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I am the Rock Crab fear me
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no offense but the soft uncertain kiss followed by a pause where the people look each other in the eyes and then fucking pull eachother back into a more passionate kiss will always be the most soul destroying trope , catch me lying on the fucking ground sobbing and rewatching The Scene™✌🏼✌🏼✌🏼
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People who are younger than you but taller
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if the gay character of a show looks like this its probably a really bad show
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this one time I ran a red light on mistake and I didn’t notice it was red until it was too late so I just ran the light screeching like an angry pterodactyl the entire time
a cop was at the intersection so he pulled me over and when he came up to my window he was wheezing cause he was laughing so hard and he said
“ok so i know you ran a red light and that’s really bad and you should never do it again but i’m not gonna give you a ticket cause that was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen and my partner can’t get out of the car cause he’s laughing so hard he’s about to pee himself”
i forgot that i’d had my window open when i ran the red light and the cop told me that all he heard from my car was this really high-pitched “screeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
and that’s how i got out of getting a ticket for running a red light
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me getting pulled over in the city: what seems to be the problem officer
cop: one of your tail lights was blinking
me: you mean my turn signal?
cop: what the fuck is that
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psa: if you’re learning a language on Duolingo you can use it for your resumé on Linkedin, it now gives you a certificate of fluency at different levels depending on how advanced you are in your lessons
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*goes to an art museum* *all the exhibits are gone except one little pedestal marked “the best thing ever”* *it has this on it:
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