burneracc2406
Xion
Any pronouns • 21 • Vent acc, be careful when scrolling.
this acc is active, just as a burner.
Use #art to avoid all the venting and rants
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God, its been really nice talking to my crush, and he even helped me sort out emotional turmoil that i didnt realize had boiled over
He went as far as talking about an exercise he did that helped and we had a long talk about it
And he mentioned that he hopes in the future id get someone as emotionally intelligent/understanding as his trainer in that exercise
and THAT gave me such mixed signals, i cannot tell if it implies something or nothing at all
But hes so comforting, its scaring me, its scaring me because if fate doesnt allow us to be together, it feels like a cruel cold punishment at this point
Im so scared of that idea
#some days im so smitten#and some days im terrified#i cant fathom the idea of losing him#hes been one of the closest unexpected friend ive made#i just cant fathom it#im just praying this is a good thing that stays with me instead of being a lesson#its so scary#dont let it be a punishment is all i ask for
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My roman empire is when my intern teacher was reminiscing about her past and telling me how even as an adult, she still needs her mom when shes sick and ends the story by saying that
"Regardless of our age, we will always need our mom"
And it hit me like a truck because i never put the thought that way, my mom passed away before i was even 20, and there are times where i just think that
I need my mom
#i miss both of my parents#both passed before i was 20#vent#its hard coping with grief#because it never truly goes away#the blackhole is in the room#the difference is that with time the room has become bigger#but the blackhole will always be there#sometimes i think about what life would be if they were still around#and ill never know the true answer to that question
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Old School
The song in question:
Bonus
#vent#art#drawing#doodle#rant#ventart#Feel free to reply to my ramblings below#i cant help but wonder if there was something he was trying to tell me#all these years i was under the impression that its strictly platonic and he just wanted to share what he liked#but its been years#and listening to the song again it makes me wonder#if the lyrics was something he was trying to say#or im just overthinking and being delusional#i did have a crush on him AGES ago but i never considered even the idea of him liking me back out of my low self esteem#because i never thought that someone would ever like me#so i never confessed even till he moved schools#my friends think that it was a mutual crush but i cant grasp the idea#and this song keeps reminding me of him#its a good song and i wish that i can detach it from him but i cant#and it truly makes me wonder that could i have had something if i had just taken the leap of faith#i doubt itd work out as ive changed beyond recognition personality wise since the last time we spoke#and after what ive gone through#we wouldve fallen apart#i think#but i just cant help but wonder#if ive missed something i couldve had#Spotify
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I get dressed in clothing that i cant stand and my first thought is "im gonna kill myself"
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ITS EMBARRASSING WHEN A CHARACTER IGNITES MY MOMMY ISSUES LIKE STOP I DO NOT NEED THIS RIGHT NOW
#like i see them treating their daughters right and i CRY#because why cant that be ME#I SHOULDVE GOTTEN THE CHANCE#But instead i get mommy issues instead
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I met a....stranger
Not necessarily a stranger, we've met before, friends even, maybe even best friends at one point, the labels are unknown and yet both well aware enough about each other
But we're strangers now, the bridge that connected us has burned, and left unbuilt for a year or so
We've both apologized and yet youve locked me out of your house, I'm not mad about your choice, but I hope you remember that you locked the door and didnt wonder as you look through the window on why I'm leaving.
We both then continue with our own lives, not knowing a single thing about the other,
sometimes i forget i had you as a friend
sometimes i forget that we're strangers
sometimes i forget about you
That was until by chance we met again, our eyes meet and yet you gaze away, was it from shame? or was it guilt? Im not sure, and i won't ever find the answers, i've given up trying to find answers long ago.
But i took the leap and greeted you, we talked like nothing happened but we both know theres something between us, was it resentment or was it pity? Who knows, none of us do.
At the end you apologized, you apologized for burning down the bridge a year ago, i told you to not sweat it, cause what is there to worry about? The bridge is long gone, the ashes have grown flowers and the river seperating us have continued to flow, and yet here we are, so different yet we linger.
Are we friends again?
No, i dont see us at friends anymore, we've both changed beyond of what was, we needn't build that bridge anymore, we have no reason to
but..
If we ever want to, the blueprint is ready.
And i can live with that, and i hope you do too.
#THIS IS STRICTLY PLATONIC#vent#rant#poem#i think its a poem idk#ramble#loss#stranger#friend#i just needed to let this out#i finally got closure for an old problem
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Im so tired and done with my university and teammates
None of them give a shit and i have to carry the burden of being flammed every damn time and im exhausted
And the teacher just threw a fit, albeit my mistake, but i wish that she had atleast responded to my apology
And it also sucks that when i try to meet her the university just had to go into a maintenance and the one day shes there i had exams and couldnt go, im genuinely so lost and im not sure what else to do
Im so tired,,so so tired
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Old me would be so confused by me right now, because now im dreading and anxious about going to my uni class tomorrow since I know no one, old me wouldve been so happy because i know no one and finally picked something i really did have an interest in
Sometimes i think theyd be sad about how i am right now.
#social anxiety is a bitch#im anxious over not knowing anyone#who thought social anxiety was a good idea#i hate this
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I miss this one artist tht would always draw one of my fav otp in my old fandom, they moved onto diff interests but man dont i miss their old content once in a while 😔✌
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Sometimes i get so pissed off at my teammates because they dont listen for cues but then i realize im not playing competitive and should chill and enjoy the game
#it just annoys me so much#like dude listen u too busy not listening abt which to prioritize that were losing now#but like whatever im not playing competitive#i gotta chill sometimes
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Im gonna draw my otps in pain because i got my heart absolutely destroyed
#if i cant have it then!!! neither can they!!! im joking#im kidding i love my skrungklies#im just awfully sad rn
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Im so tired of my thesis and the entire team
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My jealousy is sumn else BCS MY FEELINGS GOT HURT AND THEYRE NOT MY S.O UGGHH i hate having crushes
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