July 26, 2017

gago, all my instincts are right. well, let me just rant kay grabe im shookt, well sort of. Really raffy? Siya jud? Well okay lang. i may sound so bitter but hello you don’t deserved her and well vice versa. But it’s your life anyways, bahala namo unsa inyong buhaton. All my questions are now finally had its answers. Yes, you are cheating. Yes, you are that guy who texted her. Yes, you are lying to me all those times. Just wow! What did I do to reserve those kinds of treatments? Did I go too far to bring back what’s gone to or relationship? Well, siguro. Pero hello, I gave everything. I did all I can do for you. Screw you! Nangita pa jud kag lain. And sad, siya imong nakit-an. I don’t understand, what’s with her? Ulol. As what I said, bahala mo. But I know time will come, kung unsa inyng gbuhat sa akoa, mahitabo pud sa inyo. Karma is just around the corner. You’ve changed a lot raff, you’re not the same raffy I used to know when we are in highschool. Or mao jud nang tinood na ikaw. Lol! I wish you true happiness with her. less problem with what kind of relationship you had right now with her, kay kung basig dghag problema. Mag-iba imong trato sa iya, same sa imong gibuhat with me. I’m maybe a masochist but I wish pain with the two of you. I wish mafeel ninyo ang nafeel nako. Ang mafeel sa mga taong gipagpalit, ug gi cheat. I know, that day will come and I wish I am able to witness it. I don’t know how I feel right now, nasuko, nanlagot, happy, mixed emotion. Dili unta ko mag rant, but if dili nako ni himoon. Madala nako ni siya everyday, I will hold grudge. And dili ko gusto. So gina express nako ni. Plastic kaayo kong muingon kog bagay mong duha, wherein fact dili gyud. Seriously raff, siya jud imo ipuli sa ako? Wait! Tinud-anay ba na imoha? Because knowing you, grbe ka kajamingero. Ulol. Know you too well. Regrets are present with me now actually. Ngano giseryoso tika ug maayo and gave everything I could give. Ngano dugay kaayo ko nakamata sa reality na, hey dili jud ta pang forever. Hahaha! Shet ngano kron pa man. Dapat dugay nako naminaw sa akong mga friends, sa ilang mga advice. Well, bullshit. Wala nakoy mabuhat, nahitabo na. and these regrets will hunt me. Well wala man ko nagsisi na ngano wala tika gigukod after that, that’s the best thing and the right thing I did so far. Well, dili ko mag take ug revenge. Bahala mo. From now on I’ll make myself more better than I am now, I will take good care of myself, I’ll prepare for that day na magkita kita ta ninyo. And if that happens, who you jud. Hahaha! Well enjoy her company. And oh! Imake sure pud na ikaw lang jud isa ang naa sa iyang life ha? Like mother, like daughter baya. Kung kabit ang mama, mahimo pud ug kabit ang anak. Remember? Nahimo syag kabit sa atong relasyon. Ah sad. How does it feel mahimong kabit, and nahimong legal. Happy guro sya no? well, she should be…for now. because dili na magdugay. Muigo ang karma. Let’s just see

12am thoughts.....its you raff. Idk why, maybe because I just miss you ??? I guess so. I miss you, yes i do. I miss our memories, i miss your family, i just miss the good things happened to us. Just that. I cant help not to miss it. Of course, naging happy man pud ko while kita pa. Ambot lang pud sa imo if naging happy during kita pa. I wish you were. This is it, right? This is the last. It hurts a little. Sakit. Pero oy! Okay lang. We cant do anything about it. Wala na eh. Hinayaan mo lang akong umalis. So i guess it means na, okay lang jud sa imo na mawala ko. And again, it hurts. But then again, tama na. Im sorry. Im sorry for pushing it hard para mag work pa atong relasyon. Im sorry if karon pa ko nibuhi. Sorry if karon pa tika gi let go....dili sayon. But now, kailangan. Kailangan na kaayo. Kitang duha na ang nasakitan. Sobra na. I had enough. I already realized na dili jud ta meant for each other for now. Pero i hope, in the future pwede na. 😊 idk how to face you when times come na magkita ta. I hope makaya na nako. Naging part na ka nako raff. You became a part of me. And i know, you will always have a special place here ❤. Please, let me cope for this muna. You know this isnt easy to accept. I maybe think na "im already okay" "kaya na nko ka iface" "naka move-on nko", but i know pagmakita tika maka ingon kog mali ko. Hays. Ngano man lisod ka kalimtan. How i wish kaya tka baliwalaon sama sa imong gbuhat. But, i cant. Maybe because i love you that much. Idk what lies ahead, but i know kaya nato atubangon atong future. I just want you to know na... I miss you the old you. The old, innocent, funny, joker, adorable, cutie, gentlemen, understanding, kind, and chubby raffy. I miss you. The old you....💔 im sorry if makaingon ko na nagbag-o naka. Its just that, feel nako lahi naka. You're not the same raffy i know way back 4th year. Katong raffy na dili kaya himoon na mangatik sa akoa, na dili kaya mang cheat, raffy na dili manlibak. 💔 fuck. Above all, wala ko nagexpect na ikaw pa mang ing-ani sa akoa. Wala ko nag expect na ing-anion ko nimo. Deserve ba nko na ing-anion ko? Raff. Biskan daghan kog nahibal-an, wala kay nadungog sa akoa biskan isa. Gitago lang nko tanan raff. Gi dibdib lang nako tanan. But, dili na nako kaya. I feel sorry for myself. I feel sorry because gihayaan lang tika na madestroy ko. Im sorry raff, di na nako kaya ipaglaban ni. Im so tired. Sobra na. Tama na. I dont deserve this. Im sorry. I know, its for the better. Mas maging better ka pag wala ko, likewise. Im now letting you go... Yes, sakit. Pero wala nakoy mabuhat. Mas sakit kung sge kog hold on sa imo. When at the first place, you want to go na. Im sorry for holding on too long. You can go now. 😊 You can go now.

live life to the fullest, and stay positive. stop depending your happiness to anybody. 

March 24, 2017

My always and forever bestfriends. 

After we went to hilltop. Karl told Raffy to go to Jacksridge. At first we hesitated bcoz we thought may fee na bayaran if mag sulod but wala pala. But before we arrived to the place. We encounter some roads na very creepy (for me) bcoz of Karl and Raffy na very sungogan. But then, we still enjoy the ride kay nag soundtrip mi while on our way to Jacksridge. Sa entrance pa lang we noticed a lot of cars na nakapark and we conclude na dghan jug tao. And dghan jud diay 😂 Well, di na katingalahan na dghag tao bcoz the view also really really nice. And they have a lot of place to go. Like lil park na very limpyona pwede ka mulingkod. Tong veranda nila na pwede mag take ug pictures bcoz it was really so nice. In this place mi nag take a lot of pictures. It was really nice place if gsto kag peacefulness.

This day was so memorable for me. We attend laisa's 18th birthday party and we have fun to that party. After that we decided to have a roadtrip and we went first at hilltop (where that photo above was taken). From the first time i went to hilltop, i was rly mesmerized by stunning view and i told myself to go here everytime i have free time. And i planned to bring my barkada and show to them how beautiful, peaceful and very ig worthy the place is. Among all the pictures we took, this one is my favorite (in my solo pic) bcoz for me it was rly perfectly taken, the stunning city light the blurry effect, how i perfectly pose, how i love the placement of my hair. ❤

February 20,2017 🌠 Today, we stroll around the downtown. we went to malls anid we keep on finding a empty car park. like makalingaw sya hahahaha. wala mi plan if asa mi today. hntod nka decide mi na mag adto sa may vista view. and the view really mesmerized me 🌠✨ the city lights, the fresh air, the peacefulness of the place. it was perfect 💕 it was really a perfect place for someone like me.

feeling nostalgic w this song. makamiss. makamiss kong unsa mi sauna. kung unsa ka exciting tanan sauna. makamiss tanan tanan!💕 makamiss kung unsa ko kababaw sauna. makamiss na bskan magtinan-away lang mi. buo na akng araw. mag pansinanay lang mi. happy na kay ko. mupansin syag una, mag assume na ko. ang pag like niya sa akng profile picture, grabe mura nkog makuyapan. makamiss kung unsa ko ka inspired sauna na mumata ug sayo ug musulod tungod sa akng hope na basi naay #ganap sa amoang duha. makamiss ang mga sungog sungog sa among classmates. makamiss ang among mga kaboang sauna (lb) makamiss 💕😢😔 those little things means a lot to me right now. kafunny how fast things can change. and how fast those memories will fade. gamay na lang akong mga mahunahunaan. makamiss sobra. makamiss kung unsa mi ka walay buot sauna. hahahaha. kung unsa mi ka childish. makamiss na bata pa kay mi. wala pa kaayoy alam. wala pay problema. wala pay gna problema. MAKAMISS. KUNG PWEDE LANG JUD IBALIK TANAN. AND EXPERIENCE THOSE THINGS TWICE. I WOULD TAKE THAT CHANCE. I SWEAR, I WILL. I MISS HOW THINGS SO SOFT AND SO HAPPY. makamiss sobra. daghan nag gipangbag-o ang tanan. di na mi parehas sauna. and wala koy idea ing-ani diay. it hurts. but ofcourse, wala koy mabuhat but to accept bcoz i cannot bring up kng unsa man ang sauna. all i can do is to reminisce all the good and kilig moments of ours. to smile pag mahinomdoman tanan. those times tho 💕 actually, 2years na mi. wow. hahahaha. 2 long years. 2 long-full of away-challenges-ups-downs-happy-sad-angry-hungry-laag-overnight-tears-laughters-bv-green-full of everything. LIKE WOW! we started at the bottom and now we're here. started from crush2 and now we're here. how i miss everything before, raff. weve been a lot of challenges,a lot of heartbreaks (for me) Highschool love will always be the best 💕 we already changed a lot. but my love for u never change. eventhough u already hurt me a lot of times. my love for u won't change. u will always be my BABY BUS-OK, MY PIGGY, MY PENGUIN, BABOYPENGUIN, PIG, TABA, BABOY, DADA AND BIBI 💕 ILOVEYOU ALWAYS 💕

Hi! You know, this kind of night ang sarap mag reminisce. I can still remember all those sweet things before. Yung dati gung tayo. Yung walang pinoproblema. Yung inosenteng tayo. Especially nung gastart pa lang ta. Way back 4th year, dba? Crush tka ato. No process at all. Gnatry nko nga iconvert or iwala akng feelings sa imo. Mawala sya but mubalik. Kasi nga dba, true feelings never fade easily. I can still remember na ikapila ko nagtry nga iwala, abi nkog success but then pagmakita tka or naa ba tay interaction w each other mubalik akng feelings. Pila to ka months nga wala lang. I mean, yes! Continue lg ta for being classmates eventhough kabalo nka nga crush tka. Hmmm, it started lg tng hapit na ta mu graduate. Tng text2 nata na naabtan ug midnight. As in! Kilig kay ko ato swear! Gnatugnaw ko nga sgeg smile. Iba! Kasarap sa feeling oy. I can still remember tng u asked me about sa unsay type nko sa isa ka guy. And i was just describing you. Lol! Hahaha paraan din hahahaha btaw. Its u. And just then, nag start na tanan. U ask me if pwede ka manguyab. But i have second thoughts about it bcoz sa imng mga barkada. Dili lg gsto matulad sa akng brkda pd na napagtripan sa immg brkada. So, i told u na pwede iprove pa nmo na seryoso ka. And u never hesitated. G ka! My life that time was like a fairytale. U inserted effort kay always ko nmo gnasabayan ug uli. Naa pay time ato nga nag una tag uli kaysa sa lb nga pirte nilang tease sa atoa. Wow! Those times, maka miss. And I also remember na mag palikod ta then galawang hokage kay ka. Gikissan ko nmo sa cheeks. Hahaha ikaw ha! And then tng sa likod ta. Walay klase, kita2 lg to nila kulot. You kiss me in the lips. Ddto nabuo atng anak hahaha si pikachu, remember? Wow! Hahaha kakyut natin before bi oy. And then February 12,2015. Nagsabay ta ato sa motor, pagnaog nato i said yes. And sluggish ka pa nun. Nag ha? pa ka. Then again i said yes. And then nagka idea nka unsa akng pasabot. U were so happy that time, ngisi kaayo ka. Then we part ways, pa tle room ka nnyo then ako pd. And then jan nag start lahat hahahaha. Yung mga first's nato w each other. Sine moments hahaha ehem you know. First paila ila. First kiss. First hug. And the first valentine na naay naghatag ug bulak sa akoa surprisingly. Yiieee omg! Kakilig hahahaha natingala ko nawala ka ato then nakita namo na mo nga padulong na sa amoa. Naay gitara and flowers dala. Hahahaha and remember our first name for each other? Baby baktin and baby bus-ok. And then "dada" and "nami" yiiieee! Cutie. First major away nato kay katng nag greet ka kay R. And then sge kag sorry tapos ghatag nmo imng fb sa akoa. Cute kay ka sauna pag mag away ta. Sgeg sorry. Not like now. Ay hahaha kidding aside! I was so lucky you know. We both explore each others life and characters. Kaila na kay ka sa akoa, and ako pd sa imo. We may fight pero magka ayos japon ta. Tbh, I miss the old us :( how i miss na dili mag overthink. Yung kampante kay ko kay kabalo ko di na nmo makaya ug buhat sa akoa. Kampante kay ko kay kabalo ko love ko nmo. Dili naman gyd ing-ana kron bi :( im sorry. Maglisod kog salig kay di ko gsto masakitan npd ug usab. Di ko gsto mahitabo ang nahitabo sauna. Im afraid to experience it again bcoz grabe, sakit kaayo bi. Pls, dont do it again :( mao lg na akng gna ask from you. Just dont do it again. It will always be you, bi. Always you.

....

I dont know if i was just overthinking or its just dat u rly mean it. I can sense dat u dont want me to go for your family dinner. Bcoz if u want to, you'll gonna cheer me up about going there. But basically, based on your texts you dont want me to go. Haha! I was surprised when your mom texted me diz afternoon inviting me to hab dinner tomorrow night at 7pm. And I was happy to tell u about day text. But when i read your reply about dat, i was disappointed (at some point) bcoz after i read dat reply i already knew that u dont want me to go :( okay haha.

23rd of December

Day and hours to go, christmas na. I was so excited before but now that christmas is 1day and an hour ahead. The feeling of excitedness turns into a little bit slighty sad. Hehe dunno y, but I just cant feel it. But! Im trying to be positive and im trying to cheer myself up so dat I cannot feel any sadness in christmas day. Its a special day for all of us. Its the day where people rly rejoices and ppl r so friendly. Maka happy! The traditional way of Pilipino christmas. I missed :( way back, when i was a child we used to hab ouvr christmas party, exchanging gifts, salo salo w our family, relatives, and neighborhoods. But its all diff now :( we dont hab no christmas party anymore and we celebrated christmas w/o interacting w our neighborhood anymore. How i miss our tradition. How i missed being a child celebrating christmas in a simple way. W/o any thoughts :( 3