Stifling a chuckle, Inara shook her head. "You're right. My presence makes up for the captain's lack of..." she wanted to say everything, but refrained. "...charm." The companion moved to take up residence in the unoccupied seat across from Wash, gently leaning back as a sigh of relief fell from her lips. "No fancy parties. After Mal's last encounter, I'd much rather keep my plans out of earshot. He always feels the need to insert himself, doesn't he," she whispered that last bit, almost to herself. 

He flashed her grin, complete with a touch of relief. One thing Wash had always been sure of in life was that if he talked long enough - and he always did - his mouth would get him into all kinds of trouble. “Well, I do what I can! Gotta keep our one respectable business asset around, y’know…” Wash gave her a wink. He liked being able to tease Inara every once and a while. They didn’t really talk much and it made a nice change from the normal bickering she and Mal always found their way into. “So!” he said, changing the subject. He leaned back in his chair. “Got any big plans coming up? Fancy parties and such?”

   The woman was so much in awe that she had forgotten the reason for her advances. Instead, she extended a hand, limp wrist and delicate fingers awaiting to grasp the drell's hand. "I apologize for being so forward," she smiled, unable to tear her eyes away from him. "I'm Inara." 

Thane canted his head as he was approach, watching as she carefully moved so that she didn’t trip on her robes. “— Hello.” He greeted, his brows drawing together briefly. He wasn’t used to being approached so often, having always stayed in the shadows.

     She had never felt so helpless in her life. Each stroke of Ella's hair was met with a sob, wracking the commander's entire body. Inara's free hand was wrapped securely around Ella's waist, trying to be as much comfort as possible. The consort didn't know the extent of the commander's emotional distress, but she wanted to try to understand. 

          As Shepard pulled back slightly, eyes reddened with emotion, Inara forced a tiny smile. She hated seeing this woman in pain. Cupping her face, the consort was at a loss, but she wouldn't let it show. Instead, Inara carefully wiped away the tears that continued to flow consistently down the commander's cheeks. 

     "Of course," she offered, guiding Ella back through the kitchen and into the living area. Setting Shepard down on the couch, Inara remained standing. "I'll just get our tea." Not long after the consort had left the commander alone, she re-entered the room with two steaming mugs and placed them on the small table in front of them. Tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear, Inara perched herself up on the edge of the couch, eyes intently locked on Ella's, ready for her to begin at her own pace. 

If I Lost You

          The words Ianra chose were heard and their meaning understood and yet stayed unanswered. For now. For now it was just too much. Mordin dying just a few days ago, her fear for Inara, pointing her gun at a friend, killing Thane. The tightening embrace being what she needed Ella took her hand from her mouth, wrapping her arms around Inara, holding onto her.

          It wasn’t alright. It was everything else. She had risked the life of a friend to secure her mission. That was something she never had wanted to do. But how could she explain it to her? Later she decided. Later she could explain. Because she knew at some point she had to calm down again. The soft strokes and words from Inara helping her. Not to bury her emotions again, but to calm down enough to deal with them.

       She had no idea how long it took her to calm down, stop sobbing so hard, but she did when the kettle was ready with the water for their tea. She lifted her head again and looked at Inara, glad she was here, glad they were together. Her eyes red and her vision still blurred by tears she blinked a few times before she tried to smile a bit. “I think I’d like to sit somewhere,  before I tell you what happened.” There was the hint, that she maybe wasn’t sure if she would be able to do that while standing.

    Inara watched as Wash silently admired his ship, his eyes lighting up, thought drifting to each little thing that made the ship Serenity. His smile was contagious as she tiled her head to the side, the expression fading slightly as he continued effortlessly, foot in mouth. Waving his comment away, she let a light chuckle slip. "Quite all right. If there are a few people on this boat who don't judge me for what I do, I know I can count you among them." 

Wash chuckled, glancing down at the console in front of him. She was right. Shuttles weren’t much of a challenge - at least not for folks with any basic flying sense. True, Serenity was way more complicated, but… all those little groans and creaks - well Wash thrived on them. Each boat he flew spoke it’s own language and learning it was half the fun of being a pilot in the first place. He smiled at her. “Thanks. I bet you do yours pretty well too!” His eyes went wide as he realized what he was saying. “Uh- I mean… You know what I mean.” Wash shook his head in amusement at his own misspeaking.

    The consort let her right hand wander to the back of Ella's head, stroking her soaked hair soothingly, trying to calm her down. With the chaos of the day came the reaction to such events. It hurt to see the commander in pain. "My love," she whispered into her hair. "You can't possibly think it's your fault." There was no scenario in which Shepard would have let someone die, not if she could help it. 

          As the commander's words faltered, Inara simply held her tighter, refusing to let this weigh Ella down. She had saved so many people during the coup, families were reunited and loved ones found because of this woman in her arms.

     Ella's body heaved with emotion, a long dormant sadness or anger that kept everyone else at arm's length. But with Inara? She seemed to reach into her soul, revealing the beauty within. The consort imagined not many people had seen this side of Shepard and the fact that she had opened up to her was astonishing. Everything about their relationship was a shock to her system, but it felt so right. The way their bodies fit perfectly together, melding to make them whole. "It's all right, my love. It's all right." 

If I Lost You

          Ella leaned into her touch, let her forehead rest upon her shoulder, almost sinking against Inara, she let it happen, let her grieve find its way to the surface. “I lost a friend today, someone who had saved me from losing myself. And it’s my fault. It’s my fucking fault. I should… I should have…” her sobbing made it impossible for her to continue.

          But it was different from all the times she had grieved the loss of a friend, or even lovers. She wasn’t alone. And she didn’t have the feeling to have to face it alone. Inara was here and her presence alone made it possible that she was just sad instead of angry, letting her feelings out instead of even trying to suppress them. Being closer to her than to most people she had known in the last years, Ella felt safe being just herself, with all the weaknesses a human being brought with them. One of them not being able to control her emotions. But this was a safe place and Inara should know what was haunting her.

          She had no idea how to explain it, she wanted to but was thinking everything at the same time. She had never been someone who opened her heart for others easily and even those close to her saw never all of her. Emotions like those she had kept to herself. And despite all of this her sobs and tears made it impossible to talk more than one of two words in a row.

     Inara slowed her steps, a drell catching her attention. It wasn't every day she saw them, especially on the Citadel. A smile on her lips, she approached him, gracefully holding onto her robes. "Hello," she said softly. 

ambassadorserra 

Thane glanced over as he noticed a human approaching him, before he silently turned his gaze back to the crowd. They would be leaving the station soon, and he was ensuring none of the crew were followed. 

     Shepard hesitated and Inara could sense it. The consort knew there was no amount of relaxation that could keep the commander's state of mind in a place that allowed her to forget the world outside those doors. All Inara could do was try, and she planned on it, for as long as Ella would allow it. 

         Releasing her face, she felt her slightly calloused hands brush against her cheeks, pulling her in for an affectionate kiss, the kind that lingered long after they parted, a tingling sensation that made Inara's breath hitch in her throat. 

     As they pulled away from one another, Inara's hand fell to catch Ella's, fingers linking together as she guided her through to the kitchen. There was a comfortable silence in the air, the consort moving around the small space, each motion flowing into the next. Letting the kettle sit on the stove, Inara glanced at Shepard, the tears welling up in the woman's eyes as one of her hands clamped over her mouth. 

          "Oh, Ella," she whispered, moving forward to wrap her arms around the commander. "Please...please talk to me," she pleaded, her own uselessness coming into full bloom. 

If I Lost You

          Ella bit her lip, when Inara embraced her, but welcomed the gesture, returned it, with letting her arms slide around her shoulders. “I.. I know. It’s just that I have done this for so long that it is hard to stop. But I try, okay?”

          Ella closed her eyes when she bowed her head a bit and felt Inara’s lips on her forehead. For a moment she lifted her hands to Inara’s face and cupped her cheeks affectionally. Her eyes locked with Inara’s and she smiled. “I won’t.” She lifted Inara’s face a bit more and kissed her. It was something she wanted and needed to do. She couldn’t say what was happening here, but she knew it was wonderful, despite the odds and the terrible things around them. 

       She let go of Inara and followed her into the kitchen, leaning against a counter she wateched her preparing their tea. It made her smile how gracious Inara moved through the room. Even while doing this ordinary things this woman was far from ordinary and Ella loved it, watching her, beeing here with her. It was so strange how immensly this person had grown on her and how much she wanted more ordinary but wonderful moments with her. With less sad and hurting odds. Just them.

          And again for another moment Inara managed without knowing it to distract Ella from her dark thoughts. But sadly just a moment. In the back of her mind Ella started to recite the fucking prayer Thane and Kolyat and she had spoken. She started to remember that he had prayed for her. Ella covered her mouth with her hand when tears made her eyes glassy again, before the first ran down her cheek.

    [fighting a smirk, Inara nodded, her expression becoming more solemn] You're right, Jayne. You're right and I regret my attitude. You're mama, I'm sure, would be proud. 

Don’t need to know yer motives to know that ya see me as a lesser human being and I don’t take ruttin’ kindly to it. But it ain’t gonna be me to do it. My mama raised me better then that.

Inara smiled, a light laugh hitting the air. She hadn't spent an extended stay on a border planet, but the Allied planets were enough to drive her mad. The crowds, the rules. She was a woman of rules, but the ones they imposed on the population didn't always sit well with her. It wasn't something she could speak out against considering the Alliance sanctioned her profession. "It really is a gift. I've grown accustomed to handling the shuttle because it's my home away from home, but...a ship like this? I can't imagine knowing what every groan, every chortle means. You do your job well, Wash." 

Wash chuckled. “Yeah, I gotta agree with you there! Well, really any place dirtside’s not really my thing. At least not for long!” Oh, he was as big a fan of vacations as any guy, but he got land crazy. Stuck on a planet for longer than a week? Well, then he started to go kinda funny. Wash sighed and looked at the fuel readout on the console. It was getting dangerously low. “It’s not great, that’s for sure! All that runnin’ away from feds kinda depletes the supply, y’know?” he said with a grin. It was hardly the first time they’d found themselves thirsty with no relief in sight. He shrugged. “We’ve had it worse. Like I said, I can squeeze a boost or two off some gravity wells if I get the course right. Should see us through ‘til we get someplace with a fueling station.” He shot her a smug look. “Just gotta know what you’re doing is all!”

Smiling, the Companion turned towards him while fussing around the cabinets in the common room. "I'm glad to hear it. Would you like some tea?"

"It’s a good day for her. So far. She’s napping." He spoke the last like a question. "She’ll be fine for a couple of hours, I believe."

     Inara was good at reading people, and even improving on Shepard. At first, the commander did well to hide her true emotions, but the consort had seen her naked; not the physical stripping of clothing, but her heart, the tears that fell down her face, weighing down on the woman she cared so deeply for. 

          "Of course. I'll just put the kettle on and we can relax while the water boils," she offered while slipping into some pants herself. Before trotting off to the kitchen, the consort crept in on the commander, wrapping her arms around her waist. "Ella, you don't have to hide from me. I'm here for as long as you'll have me." 

     With that, Inara reached up, forcing Shepard's head down while she planted a loving kiss on the woman's forehead. "Don't forget it, okay?"

If I Lost You

          Out of the corner of her eyes she saw the glances Inara threw at her, ink, scars, some Ella was proud of, others she wasn’t. Ella knew Inara would ask at some point. Not now, probably not even today or not even this visit. But Ella intended to come back, every time she was the Citadel, actually, and planned to spend as much time with the consort as possible. So this would be a topic. 

          Ella chuckled softly. She felt her earlier feeling already crawling back in, but for now she was able to hold up the positive attitude Inara gave her. “Thanks,” she smiled. “And I don’t care. I like it a bit more comfortable actually. Well, in the right situations.” she got dressed slowly and yes, it maybe was a bit loose, but it was hers and perfect. 

          Ella tried her best to give Inara the smile she deserved, but her falling mood was hard to hide. Memories crept back into her mind, the realization that he was truly gone. “You said something about tea earlier.” Ella could use something warm. Though she was not cold after the shower and everything that had happened there, but still. Something warm drink, a hot mug to hold yourself onto was never something bad.

          As the women exited the bathroom, towels donning both their frames, Inara couldn't help but linger on the commander's markings. Her ink and scars told stories, ones she hoped Ella would be willing to share with her someday. Smiling brightly, the consort nodded.

    "I do. I don't walk around in my robes while at home, I promise. They're mainly for show. Here," she mused, rummaging through her drawers as he picked up a pair of black pants made for lounging and a tank top. "I apologize in advance, they might be a little loose around the hips." 

If I Lost You

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 Inara/Kaylee→ as requested by this asshole We might even get wild later and wash your face.

[smirks] Is that a fact, Jayne? And are you going to be the one to reprimand me? You don't know a thing about me, save for what I do for a living. Don't pretend to know my motives for being the way I am. [gaze falls before, trying not to sound bitter] 

…I knew there was a reason I didn’t like you. That high and mighty attitude o’ yers. Keep talkin’ like that and one o’ these days, that mean lil’ mouth o’ yers is gonna get ya in trouble.

     The consort sighed as she felt Ella's fingers tangle in her hair, enjoying the light grip she had on it. The commander was right, though. They were turning into prunes. 

   The reality of the situation lay dormant beneath the woman's eyes. Inara knew they would have to face the music in due time. As the water washed the commander's shoulders of the soap that donned them only a moment before, the consort found her lips on Ella's neck, trailing kisses down to her shoulder where she sucked her skin lightly. 

  Pulling back, her eyes meeting Ella's, Inara chuckled, taking back her hand. "Why don't we really wash up and then reconvene somewhere more comfortable? Is that all right?" she asked, her voice soft and inviting as she raised a single hand to graze the commander right cheek. 

If I Lost You

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Reaching for a glass bottle, Inara poured the contents, a light purple liquid, into her palm, rubbing it over Ella's shoulders. Her brown eyes washed generously over the woman's body, enjoying the view, her left hand plunging low and deep, feeling the moisture from their encounter. A smile crept across Inara's lips as she stepped in, their breasts brushing against one another as she planted a kiss on her cheek. 

If I Lost You

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