02/01/20

everyday we get a little closer and i’m worried this might turn out to be serious. i think about you sometimes when i shouldn’t. we’re real good friends, s’all, i know that. but you talk to syd about me and thats real sus. sorry i’m a recluse. maybe i will watch euphoria despite your warning not to. 

meanwhile, the new year has started without gigi. we were so close to being friends again. you had to ruin it. you had to go off the rails and not tell me. fuck you. i know who my real friends are. 

31/12/19

gigis pregnant. woopty-fucking-do. like i care about how, or why, or whatever the fuck. i just thought we were on the same level. we were really vibing and she didn’t even wanna tell me? i had to fucking find out from seeing her? and even then she didn’t say anything. now she’s telling me its all whatever and she wasn’t hiding anything. you’re obviously playing with me. 

fuck youuu. you’re suddenly all up in dms for what? feel like you only became friends with me again because you’re going to ask me for some bullshit. she acts like this is all inconsequential but its a pretty big deal. 

29/12/19

oh gigi - what comfort our conversations bring. its almost like we’re friends again. everything we went through is inconsequential. i almost feel like myself again. some people are meant to be in your life, i think, and she feels right.

louis has been drifting in and out, too, which feels out of place but he’s grown into himself in such a way that it feels different. its good. its almost like the stability that held my life together for so long is coming back to me.

i tend to shed friends like reptiles shed their skin. its an inevitability. i hope boredom doesn’t end this soiree into the past. 

sometimes i have to stop myself from literally begging people to understand me lol