HOLY SHIT

It is official! My name and gender are fully changed!

I did it! I'm finally a real lad!

Holy fucking shit.

7 years.

7 years since I was able to start my HRT. I still have my tits, still want them gone but I have a more "enh, you're here" relationship with them.

I am lucky in the fact that I had one bad interaction with someone who had interacted with me 'from before', but my spouse had my back, as did the employees of the fast food joint we were in.

I have had and survived Covid (the lesser variant). I have fucking lived through a pandemic.

I am in the process of converting to Judaism. Finally! (And loving it, even with the heartaches)

My younger self never would have thought it possible.

I am so fucking happy.

don't use "ftm" it's outdated and offensive. it implies that the trans person was their agab, which we never were. i was always a boy, never a girl who became a boy.

i'm 35 years old. i've been IDing as trans or something similar to trans for nearly 20 years. i was probably calling myself FTM while you were playing tag during recess, anon.

i WAS a girl. i IDed as a girl early in my life. i recognized myself as a girl, called myself a girl, lived as a girl, and was a girl. who then IDed as a man. hence, F t M.

spend more time worrying about yourself instead of strangers on the internet, anon.

sorry not sorry if this comes off as needlessly hostile, but i've been getting a lot of shit from a lot of teenage trans kids about the language i use to describe my own goddamn experience, and i'm growing real fuckin weary of it.

i have elder trans friends who call themselves transsexuals and transvestites and trannies. are you going to seriously go to a 60-year-old trans person who survived the reagan years and tell her she's not allowed to use certain language to describe herself because it might offend the delicate sensibilities of some teenager on the internet?

do yourself a favor and log off, find some real-life trans people who are over the age of 20 or 25, and spend time talking to them instead of getting all holier-than-thou at random strangers on tumblr.

Hey. You‐-yes you

I have not updated this in forever. I do not know where you live, but I know anti-trans is rearing its ugly-ass head.

There is nothing wrong with being trans.

We have always been through many names. Cultures. Histories.

You aren't wrong and neither am I

January 2023 Update

Rare update to this blog, but I have some good news despite the rough couple of weeks. January 7th marked my 18 year anniversary with my spouse.  We had a wonderful time away and I am so thankful and grateful that I get to spend my life with someone as amazing as they. We’ve come a long way from when we first started being an item, but I truly cannot imagine my life without them. Once home, however, I had some bad news--my Nanna was in the hospital and then on Friday, the 13th, she passed away peacefully with my aunt and uncle by her side while my mother was flying home, hoping to make it in time.  She’s no longer at peace, and with the love of her life and her middle daughter.  Then, shortly after, one of my nephews got hit while walking home from a friend’s place. He’s fine, recovering and they know who did it; so there will be consequences.  So now onto the good news as well:  Finally have my money order so I can mail everything in and finally update my paperwork and name. :)

I feel this on so many levels

TLDR

(Fuck I forgot how to do the read more)

Idk where I am on this weird grading system, but as a trans man/dude I managed to get my Anglican grandma to agree to let me cut my hair short and spike it (as it was the Thing To Do for dudes in late 90's and early Aught's/ 00's )and also agree to dye it green (never came to pass)

I say this because my cheapest haircuts were from a school for hair stylists?

Back then, I knew I wanted the short, spikey hair. Will say she hated it, she let me do it.

She also bought me my first leather jacket. It was from a yard sale and she legit said "saw it and thought you would like it"

Fuck yes. Most thoughtful present she gave me.

When I came out as Trans? She said "knew you were a boy on the inside".

I do not know if it was a way of her negating my queerness, but she has tried so much more than my Dad (her son).

shoutout to all the lesbians/transmascs who went to the hairstylist at 12-14 asking for dyke/masc short hair and came home looking like karen from the HOA

I know this blog has been quiet for a bit now, life n' Covid years and all that; but a couple days ago I didn't expect to get a call from my pharmacy telling me thar the comlany that makes the Androderm patches just...

Stopped making them?

So now I switched over to the gel, which tje same company does make ans it is my second day on it so far..

And not as itchy as the patches.

Grogu says you are good enough.

(Image description 1: a white background with a purple and green border, along the top of the image is text that says "My pronouns are:", below that are the words "Required not preferred", along the bottom of the image is the words "International Pronouns Day".)

(Image description 2: a white background with a purple and green border, along the center of the image is text that says "My pronouns are part of my authentic gender expression", and along the bottom of the image are the words "International Pronouns Day.")

This is the most 'festive' I get.

idk if anyone needs to hear this today, but: if you are a trans dude, the fact that you are a man is a good thing and your existence as a trans man makes the world a better place. it is not a bad thing that you are a man and it’s especially not bad that you are a trans man. the fact that you exist as a man is a great thing and you are amazing. sleep well tonight

Here's something nobody ever mentions about testosterone:

Voice changing can be painful. You might think you just mysteriously got sick for like 3 weeks and start to worry abut why you're not feeling better. All my friends were worried about me.

Until one day I was chatting with one of my cis male friends who is closer to the trans community than all the others, and when I complained about the sore throat he just casually said "oh yeah, well your voice is changing. It's not surprising your throat would be sore."

and I was like "Really? That's a thing that happens?"

And yeah, apparently when dudes' voices are changing it hurts for a little while, but cis guys just don't talk about it for some reason? and then when they grow up they forget what it felt like going through puberty as a teen.

So, if you're on T and get a sore throat in the first or second month, don't panic. I've been informed that this is normal.

Trans culture is learning to fall in love with your body

Not in a narcissistic way, though we do deserve a little narcissism

It’s running your hand along your arm and feeling how soft your skin is

It’s looking at the sun hitting your hair just right, and seeing how pretty it actually is

It’s taking so many selfies your camera roll gets filled

It’s looking at the mirror and registering that you love your body now

It’s loving yourself when you feel like no one else can love you

It’s entirely unique to you

And no one can take that away

to all the queer kids who have parents who aren't openly homophobic but still not Nice about their queerness. Its okay to feel mad about it. Just because you're in a physically safe place doesn't mean that it can't be frustrating and heartbreaking to not be accepted. to feel like you have to shove yourself into a box to be loved. your feelings are valid. you deserve all the proud acceptance in the world

idk if anyone needs to hear this today, but: if you are a trans dude, the fact that you are a man is a good thing and your existence as a trans man makes the world a better place. it is not a bad thing that you are a man and it’s especially not bad that you are a trans man. the fact that you exist as a man is a great thing and you are amazing. sleep well tonight

Six years ago I git my first dose of Testosterone.

It has been one hell of a ride.