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byebyebyeuterus · 5 months

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2 days away

just some rambling...

My surgery is just 2 days away.

I'm pretty nervous.

I was, mentally, in a good place up until a few days ago. Now I'm just scared. The mental gymnastics going on in my head right now is ridiculous. I know in the grand scheme of things, I should be okay. This should be a successful surgery. This is an EXTREMELY common operation. Jesus Christ, a robot is performing it.

But - it still is a major surgery. Multiple organs will be removed from my body. Anything can happen. I think I'm making myself suffer so much right now because I can't get off the internet. The Hysterectomy reddit page is just horror story after horror story after horror story. I know that's not a good place to judge or even predict what my situation will be. I feel like I know almost every single worst case scenario right now - so it's like a blessing and a curse right? I know the worst outcomes, but that doesn't mean that will be MY outcome. AAHHHHHHHHH.

Anyways - some positives. Let's talk about my support system, because it's been nothing short of amazing. Over the weekend, I had a group of ladies get together for brunch. We had a great time over mimosas and delicious food. It was my last true 'outing' before surgery and it was so much fun. Their well wishes and support felt so good. I've had some people reach out with gifts and recovery items and I am so incredibly thankful and moved by their kindness. And then there's my husband. Who is and (I know) will continue to be the kindest, gentlest, and most understanding individual. He already takes such good care of me and I know post-op he's just going to kill it.

And finally - the best part - I CANNOT WAIT to be pain-free. The last 2-3 weeks have seriously been THE WORST. I don't know why I've felt so bad lately. I think part of it is because I've finally accepted that this is all coming to an end. I no longer have to ignore the pain because it will all be gone soon. I've literally spent MOST days of my life in pain from the endo, adeno, cramps, yadda yadda yadda. It's going to be so nice to live life normally. To live life without that pain constantly nagging at me. I'm getting overwhelmed just thinking about it. Let's goooooo

#adenomyosis #endometriosis #hysterectomy

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byebyebyeuterus · 5 months

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Adenomyosis: A Closer Look at the Impact on Women's Lives

In the intricate landscape of women's health, there exists a condition that often goes undiscussed and overlooked – Adenomyosis. While it may not be as widely recognized as some other reproductive health issues, its impact on women's lives is profound and far-reaching. This article aims to shed light on the intricacies of Adenomyosis, exploring its symptoms, diagnosis, and the multifaceted ways it affects the lives of those who live with it.

Understanding Adenomyosis:

Adenomyosis is a condition in which the tissue that normally lines the uterus (endometrium) begins to grow into the muscular walls of the uterus. This misplaced tissue can cause the walls of the uterus to become thicker, resulting in an array of symptoms that can significantly impact a woman's daily life.

The Silent Struggles:

One of the most challenging aspects of Adenomyosis is its tendency to remain silent, often causing women to suffer in silence. The symptoms can be subtle and easily attributed to other reproductive health issues, leading to delayed diagnosis and treatment. Common signs include heavy menstrual bleeding, severe menstrual cramps, pelvic pain, and discomfort during intercourse.

The silent nature of Adenomyosis can have a profound impact on a woman's emotional well-being. The constant pain and uncertainty about the cause can lead to anxiety and depression. Moreover, the condition can affect intimate relationships, as the pain associated with Adenomyosis may make sexual activity uncomfortable or even painful.

Diagnosis Challenges:

Diagnosing Adenomyosis can be a complex process. Since its symptoms often overlap with those of other gynecological conditions, it requires a combination of medical history, physical examination, and imaging studies. Transvaginal ultrasound and magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) are commonly used to visualize the uterus and identify the characteristic changes associated with Adenomyosis.

Despite these diagnostic tools, the condition may still be misdiagnosed or overlooked. This can lead to frustration and a prolonged period of uncertainty for those grappling with the symptoms, further emphasizing the need for increased awareness and education surrounding Adenomyosis.

Impact on Daily Life:

The impact of Adenomyosis on a woman's daily life extends beyond the physical symptoms. Managing chronic pain, scheduling around unpredictable and heavy menstrual cycles, and coping with the emotional toll can create a significant burden.

For some women, Adenomyosis may interfere with their ability to work or attend social events. The fear of sudden, intense pain can lead to a diminished quality of life and a sense of isolation. As a result, those affected may find themselves navigating a complex web of physical and emotional challenges.

Coping Strategies and Support:

In the face of Adenomyosis, a holistic approach to management is essential. Treatment options may include medications to alleviate pain and regulate menstruation, hormonal therapies, or, in severe cases, surgery. However, each woman's journey with Adenomyosis is unique, and finding the right combination of treatments often requires time and patience.

Emotional support is equally crucial in managing the impact of Adenomyosis. Support groups, both online and in-person, provide a platform for women to share their experiences, seek advice, and find solace in the company of others who understand their struggles. Mental health professionals can also play a pivotal role in helping individuals cope with the emotional challenges associated with chronic conditions.

The Path Forward: Advocacy and Research for Adenomyosis

As we delve deeper into the world of Adenomyosis, it becomes evident that there is a pressing need for increased advocacy and research surrounding this often misunderstood condition. The journey to empower women with Adenomyosis involves not only addressing its immediate impacts but also fostering long-term solutions that can improve the quality of life for those affected.

Advocacy for Awareness:

Advocacy is a powerful tool in dismantling the stigma and silence surrounding Adenomyosis. Public awareness campaigns can play a pivotal role in educating both women and healthcare professionals about the symptoms, risk factors, and diagnostic processes associated with the condition.

By sharing stories of resilience, triumph, and the daily challenges faced by those with Adenomyosis, we can create a narrative that resonates with a broader audience. Advocacy efforts can extend to social media, community events, and collaboration with healthcare organizations to ensure that Adenomyosis becomes a recognized and prioritized aspect of women's health.

Research for Innovation:

Beyond awareness, investing in research is fundamental for developing innovative approaches to diagnosis and treatment. Comprehensive studies can help uncover the genetic, hormonal, and environmental factors that contribute to Adenomyosis, paving the way for targeted therapies and personalized treatment plans.

Research can also explore the links between Adenomyosis and other conditions, providing a more holistic understanding of its impact on women's health. The ultimate goal is to move beyond symptomatic relief and address the root causes of Adenomyosis, offering women effective and sustainable solutions.

Conclusion

Adenomyosis is more than a medical condition; it is a complex and multifaceted challenge that affects the lives of countless women. By delving into the intricacies of this condition, we hope to foster understanding, empathy, and support for those navigating the often-unseen struggles of Adenomyosis. Through awareness, education, and a united effort to break the silence, we can work toward a future where no woman faces the impact of Adenomyosis alone.

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byebyebyeuterus · 5 months

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Recovery Shopping

I went on a little Amazon shopping spree yesterday to get all the items I need for a (hopefully) successful recovery. And as someone who loves to shop - it was a nice little break from all the worrying I've been doing about this surgery.

Ever since I've found out that I was going to have this operation, I have been all over the internet to get tips, advice, and ideas on what sort of items I might need post-op in order to have a successful recovery. I think I got myself a pretty good haul. I don't know how much of this stuff I will actually use, but I figured I'd rather be over-prepared. So, here's what we have. (incase you, reading this, might be going through the same thing):

a grabber - to reach things that might be hard to get, things that fall on the floor, etc.

a bedside cart - tall enough so that I can just reach over and grab whatever is on the cart (cell phone, book, meds, etc.)

a pack of men's pajama pants - large enough so that the waist band will not be rubbing up against or sitting on top of my incisions.

a couple of nightgowns - in the event that pants just aren't working

GRANNY PANTIES - again, so that the band comes up/over my incisions. At least they come in cute colors?

grippy socks - I ordered like 10 pairs of these. I'm clumsy enough as it is. We don't need any falls or other potential accidents while I'm recovering.

a squishmallow - I had no idea what this was... but I cannot tell you how many hysterectomy recovery lists had this item. But, it's just a really cute, really soft, stuffed animal/pillow. Apparently it's great to hold up against your stomach during car rides (so that the seatbelt isn't directly on your stomach/stitches). It also helps I guess to be able to hold this against my stomach if I laugh or cough. And honestly, it's just cute to look at. I got a sloth. 😆

body wipes - pretty self explanatory. for those days where a shower seems like too much work.

peppermint tea - to help with nausea.

ginger candies - to help with nausea.

a weighted heated blanket - I actually ordered this on black friday and it might be one of the best purchases I ever made just in general. So cozy. Anyways, the heat and weight will help with pain, in addition to the ice packs I already have.

Miralax and Gas-X - I wasn't prepared for this. But apparently this surgery can cause a lot of problems with bowel movements. It seems women either struggle with this, or have no problems at all... one extreme or the other. yikes.

On top of this, I've had a few friends give me some supplies too. 🥰 I got a nice care package from Michigan with some Faygo, Tim Horton's Coffee, chocolates, a book to read, some puzzle books, and a card game. It totally made my day and brought me to tears when it arrived. I also had a friend give me a stuffed animal filled with lavender and other good smelling things that I can throw in the microwave - it acts as a nice, soothing heating pad. It's already been used a lot to help with the pain I've been having for the past few weeks.

Anyways, while I'm still pretty nervous/worried about the operation itself, I think I'm pretty well prepared for everything that comes after. I even have a lonnnnng list of movies and TV shows to watch as well as a number of books to read.

#adenomyosis #endometriosis #hysterectomy #preperation #recovery #post op

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byebyebyeuterus · 5 months

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youtube

My husband shared this video with me last night. I wasn't sure why at first, but then he explained it to me.

Last night, I started to make dinner. The recipe called for milk. I went to the fridge only to find that we didn't have enough for the recipe. I immediately got sad. Like really upset. So, in my defeated state, I told him that I had to go to the store. Instead, he replied, "do you just want to order something?" So we got pizza.

Then, after the pizza arrived, we put on some reality TV. (my favorite).

I went from being really sad to 'happy, happy, happy.'

I just needed my own version of a snack and some music - pizza and bad TV.

Anyways, recently, I've found myself feeling a lot like this little girl in the video. Sad for reasons I just can't explain. Ultimately, I know I'm feeling sad because of the amount of hormones I'm currently taking. But, what I've learned lately is that it's more than okay to feel your feelings. It's okay to be sad, it's okay to be upset, it's okay to feel like life is unfair. I wish I learned to accept these feelings much sooner instead of trying to hide them and act like everything is okay, even when it's not. Masking or hiding only makes everything worse in the long run.

So, for now, I apologize to my husband for these crazy changes in my mood. But I also thank him - for understanding, for knowing I can't help it, for being gentle with me, and for doing whatever he can to make sure that I am happy.

#adenomyosis #endometriosis #hysterectomy #hormones #hormonal imbalance #hormonalchanges #hormonalhealth #sadgirl #snacks #my man #Youtube

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byebyebyeuterus · 6 months

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I’m fucking miserable right now.

Today might be one of the worst days I’ve had in awhile. The pain, on a scale of 1-10 is a 9. I’m moody, sad, overwhelmed, and scared. I wish I could tell my insides that this will all be over soon. I feel them screaming at me. I feel like there’s a hundred daggers just wreaking havoc on my abdomen right now.

Unfortunately, this is t new. I’ve felt this bad before. I just have to medicate and wait it out. There really isn’t much else I can do.

I had so much planned for today. I was going to make a nice dinner, I had a few errands to run, and a spin class to attend. I don’t think any of that is happening tonight. I don’t think I can even get off of the couch right now without making it worse.

This. Sucks.

#rant post #endometriosis #adenomyosis #this is painful #i want to cry

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byebyebyeuterus · 6 months

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My uterus has a month to pack up her shit and leave. January 5th - eviction day!

#hysterectomy #adenomyosis #endometriosis #adios #goodbye #leave me alone #get out of there

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byebyebyeuterus · 6 months

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a little about grief.

As someone who never really wanted children, I was surprised at how much the words cut me. I was told by my gynecologist that I wouldn’t be able to have kids. I was told that if I tried, it would be a long, stressful, and ultimately - a disappointing venture. Of course though, there were always other options to consider, if motherhood was ever a goal of mine. She said that part with an apprehensive look on her face.

I don’t know if I can really explain it, but I'll try. Being told, as a woman, that my body is not able to do one of the most incredible things it could and should be able to do - hurt. Knowing that my body is not capable of something - something that is normal, natural, miraculous… crushed me. I don’t know if it’s just because of who I am as a person - as someone who strives to be the best at everything I do. Or, maybe it’s because knowing that my body isn’t suitable for creating life makes me feel less of myself. It’s like a piece of what makes me a woman has been stolen from me. And I guess, ultimately, I just don’t like being told that I can’t do something.

I know that this is something I have to deal with. I have to grieve. Grieve that my body can’t do this one thing. Grieve that these parts of my body will be taken away from me. Grieve for the younger version of myself that was robbed of a ‘normal’ life free of all the pain that I’ve dealt with. Grief is such an odd thing. And maybe I’ll talk about it more another day, but grief is something that I’ve been dealing with a lot lately. Especially when it comes to my own body. There’s so much that has happened in the past 4 years that I’m still trying to work through, and process, and grieve… and now all of this is being added on top of it. Who knew that grief would be the gift that keeps on giving?

Does the fact that I’m not able to have children make me any less of a woman? No, of course not. But there is still a feeling of loss. It’s this weird identity crisis. I don’t quite know how to put it into words. Part of me even feels some relief over all of this. I never wanted kids - and knowing now that I can’t have them strangely feels a bit gratifying. Like I’ve somehow been justified in this decision that I made long ago. But part of me still feels sad. Still feels like a disappointment.

I don’t know… this is just where my head is at today.

#hysterectomy #grief #dealing with grief #childfree #womanhood

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byebyebyeuterus · 6 months

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the beginning of the end.

I’ve always found comfort in writing. There’s something therapeutic about it. Being able to put your thoughts down on paper, releasing all that’s scrambling around in your head - it’s nice. It also helps to organize my thoughts and to process them too. So, that’s what I’m going to do - put my journalism degree to use (finally!!!) and write. There’s been a lot going on in my life lately and I need to get it all out of my head somehow. So here we are - a new blog. I don’t think I’ve had a blog since I was in middle school or something. Remember LiveJournal? Is that still a thing?

Anyways, If you’re uncomfortable with the female anatomy and its functions then please move on, this story or this blog isn’t for you.

But, I’m finally at the beginning of the end. The end of monthly pain that I’ve suffered from since I was about 13 years old. The end of torturous periods. The end of sleepless nights doubled over willing and praying that the cramps would stop. The end of sitting at my desk during work, sweating my ass off because my body is in so much pain and it’s taking all that it can out of me. The end of wondering if I can make it through a social event without feeling like I want to die. Hoping and praying that I’m doing enough on the outside to mask the pain - making sure that everyone else around me has no idea that I’m hurting because I don’t want to be a burden or ruin anyone’s plans, moods, etc. The end of spending money on feminine products, spending money on heating pads, remedies, medications - all of which never really solved anything.

How did we get here? How did I get to the beginning of the end? Well, about a year ago I started experiencing some strange pains in my stomach. Pain that kept me up at night. There was nothing that made it better, but nothing that made it worse either. Just a constant pain lingering on the lower right side of my abdomen. I thought it could have been appendicitis. Or, perhaps it’s just some gas? Or - maybe something is up with my gallbladder. Maybe my IUD was out of place. But no, none of that. Nothing ever showed up on X-rays, tests, ultrasounds, or blood work to indicate an issue.

So, I carried on.

Until about a month ago.

One morning in October, I woke up with the worst cramps I’ve ever had in my life. We’re talking 15/10 on a scale of 10. The pain had me pretty messed up. I know I logged into my computer to work that day - but I also remember only laying down on my beanbag chair in my office and squeezing a pillow so tightly, hoping the pain would go away. After laying with a heating pad and loading up on a large amount of ibuprofen, I was finally able to call my OBGYN’s office. All I wanted at that point was to talk to a nurse, to have it documented that I was in a lot of pain and to make sure it was on my record so that my gynecologist and I could talk about it during my annual wellness exam, that was only a few weeks away. The nurse couldn’t have been any more sympathetic to what I was going through. She could tell in my voice that I was uncomfortable. She took down my information, wrote down all that I was dealing with, and then spoke to my doctor. My doctor recommended an ultrasound - mostly to check and make sure that my IUD was in its right spot, but to also see if something else might be causing my discomfort.

So, a week later, I had my ultrasound appointment.

Now, this isn’t any normal ultrasound. This was a transvaginal ultrasound. Doesn’t sound fun, does it?

It’s not.

Let me break it down for you. It’s a stranger, with a wand, probing around your private parts for a good 45 minutes and taking pictures of your insides. She’s not really explaining what she’s looking at, but instead trying to have a discussion about what halloween costume she’s going to wear that weekend. It quite frankly was the worst 45 minutes of my life. I hated every moment of it. While the tech was trying to make it as easy and comfortable as possible for me - it wasn’t. It was painful. All I could do was stare at the ceiling and try my hardest not to react to any movements by her or cry.

Once it was over, the waiting game began.

I had an appointment scheduled with my gynecologist a week and a half after that ultrasound took place. It was a long 10 days. But that appointment literally changed EVERYTHING.

My doctor and a surgeon reviewed my ultrasound. They were able to determine a few things. First,I had 2 different diseases that I was diagnosed with - endometriosis and adenomyosis. Second, I likely would never be able to have children. Third, what I thought was ‘normal’ (aka the horrible cramps and all the other exponentially worse experiences of being a woman on a monthly basis) - was and is not normal at all. But, with all that bad news, I FINALLY had answers on why I have been suffering most of my life.

For those of you who don’t know, endometriosis is a disease where the lining/tissue of your uterus grows outside of your uterus. The tissue can be found in the fallopian tubes, on the ovaries, on many different parts of your body. Every month, when that tissue sheds from the uterus (your period), the tissue everywhere else in the body has nowhere to go to escape, causing pain. The hormones released by your ovaries triggers the endometriosis, causing pain. Adenomyosis takes it a step further - that same tissue - (again, which should ONLY be in your uterus) actually grows within the muscles and walls of the uterus. So every time hormones are released, or your uterus contracts (cramps) - it squeezes that tissue in the muscles making the pain 1000000000x worse than ‘normal’ period cramps. (or so I’m told. I can’t tell you what a normal period cramp feels like.)

So great. I finally have a diagnosis. It actually gave me some relief. I suddenly have an explanation for what I’ve been going through. I no longer feel crazy for complaining about how bad my cramps are. I no longer have to gaslight myself (I’m really good at this) into thinking that it’s all in my head, that it’s not ‘that’ bad, etc. I actually have a medical diagnosis to explain all that’s happening. I have tons of research to do! I can learn how to live with this and have a normal life! Right?

Well… sort of.

You see, while medications can help with endometriosis and you can even have a surgery to have it scraped away from your body and get some relief - the relief may not be permanent. The only way for it to totally go away is naturally, through menopause. Which in reality could be 10, 15, 20, maybe even 30 years away. But, there is no medicine to help fix adenomyosis. Again, I could wait for menopause for the adenomyosis to go away too.

But, the only way to fix adenomyosis is through surgery.

By removing my uterus.

A hysterectomy.

Hysterectomy. That’s a pretty big word. That’s a pretty big deal. There’s a lot of finality with a hysterectomy. No more periods - which in turn means no more pain. It also means never being able to have children. That’s okay too - I never had a desire to have children, and thankfully neither does my husband. But in a weird way, it also feels like a bit of an identity crisis. Like a loss of a part of my femininity. And that’s been a bit of a struggle. And I think I’ll eventually talk about these things in other posts in the future.

But I was faced with this decision - do I medicate the endometriosis and deal with the adenomyosis until menopause, or do I get the hysterectomy and live my life free from monthly pain?

For me, it was a simple choice. I chose hysterectomy.

My hysterectomy will be scheduled soon. I met with my surgeon a couple of weeks ago.. He’s really great. I feel comfortable with him and I feel comfortable with my decision. This decision will ultimately improve my quality of life. It will make my life a hell of a lot easier and will allow me to enjoy life to the fullest.

I never would have imagined going through this surgery, especially at 35 years old. There have been many times when I’ve had cramps where I’ve thought “can’t I just get rid of it all?!” And now, finally, I can.

You might be wondering why I am sharing this. Well, to be completely honest, I hope that I will be able to help others who are going through the same thing or, receive this diagnosis. Especially younger women. I hope that I can help them stand up and advocate for themselves and their health. I’ve been dealt a bad hand when it comes to doctors as of late and if I didn’t advocate for myself and also take the time to research doctors to make sure I have nothing but the best from here on out - who knows where I would be. I also hope that this will help me to connect to other women who may have already gone through all of this. To find others who UNDERSTAND. It can feel very isolating when you’re sick or have a sickness and no one really understands. I also hope it will help me process all of this. This is a major surgery. I’m having multiple ORGANS removed from my body. That’s crazy. That’s something that I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around.

So, I hope being able to write about this, the process, my feelings, my recovery - will just help to make it that much easier for me. I have a lot on my mind surrounding this procedure and a lot that I want to discuss.. There’s a lot of what ifs and there are a lot of fears. But there’s also hope. So while this is the beginning of the end of my relationship with my uterus, it will also bring a new beginning to my life.

Excited to start the countdown til I can say, “See you later, ovulater!”

#adenomyosis #endometriosis #hysterectomy #surgery

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