Omg so me and cal just got detained by armed police because of our scumbag neighbour who is a massive chav... Loud mouthed, drug dealing, door slamming motherfucker... His roommate, the original occupant is a sweet autistic lad around our age just pulled into this dickhead's game. We have like weed, growing stuff, sexy clothes, books about crime and sex toys I'm sure they saw when they searched our flat - I thought we were gonna be arrested. They had guns and shields and everything, I felt like crying. They even checked me for weapons! It made me feel terrible for people who have been swatted because it was just like that. And I was hungover too because I drank nearly a whole bottle of lambrini before I fell asleep and got woke up by the police. I am so relieved it's over by we are probably going to get the flat we are viewing on Wednesday. We've had it with living here

I spoke to the leader of my club and everything is good there. I have been speaking to my mum too. She keeps trying to phone but like always I just don't feel like I am in the right mood or frame of mind to speak to her. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think it does. I will answer the next time she rings. It doesn't help that I have been having problems with my phone so some phone calls I went to answer and my phone screwed up. It just sounds so pathetic even if it is true. "Oh I've been having problems with my phone" ... I am working on fixing my lag and random app crashes but I'm not really sure how to at the moment.

But I'm doing well. I spoke to mum and J and I even spoke to my friend off the princes trust course the other day. And I went all the way to the next town over on my own today for an interview.

I went for a job interview today. It went really well and I've been really happy but I'm not sure how I feel right now because he's messaged me. My best friend who I haven't spoken to in over a year and he doesn't sound happy that I disappeared on him again. I spoke to the leader of my farmville club too who I always go like weeks without speaking to. What is wrong with me? I don't know why I do it. I know I've had a lot going on but that's no excuse. I have no reason why. what do I do?

Its Thursday today and my head is in serious danger of being fried. I am happy I believe, just worried about lots of different things. I'm hoping that by writing this I can feel a lot calmer and things will be clearer. I'll start from the most recent backwards.

I got a phone call last night from mum at nearly midnight. Great Grandad's funeral is on my birthday in a few weeks which is also a Thursday. Two weeks from now I believe. I badly want to go even if it's my birthday and especially since it's a Thursday but I don't know if we will be able to afford it. As usual. We are good for money for once at the moment but that doesn't mean we can go paying for train and bus tickets which will cost around £20 to travel there and with it being a Thursday and my 23rd birthday I will want a good few drinks after the service.

I saw gran and grandad briefly over Christmas and I really want to go up to see them, probably the day before my birthday and then sleep over and leave the evening of my birthday, getting dad to take us back. Assuming me can afford this I'll probably have to get a new funeral dress and work out train and bus times. Doesn't sound too hard right? Well it's not exactly the only important thing occuring at the moment.

As January carries on, so does the risk of our landlord starting court precidings to get us evicted. We are quickly running out of time here and there's only one flat we have found that's suitable so the race is on to get a viewing and sort the deposit out before it gets snapped up by someone else. We have to stay in the town we are in - much to my disappointment, so that flat going could ruin everything.

You see that's the other thing. We are starting up the business again - not just doing jobs on vans anymore but doing window cleaning and conservatory cleaning for people - that's where I come in. So the business is starting again and I'm gonna be doing cleaning jobs and hopefully sometimes help carpet vans or fit windows on them. It's going to take a while to set up but me, cal and his dad need to come up with a business plan so we can get a loan off the job centre.

I see the most important thing of this week and next to be getting a viewing of that flat and seeing who in the council can get us the deposit we need. But great Grandad's funeral is at the forefront of my mind since last night. I am excited to do the business plan but I need to priotise moving. I can't really plan the funeral before we get our benefits on the 20th as we won't know until then really how much money we have to work with.

However it gets increasingly more complex as I have a job interview and another possible interview at the same place as Callum. Once I change my email address on my McDonalds application I'll probably have an interview there as well as Callum. My interview is for subway in the next town over.

I think I need to just focus on moving house, then prepare for my subway interview. After payday I can see about getting to my hometown for the funeral.

Those are the main things. There's other little nit picky things like being worried my best friends haven't been talking to me and my mum being keen on making amends with my Aunty and nanny. And I can't get on a game I play daily so all my rewards are going down the pan.

Those things will go as they go. I can't control them. I don't want to mither the wonderful Dante or bother S. There's nothing I can do about farmville until they fix the update problem. And if mum fucks stuff up the only thing I can do is be there to comfort her.

I need to focus on moving, then prepare for the interview a few days beforehand. That's how I can do this.

Doctor Who - The Snowmen (2012)

Omg what is with Hollyoaks? This flash forward stuff looks like everyone is on drugs, someone gets killed and everyone is crying? Juliet loves Peri and someone gets married. Ollie is on drugs? Charlie is a dealer? Wtf.

It's Hollyoaks theory time again!

Diane's blood was just found at the loft and she made the mistake of telling Edward! But how did she get injured? I believe she was a witness and helped cover it up, did Joel and Diane get into a fight or something at the scene? I'm so glad Diane will be going to prison and Sylver gets out! Joel is protected too and Grace and Sylver can be together again. But will Edward ruin it and rescue Diane?

I mean Diane didn't do it but she was there and I don't like her. I love Joel and Sylver, they are my favourite characters that's why I don't want either of them going down for it. I want Joel to get away with it.

If I had a wish right now I'd wish for Callum's dad to be back. He went to visit his parents in Manchester but we need him. R is really upset about getting evicted and we are really struggling too. I thought my dad was gonna help us but it doesn't look like he is and we only have enough electric and food for a few days. We need him to come back today, oh god I'd give anything. It's nine days until our benefits come through and cal will have some work at the weekend which will help. But in the meantime we are screwed, again. How I wish my father in law was here

I've felt so bored since finding out they weren't giving me that job. I've not felt myself ever since. It's the closest I got to a job in over two years and there's hardly any jobs to apply for round here. I've done a lot of cleaning - started my Christmas shopping and been working out but I've been struggling to find much joy in it. Even thinking of what me and Callum might be getting for Christmas off our good friend doesn't quite cheer me up. I just want a job. This time I won't make the mistake of getting too attached. There's a warehouse job in town which is like my best hope. I just want a job. I just want to be earning money like Callum.

A lot is going on at the moment that it sometimes makes me sick.

I left my new job early the other day because I was sick on my final paid trial shift. I've stopped worrying about it now but I felt super bad before. I even met my new friend and boss's girlfriend and wow she's lovely and beautiful. I felt so nervous meeting her but she's lovely and pretty damn cute.

I'm a villain, a rebel by nature although hard working and caring. What if I screw this up without meaning to? I already love my job and I've not even properly started. And tomorrow me and cal have this appointment with citizens advice tomorrow which is super important and all I can think of it cute women like her and Miss C. I'm a rebel, a total Jezebel how can I have a job without trying to fuck someone or getting drunk at the bar after closing up the kitchen or smoking a joint before work? Or having a breakdown or breaking social taboos? I care too much about things like this and I have a huge fetish for playing around on the job if you know what I mean.

I have to feel confident this won't end in tears but wow so many beautiful women work with me, especially her. God I'm scared. I'm scared that the more I work there the more attached I'll get and therefore the more heartbroken I'll get when they fire me. I dunno

I've felt quite happy the last few days. We get money soon, and in about a week's time we have our appointment with citizens advice where they will help us get a new place. And the day after is Callum's birthday, his grandparents are coming to see us all. My mum and dad will probably be up around that time too and my mum has a quilt for our bed! We sleep with a lot of blankets, our heater doesn't work so sometimes I throw dressing gowns on top of me to keep warm and wear thick hoodies in bed. I have been wanting to get a nice furry blanket, big enough for the both of us and we won't have to have so many blankets and feel half frozen every night. The next few weeks are going to be quite good.

Now Callum has a job too, all he needs is a background check and then he can start, he'll start at the beginning of December. We will be okay for money though because we got a load of our bills reduced and we are holding off paying any rent until we know for sure we can get help with a deposit for a flat. I'm very concerned in case we have to pay our landlord more than we can afford. It would be the last time but we need all the money we can get this month. Family will help us out with it being Callum's birthday anyway so it won't feel like we owe anyone anything. He doesn't want anything other than enough money to have a huge ass cake. Can't say I blame him. I have no idea what to get him, I have a few days until payday to plan something though.

So the next three weeks are really gonna be something. Next week we get our money through, then we get to hear what the council will do to help us get a new flat, then it's Callum's birthday so we'll see everyone who will help us. Then we'll be moving into our new flat and decorating it for Christmas. I can't wait to have everyone we love around us. It's so comforting knowing we're not alone with all of this. Callum's nana doesn't know we are being evicted. His grandad does though... It seems so bad but to us it's anything but. We'll finally have money to eat. A flat where the fridge door isn't falling off, where the freezer isn't the size of an icebox and hopefully working heaters! I am scared but only because we don't have a place to move to yet. I don't know how any of this works apart from us needing a deposit. I've seen flats I like - one in particular actually but it's not a council flat I believe it's a private landlord so I don't know if they can help us. I just want us to move as soon as possible so we have some time to get our new place sorted before Christmas.

Its been a few hours since my last post and Callum has cheered up a lot now and we are both really happy about Callum's job. I do feel like deep in my heart that I'll get my job too. My heart is singing with hope and pride. Keeping busy like we have been too has made me happy. I do still think of the siblings often but I'm not speaking to them until I have some sort of plan.

Ever feel guilty for stuff when you shouldn't? Callum gave me a pie but he seemed so sad although he insisted I eat it all that I saved him some. I won't tell him that though, I'll say what I always say, that I was full.

I'm worried about him. He seems so miserable yet he's been offered a job! 3 nights a week in a care home. He seems sad that it's minimum wage but that doesn't appear to be the full story. Maybe it's just because he's been really busy and rushed off his feet but he should be delighted about this job and if anything it appears to have made him miserable.

I handed in my employee details form to the restaurant today. I saw some staff I didn't recognize and feared the worst... What if they are new and the restaurant just forgot to tell me I didn't get the job? I wish there was something I could do about Callum's misery but the only thing I can do is pray that if he doesn't like it at the care home, at least I might get the job that will make me happy. So then at least one of us can be happy.

Maybe it is a case of being careful what you wish for... I've been wishing that at least one of us will get a job, I should have specified it to be a job we like. Now Callum is unhappy and I feel kinda responsible.

I hope Callum comes round to this. It's a job! I won't have to feel guilty about daft things like food anymore coz we will have plenty for both of us. We can afford warmer bedding and to not always be running out of electric. Not having to worry about food and electric makes me so happy, but what if it comes at the expense of his happiness? I feel like this is the farm all over again.

Last year he was working at a farm but this was every day. But like the carehome the hours were long, and the care home is minimum wage unlike the farm which was quite well paid. What if he has another breakdown and we starve again? How do I prevent this?

Maybe he's right to be cautious.

Glitch in the matrix?

I just had a really weird glitch in the matrix. My sims game is in real time - I was on a different game for 15 minutes and when I return after these 15 minutes my sims are an hour more along in their tasks, but the time on my phone said it had been 15 minutes and my boyfriend had been cooking so I knew it had only been 15 minutes... So why are my sims who aren't due back from work yet back? And the restaurant repairs that should have taken another hour? Something similar happened the other week, when it glitched saying it was 6 hours before the actual time. But this time it actually felt like an hour but it had only been 15 minutes.

Is this a glitch in the matrix or just my sims being stupid? Scary.

I've been feeling quite good the last few days. On Friday I saw my parents and it was great. They helped us out too, so thanks to them and Callum's dad we have plenty of electric and some food. I still really want to see the food bank on Tuesday so we definitely have enough food until we get our benefits. I'm sick of starving, feeling hungry all the time.

My parents have even said we can come round Christmas day. I want to but I don't know about Callum. But we'll have a great dinner, company and get to see my brother and sister open their presents. I'll finally get to see my family. I could go and see gran and grandad for boxing Day.

Anyway I'm getting far too ahead of myself. Christmas doesn't matter yet - at least not as much as us moving and getting a job so we'll have money to eat well and treat those we love.

I had a trial shift at a restaurant on Thursday evening. Holy day. How wonderful when she said Thursday night! Everything there feels natural and pleasing, normally I would have unbearable nerves but it all felt natural. I felt like I did really well picking up everything quickly and I definitely made friends with my coworkers. Well hopefully my coworkers. I have been trying not to get too attached, too fond of the place but I am. I have a great chance for once, if I get this job we can afford to get people Christmas presents and get some new things for our new flat. We could do a new year's eve party to treat all our friends. They'll be hope that we don't have to borrow money all the time and I'll be working and enjoying it.

I'll find out in the next few days if I have the job. I would give anything in the world right now to have a job.

More Hollyoaks theory

It's Saturday 9th November and I don't know what to think of Joel. He said his lies were because he was planning to propose to Goldie but I'm not sure I believe that. Especially the end scene where something has happened to the ring. Seems very convenient.

Liam got arrested after trying to frame Sylver by planting his gun at his house. Much to my delight it backfired massively on him when Grace helped get rid of the gun, gave it back to Liam and he was caught with it. I seriously want Sylver and Grace to be a couple, she just saved him. I'm so happy Liam got arrested. I can't believe I felt sorry for him. I still don't think he did it but I'm so glad he will be temporarily behind bars after being caught stashing a gun. He's convinced it's Sylver even though it literally couldn't be as he's one of two people with an alibi. I'm so convinced it's Joel and so was Goldie. I reckon he made up this whole engagement thing, or even if it was real he's used it as a distraction. He gave Darren a lot of money, maybe he saw something and Joel's paying him off. Or maybe it is for the ring and Darren is none the wiser, but honestly? I think Darren knows.

Hollyoaks theory update

Joel is acting super shady and guilty. Diane seemed shocked upon finding out about Mercedes who is unresponsive and possibly has sepsis. She's in an induced coma. The shooter missed the first time then got her above the hip missing her vital organs - whoever did this is inexperienced with a firearm.

There's three of the suspects who can be ruled out. James, Slyver and Grace all have alibis. James was asleep on the sofa until like noon the next day and Grace and Sylver spent the night together.

I doubt it's Liam - it looks shady how he was burning clothes in the folley, I definitely need to know why he did that but I don't believe he killed her. Maybe he confronted her shortly before she got shot and got scared in case people thought it was him. He's hiding something but I'd like to rule him out.

Breda is acting sketchy but she is literally always sketchy. I technically can't rule her or Liam out but I really don't think it was them. Breda seemed shocked too when Mercedes was found. Liam and Grace didn't seem shocked but then they knew how many people wanted her dead. Joel didn't seem shocked either but he looked guilty. Grace and Liam were more just like they didn't care.

So I still believe it's either Diane or Joel, but as this all goes on I become more and more convinced that it's Joel. I'm going up to 70% sure it's Joel. 25% Diane, 5% Breda.