Restless.

Some days I find myself unable to concentrate; never quite satisfied with anything I try to do.

I flip through the same three apps over and over, always finding that nothing has changed. I can’t watch anything because I can’t pay attention.

Whenever I get up to do something, my limbs feel as if they’re full of lead, pulling me back to stagnancy.

Five minutes have passed and its hours later; half a day goes by and it’s only been 30 minutes.

I’m restless, yet exhausted.

It’s this terrible mix of boredom and apathy that renders me absolutely useless.

me (doesnt trust any amount of kindness, cuts ppl off if they get too close, goes thru long periods of not talking to ppl): wtf why dont i have any friends

me (doesnt trust any amount of kindness, cuts ppl off if they get too close, goes thru long periods of not talking to ppl): wtf why dont i have any friends

It is 10:20 pm on some day in February. I have school tomrrow as well as mundane necessities to take care of. I’m high as a kite laying in my bed, my hair is at the awkward fuzzy length and I wear a beanie most of the time. I have been continuously eating excessive amounts of food and I have gained at least 6 pounds in the last week. I’m disgusted with my body and my impulsive tendencies toward food and self-isolation. I’m not talking to Nolan or Ryan anymore, but I don’t feel anything in spite of that. It’d almost be more preferable to grieve, but instead I am stuck waiting for a ludicrous result. Good thing I am high, because other wise this would never be published or made into a tangible thought. I hope I’m being coherent. I just want to be loved