Another round of asoiaf "prettycourse", another round of people ignoring Arya's self-esteem issues and how it relates to her arc because their enjoyment of the series hinges on an 11-year-old being considered ugly.

Her mother used to say she would be pretty if she wash and brush her hair and take more care with her dress, the way her sister did

ADWD, THE BLIND GIRL

This is exactly the backhanded compliment that parents should never use with their children. Parents should consider their kids beautiful and tell them so unconditionally, not only when they meet some specific criteria of theirs.

In context it makes sense that Arya has a low self esteem and doesn't consider herself beautiful since her own mother never told her so. Right before this quote she mentions that the only people who called her pretty were her father ( the other parent who also should unconditionally consider beautiful - and thankfully Ned did so) and ometimes Jon,too (her brother, not obligated to act as a parent should but he did a better job than her mother on this matter).

Also, parents shouldn't compare children to their siblings. Especially not when they try to teach their kids how to improve on something. It only creates more hostility between siblings and develops antagonism between them. On this aspect Catelyn isn't only failing Arya (who is the person mostly affected by that comment) but Sansa, too.

In Arya's case, after that comment she can only feel lesser than her "perfect" sister. There is no child who is perfect. Sansa and Arya, like any other kid, have both stregths and weaknesses. However, when Catelyn is highlighting the things Sansa is succeeding to make Arya improve this only serves to reinforce to Arya that Sansa has achieved perfection to her mother's eyes and since she's not like her sister (because different people, different skills) she will always be a failure. It makes her self worth to drop and makes her jealous of her sister who get their mother's approval.

In Sansa's case, if she is also present when those backhanded compliments are given to Arya then it reinforces to her that she's superior to her sister(because she's successful where her sister fails). This isn't a good lesson for a kid because instead of learning about acceptance of people who have different skills, she is taught that only her own skills matter and that she's superior to others (and not just any other, her own sister). It doesn't help their sibling bond if she starts considering her sister inferior to her.

Even in case she's not present when Catelyn gives these comments to Arya and she's spared the above ( wrong ) lesson, she's still affected by it. Because her sister will be jealous of her supposed superiority ( according to their mother) and be hostile towards her. Her mother's comments isn't something she can control but still will affect her relationship with her sister, in any case.

Arya and Sansa’s relationship is only normal if your older sister’s boyfriend tried to murder you and got your friend killed and she decided it was all your fault because she thinks you exist to ruin her life lmao

Like it’s so dumb that the Stark girls’ tense relationship is reduced to Sansa calling Arya ugly and not a single mention of the Trident incident and all the moments afterwards. That’s where the actual complication comes in! And it’s in Sansa’s very first chapter no less!

Sansa disregarding Joffrey’s violence towards Arya because she’s predisposed to think of her little sister as a lesser person who deserved his wrath is an important part of the plot, babes. Her being able to ignore Arya’s pain is quite literally why she still thinks of Joffrey as her sweet prince right up until her dad’s head got chopped

Why are we asked to not comprehend both girls’ chapters just because it makes your fave look bad 😭

Who are you?

What Arya fans say: Arya is canonically pretty ( with various characters confirming it)

What some people hear: Arya is the prettiest ever/ She's gonna be far more beautiful than Sansa/ Instagram model material/ We no longer care about Arya's personality since we commented on her appearance.

Why are some of you so threatened by Arya fans stating something that's canon in the books?

Our Blades Are Sharp

"Quiet," she told them, putting an arm around Weasel when the little girl came running up.

reunion?

i heavily dislike when people depict arya hitting gendry in anger when they are reunited with eachother, other than feeding into the feral(she's too far gone)!arya headcanon that this fandom loves, it does not makes sense at all, from the end of agot we can see that arya is developing abandonment issues, that they get stronger and stronger during acok and lastly asos, that's why when gendry takes the decision to stay with the bwb and make a living out of it, arya is not mad, (sure she lashes out in telling gendry that it does not matter to her if he gets hanged due to now being an outlaw) but that is her hurt feelings speaking, she's is deeply hurt that another person she considered a close friend is choosing to leave her, this ties with arya's class blindness but i digress, and it's deeply connected to arya's low self-esteem issues, her thinking how she's not good enough for people to actually want her in their life. and that's one of the saddest things about gendrya misunderstanding eachother, we know how much arya's kidnapping affected gendry, how much he has changed, and the brotherhood too, he's doing things that arya would have done/wanted (taking care of orphans) and (meeting her mother and working under her house) when he wasn't sure about them in the first place, he joined the brotherhood because he witnessed them holding a fair trail and most importantly the bwb wanted to help the smallfolk caught in a war-torn country, and he's actually class counscious, gendry knows that his friendship with a northern princess will never be accepted, and all around them indicates that their friendship has run it's course (nevermind they were literally getting jealous about eachother) and exactly at the other side we have arya thinking how everything it's her own fault, and she thinks herself stupid for even have trusted gendry and hotpie when it was clear that they never wanted her as a friend in the first place... so with all of this context in the background: why would arya be mad and hit gendry when they finally meet again? i'm not saying that i want them to be the bestest of friends when they see eachother again, they clearly have issues to work on, and honestly i don't see arya considering gendry as trustworthy from the get go like they once were, but after sometime in eachothers company again, i can see them sharing a hug

"Lord Stark asked for his sisters and his father's sword as well," Ser Cleos reminded him. "As you say. And his sisters?" Tyrion glanced toward Sansa, and felt a stab of pity as he said, "Until such time as he frees my brother Jaime, unharmed, they shall remain here as hostages. How well they are treated depends on him." And if the gods are good, Bywater will find Arya alive, before Robb learns she's gone missing. (Tyrion, ACOK)

on my last reread this really stuck out to me. at the end of agot sansa "forgets" to ask what happened to arya. when she hears the crown demand arya present herself (or else) sansa just assumes that her little sister got out of the city and returned safe to winterfell. an assumption which carries over to the beginning of clash. this is classic sansa. i don't think she wants to consider that arya is dead. for obvious reasons, but also bc sansa herself would share the blame on account of the fact she told cersei about ned's plans and, more to the point, arya's location that morning. which is why meryn and co. knew where to find arya in order to arrest her (and failed only bc of syrio's sacrifice)

but then sansa is in the throne room when cleos asks about arya being returned to robb which means the starks dont have her. tyrion responds that the lannisters arent giving either girl back. he clearly implies they have arya. its a lie, but sansa's theory about arya's safe return is falling apart

Meekly, Sansa dropped her eyes and retreated back inside. She realized suddenly why this place seemed so familiar. They've put me in Arya's old bedchamber, from when Father was the Hand of the King. All her things are gone and the furnishings have been moved around, but it's the same . . . (Sansa, ACOK)

later, sansa is brought to the tower of the hand where tyrion now resides. they place her in arya's former bedroom but she is not there nor are her things. sansa's thoughts trail off as she looks around. she doesn't think about it anymore. i don't think sansa likes where this is going so she doesnt investigate further by inquiring to tyrion about her sisters whereabouts. she could, but she doesnt. its peak avoidance.

"Joffrey will show you no such devotion, I fear. You could thank your sister for that, if she weren't dead. He's never been able to forget that day on the Trident when you saw her shame him, so he shames you in turn. You're stronger than you seem, though. I expect you'll survive a bit of humiliation. I did. You may never love the king, but you'll love his children." (Sansa, ACOK)

its cersei who confidently and casually informs sansa that arya is dead. the logical conclusion here would be that the lannisters captured arya (as they were actively trying to do) and killed her.

again, sansa has no reaction to this revelation. i don't actually think this is apathy or even that sansa cant react bc shes a hostage - or at least not entirely in the case of the latter. for comparison: arya finds out bran and rickon were murdered when serving roose and she cant react either, but we get her grief internally. for sansa its the guilt imo. deep down sansa realizes that she betrayed arya and, apparently, got her little sister killed. that is a very heavy thing to bear. sansa very rarely likes to assume guilt for her actions so it gets buried.

Something I really love about Arya is how much she likes to interact with people and especially with smallfolk. There is a reason why she's given the nickname " Arya Underfoot".

Jon 🤝 Arya

Befriending and valuing the friendship of sex workers:

Septon Cellador spoke up. "This boy Satin. It's said you mean to make him your steward and squire, in Tollett's place. My lord, the boy's a whore…a…dare I say…a painted catamite from the brothels of Oldtown."

And you are a drunk. "What he was in Oldtown is none of our concern. He's quick to learn and very clever. The other recruits started out despising him, but he won them over and made friends of them all. He's fearless in a fight and can even read and write after a fashion. He should be capable of fetching me my meals and saddling my horse, don't you think?" (Jon VIII, ADwD)

--

"The best whores are at the Happy Port, down by where the mummers' Ship is moored." [...] "Ask for Merry. Meralyn is her true name, but everyone calls her Merry, and she is." Merry bought a dozen oysters every time Cat came by the brothel and shared them with her girls. She had a good heart, everyone agreed. "That, and the biggest pair of teats in all of Braavos," Merry herself was fond of boasting.

Her girls were nice as well; Blushing Bethany and the Sailor's Wife, one-eyed Yna who could tell your fortune from a drop of blood, pretty little Lanna, even Assadora, the Ibbenese woman with the mustache. They might not be beautiful, but they were kind to her. "The Happy Port is where all the porters go," Cat assured the men of the Brazen Monkey. "'The boys unload the ships,' Merry says, 'and my girls unload the lads who sail them.'" (Cat of the Canals, AFfC)

"Arya was also awful to Sansa by making fun of her"

Bitch where?

My dear girl Arya these people don't read your chapters and it shows.

Septa Mordane is largely responsible for the bad relationship between the Stark sisters and Sansa bullied Arya are two statements that can and should co exist.

There is a popular post around about Lyanna and Arya that limits their similarities to their characters, refusing to include their similar appearance (and Arya being canonically described as pretty) bc they fear this equates to "Arya being prettier than Sansa!!"

My question is: why bringing Sansa into a discussion about a. Arya's similar appearance to her aunt and b. Arya's beauty?

I follow most Arya fans here and none of them compares Sansa to Arya when they discuss about the latter's physical appearance. Nor anyone says that Arya will surpass Sansa in beauty bc being beautiful isn't a competition and it's not like these little girls are participating in Westeros' next top model. It's not that if Arya realises that despite her insecurities about her appearance ( due to her being called hurtful names) she's actually pretty, that she will take something from Sansa's story or her own beauty. Both can be beautiful at the same time.

I do wonder though, why is always those asoiaf fans who claim that they don't put the stark sisters against each other the ones who can't make/reblog a post about Arya without mentioning Sansa, too?

Arya when she flowers in her second twow chapter, two seconds after she lied about being a maiden

arya is probably the only person who has kissed and held balerion since his rhaenys died. you ever think of that

What Arya has this person been reading about?