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I'm Gonna WIN.
It's been a while since I last had my Grateful Monday Blog. I must say that things are getting better everyday. I may not be fully healed but I am getting better as days passed by. There are decisions these past few months that will change my life and I have mix emotions about it.
Let me break it down for you.
FEAR. Change is good if it is for our welfare. I would not hide my fears. I will be living on my own soon. There will be drastic changes in my life in the coming days and the anxiety is building up. I acknowledge the fact that it will not be an easy road, but I have to conquer my fear to survive and to achieve the goal that I myself set.
ANXIOUS. As this are falling into place, I sometimes feel that I am choking up. There are questions that keeps on popping in my mind. Will I settle well? How will I adapt with the new environment? Is this the right decision? But only time can tell. If not now, when? If I will not grab the opportunity now, I may not get the answers to all of these questions. I have to put on a mask and focus on the goal.
DOUBT. Self-doubt is creeping in. Am I enough? AM I equipped to the tasks? I know that I have the skills and knowledge for the job. As a preparation, I am diligently doing my homework - read, study, watch available online reviewer and look back on how accomplished I was when I was doing the job then. No one will convince myself on how I was good at it than myself.
STRESSED. As I am to embark on this new life journey, there are bumps along the way. As a worrier that I am, I tend to overthink. I have learned along the way to let things flow as it is. To patiently wait for the things that I have no control of and to do what I can on the things that I have control of are the things I am currently applying now.
So much for the not so positive ones.
EXCITED. I am excited to begin anew. To have a major reset is what I am aiming for. This time around, I will think about myself first. I have set some short-term goals that are SMART. Eyes on the goal.
HOPEFULL. This new chapter brings in so much hope. A new perspective in life is the force that gets me going. Opportunities that I've missed twice due to certain circumstances make me paralyzed for years. This new venture gave me hope to dream a new dream. All I have to do is be compliant and it will be given to me.
OPTIMISTIC. Fear of the unknown is inevitable, but I am practicing being more optimistic. Challenges are here to stay; it is up to us on how we are going to battle it out. I am trying to see things more on a more optimistic way. Good things are just waiting to be unfold. A stone needs time and skillful polishing to transform into a beautiful diamond.
PATIENCE. Patience is a virtue! I have waited for more than 15 years, this is not the time to give up. Just a little bit more waiting and everything will be given. I've done my part, all I have to do is wait and comply.
My Life's anthem is and will always be WIN.
Win - Brian McKnight
No stopping now There's still a way to go, oh Someway, somehow Whatever it takes, I know I'll never quit, no no I'll never go down, mm, mm I'll make sure they remember my name A hundred years from now
I'll never give up Never give in Never let a ray of doubt slip in and if I fall I'll never fail I'll just get up and try again
This is just part of the beautiful lyrics of Brian McKnight's Win.
Welcome to Grateful Mondays.
Have a grateful Monday!
Grateful Monday 03042024
follow me on Tumbler: @chefnarspau
#gratefulMonday #win #LifeAnthem
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Do not forget to say a prayer every time you wake up. Start the day with a a grateful heart. What we have now turns into enough if we live a life full of gratitude. Carry on, you have a new day to hustle, aim that goal.
#chefnarspolscorner
#SpeakYourMind
#motivationalbrainfart
#brainfart
#livelovelaughsmilehope
#thoughtstoponder
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Kusinaserye ni ChefNarsPol: Ep. 1 Spanish style Blue Marlin Tuna
Pls. Like, share and subscribe: https://youtube.com/@chefnarspolscorner
Also like and share : FB page @ChefNars Pol's Corner
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Kusinaserye ni ChefNarsPol: Ep. 1 Spanish style Blue Marlin Tuna
Pls. Like, share and subscribe: https://youtube.com/@chefnarspolscorner
Also like and share : FB page @ChefNars Pol's Corner
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In life, we are to face hurdles that would break us or make us. Failing is inevitable and we should not falter. Look for an inspiration to keep going. In order for us to win, we should always try to bounce back. Life is not always about getting everything at hand. As Margaret Thatcher once said, " You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it."
#chefnarspolscorner
#SpeakYourMind
#motivationalbrainfart
#brainfart
Pls like and share: ChefNars Pol's Corner 😉
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World Cancer Day🎗
February 4, 2023
Let us offer a minute of prayer to those who fought hard but succumb to the big "C", for those people who are fighting for their life and also to their caregivers/ families who are doing their best to take care of their sick love ones.
May God Almighty give them the strength to go on with their lives and to accept their fate in accordance to His will.
#CloseTheCareGap so that everyone can have an equal access to healthcare.
#CloseTheCareGap
#WorldCancerDay
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New day, new beginnings. We have 24 hours to do things right. We can choose to take a rest or have a productive day. The choice is ours, choose what is best for you today.
#chefnarspolscorner
#SpeakYourMind
#motivationalbrainfart
#brainfart
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Grateful Mondays
April 25, 2022
Pangungulila
Walang araw na hindi ka nawala sa puso ko nanay. Kung may pagkakataon man akong makasama ka kahit isang araw muli, dadalhin kita sa isang lugar na kung saan makakasama mo ulit kaming lahat. Magkukulitan hanggang sumakit ang tiyan kakatawa. Pero maglalaan ako ng kahit maikling panahon kung saan mahihiga lang tayong dalawa, kayakap ka habang nagkukwento ako ng mga bagay na nagpasaya at nagpaiyak sa akin, mga pangarap ko na nais abutin pa at hihingi ng kapatawaran sa mga pagkakamali ko. Yayakapin ka ng mahigpit hanggang sa oras na para ikaw ay lumisan. Hindi pa sapat ang mga bagay na naibigay ko at nagawang sakripisyo - hindi kailanman mapapantayan ang lahat ng ginawa mo para sa amin, para sa akin. Araw-araw nangungulila ako sa presensya mo nanay. Pipilitin kong bumangon kahit nawalan na ako ng gana dahil alam kong hindi mo nais makita akong nagkakaganito. Ikaw pa rin ang nais kong maging ina kung papipiliin ako. Mahal na mahal kita nanay ko.
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A meaningful Christmas Celebration with family, no amount can beat that🎄♥️🎁 (at San Felipe, Zambales) https://www.instagram.com/p/CX6T3XElb-l/?utm_medium=tumblr
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Merry Christmas 🎄🎅🎉🎁 (at Gordon Heights, Olongapo City) https://www.instagram.com/p/CX3Q3veFiPX/?utm_medium=tumblr
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I hope that by sharing this very personal part of me inspire and help people to find peace and solace in their own dark time. You are never alone in your battle. It is ok not to be ok but you have the power to decide not to wallow in it for too long. You can help yourself by first acknowledging that we all can make bad choices or decisions, secondly is by accepting the fact that we have that one person whom we can lean on, a person who can listen to our problems or complaints in life without judgment.
Grief according to Merriam-Webster's dictionary is a deep sorrow, especially caused by someone's death.
It is a state of emotion that I am currently facing. My mother battled Cancer (Thyroid and Melanoma) for almost 39 years of her life. She was a very cheerful person, who was very optimistic during her journey with her illness. She always entrusted herself to God's plan. We know that she was feeling pained but always telling us that God is with her. A faithful servant of the Lord, a dedicated wife, a loving mother and a caring grandmother. All her life she devoted it to us.
I being a nurse knew all along that her situation is getting worse but I had to put on a strong façade just to give her an assurance then that we will make it through together. I promised her that I won't leave her side and that I will be taking good care of her. I had a promising career but I cannot thought of going anywhere but beside her when I learned that she had Melanoma or skin cancer.
A brief medical background about Melanoma
Source: Mayo Clinic : https://www.mayoclinic.org
Melanoma, the most serious type of skin cancer, develops in the cells (melanocytes ) that produce melanin - the pigment that gives your skin its color.
The exact cause of all melanomas isn't clear, but exposure to ultraviolet (UV) radiation from sunlight or tanning lamps and beds increases your risk of developing melanoma.
By stage IV, the cancer has spread beyond your skin to other organs, such as your lungs or liver. Treatment options includes: Surgery to remove affected lymph nodes, Immunotherapy, targeted therapy, Radiation therapy and Chemotherapy
She underwent surgeries but later on it metastasized and Nanay decided not to seek any form of treatment since it progressed from stage 2 to stage 4 in less than a year. She opted to have palliative management instead. Immunotherapy was the initial option and it was very expensive. We were heartbroken. I tried to convince her to have her right arm amputated so that her life can be prolonged, but she insisted not to. I know that it was very hard for her but she wanted us to respect her decision. I buried myself in work just to keep myself going because I feared that Nanay will soon leave me. I together with my siblings gave all the comfort that we can. Time is our enemy.
Come September 27, 2021 at 7:10pm, Nanay peacefully went home to her creator. My life was shattered. I asked God to give her a peaceful death, and so He did. I have many plans in mind - travel, things she likes, the comfort that she deserves, everything that we can give her - but we cannot do anymore.
I have no regrets leaving my work just to take care of her 24/7 in her last remaining days. I only have one Nanay and I can trade anything just to give her the best care I can give.
5 Stages of Coping: DABDA
Denial - " Nope, it won't happen to me. Maybe it wasn't right, a confusion maybe?"
Anger - outpouring of heightened emotions - we curse, we hurt people even ourselves
Bargaining - I'll do whatever it takes…just to take it back.
Depression - Isolation. Feeling of hopelessness.
Acceptance - peaceful resolution
Kubler-Ross discusses this theory of coping in a linear fashion, meaning a person moves through one stage to reach the next. [1] She later explained that the theory was never meant to be linear nor applied to all persons; the way a person moves through the stages is as unique as they are.
It's important to remember that some people will experience all of the stages, some in order and some not, and other people may only experience a few of the stages or even get stuck in one. It's also interesting to note that the way a person has handled adversity in the past will affect how a diagnosis of terminal illness is handled [2]
It is not necessary to experience it all in a chronological order. Reactions to either death, loss or any life-changing experiences are unique as the person experiencing it.
Days had passed, and I am missing her badly. I know that Nanay won't be happy to see me like this. As I am on my grieving process, I decided to travel.
I am seeking relief, I travelled to Grieve. I wanted to be distracted from all the misery I am feeling.
I decided to go to a place where I can connect with nature, where I can climb high enough to deliver my message to her. I went to Anawangin Cove in Pundaquit, San Antonio, Zambales.
I spent 3 days and 2 nights in a place called Anawangin to clear my mind and to grieve on my own. It feels so refreshing to experience nature. I spent my days listening to music which I had a Nanay playlist on Spotify saved on my phone, writing a journal, a poetry, talking to God and talking to nanay.
When I hiked to the highest point that we are allowed, I spent some time just looking around the beauty of the scenery. The cold breeze of the sea brushed up against my body, yes I felt it Nanay, I felt your presence. I asked for your forgiveness for I wasn't an ideal son. I am so sorry if I caused you heartaches, but I know that you were proud of me. In every achievements that I had, you were the reason behind all of it. Thank you for letting me feel your presence up there.
I asked myself if I had done everything to prolong your life or if I had given you the proper care. I questioned myself many times all possible questions I could think of in relation to providing the best for your welfare. The pain that I am feeling now will not go away for as long as I live. Your memories will forever live in my mind and in my heart. You were my kryptonite.
That three days and 2 nights travel really helped me, it somehow relieved the sadness and emptiness that I am experiencing. I know that healing will take some time. There is no quick or easy way out of the pain and suffering that we feel as a result of losing our loved ones. It is important to acknowledge and express our emotions rather than burying them.
The song MaPa of SB19 was on repeat mode. It really echoes what is inside my my heart.
Dahil ikaw ang aking mata
Sa t'wing mundo'y nag-iiba
Ang dahilan ng aking paghinga
Kaya ′wag mag-alala, ipikit ang ′yong mata
Tahan na, pahinga muna, ako na'ng bahala
Labis pa sa labis ang ′yong nagawa
Mama, pahinga muna, ako na
yeah, 'di ko na sasayangin pa′ng mga natitirang paghinga
Tutungo na kung sa'n naro'n ang mahalaga, whoa
At kahit na kailan pa ma′y ′di mawawala 'pagkat dala ko ang mapa
Sa′n man mapunta, alam kung sa'n nagmula, whoa
Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts; it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind. – Anthony Bourdain
Travel when you can, it may or may not help you but the journey towards healing can start there. The moment that you've decided to take a step to grieve is a good sign of moving forward through healing.
Sharing one of the poetry I wrote during my travel.
Mapalapit sa Iyo
mapalapit sa iyo
mabato, madulas, matarik
ang daang tatahakin
patungo sa ibabaw ng bundok sa anawangin
mapalapit sa iyo
mahangin, nakakahingal, nakakaluha
ang tarik na susuungin
patungo sa itaas kung saan tanaw ang anawangin
nakikiusap, makikiusap
madama, masamyong muli
pagmamahal mo na labis kong
pinangungulilaan
saglit lang, kahit ilang segundo lamang
pagbigyan, nakikiusap, nagsusumamo
maramdamang muli higpit ng yakap mo
sa sandaling katahimikan
sa bawat dampi ng hangin sa aking pisngi'y dumantay
ramdam ko, sinusulit ko
alam ko inay, ikaw ang humaplos
sa nangungulilang puso ko
mapalapit sa iyo
maramdaman kang muli
sulitin bawat segundo
mainit mong yakap
sa aking ay bumalot ko
doon sa itaas ng bundok sa anawangin
I am grateful that you were my mother, no one can ever replace you in my heart. Huwag ka ng mag-alala, pahinga ka muna, labis pa sa labis ang iyong nagawa, pahinga ka na ako na.
Have a grateful Monday!
Grateful Monday 12062021
follow me on Tumbler: @chefnarspau
http://chefnarspau.tumblr.com/
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After every storm the sun will smile; for every problem there is a solution, and the soul's indefeasible duty is to be of good cheer. William R. Alger #livelovelaughsmilehope (at Gordon Heights, Olongapo City) https://www.instagram.com/p/CXDyzSHlrCK/?utm_medium=tumblr
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Everglow - @coldplay Oh, they say people come Say people go This particular diamond was extra special And though you might be gone And the world may not know Still I see you, celestial Like a lion you ran A goddess you rolled Like an eagle you circle In perfect purple So how come things move on? How come cars don't slow? When it feels like the end of my world When I should, but I can't, let you go? But when I'm cold, cold Oh, when I'm cold, cold There's a light that you give me When I'm in shadow There's a feeling you give me, an everglow *the coldplay love button I got in their 2017 Manila Concert *Coldplay's Everglow is a song that will always remind me of my nanay whom I'm missing terribly. (at Anawangin Cove Zambales) https://www.instagram.com/p/CW_P3X8hWOQ/?utm_medium=tumblr
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This is your Rosary Mama Vo... I'm taking good care of it 📿🌹 #8years (at Gordon Heights, Olongapo City) https://www.instagram.com/p/CW7OVMVlkNo/?utm_medium=tumblr
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Even when you think that there is no reason for living after a series of unfortunate events in your life, do not to lose hope and keep on fighting against all odds. It may be hard and challenging and you may think that the world has turned its back on you, be reminded that "a diamond is a chunk of coal that did well under pressure,” or so the saying goes. #livelovelaughsmilehope #roadtorecovery #selflove #itisoknottobeok #anawangincovezambales (at Anawangin Cove Zambales) https://www.instagram.com/p/CW6ol4LBvym/?utm_medium=tumblr
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