the invention of romance was a conspiracy by Big Sex to sell more sex

Not aroace as in incapable of love, aroace as in I often question whether the majority of allo people are capable of love

"alloplatonic" gives me the same ick "cisdisabled" does

If a sad son of a bitch writes sex-negative aroace traumacore music in their bedroom and no one's around to hear it, does it make a sound

Allosexuals be like "my sexuality and my desires are a part of who I am! UwU" but if you challenge them on their bigoted kinks they're like "But that's just a kink, it's fantasy, it doesn't have anything to do with who I am normally!" And I'm just like. Okay. Which is it then

the alloaro community has a problem with reacting, how can I put this delicately, Incredibly Negatively when someone suggests decentering sexuality or suggests that society's obsession with sex might be slightly problematic in any way, and tends to see asexuality as one in the same with purity culture (while ignoring the fact that purity culture is, in itself, an instrument of compulsory sexuality)

the alloace community, by and large, sees their own experience of romantic love as The Purest And Highest Love in a way that often actively erases the lived experiences aro people of all sexualities and nonsexualities have with nonromantic love. I have had more than one alloace react to me as if I were completely incapable of feeling warmth or connection with others, it happens even more often than it does with completely allo folk if you can believe it

both groups have their own ways of silencing aroace voices and making aroace people feel unwelcome in both the ace and aro communities. obviously if you're an alloaro/alloace and you do work hard to elevate aroace voices this doesn't apply to you and congratulations on doing the bare minimum but you need to be holding the rest of your communities accountable for the ways in which they erase us

alloaros to the left of me, alloaces to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you

alloaros to the left of me, alloaces to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you

SO IT LOOKS LIKE JAMES SOMERTON IS ACTUALLY A PIECE OF SHIT OKAY GOOD TO KNOW

it is Incredibly wild to hear asexual people who are less asexual than me talk about asexuality because 80% of the time they will throw me and mine under the bus without even meaning to

this is why we need a movement within the community that centers kamalaqai identity and interests

watching this James Somerton video about ace erasure where he as an aspec gay guy as a guest and it's like. okay we get it, you like to cyber with people but you don't like hooking up in person. your experience is not applicable to me though

no one who is incapable of understanding that some people have indefinite boundaries that prevent all sexual contact with others and that's okay, actually, and not a harmful stereotype should be allowed to speak for the community

Once again wishing that there was an identity based around the lived experience of hardline indefinite romantic and sexual refusal that was not also based around trying to police other people's personal choices in regards to sexual/romantic activity

All the people who want what I want in terms of community tend to be like. We're The True™ Aces/Aros type people (which I'm not, as much as I do not understand why a person who experiences partial/occasional attraction or interest would want to identify as ace/aro, I accept that many do because I don't have to understand another's lived experience to accept it) or like. Antisexuals, who genuinely fucking terrify me.

I would really like for an indefinite refusal community to exist without quibbling over who's a Valid (I hate that fucking word) Ace/Aro or trying to make sex illegal but I guess I'm shit out of luck and have to sit here pretending to have things in common with sex-favorable kinky cupiosexuals and romo aros if I want to have anything resembling community

Who the fuck is "those aren't intrusive thoughts, those are fantasies, you need to accept them and play with them in a safe environment" actually helping though. Because it ain't me.

okay but if there was Actually a "gold star" mentality in the asexual community the same way there is in i.e. the lesbian community you'd see a lot more shit like sexual assault survivors or even people who had consensual sex once or twice but figured out they never wanted to do it again being chased out of the community. I have never seen even the most ardent "only repulsed aces are vaaalid" people do that.

speaking as the scary romance and sex averse aroace who prioritizes romance and sex averse/repulsed aroaces in my activism that you're all so fucking afraid of, I can confidently say that asexual-spec people with active, ongoing, and consensual sex lives are asexual. shocker, I know. however, their experiences are not the same as my experiences and I do not trust them to have my interests, or the interests of anyone who indefinitely refuses sexual activity, at heart. being thrown under the bus repeatedly by a community I used to be able to find solace in and being wary of that happening again doesn't me a fucking ~GoLd StAr AsExUaL~ lmao that doesn't exist. I'm allowed to want to build my own spaces away from the "we're ace and we can be sexually available, what's your excuse?" crowd.

Dear allos who "wish they were ace/aro because being attracted to people is so hard",

Can I interest you in a trade? I'd love to grow up, stop being broken, and have a normal adult life.

Continuing to be absolutely gobsmacked by how there is not a single school of thought that knows how to be actually critical of sexuality and the attitudes that surround it

it's either "everyone should be fucking all the time because Sex Is Nice And Pleasure Is Good For You" or "you should only be having the specific kinds of sex we want you to have because anything else will make Jesus cry and/or some SWERF in the 70s said it was misogynistic to do it any other way"

and then there's me, the "consent education should center firm boundaries and the right to refuse, up to and including the possibility of indefinite refusal, because indefinite refusal is ignored at best and seen as a challenge at worst under the current system and those who choose it are vulnerable to rape culture in unique ways" guy. the "hey, BDSM isn't inherently an evil irredeemable bogeyman and can be very positive for some, but it's also not a utopia where everyone's preferences are respected all the time, also the way people engage with it might say things about the way society at large approaches power relations and those conversations need to be had even if it makes some people feel a little weird about roleplaying as a slave" guy. the "attraction and arousal affect cognitive abilities in very real and scientifically validated ways and being aware of that can help a person make the best choices for themself" guy. but no one wants to hear that

sex has become this sacred cow that both, like, the conservative christian/sex-negative radfem set and the kinky queer sexually liberated set are terrified of having actual discussions about in equal and opposite ways because both sides are fucking wrong and I think they both know it

Every single "celibate on an indefinite basis for Reasons(tm), no you don't get to know them, it's just my personal preference" allosexual I've met has been a better ally to me and my interests than any "don't worry, aces can have sex, so that ace girl you're into might still fuck you" asexual.

oh god just fucking say that you think the only acceptable asexual person is an alloace in a sexual ace4allo relationship who fucks to please their partner and GO

*appropriates the I'm a fucked up evil monster thing from loveless aros*

litcherally I do not get the al*ce os*man hype at all, honestly even if the only aspec representation out there was sanitized teen romcoms I would simply not consume media