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First attempt at setting up hydroponics grow kits reusing styrofoams (so far seems to be) succeeded. These baby cabbages are growing so fast, I can’t wait to hand them to my mum as a surprise! 🤗🌱
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“A Good Zombie”
Sounds weird doesn’t it? What is it about zombies? Is this girl trying to write about any movie she watched? Or maybe zombie apocalypse survival plans? Or maybe her nightmare of meeting a bunch of zombies? Haha unfortunately no. You will find out soon though. :P
This is the last few days of Ramadan 2020. First of all I want to say “Ramadan Kareem” for everyone! I hope it has been wonderful for you all. I’m honestly not really good at writing stories online. Whenever I want to start writing, I usually have so much on my mind and get too excited until I take forever to start! Haha. I guess this happens likely to many people right hehe. But yeah I just want to share a bit of my spiritual journey that I have recently experienced, that means so much to me and I want to read this again in the future to be a reminder for myself.
I was in grief for a few weeks before Ramadan started. I felt like my heart was sinking into a very dark sea and I found it hard to wake up and breathe normally. I couldn’t really tell the reason behind that grief but it’s one of the most difficult times in my life. I felt like I was so mean and started to lost people that I love. I lost my appetite and I even lost my confidence to zero. During that time, I really thought my life was only going worse and worse. For the first time in my life, I felt really bad about myself, I felt like I didn’t deserve anything because I wasn’t worthy. They described to me how bad I was as a person that I made their life unhappy. This was the first time I felt really sad and felt hurt and blamed myself a lot. I kept thinking about it all day and all night.
“I am so mean and bad”.
Being told that you are the reason that someone's life is ruined or unhappy is the very last thing you would want to hear from people you love or care the most, trust me. It was so painful. My family and close friends didn’t know I was sad as I kept hiding it very well but they knew something wrong was going on with me. Yes I hid it from them because I didn’t want to cause any more life unhappy.
Enough with the sad stories! Let’s move on to the brighter side.
And then Ramadan started, initially I thought like “Yeah, just another Ramadan. Fasting and praying” until I heard my Mum reciting the Quran. My heart started to feel a lot calmer when I was listening to her. So I always tried to sit closer to her or just come to her room. Then for some reason, I started to open my Quran too. When I was about to finish reciting the first juz or chapter (the Arabic) I suddenly thought to read the translation and meanings in detail as well.
Day by day went by and I became more and more curious and attached to the Quran. I started to literally google everything, read a lot of the Quran explanations, literatures and watch many Islamic videos on YouTube. I approached many people who know it well too.
Things changed to be a lot clearer and better since I started to take “The Guidance” seriously. I was thinking, would Allah forgive me after all I’ve done? I committed so many sins. Especially since I went abroad and lived by myself for years. Nobody reminded and protected me from the bads. I lived quite freely. I didn’t pray nor fast regularly too. I really did so many bad things. All those sins turned to make me a very bad person personally too. I got annoyed easily, whined a lot, I tended to be so selfish, childish, and didn’t care about other people’s feelings enough. I cried a lot when I realised this.
I was so far from Him, really far and it was all my fault, I was the one who left Him for a while. I even was completely sober when I did those bad things and I knew that they were sinful acts but I still did them without considering the bad impacts for myself that would happen eventually like a boomerang. Yes, I didn’t protect my dignity, my heart, my body, myself and my life well enough. How could I be that brave to disrespect Allah? He was there and watching me. Why on earth did I still do that? Who gave me life? Who gave me family? Why was I not grateful enough? Why was I so arrogant to Him? Hey girl, Allah doesn’t need you, but you need Him!
And then I reflected and looked at myself a lot in this Ramadan. My heart was full of shame. I feel so embarrassed. I regret a lot and I really wish I could turn back time and change everything that was wrong. But I have repented to Him now and will try my best to be a good person, Bismillah Insha Allah.
I feel more alive, happy, and my heart feels really peaceful after getting closer to Him again and trying to understand the messages in The Quran. The Quran is the words of God, it is there to guide humans to be on the right path. It is not only about personal matters but also mentions ethical life, civilised life, morality. Allah is very kind to us, He warns us to be careful that some things are bad, are sins and we shall avoid doing that in order to protect ourselves, either for health reasons, morality, society etc. They are all reasonable, and it is for our own good.
Now I feel like waking up from a death. By death I mean the old me, my old life. I am a newborn zombie but not a bad one that’s going to eat human’s heart as in hurting people’s feelings again. That’s why the title is “A Good Zombie”, a zombie that wakes up and does righteous and good deeds, a zombie that is kind to people and makes them happy, a zombie that shares to others, a zombie that always smiles and is grateful to Allah! I will try my best to be a good zombie. For those who ever described bad things about me, yes I really was a bad person and thank you! Thank you for helping me realise and get back to Allah now and try to be a better me. The grief eventually turned into a great blessing that I’m now grateful for. Nothing I want more in this world now than truly being a good person for myself and for the world. Jazakallah Khayr!
And for anyone who is reading this, no one is perfect and I sincerely apologise for any mistake I ever made to you. I mean it!
مَا ٱلتَّوْبَةُ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ لِلَّذِينَ يَعْمَلُونَ ٱلسُّوٓءَ بِجَهَٰلَةٍ ثُمَّ يَتُوبُونَ مِن قَرِيبٍ فَأُو۟لَٰٓئِكَ يَتُوبُ ٱللَّهُ عَلَيْهِمْ ۗ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمًا
(Innamat-taubatu 'alallāhi lillażīna ya'malụnas-sū`a bijahālatin ṡumma yatụbụna ming qarībin fa ulā`ika yatụbullāhu 'alaihim, wa kānallāhu 'alīman ḥakīmā)
“Allah accept the repentance of those who do evil and repent soon afterwards; to them will Allah turn in mercy: for Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom.” - QS An-Nisa 17
Ramadan is like a special guest that comes once in every year and this year is the most memorable one for me. Thank you for coming. I’m sad you are leaving soon but hopefully we can meet again next year! :)
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Speak for those who have no voice. Spread love, support their welfare and #stopanimalcruelty! 🐾
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Nothing is more relaxing than drinking this healthy mix juice after morning workout! 💦Have a nice day everyone ❤️
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Listening to Breakfast in Bed by Mayer Hawthorne
– Preview it on Path.
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Best homemade toast with two favourite veggies on top 🥑 🍅 🍞
Just fyi, ½ avocado contains 161 calories but chill! They’re good fats so will absolutely help you boost your energy for the whole day 🥑 and also cooked vegetables aren’t always a bad idea considering the fact that cooked tomatoes produces more lycopene which works effectively to slow down cancerous cells 🍅💯 hence don’t worry to cook or bake your fresh veggies they’ll still make many benefits so go ahead and cook them out for a better taste (ikr it’s undeniable that some of raw veggies may taste bitter and yuck) 😅
You’re welcome.
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A year ago today, the world was reminded of how disgusting zoos can be. Stuck in captivity, Harambe was shot and killed for being a gorilla. When a good friend of us just wanted to bond with the child but instead they killed him. Sigh :( RIP Harambe ❤️
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Hey soul sister 🎀 thanks for always being there when I need ya most. Met 7 years ago but always feels like been together since we were born lol we literally have so much in common (ok it's not surprising anymore since we share the exact same birthdate) I miss you xxx @tanskinbrowneyes
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When aunty Bel meets her niece Niel. Happy aunty is happy 😊 I love you
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