bunnyhani
BunnyHani's World
☄An introverted, sleep deprived student.
💭 A writer who thinks way too much, but at the same time, not enough.
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The ache in her chest is back. Her shoulders tense and tired. Head foggy and filled with studies and endless yearning. Yearning for a touch to clear the fog from her mind, to ease the shoulder slack and comfort the lonely heart. To finally feel at ease enough to rest her busy mind.
Her safe place was not a place. It was a person. It was a person, whom was gentle like the warm summer wind and whose touch was grounding. Grounding enough to keep her head from floating up to the clouds and from sinking down into dirt. Yes. That was her safe place, her haven.
It was time to leave again. Sniffling, the girl held out her hand. Hand that had her heart in it.
"I want you to hold onto it", she whispered into the wind. Her person tenderly held the heart in their hands, almost dropping it to the ground. Sheepish laughter cut through the air around them.
"Are you sure you want me, of all people, to hold it?" Her person asked nervously. She just looked at them with adoration and gently smiled.
"Of course. I can't imagine handing it to anyone else."
Normally the girl would feel worry. Worry for her poor heart, praying that it would get treated well. But when she returned, the heart she gave to them, was now bandaged and it was looking better.
"I thought I'd take care of it while I hold onto it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm assuming it's mine to hold." Tears of relief started falling. She had been so scared for years. Scared that her heart would never find a holder that would treat it as delicately as a feather brushing by and as kindly as her partner did. She was truly at ease.
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Music
A/N: When you’re hanging out with these lovely boys, sometimes they just want to vibe to music with you(cuddling with tunes is an often must have with each of these guys, tbh). So what kind of songs would they put on a playlist for you to listen to and during what occasions? Let’s find out! (Also note, I do NOT listen to anything in Japanese, Korean, or anything along those lines, so these songs and genre’s are all in English!)
Warnings: Cussing, potentially songs you don’t like, cute shit?
Bakugo
First off, you two usually always listen to music. No matter what you’re doing.
Playing video games? Music. Making out? Music. Looking through memes on your phones and sharing them? Music. Studying? You guessed it. MUSIC.
You best bet he’s got his music playing, or yours(usually his).
He’ll listen to anything that’s got a good beat to it(that means he doesn’t like Jazz, Classical, or things along those lines). He really prefers heavy metal music(even if the lyrics are in English, something about guitars shredding and the drums being banged on just does it for him), but he’ll also listen to any rock and sometimes alternative.
He’s got an amazing singing voice, and because he tries to keep the best grades he understands most of the English in the songs.
“Suki, sing for me!”
“What? Hell no.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Pleeeeeeaaaaseeee?”
“…fucking fine.”
Usually sings if you ask(even if he says no).
Teases you that your taste in music is bullshit.
Couple Song:
Apocalypse-Cigarettes (He picked this song for the two of you because he heard it right after you two kissed for the first time and thought it stuck, and you’re not allowed to argue)
Songs he’ll play for make out sessions or the frickle frack(because let’s be real, this is a thing):
Cherry Pie-Warrant
Pour Some Sugar On Me-Def Lepard
Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby-Cigarettes After Sex
I Love You Like An Alcoholic-The Taxpayers
Songs he likes and will enjoy when they come on, and sing for you:
Sound of Madness-Shinedown
Bow Down-I Prevail
Erase Me-GraveBound
What I’ve Done-Linkin Park
Bulletproof-Godsmack
Burn It To The Ground-Nickelback
The Killing Type-Amanda Palmer
Sabotage-Beastie Boys
My Plague-Slipknot
Songs he absolutely fucking hates:
Don’t Mind-Kent Jones
Dancing With Myself-Billy Idol feat. Generation X
Daughter-Medicine
Sail-Awolnation
Me And My Broken Heart-Rixton
Songs he likes hearing you sing:
Fever-Peggy Lee (He will get so turned on when you sing this, no joke)
Give Me One Reason-Tracy Chapman
I’d Rather Be Burned As A Witch-Eartha Kitt
Songs he loves but won’t admit it:
Brick By Boring Brick-Paramore
Brass Monkey-Beastie Boys
Scars-Papa Roach
Kirishima
Likes listening to music with you because you often sing along for him and he thinks your voice is pretty(even if you don’t).
Plays music often, but not during certain things like study sessions, video gaming, or when you’re looking at memes. He gets distracted easy so music during important moments isn’t a thing.
Listens to rock, some rap, and other things. This boy’s playlist leaps all over the place. He doesn’t like heavy rock like Bakugo does, he probably prefers 90′s grunge kind of stuff.
Can sing really well(on certain songs) and often you two have singing competitions. Likes to harmonize with you.
“Sing for me, Ei!”
“Oh, this song?”
“Mhm!”
“Sure thing, babe.”
Will restart a song to sing to you.
It is also a requirement for him to drop everything when Bohemian Rhapsody comes on and sing it.
Couple song:
On Melancholy Hill-The Gorillaz
Songs he plays during making out and frickle frack:
My Love-Justin Timberlake
Kiss-Prince
Slow Dancing In The Dark-Joji
On Melancholy Hill-The Gorillaz
Like Lovers Do-Hey Violet
Songs he likes and will sing for you:
Some Kind Of Monster-Neon Trees
My Love-Justin Timberlake
One Lonely Visitor-Chevelle
On Melancholy Hill-The Gorillaz
Every You Every Me-Placebo
Other side-Red Hot Chili Peppers
Possum Kingdom-The Toadies
Joker and the Thief-Wolfmother
Swallowed-Bush
Freak-Silverchair (You two will rock the fuck out to this when it plays, no lie)
Songs he absolutely hates:
Istanbul-They Might Be Giants (Too repetitive in his opinion)
Love Shack-The B-52′s (Annoying in his opinion)
Songs he likes hearing you sing:
Medicate-Gabbie Hanna
Can’t Get You Out Of My Head-Kylie Minogue
Songs he says he hates but really likes:
Cherry Pie-Warrant (He says it’s too sexual, but he won’t complain if you’re dancing to it)
Cherry Bomb-The Runaways
Intergalactic-Beastie Boys
Rape Me-Nirvana
Midoriya
Music is mostly on when you’re around him, but it’s usually down low so you two can talk.
Mostly listens to classic rock, but also some pop songs. He’s also not really into rap or other things(though there are a handful of rap songs he does know and can recite by heart which usually surprises the hell out of you). He also likes lo-fi music, and alternative songs. Indie rock is okay too.
He loves listening to music with you, because sometimes you’ll dance when you think he isn’t watching, and he likes to hear you sing.
He always takes notes about your dancing or singing, and marks down what songs you’re best with so he can replay them so you’ll sing again.
If a love song comes on he’ll blush about it, but sometimes he’ll sing it to you.
“Izu, sing for me.”
“W-What? A-are you sure?”
“Haha, what do you mean am I sure? Please sing for me!”
“O-Okay, Y/N/N…”
He’s good at singing(even when he’s not) because once he gets into it he gets more confident. He may mispronounce some words since it’s in English, but if he knows the song really well he doesn’t.
Couple Song:
Sunshine Of Your Love-Cream
Songs he plays during make out and frickle frack(even if he’s embarrassed during those times):
Burnin’ For You-Blue Oyster Cult
Rock You Like A Hurricane-Scorpions
Rebel Yell-Billy Idol
Wish You Were Here-Pink Floyd
Crazy On You-Heart
Songs he likes and will sing for you:
Sunshine Of Your Love-Cream
Kickstart My Heart-Motley Crue
No One Like You-Scorpions
Crazy On You-Heart
What I Like About You-The Romantics
Still Feel-half alive
TNT-ACDC
Ragdoll-ACDC
Songs he hates:
Wouldn’t It Be Nice-Beach Boys
Anything by the Beach Boys, he’s not a fan of them.
Shut Me Up-Mindless Self Indulgence (When TikTok was full of this it was stuck in his head for weeks)
Jerk It Out-Caesars
Post Malone. Can’t stand him. (Thinks he’s too weird)
Sh Boom Sh Boom-The Crew Cuts (he just doesn’t like it because it gets stuck in his head)
Songs he asks you to sing:
What I Like About You-The Romantics
Be My Baby-The Ronettes
Mr. Sandman-The Chordettes
Songs he says he hates but secretly likes:
Everybody Wants To Rule The World-Texas For Fears
Put Your Head On My Shoulder-Paul Anka (he says he doesn’t like it because it’s “overused” but really he does)
God’s Gonna Cut You Down-Johnny Cash (says he hates it, but has all the words memorized and sings it when it’s on)
Todoroki
Listens to music sometimes, but not too often. He prefers talking with you instead of listening to music.
When the two of you do listen to music, surprisingly enough, he listens to mostly older “emo” music and classical music.
He doesn’t tolerate screamo, and absolutely hates when you play a song that references a meme(he doesn’t get them unless you’ve sent him the meme prior, and still he just doesn’t usually find them funny).
Will sing his songs to you, and if it’s a slow song he has on his playlist, he will 10/10 stop what he’s doing to pull you up and dance with you.
You eventually learn to dance pretty well since he does that all the time.
“Dance with me, Y/N.”
“Why do you always ask me to dance?”
“Because it’s with you.”
“Wow that was romantic.”
“Is that sarcasm?
“No!”
“Don’t you like dancing with me?”
“I was just curious why you like it so much.”
He won’t tell you, but really it’s because he loves the smaller moments with you so much and treasures them.
He also enjoys seeing you try to learn to follow his lead, since normally in training or other things, you’re too stubborn for that. (Also liked watching you stumble in the beginning because he thought it was cute.)
Doesn’t sing too often, but if you ask for it, he’ll do it.
Prefers to hum to his songs
Couple Song:
Fall For You-Secondhand Serenade
Songs he plays during make out and frickle frack(even if he’s embarrassed during those times):
He doesn’t play music during these times because he believes you should both be focused on each other. :)
Songs he likes and will sing for you:
The Drug In Me Is You-Falling In Reverse
Dirty Little Secret-The All-American Rejects
It’s Been Awhile-Staind
All My Life-Foo Fighters
Pardon Me-Incubus
Ocean Avenue-Yellowcard
Songs he hates:
Shake It-Metro Station
Stacy’s Mom-Fountains of Wayne
Songs he asks you to sing:
Ocean Avenue-Yellowcard
Cancer-My Chemical Romance
Girlfriend-Avril Lavigne (Actually how you told him you liked him)
Songs he says he hates but secretly likes:
Owl City-Fireflies
When You Were Young-The Killers (Gets stuck in his head)
Remedy-Seether
My Own Worst Enemy-Lit
Kaminari
First off, this boy has so many meme songs saved on his phone it’s hard for you to keep a straight face when listening to his music. Of course, that doesn’t bother him one bit, he loves your smile.
Other than memes he listens to pretty much anything, so long as it isn’t what Americans call “Country”.
He doesn’t really understand the words, so there’ll be the handful of occasions where you’ll even ask if he knew what the songs are about.
“Denki…do you even understand this?”
“No, do you?”
“Yeah…”
“Oh cool! What’s it about?”
Sometimes you can’t tell him because the rap songs he’ll play are super sexualized and if you talk about it, he’ll get ideas in his head.
Will try to sing along, usually always messes up the lyrics.
That’s okay because you sing for him anyway.
He prefers your voice to his.
Plays his music so loud, sometimes Sero thinks that you two are having a party or doing things. (Sometimes you are doing things, but Kaminari just plays his music way too loud either way).
He likes to borrow Jiro’s speakers sometimes, which pisses Aizawa off. (Jiro doesn’t mind.)
Couple Song:
Darlin’-The Beach Boys (You actually don’t know how this turns out to be your song, Kaminari just randomly tells you that one day. You’re fine with it because it’s a sweet song)
Songs he plays during make out and frickle frack(even if he’s embarrassed during those times):
ANYTHING.
SERIOUSLY.
You once did it to U Can’t Touch This by MC Hammer. Needless to say, you were both laughing a lot during it.
“I guess I’ll cross that off my bucket list?”
“Denki, that was on your bucket list????”
Slow Dancing In The Dark-Joji (For some reason he really likes this one at these times)
Songs he likes and will sing to you:
Bitch Lasagna-PewDiePie
Can’t Stop-Red Hot Chili Peppers
Bad-Michael Jackson (This usually involves him dancing for you)
Will He-Joji
I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight-Cutting Crew
Brick House-The Commodores
In My Mind-Dynoro
Bust A Move-Young MC
Shooting Stars-Bag Raiders
Rockefeller Street-Nightcore
Songs he hates:
Burn It Down-Linkin Park
Congratulations-PewDiePie
HandClap-Fitz & The Tantrums (says it’s annoying)
Killing You-Asking Alexandria (too loud and screamy)
Songs he asks you to sing:
Will ask you to sing anything he wants for him
He has no preference
Bohemian Rhapsody-Queen
Songs he says he hates but secretly likes:
Play That Funky Music-Wild Cherry (He says he hates it, but when you sing it for him, he goes into fits of giggles and likes it, so he doesn’t hate it)
Beachboy-McCafferty (Knows all the words, and even pronounces them right, but it gets stuck in his head easy)
Shinso
He really likes to listen to music a lot, and the two of you have a lot of cuddling to music. This boy lives for the music, he even sleeps with it.
He prefers anything soft, depressing, or easy to listen to. Things that are loud or heavy aren’t in his playlist. A lot of his songs on his playlist are just easy going and quiet. He really likes classical music too.
Tends to listen to a lot of songs for the lyrics.
He gets the words since he has smarticle particles, but he doesn’t really sing them to you. He will if he feels like it, but really you’ll just get soft touches and warm cuddles.
Likes to hum to the songs, and loves(LOVES) it when you sing to him.
“Your voice is like heaven.”
“Huh? Really?”
“Really. I could fall asleep listening to you.”
Will make a list of songs he knows you can sing well and make notes to himself that he should play them.
He has fallen asleep listening to you sing to him.
Couple Song:
Claire de Lune-Laura Sullivan
Make-out/frick frack songs:
Usually gentle songs, he’ll just push shuffle on his playlist, so any of the below you’ll hear.
Songs he’ll sing to you and listen to frequently:
Roslyn-Bon Iver & St. Vincent
Wait-M83
Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby-Cigarettes After Sex
Bubble Gum-Clairo
Lost-Phelian
nothing will last-noll x damnboy!
Will He-Joji
Wish You Were Here-Pink Floyd
Anything by Pink Floyd really, he likes that a lot of their songs are slow.
Songs he asks you to sing:
Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me-Low
Give Me One Reason-Tracy Chapman
Somebody That I Used To Know-Gotye
Primadonna-Marina and The Diamonds (He thinks the amount of sass you have when singing this song is GREAT and it usually makes him smirk or grin widely)
Songs he says he hates but actually likes:
Hello My Old Heart-The Oh Hellos
Nightmare-Easy Life
Where Is My Mind-Pixies (he says it’s too trippy, but he’ll listen to it)
Shooting Stars-Bag Raiders (Kaminari plays it too often and takes it too far. Shinso will listen to it if Kami isn’t in the room)
Songs he really does hate:
Anything way too loud
Screamo music
Copperhead Road-Steve Earle (doesn’t like snakes.)
Tokoyami
He likes listening to music when the two of you study and train. He’s not really into listening to it during other moments, so that’s really all.
Despite the fact everyone thinks he listens to emo music, or a lot of edgy shit, that’s only half right. He likes emo stuff, sure, and almost everything he listen to has a deeper meaning behind the lyrics, but he has a wide variety of music he listens to.
Don’t be surprised if you find the occasional Disney song or musical soundtrack on his playlist.
Likes listening to you sing, and gets way too embarrassed to ever sing to you, so he’ll listen to you instead.
He’ll play anything you ask him to, or skip a song if he knows you don’t care for it.
“What are you making that face for?”
“Well…this song…”
“You don’t like it?”
“I mean, I don’t hate it but–hey you didn’t have to skip it…”
“You’re hanging out with me, I can listen to it on my own time.”
Makes sure to pick the playlist that has your favorite songs.
You know when he wants you to sing because he’ll get very quiet since you always start out just humming before actually singing.
Couple song:
I Will Follow You Into The Dark-Death Cab For Cutie
Make-out/Frick Frack songs:
Like I said, he really only plays the music when you’re studying, training, or on other rare occasions.
He thinks these moments are for you two to focus on each other, and since he knows you get distracted, he doesn’t want you lip syncing to a song while he’s trying to make you feel good.
Songs played frequently:
Can’t Help Falling In Love-Twenty One Pilots(cover)
The Ghost Of You-My Chemical Romance
Possibility-Lykke Li
And All That Jazz-Chicago
Teardrop-Massive Attack
Buried Myself Alive-The Used
heavydirtysoul-Twenty One Pilots
Cell Block Tango-Chicago
Goner-Twenty One Pilots
It’s Okay I Wouldn’t Remember Me Either-Crywank
Hot Patootie Bless My Soul-Rocky Horror Picture Show
Songs he likes you to sing:
Literally anything
Songs he says he hates but likes:
Closer-Nine Inch Nails
Run-Daughter
If I Had A Heart-Fever Ray
Songs he really hates:
Shooting Stars-Bag Raiders (Kaminari and Sero ruined it for him)
Sweet Transvestite-Rocky Horror Picture Show
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so how quickly do you think it'll take them to figure it out lol
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— still into you
Pairing: Luka Couffaine x Fem!Singer!Reader
Summary: With the Music Festival coming up, tension rises as Y/N’s ex tries to came a comeback. The only problem? Luka’s not having it.
Word Count: 2k
A/N: Based on this trend I saw on tiktok. Also let this be evidence that I cannot physically write a blurb to save my life 🤠
“Hey, you okay?”
Indistinct chatter echoes in the background as you sat down at the edge of the stage. It’ll only be a few hours till you get on stage, meaning you have to wrap up your soundcheck before the festival starts. Today’s a big night — all of you know that. For once, there’s gonna be record execs watching to find their next star band — and who knows? With a little luck, it could be Kitty Section. As for you… you’re not an official member of the band — no matter how many times Juleka and Luka insisted you should be — but you agreed to help them after Rose lost her voice during last practice, giving you the perfect chance to present new song you’d been working on.
You should be buzzing with excitement. Why aren’t you excited?
Keep reading
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𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞
Pairing: Luka Couffaine x Fem!Reader
Summary: When on Juleka’s birthday party sleepover, heartbroken Luka and Y/N are paired to be alone in Luka’s cabin for the night. What if they find comfort in one another, just for tonight…?
A/N: This is a sneak peak of the story I’m currently working on! I’m not sure if I will ever publish it but I’m currntly trying to get some ideas so If you could give me some feedback on this I would be really grateful :)
Keep reading
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Finding a Name
How do I find a name for myself?
Finding a name can be tricky! Here are some good guidelines and things to consider when choosing one!
1. How does it sound? Try pronouncing it out loud
2. Does it resonate with you? If you think of someone calling you that, how does it make you feel?
3. Consider the meaning of the name. Does it fit with who you are?
4. What language or region or culture does it come from? Consider its origin. Is it appropriate for you to use? Does it have a personal connection in that manner?
5. Are you trying to connect it to your family? Consider your family history.
6. Are you trying to keep it connected to your old or given name? Consider who you are and how much you want to change with your name.
Where are some places I could get some ideas?
Here are some great name websites and tumblrs that specialize in recommending names! You’re always welcome to ask us for suggestions as well with some descriptions of yourself or your interests!
One thing I never want to discount is using or finding a name after a fictional character you feel really connected to! That’s a great option!
Babynames.com is great! They have a search feature to search names, names by origin or gender or letter or meaning!
Nameberry is also awesome! They have categories by gender, popular names, and unique names.
This is a list of the most popular boys and girls names of 2021 so far!
Fantasy Name Generator is also really cool! It gives unique fantasy names which can be perfect for some!
Overall, I would suggest googling what you’re looking for! “Names that start with [letter]” “Names that mean [meaning]” “Unique names” “Unisex names” or anything you think you might be interested in! Google is a great resource!
These are some tumblrs that help out with names!
@new-names
@transnamesuggestions
@name-suggestions
@transnameideas
@genderneutralnames
@genderneutralnamesuggestion
@name-suggestions-i-like
If you find a name you think you might like, then I’d suggest testing them out!
@name-and-pronoun-validation
@uh-nonny-mouse
@name-n-pronoun-validation
These accounts I know do name and/or pronoun validation! You just send in an ask with the name(s) and/or pronoun(s) you’re looking to try out, and some of your interests, and they’ll type something up for you using that name and whatever pronouns you give them! (No pronouns is always a valid option as well!)
We are also totally open for this!
I hope this was helpful and you find a name you enjoy and that fits you soon!
-EX👁🗨
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Hi there! How are you doing today? I just wanted to pop in for a minuet and say that I really love your writing! Have a good day.
Ahh!! Thank you so much! I'm sorry I'm answering so late, I haven't been very active in Tumblr. However, this made my day! I'm good, I'm about to start cleaning my room. I hope you have a good day too!!
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Wooden benches and blushed cheeks
Janet walked hand in hand with Caroline quietly. The silence that wrapped around them was calm and gentle. Summery wind wiped their bare shins and the duo’s gaze moved around, taking in the scenery and finally settled on the setting sun. It might have been twelve am or three am, the girls weren’t aware of the passage of time. It didn’t bother them though, they just let their thoughts run freely, enjoyed the last bit of the rays of light the sun provided and each other’s company. Janet took a deep breath in and glanced Caroline’s way secretly. Caroline too seemed to be in her own world and the sight of being so calm and beautiful made a gentle blush appear on Janet’s cheeks. Caroline looked at Janet suddenly, whom recoiled after being caught staring and quickly moved his gaze to her feet. Caroline started smiling sweetly, her heart beating so fast that it hurt. Her heart was so full of love, it was overwhelming that it made her breathless. Caroline squeezed Janet’s petite hand, Janet lifted her head to look at Caroline. The look so full of love and adoration surprised Janet so much that she froze and could only stare back. Janet swallowed thickly and managed to utter out:
“The bench is right there.” It got Caroline to move her intense gaze away and stare at the wooden bench that was sitting beside an old railway track. Caroline pulled Janet with her and walked to the bench and slumped down onto it. She looked at Janet, who stood in front of her with a dumb look on her face. Caroline chuckled quietly and pulled Janet to sit next to her on the bench. After recovering of Caroline’s confident moves, she relaxed and leaned Caroline’s side, resting her head on girl’s shoulder.
“Do you remember when we found this place the first time?” Janet asked quietly, so that she wouldn’t shatter the gentle and sensitive atmosphere that the two of them had created.
“And dragged this old bench here from your garage?” Caroline responded quietly, tone soft. Janet snorted and started nodding mightily.
“Our hands were sore and wounded, and I can’t even remember how many splinters we picked off of our hands”, Janet giggled. Back then, there were tears shed from pain and panicked about splinters in hands, now it was just a gentle and funny memory. They quieted down again, when the exact memory flooded into their minds.
Heavy huffing and bright laughter echoed on the deserted big trail, when the two weak girls together tried to carry a long wooden bench next to the railway track. The railway track had been unused for a long time, because the route it was on, wasn’t used anymore. But it had been a place for Caroline and Janet’s place for walks and conversations about their dreams and thoughts. It’s a place where the girls have shared laughs and tears, and secrets among other things, like their first kisses.
Panting, Caroline dropped down onto the bench and laid down on it.
“Ah, move over”, Janet whined and poked Caroline’s ribs with her thin fingers. Caroline yelped and got up quickly, letting Janet sit down.
“This is a good place for the bench. Now we don’t have to always stand until our legs are tired”, Janet stated. Caroline hummed in response. Janet’s hands were sweating and her heart was beating too fast because of her and Caroline’s close proximity. Perhaps she’s had a crush on her best friend for awhile now and she had no intentions of confessing. They had talked about their sexualities before and came out to each other’s as lesbians. That still didn’t guarantee that Caroline would like Janet though, or so she thought. At that moment though, Janet’s mind was spinning and she felt herself shaking.
“Janet? Are you okay?” Caroline asked, swinging her arm around Janet’s shoulders and leaning into her space. Maybe Janet’s breathing stuttered for a moment and she truly hoped Caroline hadn’t noticed.
“I… I think I like this girl”, Janet whispered shamefully, head tilted towards her chest. Caroline was silent for a moment, before asking in a practiced excited tone:
“Ooh, who is she? Do I know her?” Janet sighed heavily and started twisting her thin shirt hem.
“Yeah… You know her better than you think”, she replied. Caroline thought about their friend circle, and her brain came back blank. She let out a confused sound. Janet hasn’t talked about anyone especially much nor hung out with anyone esle except… Caroline herself. Caroline froze, muscles tensed, she turned to look at the girl beside her, whose face was covered by a thick curtain of hair. Caroline relaxed a little and brushed the thick hair away from Janet’s face.
“Is it me?” Caroline asked and Janet felt the other girl burn holes to her skull with her intense stare. Even when Janet was stiff with horror and shame, she nodded. She couldn’t bring herself to lie to her best friend, even in this situation.
“Can you look at me?” Caroline asked and Janet shook her head, she couldn’t face her burning gaze. Caroline sighed and took a gentle hold of Janet’s jaw so that she could see the other girl’s red face. Caroline’s cheeks were starting to hurt all the smiling, but she couldn’t stop doing it.
“Janet, you are an idiot. You scared me for a hot second… I like you too”, she said, grazing Janet’s flushed cheeks with the tips of her finger. Janet’s eyes opened quickly and she started opening and closing her mouth, like a fish on land, trying to say something reasonable, but failing to do so. Caroline laughed a little, and then whispered with a flicker of hope in her eyes:
“Can I kiss you?” Janet nodded. They leaned towards each other, but stopped right before their lips could touch. Both girls’ hearts were beating too loudly and too fast, and they could feel each others’ breaths on their lips. It gave them chills running down their back, and finally they pressed their lips together. For a few seconds, they didn’t move, getting used to the feeling of being kissed and memorizing the shape of each others’ lips. Carefully, Janet started kissing Caroline. Caroline smiled slightly and started kissing back with the same kind of caution.
They were ripped back to present moment, when Janet’s leg slipped forward and she would have fell on her face to the ground, if it wasn’t for Caroline, who grabbed onto her arm, stopping the fall. They started laughing and the atmosphere lightened again, but didn’t lose it’s warmth.
“It was… It was one hell of a emotional rollercoaster. Although I don’t mind it that much”, Janet said, thinking back. Caroline nodded.
“It was one of the best days in my entire life”, she said.
“Don’t get so sappy!” Janet whined, covering her reddening face with her hands. “Your reaction makes me want to do it more. You are so adorable with your pink cheeks and flustered laughs” Caroline said teasingly, pushing her girlfriend’s side gently, whom just whined back.
“I love you”, Janet said after calming down her racing heart and kissed Caroline’s shoulder. Now it was Caroline’s turn to start blushing and the girl turned her head away from Janet. Janet pursed her lips in displeasure.
“Are you not going to say it back?” She asked, and faked being hurt. Caroline shook her head and started peppering kisses along Janet’s freckle covered face. Janet started giggling quietly and tried to twist away from Caroline, but couldn’t when Caroline’s arms wrapped around her and effectively caging her. Janet breathed heavily due to all the laughing and twisting, and finally locked eyes with her girlfriend.
“I love you too”, Caroline said and leaned down to kiss the girl, until both of them were even more out of breath than before. Only this time it wasn’t because of tickling.
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yall haven’t written the next chapter of ur fanfic and it really shows
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Izuku Needs A Weight Blanket
Summary: "I've been thinking about this for awhile now... And I think you should try out a weight blanket, I'm pretty sure it would benefit you a lot." -Aizawa to Izuku. Basically: Izuku is in a need of a weight blanket, because he can't sleep and he's way too anxious. Dadzawa to the rescue.
Ship/Relationship: Platonic! Izuku Midoriya & Shouta Aizawa. (Basically AIzawa being a good teacher and a dad.)
Author’s Note and trigger warnings!!
So there is anxious tendencies and thoughts. And there is unhealthy coping: Izuku knocks himself out to sleep. Also this fic does deal with depressing thoughts. If any of these things trigger you somehow, please be careful.
There is a part two just coming, with the title: Izuku Needs Therapy.
The knockout scene starts like this: He tried the one knockout point on his neck...
And ends at: Yeah definitely not again.
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Izuku sat on his bed, quietly humming to himself and fiddling with the hem of his nightshirt. It was already way past midnight, but he just couldn’t fall asleep. There was way too much going on in his exhausted mind, and the second he stopped fiddling with something, anxiety kicked in. It itched under his skin mercilessly. If he stopped, then his body would start jolting from time to time, as if he would get scared by someone continuously. Thankfully nobody really had noticed his jumpiness, since he has always been that kind of person and he normally fiddled with a lot of things, whether it was with his pen during class or his phone during lunch. Nobody was onto him and that made him both relieved and sad. He was happy that he wasn’t worrying anyone with his antics, but he was also sad that nobody really noticed his struggles. Maybe he had grown way too good at hiding behind a smile. Years of bullying and lying about it probably made it possible, he supposed. So he couldn’t really blame them. Besides, he was used to not being really seen, since all his life he had been a nobody. So the thought of someone seeing him, like really seeing him, made him want to curl up in a ball and just disappear.
Izuku slowly did lay down on his side and brought his knees to his chest, hugging his legs tightly. He could feel the anxious energy running inside of him, his fingers twitched. He gripped his knees tightly, nails digging into the flesh of his legs. He swallowed with difficulty and released a shuddering breath. You might be wondering why on earth was he this way. Well… Izuku was ashamed to admit, but during an exercise, Bakugo had slammed into him and his explosion had went off right next to his ear and burned his shoulder. It had scared him. The loud noise, the heat… It brought back memories that he wasn’t particularly fond of, and now he was on edge. All the time. It was like his body was on fight-or-flight -mode all the time. He just couldn’t relax. He couldn’t stop the anxiety from raging on and his body jolting randomly. Izuku squeeszed his eyes shut tightly and forced himself to take deep breaths. He really didn’t have time to have an anxiety attack at ass o’clock in the morning. He needed to sleep. S l e e p. But honest to God, he just couldn’t. He was so tired. So so tired. He’s had this same problem for a few weeks now and the anxiety that had his body gone rigid, was also draining his energy. Soon people would start seeing the cracks in his act that he tried so hard to keep up. He just wanted to sleep. Somewhere in the dark hours of the night, he did manage to fall asleep. Little did he know, his act would be busted very soon by someone, whom he wouldn’t have first guessed and gets help.
Izuku was brought back to reality by his awful alarm. He jumped and slammed his alarm off with a little too much force. The poor alarm clock shattered under his fist and he hissed under his breath. He rubbed his now sore fist tenderly and frowned. The alarm had scared him awake, but he still felt bad about the fact that he had actually broken it. He sighed heavily and left the shattered clock to his nightstand and moved on. He needed to wash his face, brush his teeth and get dressed. And cover his under eyes, a new part of his routine. Izuku sighed yet again and gingerly sat down onto the floor in front of his mirror. He grabbed his concealer, foundation, powder and his beauty blender. Some might think it was weird for a guy to own items like these, but he had grown used to them. Back then, he had used all this to cover bruises and some burns, so he really didn’t think too much of it. Besides, who was he to judge someone for wearing makeup? If it made someone happy, then they should go for it. It allowed the person to freely express themselves and it certainly didn’t hurt anyone. With those thoughts, he started blending his concealer under his eyes and lids with practiced hands. After he was done, he looked at himself in the mirror for a moment. He looked normal again. Izuku was still drained, both physically and mentally, but as long as he was breathing, that was good enough for him. (Okay, it wasn’t, but that was something he would have liked to believe.)
Izuku walked with Iida to homeroom class, with sleepiness hazing his mind. He tried to stay present and not get too lost in his head, since that was never the best thing. If he spaced out once, it would be hard not to space out again. So he focused on Iida’s calm tone, as he explained something about the chemistry homework they had last night. The chemistry homework that he had forgotten to do. A silent “fuck” was uttered under his breath and he frowned.
“Is something wrong, Midoriya?” Iida asked, noticing his friend’s frown and sour mood. Izuku shook his head and pulled a sheepish smile to his lips, rubbing his neck in an awkward manner.
“Yes, I’m okay. Just realized that I forgot to do the chem homework yesterday”, he said. Iida hummed in acknowledgment and after pondering for awhile he said:
“I can help you during our free period. I will not give you the answers straight away, because that would cheating and highly unrespectable.” Izuku smiled brightly at that.
“Ah, thank you, Iida-kun! It means a lot to me!” the green haired boy exclaimed with fist bump into the air. He was willing to work for it, and this was just good for him. Iida was good chemistry, while he wasn’t the worst, he wasn’t the best either. And the last chapter had been hard to understand. Probably because of all the lack of sleep was messing with him, his brain unhelpfully supplied. Shut up, he hissed in his head. Either way, he kind of has a tutor for the subject that he was struggling with recently and it was someone whom he genuinely liked, so he wasn’t about to complain. His steps felt a little lighter when the two of them walked to their homeroom.
Something that Izuku had definitely forgotten, was the nearly impossible battle against tiredness during classes. Aizawa-sensei’s voice was always calm, mono-tone but calm either way. It sounded a lot like a lullaby to him, especially on days like these. Izuku leaned forward and let his head fall heavily against the desk. It made quite a loud thud and he cried out quietly at the pain, slowly rubbing the spot on his forehead, that was sure to turn into a bump later during the day. But at least it woke him up. Then he flinched when he felt someone looking at him. Everything inside of him was screaming to run away and hide. He looked around carefully, moves stiff. Then he made eye contact with Aizawa-sensei. Izuku froze completely, staring back at his teacher. Then, his body also decided to betray him. He flinched. And it wasn’t a small flinch either, it was a full body one that definitely didn’t go unnoticed by his teacher, if him quirking his eyebrow at Izuku was anything to go by. Everyone else seemed to be completely unaware of the interaction and slowly Izuku forced himself to look away. He had not done anything wrong. He was fine. The class went on as Aizawa-sensei rolled back into his sleeping bag. Izuku exhaled out slowly. Maybe he was lucky enough that Aizawa-sensei wouldn’t say anything of that. After all, he had no reason to. His grades were suffering just a little bit and he hadn’t answered in classes as much. But that wasn’t enough for someone to just stay back and have a talk, right? Right?
Wrong. Izuku was very wrong and very dumb. Usually Izuku considered himself to be pretty smart and capable of great analysing skills and being reasonable, but at that moment, he self-proclaimed himself as one of the biggest dumb asses he has ever known. Of course his teacher would want to talk to him. Aizawa was no fool (unlike him cough cough), and he was as observant as ever. It was basically his job, to be able to observe others around and read the situation going on. If he wasn’t, then he wouldn’t be a very good hero. But seriously, he was sharper than other teachers. Or just maybe he had encountered very arrogant and careless teachers before that did not give a crap of his well-being. Thankfully the teachers at UA were sincerely interested in them and wanted the best for them.
The moment Izuku was ready to sprint out of the classroom to escape the talk with his teacher, Aizawa was faster.
“Midoriya, please stay behind. I have something to discuss with you”, the black haired hero said, while maintaining a steady eye contact. Dejectedly, Izuku nodded and sat down back onto his chair, while they waited for everyone else to leave. Uraraka sent a concerned look to him, but he just shook his head and gave a small smile, hoping that it would reassure her enough. She smiled back, a little hesitantly, but it was enough. After everyone was gone, the silence that settled over them felt suffocating. Izuku started to fiddle with his sleeves almost immediately, but flinched again, when he felt Aizawa-sensei’s eyes on him. He moved his hands behind his back, wringling with them behind his back. The silence was becoming a bit too much for him.
“Ah, you wanted to discuss something with me…?” He asked unsurely. Aizawa nodded and gestured him to come closer to him, since he was at the back of the class, still at his seat. Izuku walked over, but still left some space between them. For some reason, it felt safer that way. Aizawa narrowed his eyes, but said nothing of it. The man then sighed and asked:
“Problem child, what is going on?” Izuku knew that he would cut straight into the point, but still hadn’t prepared him for it. He flinched again.
“Nothing. Everything’s fine”, the boy answered lamely.
“Oh really? Then why do I hear from other teachers that you easily doze off or space out in classes and flinch without a good reason?” Aizawa pointed out. Izuku seriously wanted to rip his hair out. There was no escaping him. Aizawa was patient and had his way with words, right now, Izuku couldn’t say the same about himself. He was so tired that he could barely form proper excuses. Aizawa took in his silence and took that as his que to keep poking.
“So?” He asked. Did Izuku already mention that he wanted to cry? If not, he surely did. Izuku head was empty of excuses, yet his brain was working overtime trying to think of anything rational to say. He couldn’t exactly just spill the truth like that, since just no. He knew very well that it wasn’t shameful at all to sometimes to get like this, every hero went through it. Izuku just feared that if he now said something, Aizawa would be keeping a closer eye on him in the future and would most definitely notice that his anxiety levels were always a little too high to be considered normal. And that would lead to more talks, where he was asked more questions that he didn’t want to answer. And in the end, the truth would be forced out of him eventually. And then they would ask him to go to psychologist or therapist and then the therapist would say that he wasn’t capable of being a hero. So, he had to stop the spiral from even starting. Maybe he was thinking too far into the future and just went overboard, but he couldn’t exactly just say “stop” to his mind.
Aizawa was still patiently waiting for him to start talking. Izuku had been quiet for too long. The boy forced himself together and finally said:
“Okay… So maybe there is something going on… I’ll fix it though. It’s okay. Sorry for making you worry.” The pro-hero just looked at his student but Izuku forced himself not to break in front of his teacher.
“Fine. However, if you do not ‘fix it’, as you said, I will be talking to you again and then I won’t be waiting for answers”, the teacher said. Izuku nodded, bowed and with quick steps, he left classroom as quickly as he could, while trying not to make it too obvious that he really would have rather been anywhere else except there. Aizawa shook his head. The resident problem child continued to living up to his name. He would have to look after him a little more closely from now on. No matter how much Aizawa wanted to deny it, he was worried. Despite what others might believe, he did genuinely care for his class and would go to long lengths to keep his students safe and give the best for them. That didn’t always mean the most pleasant options, but if that was for the best, then he would do it.
Izuku rushed through the day, trying to redeem himself already. The quicker he got started, the better. He found himself to be pinching himself multiple times to keep himself awake and suppressing his frequent flinches. He somewhat made it through with okay results. But there was still the question that how on earth would he get his much needed sleep. If he didn’t fix it soon, then his school performance would start suffering even more,which would for sure get Aizawa onto his tail again. And soon his concealer and foundation wouldn’t be enough to cover his dark eye circles. They were already kind of reflecting from under there. Maybe he should google knockout points on a human’s body, he thought to himself as he did his Japanese homework.
He tried the one knock out point on his neck last night and wasn’t planning on trying it again. His neck was kind of hurting and he realized how uncontrolled the whole thing was. Izuku realized how dumb idea that had been, but honestly, at 2am almost any idea would seem pretty good. This was no exception. But he decided not to do it again, he didn’t exactly trust himself doing it again when he was sleep deprived and would probably manage to harm himself. Like what would he do if he accidentally paralyzed himself or broke his whole neck. Shudders shook his shoulders and he grimaced. Yeah, definitely not again.
By the end of the week, Izuku was seriously questioning that should he just go Recovery Girl and ask for some kind of sleeping pill or something that would help him sleep. And ask for some kind of relaxing methods. He was so done with the never stopping anxiety and the flinches it brought with it. It was only 1am and he got the brilliant idea of getting up and go to the dorm kitchens to make himself some tea. He couldn’t bring himself to care about the fact that the reason he never went to the kitchens or any common areas during the night was because he didn’t seriously want to be caught. He knew that a lot of students were getting caught that way, so he kept to himself in his room, no matter how suffocating it sometimes was. But now, he just wanted to drink some tea and sit on the kitchen chair and space out. There was a feeling in his stomach that kept telling him that this was the night that he was going to be busted. He didn’t care. Maybe he wanted to get busted.
Izuku stood next to the stove, watching the water to slowly start boiling.
“Problem child. Why are you up at 1am?” Aizawa’s voice came from right behind him. Izuku flinched hard, even though he was kind of expecting the teacher to come at some point, he didn’t expect him to come so soon. He placed his hand over his racing heart and swallowed with difficulty. His breath came out in small wheezy puffs.
“Making tea”, he murmured back, shoulders still tense as he felt Aizawa still looming over his much shorter figure. Aizawa hummed and moved back, giving him space. Izuku’s shoulders didn’t relax much but enough that they weren’t going to start cramping in the next 5 seconds. The silence is fine, he thought to himself as he moved around the kitchen, preparing his tea. After it was done, he slid to a kitchen chair, pulling his legs to his chest and leaned his chin onto his knees. The tea cup rested on the table, steaming and warming his cheeks. He slowly took a sip of the delicious tea.
“Why are you really awake, Midoriya? I doubt you just decided to wake up at 1am to brew some tea”, the teacher inquired with a quiet voice. Izuku smiled bitterly.
“Yeah, maybe not… Sleeping is hard”, he replied, his eyes still glued onto the steaming cup. Aizawa hummed, wordlessly urging him to continue talking. Now that the student was completely still, he had a chance to really look at him. As if realizing that he was being seen, Izuku shuddered, glancing at Aizawa. What caught the teacher a bit off-guard was the sight of the teen’s eye circles, which were surprisingly dark. He still thought that letting Izuku talk on his own was the best course of action, since he seemed a bit more relaxed than usual so he didn’t want to scare the boy into shutting him completely out.
“I can’t sleep. I haven’t been able to for awhile. Been too anxious. And because I’m not getting enough sleep, I’m getting more anxious and because I’m so anxious, I can’t fall asleep”, Izuku finally said numbly. Aizawa made a little “oh” sound. Made sense. Izuku was kind of caught in an endless circle. A nasty one at that, Aizawa himself had dealt with that one himself too so he couldn’t help the sympathetic pang in his chest.
“What’s making you anxious?” Aizawa finally decided to ask. Izuku heaved in a sharp breath. This was the part which made him the most nervous.
“A lot of things… At first it was just one thing and then it kind of hung onto everything. Now I just can’t relax. I can’t even sit completely still longer than 5 or 10 minutes”, he said quietly, looking away from his teacher.
“What happens if you won’t move?” The hero asked. He had his own suspicions, but still waited for Izuku’s reply.
“I flinch. So I try to fiddle with things as much as I can, but sometimes even that’s not enough”, Izuku said after a while. So he had been right.
“I’ve tried to relax and just sleep, but it’s not really happening. I’ve tried some really dumb things too… Like knocking myself out. And before you start lecturing me, I know, it was dumb, but in my defense it was like 2am… So like every dumb idea seems kinda good”, he continued rambling. It felt a bit relieving to be finally able to talk. But at the same time he was thinking that he really should shut up already. Aizawa rubbed his face with his hand.
“I’ll figure out something. For now, I’ll be more forging if I catch you sneaking out at night. Just… Keep trying to sleep, okay?” The tired man said to his student. Izuku nodded in agreement. Maybe he would be fine eventually.
“Oh. Why are you awake, Aizawa-sensei?” Izuku asked, slowly leaning a little more towards his teacher over the table.
It had been a few days since Aizawa and Izuku's little chat in the dorm kitchens at night. At first, Izuku wasn't able to even look at his teacher in the eyes and he was kind of freaked out. He had spilled. He had one win though! Aizawa hadn't asked what was the thing that at first had caused him anxiety. Although he was sure it was going to come at some point, since… It was Aizawa, okay? Aizawa just didn't forget to ask something or leave business unfinished. So he probably had some kind of motive why he didn't bring it up right away. Was he reading too much into it? Maybe luck was on his side just this once and Aizawa had forgotten about it and just wouldn't ever ask about it. Highly unlikely, but it never hurt to hope. He really wasn’t up for answering those questions, but he was afraid that he wouldn’t have a say in the matter. With his luck, he most likely didn’t. His grip on his pencil tightened again and he the inside of his cheek.
“Izuku! Stay after class”, Aizawa called out to him when the bell rang. Izuku nodded, but internally he was sighing and cursing the whole thing down to Hell. Uraraka and Iida stared at him for a moment and Izuku felt compelled to say with a small smile:
“I’ll catch up to you in lunch. Save me a seat.” Both smiled back in response, seemingly pleased with him answering and talking to them. That kind of made Izuku realize how quiet he had been and he was instantly hit with a wave of guilt. Of course they would forgive him, but he just felt bad. He had been more or less ignoring his friends and kept them in the dark about the whole ordeal. Then he stopped at that thought. He hadn’t told anyone of his struggles, Aizawa just had been there to press at the “correct timing”, unfortunately his friends hadn’t had the same luck as their teacher. He should tell them what has been going on but it felt bad. And he hasn’t even resolved the problem, he really didn’t want to worry her friends and make them think about his problems. It made him feel like a burden. He had to focus on something else, otherwise he would get sucked into that “I’m the worst possible person on this earth, I shouldn’t be here” -hole, which was never easy to get out of. He was getting slightly better with it, but it was never pleasant. Izuku zoned back in time, as Aizawa just repeated his name probably for the third time.
“Sorry… I got lost in thought. What did you want to talk about?” Izuku asked the teacher. It looked like Aizawa’s eye had twitched at that but it was gone as fast as it had appeared so Izuku blamed it on his lack of sleep.
“I've been thinking about this for awhile now... And I think you should try out a weight blanket, I'm pretty sure it would benefit you a lot”, the teacher said after a moment of silence. The first thought that went through Izuku’s head was “A what now?”, before he remembered reading about it in the internet some time ago.
“Ah, sure but uh… How so?” Izuku asked.
“There has been done some research on weight blankets. Because of it’s weight, it’s mimicking a therapeutic technique called deep pressure stimulation. So it’s good, since deep pressure makes the nervous system to calm down”, he explained. Izuku nodded and pondered his options.
“Can I google it really quickly now?” he asked, hands already sliding into his uniform pocket. Aizawa nodded and yawned. Looks like he wasn’t the only one losing sleep. Well… Aizawa always looked like he was constantly in need of sleep. Quickly Izuku googled everything he needed to. He took a deep breath and looked back to his teacher, who had at one point during his googling, went to his sleeping bad and lied down on the floor.
“I’ll take it”, Izuku said. Aizawa looked back up to him and nodded.
“It’ll probably come in a few days. I’ll give it to you in the dorms when it arrives”, he informed the nervous teen, who just nodded back, bowed and ran to the cafeteria to his friends.
Just like Aizawa said, the teacher waited one late evening for everyone slowly go to their own rooms and took a gentle hold of Izuku’s shoulder. Izuku jumped at the sudden contact and looked to his teacher. Then teacher pulled something from behind his back and handed the heavy packet to Izuku. Izuku looked at his teacher questioningly, until he remembered.
“Is this the…?” Izuku asked while slightly petting the packaging. Aizawa nodded. Without wasting any more time, Izuku and Aizawa went to his room and entered in. Izuku felt a little bit awkward having his teacher in his room, but he was too tired to start freaking out. He could leave that for tomorrow. He scrambled to his bed and ripped the packaging off of the heavy blanket. After little struggling, Aizawa took the packaging and opened it without any trouble. At that, Izuku did blush.
“Lay down, problem child”, the teacher said in a bored tone.
“What?” the boy asked in confusion.
“Just do it”, Aizawa hissed lowly. Izuku complied, but he was confused. If he had been any more awake, he would’ve probably figured out what was going on but he wasn’t. The stoic man set the blanket on top of him and kind of tucked him in. Izuku looked at his teacher in disbelief.
“We still need to consult Recovery Girl about taking up melatonin and you definitely should talk to your friend. And we still need to discuss about what got you so anxious in the first place. But for now, sleep”, the man said and stepped back. Izuku nodded sleepily. Aizawa got only to his room’s door, when Izuku called out to him again in a quiet voice:
“Aizawa-sensei.” Aizawa hummed as a reply, showing him that he was paying attention.
“Thank you for doing this… Thank you for worrying. Good night”, the teen said with a yawn. Aizawa took a deep breath and smiled lightly.
“Good night, problem child”, the man said back in a soft tone. If anyone asked, he would deny ever using a tone like that. The last thing Izuku remembered thinking was: “Thank you, you’re a good teacher and a hero, Dadzawa.”
#my hero academia#izuku midoriya#shouta aizawa#uraraka ochacho#tenya lida#dadzawa#platonic relationships#bnha deku#boku no academia#boku no hero imagines#boku no hero scenarios#my hero academia scenarios#my hero academia imagines#deku
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A Little Insomniac
Pairing: (Platonic!) Seo Changbin x Bang Chan. (Also Platonic! Stray Kids x Seo Changbin on the side.)
Genre: Fluff and angst. (It seems like I don’t write anything else.. xD)
Warnings: Not really? Some language..? Insomnia..
Summary: Changbin has never self-proclaimed himself as someone who suffers from insomnia. Sure, there were sometimes nights when he couldn’t fall asleep easily, but he always did in the end and successfully slept through the night. Until he didn’t.
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Changbin was tired. The comeback was so near and he felt drained. Of course making music was fun and all that jazz, but so was sleeping. He felt like he was a walking corpse and so were others, so he wasn’t a special snowflake. Then there were Chan and Jisung, who were on a entirely different scale of tiredness. They were exhausted, but somehow they kept going. They might have been more irritated than usual, but they still held onto their beautiful smiles and interacted with the members, helping them out and doing other activities. Of course, Changbin did too, but he felt like he just… Wouldn’t be able to keep it up much longer. He always looked forward to getting to his bed, when all the lights were off and the dorms were dark, tiptoeing to their rooms along with the rest of 3racha. Sometimes the morning sun was peeking it’s light through the window blinds and Changbin merely glared at the window then, always shutting the blinds more tighter. The sunlight just reminded him how little rest he was going to get and how unproductive he was (he wasn’t but that’s how he felt like).
Changbin collapsed onto his bunk bed, slightly shaking it but thankfully, Hyunjin wasn’t bothered, if the boy’s snoring was anything to go by. He whispered his good night to Jisung who just grumbled something similar in return, before falling asleep. Changbin just listened to the room, which was now filled with other people’s calm breathing. It was kind of creepy thinking about it, since he was actually just listening to people breathe when they slept, but Changbin really couldn’t do anything else. He also found comfort in it, it reminded him that he was never truly alone. While on some days he was annoyed by this fact, but during nights, he was just glad. It was kind of like unintentional ASMR. Changbin tiredly chuckled at himself, finally letting the sleep invade his mind and push everything else aside, and lay out its thick fog. The fog clouded his mind, he closed his eyes and before he knew it, he was pulled into the dreamland.
Changbin suddenly opened his eyes. His mind was messy from sleep and he had hard time grasping what was going on. He sat upright, hands shaking and he could feel his t-shirt sticking uncomfortably against his skin because of the sweat. He felt a little breathless and his heart was racing. Changbin put his hand over his heart, glancing down at his chest, even though he couldn’t see a thing in the darkness. As he realized that he couldn’t see, it set an alarm off in his head. He was going into panic mode and he needed to do something about this before it escalated. He felt around the bed for his phone and grasped it tightly, when he did. He started looking through his photo albums, where he knew that there was a gif that helped him breathe. It was literally like gif of a box inflating and deflating, back and forth and there was a text underneath that was timed with the box’s moves. It instructed him to breathe, kind of like copying the box’s movements. It usually helped when he wasn’t too panicked. Right now, he wasn’t and he started breathing more regularly. When his heart rate had slowed down and he felt calm, he just sat there, hunched over. What the hell was that? He didn’t remember having a nightmare that would have caused him to wake up. Now that he really thought about it, he couldn’t find a single reason that why did he wake up. He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face tiredly. He glanced at the clock on his phone. 4am. Changbin was so tired but so frustrated that he wanted to sleep and simultaneously scream. He settled for huffing loudly and more or less, slammed himself down onto the mattress that thankfully softened the impact. Not that Changbin actually cared at the moment. He just wanted to sleep. So he waited for sleep to come and take him again.
Changbin listened as Hyunjin’s alarm started ringing loudly in the otherwise quiet room. There were several groans and he could hear Jisung getting down from his bunk bed to go and slam Hyunjin’s alarm off before anyone else would go and smash the thing into tiny pieces. Changbin didn’t get up, he had no motivation or energy to face the day just yet, so he didn’t move. He had been going in and out of sleep most of the night, which annoyed him to no end. When the room started getting alive, only then did he force himself out of the bed. He climbed down and breathed deeply through his nose. He changed out of his pyjamas into a hoodie and sweats. Changbin could already feel the huge bedhead that he had from tossing and turning most of the night, but he wasn’t in the mood for dealing with it, so he just put on a beanie to cover it. Not that it really mattered, since all the members looked a little disheveled in the morning. Changbin didn’t really feel hungry, but still ate so nobody would get concerned over nothing. So what if he had one sleepless night? It’s not like he was a baby and couldn’t deal with it, so he didn’t see a reason to talk about it either. It was just one night, right? It was not like it was going to be a regular occurence.
The day went on it’s normal tracks, they practiced, 3racha worked on their songs and they ate. There were some messing around from the maknae line, but that was to be expected. As they had a 15 minute break from dancing, he slumped against the cold mirror of the practice room. Miroh was playing in the background, the members were sprawled across the floor and some were drinking water and conversing with each other. Changbin closed his eyes, it wouldn’t hurt anyone if he just rested his eyes a bit.
Someone shook Changbin’s shoulder gently and patted his cheek in attempt to wake him up. Changbin opened his heavy eyelids and came face to face with Chan. Chan was looking tired, but still fond.
“Come on, Bin. The break is over”, the leader said while still stroking his cheek. Changbin, still dazed, nodded tiredly but still leaned into Chan’s touch. He started falling asleep again because of the continuous movement against his cheek, but he was snapped back to reality when Chan moved his hand away. He whined at the loss of comfort, usually he wouldn’t have done it or even let Chan pet him like a dog, but he was sleep deprived so who could blame him. Although Chan was smiling, he could see the older’s eyes twinkling with worry.
“Are you okay?” Chan asked, bringing his hand back to Changbin, but this time feeling his forehead. When Changbin’s mind caught up on what Chan was doing, he lazily slapped the hand away.
“I’m not sick, hyung. I’m fine. Just a little tired”, he grumbled and forced himself to get up from the cold floor.
“If you say so”, Chan said, still keeping an eye on him. They continued dancing until they were done with the session. By that time, Changbin couldn’t even describe how he felt at that moment. He still went on with his day, joking around with others, although he was more quiet than usual. Nobody seemed to notice and if they did, they didn’t say anything. It wasn’t unheard of that sometimes each of them had trouble with sleeping sometimes, for some reason Chan still worried. Maybe it was him being just overprotective, but he did.
3racha were cooped up in the studio, still fixing some tracks and going through lyrics to see if there was anything to improve. Changbin busied himself with reading the lyrics and found himself nodding off once in a while. Jisung was pretty much in the same condition, it was quite hilarious to see how the younger’s head lolled side to side occasionally. If only he knew that he looked exactly the same. Chan just watched at the duo who were more or less coming in and out of sleep. He shook his head, but let them fall asleep. By the looks of it, they both needed it. Slowly but surely, the two younger ones did fall asleep.
Changbin jolted awake again, slamming his knee against the desk in the process. He hissed in pain and rubbed his knee with a wince. Chan had just been glancing at the two, just make sure that neither one of them were falling from their chairs or anything else. He had witnessed how Changbin had just jolted awake, from the peaceful sleep.
“Oh my God, Bin, are you okay?” he asked, moving quickly to the rapper’s side. Changbin just groaned in answer and rubbed his knee.
“Fuck, yeah, I’m fine”, he replied, hissing out the curse word.
“Was it a nightmare that woke you up? You just kind of… Jumped awake and looked distressed”, Chan continued, ignoring Chanbin’s cursing since he was clearly in pain.
“Might have been because I slammed my knee kinda hard against the damn table”, Changbin retorted dryly. Chan didn’t say anything and just waited for him to answer his other question. The silence was unbearable for Changbin and he finally answered:
“No… I don’t know what woke me up. I just did.” Chan frowned at the answer, he could see how bothered Changbin was over the matter, so he didn’t press it any further. Changbin was puzzled and concerned. This was the second time this had happened in a row. And it had happened right in front of Chan too, why on earth had Chan let him fall asleep? Then he remembered that Chan had no idea of what Changbin was going through, so of course, he had let him sleep. Well him and Jisung both. Jisung was still dead to the world, drooling onto the palm of his hand and the boy shifted slightly in his sleep. Even though his head was in an awkward angle, he still seemed to be very comfortable. Something that Changbin was envious of. He shook himself out his thoughts and went back to work. If anyone asked, they all had been working hard and definitely not sleeping and drooling all over the place.
The work day was finally over and 3racha finally actually came home in a humane time of the day.. Or late evening. They came back to the dorms at 9pm and the members had some mental peace, now knowing that the hard-working trio were going to get a proper sleep after a longer while. Changbin was still skeptical about his sleep though. While he was tired, yes, he wasn’t sure that would he be able to fall asleep or wake up again. As he climbed into his bunk bed, he googled reasons why did he wake up at night. Most suggested stress and anxiety. And they were the reasons that made the most sense, and he absolutely hated it. Why did he have to be an anxious person? He was still luckier than Felix, as he could hide his anxiousness easier and control it, but it sometimes it bothered him. And apparently affected his sleeping too, he added in his mind. His whole being felt heavy and he prayed that he could finally sleep like a normal human. His prayers, however, were not answered. Changbin wasn’t surprised at all as he woke up at 3am this time. After awhile of lying down and overthinking, he did fall asleep again, and thank goodness, he didn’t wake up again until Hyunjin’s loud ass alarm started ringing.
The week went on with similar pattern: he would work, eat, practice and after falling asleep, he would wake up in the middle of the night. He was starting to get desperate on what to do. He had tried to drink chamomile tea to calm his nerves, took melatonin and avoided looking at his phone before he went to sleep, but he always woke up in the darkness every night. Changbin started getting a little scared of falling asleep. It was dumb and childish, since the worst that could happen was that he would wake up during the night and wouldn’t fall asleep again or would continue going in and out of sleep. There was nothing to be afraid of, but he still did fear it. No matter how much he repeated to himself that it was irrational and dumb, he couldn’t really bring himself to believe the words when he actually did wake up. Other members had noticed how jumpy he was becoming and despite going to sleep fairly early, his dark circles didn’t lighten. If anything, they got darker.
It was Sunday night and he woke up again. This time he was drenched in sweat and in no time he had tears pooling in his eyes. He couldn’t hold it in anymore, so he broke down crying. He tried to stifle his sobs that shook his whole body and in distress, pulled at his hair. He silently sobbed until his eyes were dry and even blinking hurted. The tears had burned his already dry lips and he could feel how swollen his eyes were, yet he didn’t care. There was nobody to see him in this state anyway, he thought to himself as he leaned his head against his knees that he had pulled to this chest. He decided that he had enough of sitting in the dark room, being suffocated by his own thoughts and tiptoed to the bathroom in plans of blowing his nose and splash his face with some water. What he wasn’t expecting, was to hear someone walking towards the kitchen. He quickly tried to bactrack but slammed straight against a wall, hoping that the person, who was walking, hadn’t seen or heard him. Well, the last hope was completely crushed as he stumbled on something that made a loud clattering sound and the fact that him slamming against the wall also created quite a loud noise. He cursed under his breath and leaned his head against the wall.
“Hello? Who is in there?” The person, who revealed to be Chan, asked cautiously into the darkness. As he was debating that should he make a run for it and possibly run into walls (again) and create a big mess or try to wait it out, Chan had moved from his spot in the kitchen and was fumbling around, looking for a light switch. The lights were turned on suddenly and it blinded Changbin momentarily, he automatically brought his hands to his face to shield his poor eyes, which were already stinging from crying.
“Changbin?” the leader asked, confused. Why was Changbin awake at this hour of the night? He scanned the younger with his gaze, trying to find a reason why he was up and that’s when he saw Changbin’s chapped, dry lips and how the younger rapper was covering his eyes. Chan said his name again, this time getting his attention. Changbin looked up, locking eyes with the elder. Chan’s heart broke seeing Changbin’s bloodshot eyes and eyelids that were swollen, which just told him that the young man had been crying. He slowly made his way to the young rapper, putting his hand onto his shoulder in a calming manner. He didn’t say anything, just let Changbin lean against him and soak himself in comfort and warmth that his body emitted. He wrapped Changbin into his arms and rubbed the rapper’s tense back. Slowly but surely Changbin started relaxing and trusted Chan enough to hold his weight, when he melted against him.
“I haven’t been able to sleep well this week… I keep waking up in the middle of the night”, Changbin confessed quietly, words a little muffled as his face was pressed against Chan’s chest. Chan still understood and tightened his hold a little.
“Do you know why?” he asked carefully. All what he got back in response was a weak shake of the head and a low rumble:
“Well… I’ve googled stuff and the reason that made the most sense in my case would be anxiety. The comeback’s near and I’m a little worried.” He sighed and continued rubbing Changbin’s back.
“I’m not going to scold you, because I know how your mind works… But please, next time when things like these happen, you can come to me, to us. It’s okay Changbin, all of us struggle with sleeping one way or another at some point, we wouldn’t push you away or think that you’re annoying. We would be hypocrites”, Chan said, chuckling at the end his sentence. Changbin just hummed, showing that he had indeed heard him but was too tired to actually reply.
“What about… You come sleep with me and you wake me if you wake up. We can talk about what worries you and what’s going on inside that cute head of yours”, Chan suggested. Changbin found himself just nodding tiredly and together they staggered to Chan’s bed. They slipped under the covers without a fuss, and Changbin would never admit how eagerly he pressed himself against Chan again. Chan smiled broadly, but of course, Changbin couldn’t see it but somehow, he just knew that Chan was smiling like a doofus.
“Stop smiling like that or I’ll kick you off of the bed”, Changbin growled playfully. Chan held his laughter in and nodded, then wrapping himself around Changbin like a koala. Changbin took a deep breath and slowly relaxed again. Soon they both fell asleep. Even though Changbin woke up again later, this time because of a nightmare, Chan held him and reassured that everything was okay and that he was safe. And Changbin believed him. Now knowing that he had someone there for him if he woke up again, he went back into unconsciousness with a bit more ease.
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Crushes? What are those?
Pairing: Reader x Lee Felix (Stray Kids) Platonic
Genre: Fluff and angst
Warnings: Mild language…? I guess that’s all.
Summary: You’re just a normal student with normal student struggles and concerns. But was questioning your sexuality just a common student concern or just yours? Thankfully your best friend is there to help you out.
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Lately you’ve been feeling a bit stressed. School has been burning you out constantly and is definitely not showing any sings on stopping. All kinds of fun things kept pressing on you. (Note the sarcasm). It will pass, you reminded and huffed, gathering your stuff to go to the next class, even though you knew that the teacher’s lecture would fall to deaf ears and the scribbles on the chalkboard wouldn’t make any sense. At least you could pretend that they did.
The school bell rang, finally releasing you from that awful class that bore you to death. It was finally lunch time. You and your friendgroup quickly scrambled to the cafeteria, your jackets and backpacks hanging all over the place as you ran through the campus. Finally, you felt like you could breathe. A light smile tugged on your chapped lips as you thought that the school day would be over soon.
At the lunch table, you and your friends chatted on all kinds of stuff.
“Oh my god, did you see Jihoon? He’s so hot!” Your friend, Dahae squelead, while not so subtly pointing at the said boy. Jihoon was too busy to notice it though. You silently thanked Gods for that. You weren’t in the mood of looking at yout friend flailing her arms all over the place and embarras herself. Your other friend agreed Dahae’s nonsense with a giggle. Usually it would’ve brought an easy smile to your lips, but not today.
“What do you think, Y/N? Which one is hotter, Jihoon or Minjun? Namseon is crazy and thinks that Minjun is hotter”, Dahae said, while pointing at Namseon. You bit your lip and sighed.
“I…I don’t know… I really don’t think either of them are too attractive”, you said, shifting in your seat uncomfortably and kept your eyes on the tray in front of you. Dahae gasped and shoved you a bit.
“Why are you so picky? Honestly what’s wrong with you? I haven’t seen you crush on anyone in years!” She exclaimed. You flinched a bit. That one hit a sore spot. You felt all sorts of thoughts and emotions crash on you. ‘Is something wrong with me? Why haven’t I liked anyone? What is wrong with me’ you thought. After the insecurities and anxiety had had their turn of playing with you, anger seeped in. You clenched your fists and grinded your teeth.
“Why does it matter to you, who I like?” you seethed at Dahae. The girl flinched at your angry tone and stared at you.
“U-uh.. I was just wondering”, the girl said.
“Well don’t. It is not your business”, you snapped back. Namseon butted in:
“Why are you so angry all of a sudden? What’s wrong with you? You know she was just playing around.” You moved your fiery gaze onto her.
“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? Assuming things about my love life and then making it sound like there is somethig wrong with me! Like I’m abnormal! Who cares about boys or whatever! You two keep acting like mindless children with crushes and you ask me what is wrong with me!” you hissed. Namseon and Dahae stared you in surprise, but you weren’t able to feel sorry.
“Are you a lesbian?” Dahae blurted out dumbly. Something snapped inside you, tears started to flood into your eyes and making your field of vision blurry. Your whole body shook in anger.
“No! Why would you even ask that?” And with that, you stormed out of the cafeteria.
The rest of the school day, you didn’t neccesesarily avoid your friend, you just didn’t take them into your notice. You felt a bit sorry for blowing up on them so suddenly, but at the same time you didn’t. The 'what’s wrong with me’ -questions continued to bother you through out the rest of the school day. Lectures seemed to last longer and you felt like screaming. The more you thought about Dahae and Namseon’s words, the more you realized your differences between you and them. You hadn’t liked anyone in years. Not a girl, not a boy or even a soul for that matter. What was going on? The school day ended and you left the campus, without looking back. You were thanful that the weekened was finally starting.
You didn’t have any room to think about your friends really, not when your other friend finally had some time to spend with you. Lee Felix, your best friend, finally had a break in his busy schedule and was coming over to spend the weekend with you. Your heart jumped in delight in your chest, when you even thought of all the thing you could do together: catching up and talking about Stray Kids together, play some games and watch movies. To say that you were excited was an understatement. Little did you know, this night wasn’t going to be just all giggles and rainbows.
The doorbell rang and you jumped up from your bed. You dashed to the hallway, stumbling roughly. You had definitely gotten up way too quickly, now your vision was filled with black dots, ears ringing and head pounding. You had to lean on the wall in hopes of support, until the light headedness would ease enough for you to move again, without the risk of falling to your face or walking into a wall. After you regained your vision, you catiously went to open the door for your best friend. Your heart was fluttering in excitement. You threw the door open briskly, smiling brightly at Felix’s flustered self. After he recovered from the near heart attack experience, he too started to smile so beautifully and brightly that it could easily rival the sun’s brightness.
“Hey!!” you exclaimed, not waiting any longer and basically crashing into his arms. He wheezed a bit, but still wrapped his arms around you gladly. You both were smiling dumbly, but neither of you didn’t want to let go of each other. After some time, you did let go and walked into your apartment. Then you shifted your sparkling eyes to him:
“Tell me everything. How’s life treating you?” you asked. Felix smiled affectionally at you and ruffled your hair. You couldn’t bring yourself to even care, all what mattered now was that Felix was there with you. Talking with you, face to face. Interecting with you physically, not through the screen of your phone. You just smiled.
The night was finally arraving, the darkness settling in, but that didn’t bother you or Felix. Not in the slightest. You had helped Felix unpack and talking about how he was doing. He was happy to talk and vent a bit, now to someone who wasn’t part of the group and also wasn’t in the indrustry. You could think that he would prefer talking about these things with someone who was in the music indrustry. But not this time, it was refreshing to have someone giving him new viewpoints and just… Rant. Also, you just always understood. You were quite empathic, you didn’t need to be experiencing these things to know what Felix tried to express. You were quick to pick up on those little ques and quite frankly, you were an expert at reading people. And somehow, you knew your ways with words. In conclusion, you were easy to talk to. He couldn’t be more greatful.
But the air changed, when Felix asked about your life. You were tense, quickly reminded about the drama, that went down in the cafeteria. You sighed and leaned your face onto your knees.
“Is everything okay?” Felix asked, voice filled with concern and his usually smiley face was now frowning. You bit your lip, weighing and thinking of each option. Should you really bother Felix with this? You, yourself, didn’t know what was going on, so how were you supposed to explain anything. On the other hand, Felix might have an answer. But what if it was petty.
“I don’t know, Felix”, you said quietly, frustrated and desperate. Felix leaned closer to you on the sofa.
“I’ll listen and you vent. Then let’s try to find the problem and a possible solution for it”, he suggested. You swallowed thickly. You panicked a bit. You knew it was stupid to even panic about this, it was Felix for god’s sake! You have shared your weirdest 2am thoughts with him and talked about strangest topics possible and here you were, panicking about something stupid like this. It wasn’t supposed to be bothering at all!
Thankfully Felix had become good at reading you. He saw how you were becoming more and more panicked and distressed. He then decided to grab you gently and pull you to his lap, hugging you close to his chest, knowing that you felt safer when you were held. Your head started to clear up slowly, as you dipped your head so that your nose was pressed against Felix’s neck. You breathed his scent and held onto him.
“You’re okay, Y/N”, he whispered lowly, grip tightening on you. You nodded hastily against him and breathed out again. After some time, you finally pulled away. You looked at Felix with tired eyes. He held your hands tightly and nodded at you, encouraging you to talk.
“Lately… I’ve had these um… Weird thoughts”, you started, voice tired but your cheeks were getting pink. Felix took a notice of them, but didn’t point them out. He simply just waited for you to continue.
“I don’t know how to else to put it, but… I’m so confused about my sexuality. I haven’t liked anyone in years Felix! I haven’t even thought of anyone in that way! Well… More like in any way! I just know that I don’t mind the idea of being together with a girl, a boy or even a genderless person. But I don’t know! I could be just thinking about it like it now. As if I didn’t bother myself with those questions enough, my friends decided to… I don’t know trying to figure out and judging my love life out of nowhere… Well, more like the lack of it.
They started acting like I was abnormal for not having a crush or finding some people attractive. Then they basically said that there was something wrong with me! I exploded on them… All Dahae could say at the end of it all 'are you a lesbian?’ ”,you ranted, chest heaving up and down as tears gathered in your eyes and finally falling. Sobs started to escape your mouth as you cried. It felt so good to finally share your thoughts, but you were still confused and a bit mad at your friend for assuming stuff. You leaned your head against Felix’s chest and cried. He started rubbing your back comfortingly and started whispering sweet words of reassuarance and encouragment. He felt all kinds of emotions stirring inside of him. He was mad how insentive your friends had been and he was also worried. For how long had you been holding this all in?
After you calmed down enough, he started speaking softly to you:
“It’s okay to be confused, not to know. You have your whole life ahead of you and most definitely have time to figure this all out. And I can bet on my life, that you also have time to accept yourself and perhaps fall in love. You’ve got all the time in the world.” You sniffled and didn’t say anything for a moment. Just let yourself think.
“Am I gay?” The question just slipped before you could stop it.
“You might be. You shouldn’t take so much pressure of it though. Labeling yourself, I mean. These things will get resolved with time. Just let me know, when you do get a crush!” Felix said, smiling gently.You smiled tearfully and chuckled airily.
“When did you get so wise? I was supposed to be the wise one!” you laughed. Felix laughed as well and replied:
“I become extremely wise, when your brains stop working. Someone has to back the other up!” You jabbed him in the ribs. He groaned a bit and rubbed his side tenderly.
“No but seriously, I think we can both agree that we are both weird crackheads”, Felix said.
“We just have our moments too”, he continued. You smiled and nodded in agreement. When you two weren’t acting like idiots, you did know how to serious. That just made you two special.
“You should make up with Dahae and Namseon too, you know.”
“Shut up, dumbass. Just let me hug you in peace, thank you very much.”
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