i have not ruined myself. i am not unloveable. i have lived so much life, more than i have known what to do with, and yet, i am still here. i am still here and i get to live another day! it is not too late for me!! i do not have to be the same person i was four years ago, or one year ago, or a month ago, maybe even day ago. i can change!!! i can be who i want to be. i can live a life that is worth living. there is hope for someone like me. i am allowed to control my own life and live the way i deserve to!! i do not owe my past self anything. i do not owe myself the suffering i desire!