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changetopic · 2 days
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The infamous question:
“Are you happy with me?”
I just couldn’t answer YES. It could have been easier if I just nodded and convince myself with a sounding YES, but I couldn’t. I can’t. I’m frustrated, stressed out, fat, broke ….. how the fuck can I say I am happy when basically when I describe myself right now is so depressing. I am unhappy because I long for something else - No. it’s because of the frustrations and stress that came with it. I couldn’t concentrate on things that actually matters- the one that helps my life. The only thing that pays the bills and put food on the table.
So if I’ll answer - if I’m happy? Currently, I’m not but I still cling to that day will come and without batting an eyelash I will genuinely say “YES, I AM HAPPY”.
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changetopic · 1 month
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The feeling of being lost once again.
I feel that I am trapped in this whole karmic situation wherein everything that I am against are being shoved to my face.
The arrogance, laziness, unmotivated, crudeness… those are just a few. I just couldn’t live like that.
Was there any regrets? Yes. I feel like I am stuck.
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changetopic · 3 months
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PEACE.
I had peace & protected it for the longest time. I valued it. Kept it. Made sure it’s presence around me. It was a choice I made. A piece of small sacrifices - cutting off toxic people, habits, attitude and freeing myself from my old self.
It was good. It was peaceful- keeping peace within me until slowly chaos made its way through the small cracks and crevices from my past.
I miss peace. I miss silence. I miss my life.
Its 12:38AM Happy Valentines Day. This is the saddest hearts day Ive ever been. Why am I carrying other’s burden? I suddenly found myself slammed into the ground with an enormous weight on my back. I remember how it started but I couldn’t recall why I ended up losing my self and my peace.
I will turn around. I will bring it back. I will stand my ground. My peace is too valuable to be taken away. I must regain my strength, discipline and courage to walk on the path I was in before.
A promise to myself. I will never let go of my peace ever again.
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changetopic · 3 months
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So when things aren’t going well they will always think and say “Oh she’s not in a good state… that’s why she’s like that”.
I guess it’s better to keep your mental state to yourself. They will always assume you’re having an episode even though it’s their behavior and attitude is the issue.
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changetopic · 3 months
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And so here it goes… reality hits hard.
They’re showing who they really are and they can just push u around because you are kind.
Maturity doesn’t come with age. It’s learning how to be independent, understanding when you need to keep things privately, small sacrifices with big wins, kindness equates to peace of mind and letting go of frustrations.
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changetopic · 4 months
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How frustrating it is when people don’t know how to communicate well and be accountable when they said something offensive.
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changetopic · 5 months
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| There’s that sudden shift of energy, was it me or both of us?
I’m unhappy.
I’m frustrated to be exact. It seems there are a lot of skeletons in the closet. The people around seemed to be fake.
There’s no denying but it’s triggering.
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changetopic · 6 months
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Today, I don’t feel anything for you anymore. Maybe it was limerence. Maybe it was a fantasy. A life with you I’ve built in my head. Right at this moment I can say, you neither live in my head nor heart.
Thank you .
MLD
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changetopic · 6 months
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Why do I feel insecure? Like there’s something off. Why am I putting my needs and wants behind? I realized I’ve done and at this moment still putting others needs first. I was insulted that my need isn’t much of a priority while me I would sacrifice even lie for others.
Then now I found out Im just a second option, the one that took the bait. Now, I am stitching it together I came to a slap realization why I felt being left behind cause I wasn’t her first choice. I was right Kat was your totga, no wonder you got so upset talking about it.
I’m questioning myself right now. Should I be even here? Why I dont feel secured? I feel so inferior in this relationship while she’s secured thinking I am madly in love and would do anything for this relationship which I am already doing it.
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changetopic · 7 months
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It feels like I WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH.
There will always be someone BETTER & GREATER.
It’s frustrating that I couldn’t have my own moment, it’s necessary to bring up and unintentionally compare me to someone else.
Why is that I have a feeling this will not last long because she aims for someone BETTER & can be paraded to everyone.
The feeling of I want to be ALONE is resurfacing.
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changetopic · 8 months
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Once again. Pain.
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changetopic · 8 months
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Something happened unexpectedly. It may be too fast but steady. You and me .
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changetopic · 9 months
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So there nose dive. Flat on my face.
My worth was yet again is being questioned just because I do not fit in the “normal” society . The career , stability etc. which made me felt insecure and uncomfortable.
Do I need to make more money in order to fit in your standards?
Do I need to be settled in a job post just ti satisfy your expectations?
So am I not an ideal partner just because of those? What if I have a different path? If I chose my way of living should I be dismayed because I dont carve to the illusion u made for urself?
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changetopic · 9 months
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changetopic · 9 months
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changetopic · 9 months
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I WILL BE WITH SOMEONE WHO I AM MADLY INLOVE WITH, sees myself growing old with them, planning the future ahead, challenges myself to be better for us above all else committed to love and respect.
I DESERVE AND I WILL HAVE SOMEONE SOON.
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changetopic · 10 months
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you need to be earnest. you need to tell people that you love them. you need to speak on how you’re feeling honestly. you need to be sentimental. you need to stop letting the fear of other people laughing at you have so much control over how you express yourself. you need to get over yourself. you need to be embarrassing but true.
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