bubbertub-blog - Tumblr blog

bubbertub-blog · 5 years

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Sad Brains

I'm so angry all the time.

I'm angry at traffic, I'm angry at crowded shopping centers, I'm angry at every utterance of political nonsense. I'm angry at my cat for screaming at 5 am. I'm angry at myself for procrastinating, I'm angry that I'm sad about it, I'm angry at myself for being so angry all the time.

I'm angry that I don't think I can fix it.

It's starting to really impact and scare the people I care about. It's starting to alienate me. I'm starting to genuinely hate myself and everyone else, and I don't see a way to steer back to normal, if I ever even was normal.

"Take a minute," they say. "Breathe and count to ten."

How is that supposed to impact my perception of life in any meaningful way? It doesn't make me any more rational. I always feel justified in my anger, and yet I recognize that it hurts people. It's as though in order to stop being a scary person, I have to bury my actual self in a pile of fake mannerisms and etiquette.

I'm starting to think that I'm some kind of a monster, and I don't really know what to do about it.

#anger #im angery #Scaredofmyself #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled writing #vent

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