CD 25

I have a new job!!! I start in four weeks and it’s going to be so amazing!

We have to put baby making on hold for the next few months as I think that I have to be there 12 months before I get maternity leave? But that’s okay, cos we can just reset and breathe a little bit. Oh my gosh!!!

CD 9

Back from holiday and still this week off, so thankful I planned it out that way.

I also got the excellent news that I have a job interview next Tuesday!! I am crossing my fingers and my toes. This new job would be amazing and less stressful. The only thing that could be a hiccup is if they don’t offer maternity leave until 12 months of employment. If it’s 6 months, that would be amazing. And if it’s 12, then we just have to take some time out and wait a little bit to try conceive again. I guess we will wait and see. Eeeep!!

thank you, opportunity 

CD 5

J and I are on holiday and it’s the first time we have left our dog any longer than a day of work. I haven’t stayed anywhere overnight without him. I miss him so much.

We are having such a great time away. It’s been healing and fun and I’ve snoozed a lot. My heart is happy.

When we talk about being fat-positive and we say, “weight is not an indication of health,” I will reblog it. But I want us to also say, “health is not an indication of value.”

I could be at any weight and I will never be healthy, because I am chronically ill. Someone might be chronically ill and fat, or they might be chronically ill and not fat, and it really doesn’t matter.

When you make it about health, you’re saying health is the pinnacle of human achievement, and you’re shitting on those of us for whom health will always be a pipe dream.

I needed this.

CD 1

I’m heartbroken. I so thought this was our month. I’m absolutely shattered.

I’m drinking so hard on our holiday and having all the motherfucking coffee. 🥺

CD 30

My veins are bananas today, they are all showing on my palms, on my knuckles, on my chest, on my boobs, pretty much all over my upper body. My boobs are still quite sore and tender around the middle. My skin is also really nice still? I don’t know if it’s from my new amazing skincare or just not getting my period.

I’m going to test tomorrow morning because I feel like it could be positive? What if it was?! What would I even do?! I just DON’T know.

I guess I will just wait and seeeeeeeeeeee.

CD 29 - 9dpo

Home sick today with a sore head/sick feeling.

My boobs are still vein-y but not as sore and heavy as they were feeling the other day, and I threw up a little bit in the shower this evening, but that might have been migraine related? I do feel like I’m peeing all the time too. It such a mind fuck.

I’m really teary thinking about if I’m not pregnant. I took a test yesterday afternoon and I knew it was going to be a negative, and it was. I took another one this afternoon and it was also negative. I’m going to chalk it up to being too early/urine not concentrated enough. My cramps have stopped and today I had kinda thick/wet/stringy/milky cm. Hopefully that’s a thing? I’ll test tomorrow morning with fmu and then I won’t again until Sunday morning.

I want this so badly and this cycle feels like it could be happening.

CD 26

I just want to know if I’m pregnant.

My boobs have been a bit more sore, and I think they are getting darker veins on them?

4 more days until I can test.

Please, please be positive. Please.

CD 23

I went to the doctors today for my three monthly appointment for my medications.

He’s so excited for us to be pregnant one day. When I left he said that whenever I have an appointment he hopes that it’s because I have got a positive pregnancy test. Bless him.

I am trying hard not to symptom spot. I didn’t last month coz I knew there wasn’t a chance of me being pregnant but it’s so freaky how hard your mind listens to your body when you want something so very badly.

It’s been a week since my positive opk and I can test on 1 March. And if it’s negative, then we will try again.

CD 19

Positive opk and pineapple. What a good weekend.

Gosh, I hope that this cycle works for us. I will be able to test on our second wedding anniversary and we will also be away on holiday. It would just be so perfect.

I picked out a colour to finish painting the crib I bought in April 2017. I bought it secondhand as I don’t want to buy too many new things for our one day baby. I can’t believe that it was so long ago that I bought it, I thought that it would have held a baby in it by now. However, we are coming into our fertile period and I am praying and praying that it is finally our month.

A text conversation between my husband and I. Bless his wee heart. He’s such a darling.

Finally some good news for us regarding fertility!!

I think we were both so excited and it could be more than just chance not getting pregnant, but it’s a step in the right direction!!!

The doctors still think I’m sometimes not ovulating, so I’m going to try and get better with my temping to track it properly. Fingers crossed for February!!

Rock-a-bye red panda baby. (via gunmazoo)

CD 15

I dropped J’s SA off to the lab today and I think that we’re getting the results tomorrow.

We move in 3 days to our new house! I cannot wait for this move to be over. It’s been so stressful and I had a massive cry on Sunday cos I’m just done!

Bring. On. Friday.

If there’s anything worth living for, it’s kittens trying to imitate their moms.