chennla
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24. DTX.
I have a lot of things to say sometimes.
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I’m back, part II.
Many things to say but not sure how to say them, or who to say them to.
Over the past couple of years, memories of an old friendship have consistently crossed my mind; we were really close growing up, but had grown apart once we both left for college. We had always made an effort to reach out to each other - for birthdays, holidays, milestones, just to catch up - but had turned into a one-sided effort, and had eventually, recently, led to a falling out.
From best friend. To friend. To acquaintance. To nothing.
I know growing apart is normal, but I look back on where I came from and where I am now - am I growing for better or for worse?
Two months ago I decided to confront my boyfriend of 5 years about taking a break from being together. The other day he got drunk and told me how backwards I was being. Every day I am constantly reminded by everyone else that I am making a mistake. “What are you doing? Is there anything he can’t do? He’s literally perfect. I’m always here to support you but you’re being stupid, this is just a phase. It’ll blow over.”
Mistake or not, every day I am reminded that nobody is on my side.
Recently a friend joked that my job was turning me into an alcoholic, and I was pissed. Genuinely pissed. Is that really how I come off as? Do none of my other attributes mean anything to you at all?
But was he right though? Are you seeing something that I am not seeing?
Each difficult day at work is followed by a dinner with friends - usually involving a drink - or a number of shots over the weekend; all of which are almost always followed by a cigarette. Never really thought much of it - I’ve always prided myself on being able to hold my liquor, and I’ve always enjoyed a smoke in social situations.
Today was the first day I noticed a real craving for alcohol.
I could taste how crisp Crown & Coke would feel down my throat.
I thought I smelt a faintness of cigarette smoke in the bathroom.
And I was irritated as shit.
I caved and drank a glass of wine at work and smoked a menthol before getting into my car to drive home. I felt better afterwards.
The more time passes the more I feel like I lose touch of who I am.
So have I grown for better or worse?
Things I should tell people, but probably won’t tell them:
Do you know what you want? Am I wasting my time? Is this even worth anything to you? I am also still upset you said that at Wingstop. Jerk.
After all of these years, I am thankful for you. And I am thankful that neither of us are sick of each other yet.
Stop making me feel bad for my decisions.
I am also thankful for you.
I miss booping your nose.
Do not buy that plane ticket.
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vine
this is it. everyone needs to step up their game.
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U don’t realize how ugly ur ex is till you fall outta love. Cockroach lookin ass, love blinds u fr
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Writer Chaz Hutton’s Brutally Honest Illustrations Perfectly Sum Up Adulthood
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It’s hard to know what to do when the Knick City Dancers come out at halftime.
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I'm back.
Things I have learned:
- The people that matter are the ones that don’t put up a front when they speak to you.
- Always pursue what you love.
- You will feel better if you treat yourself better. Eat healthy, live healthy, be healthy.
- Dogs are literally the best. Be the person that they think you are.
Things to remember:
- If it doesn’t happen, then it’s not meant to be.
- Sometimes you will feel confident in yourself, and that’s okay. Sometimes you will feel small and insignificant. And that’s okay, too.
- It’s okay to feel emotions. It’s okay to make mistakes. You are human. And you are learning.
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“I lived in Cobble Hill for 20 years. I had a rent-stabilized apartment. But I got tired of the city. I got tired of the crowds, and the people bumping into you, and nobody saying ‘Excuse me.’ So I had the idea to move to Atlanta and try to open a café. My friends said: ‘Don’t do it. You’ll regret losing the apartment.’ But I was feeling adventurous. I was tired of New York. I knew I made a mistake the first day I was there. I didn’t have a car. I had to walk a mile to Trader Joe’s. There were no cabs anywhere. No fucking cabs. What the fuck? And the hills! So many hills! And the movie I wanted to see was two counties away. Two counties! I don’t even want to talk about laundry day. I missed being able to get everything I needed on my block. I missed the sidewalks, and the tall buildings, and the half-priced Broadway tickets, and the restaurants. I can take the crowds now. I can handle it. But I lost my apartment! I don’t know where to live. An apartment that size is going to cost me twice as much now. I can only afford a room. I should have listened to my friends. Oh man, I messed up.”
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Brian Williams reporting on his daughter, Allison Williams, being cast as Peter Pan (x)
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