadn’t caught sight of before, certainly not directed at him. The large eyes were barred, like those of a fawn dazzled by headlights. Her body was tense, as if every muscle had stiffened. Her breathing was shallow, as if she was holding it back to prevent even the slightest movement. Sakura was afraid. She was terrified of him at the moment.

“ Sakura…”

“ Let me go. Please. ” There was no trace of rancor or anger in her tone. It almost sounded like she was pleading him. Despite this, Sasuke hesitated, allowing himself a few more moments to scan her face, trapped by that look, that expression, baffled by the disturbance two eyes alone were capable of causing him. He parted his lips, ready to add more, to find a way to hold her back, any way. But he was unable to utter a single word. And after a few more seconds of hesitation, he backed away several steps, leaving her free to move.

Sakura was quick to do so, quick to slip into her pastel green car, not allowing him a single glance, neither of anger, nor indifference, nor fear. For the latter he felt incredibly grateful.

He stood in the parking lot for some time, staring at the spot where Sakura’s car had stood until just now and then at the spot where it had disappeared instead, pulling into the street in a hurry, urgent to get away, away from him. But why? Resentment he could understand. He had hurt her by leaving her and that wound had obviously never completely healed. Fear though… that terror shone through her green eyes, he couldn’t explain it. It felt so wrong to him, so unnatural, so far from the past they had shared.

8 notes · View notes