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certified-silly-guy
WHEN THE WHEN
slapphapp1
SlappHappi
vinnigami
Wheat
grumpystan
that's poison ivy
macan20
the frog
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love isn’t getting rid of books
to make everything fit
it’s buying a bigger bookshelf
to share all the words you both love
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And I waited
And waited
And waited
And waited for you
To call me to fix things
Like I would
But you never called
Then I realized
I was the only one who loved
And now I wait
And will continue to wait
Hoping to be wrong
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bittersweetly haunted
tuesday, november 28, 2023
i keep pictures
of people
i no longer
speak to
a snapshot
of happier moments
before you gave me
an e v e r l a s t i n g h u r t
i do not know why
i hold on
to these images
that bring me
such a variety of emotions
love
hurt
happiness
anger
bittersweet
memories
maybe
somewhere
deep down
i wonder if i can will those
happier moments
back to life
those moments that hold
tipsy giggles
sweet kisses
tight hugs
soft whispers
loud cheers
they hold my life
the face of a ghost
in each image
haunting me
reminders of the fact
that to remove all
the photos of you
would be to remove
my whole past
what will i show my children
when they ask
what i was like
when i was young
you were supposed to stay
you were supposed to be my closest friend
you were supposed to be a part of everything
you were supposed to be there
to help show my children photos of us
when we were young
now i will have to explain
why each photo is
bittersweetly haunted
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grieving someone who is still alive is a different kind of hurt
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unfinished business
i could write you an
unfinished business letter
but I think it would be
a novel instead
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never understand
when i finally speak up
after months of silent grieving
telling you
that i am still hurt
you say you don’t understand how
of course you wouldn’t
you could never understand
the hurt you gave me
because you never learned
how to love me
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settle
you told me never to settle for anyone
not even you
so i didn’t
and I never will again
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do the silly, fun things that make you happy. order that unnecessarily complicated drink cause you like it. sloppily paint your fingernails because you like the color. laugh so loud that everyone in the restaurant looks. wear that outfit you've been saving for a special occasion. dye your hair because it's something you've always wanted to do. life is too short to spend it dialing back on the things you love, so do them freely and with joy.
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no.
with you
no.
is a full sentence
met with
understanding.
patience.
care.
there is no need
for feigning sickness
pushing away
defending my line
there is no
but what if
oh please
i deserve this
there is only
love.
warmth.
reassurance.
with you
no.
means no
no questions asked
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keys
monday, october 2, 2023
people i no longer speak to
have keys to my front door
a deep connection
to a long lost stranger
i know your laugh
your eyes
your smile
and you know mine
but i'll never know your future
and i won't share mine
two long lost strangers
because you kept
the keys to my heart
but never gave me
a way to unlock yours
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you can’t write a letter to your dog
explaining all the reasons why you’re gone
to tell him how much you love him
and you’ll visit at christmas
and maybe thanksgiving too
that you’ll miss him so much
and you’ll be back to get him as soon as you can
you can’t write your dog a letter
but maybe some how he’ll still understand
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silence
it feels as if there is something wrong
with me
Why can I not let the words out
Why must I spare your feelings
Protect you from hard truths
While I suffer in silence
Because I’m scared to
hurt you
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sour candy
there are so many things
i wish i’d said to you
none of them sweet
i ran out of sweet things
to say when the taste
of your name in my mouth
became sour
not something I disliked
sour candy is my favorite
but my lips still puckered
as it crossed my tongue
you thank me for being
patient, kind, loving
but i really have just
learned to hold my tongue
bite back the words
that are deemed unkind
even if it stings
because i’d rather bite my tongue
till it bleeds
than be the reason for your
puckered lips
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without you
i never thought you’d be the one
i have to say goodbye to
you’ve been here through
so many phases of my life
but i think this will be
the last one for a long time
i love you so dearly
i wish you nothing but the best
but I deserve the best too
and right now my best
has to happen
without you
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expiration date
June 11, 2023
there has been an expiration date
on us since you
first took my arm
neither of us know when it will be
when the richness
will turn to spoils
boil over until
the things underneath
can’t be denied anymore
but I will love you
till the bittersweet end
when the expiration date arrives
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