alyxeris
alyxeris
alyx. 28. they/them. agender trashy demon punk. i will always let you down.
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could you possibly draw a small happy opossum for me? it's been a rough week :v
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it's been a long time. for the first time in, well, a couple years i have some free time to myself. i’m listening to old dirty bourbon river show songs, back when charlie was still with them and it had some real bittersweet soul. just generally feeling pretty introspective and sentimental. i’m not looking at the clock. i’m not counting down the hours and minutes until that email comes in because i don’t really mind either way what it says. i have already lost so much to this crashing shitshow that has been the past couple of years.
i’m having a hard time connecting to people. it feels so strange, like a fly futilely slamming into thick aquarium glass. i almost had an easier time talking to people when i was a heartbroken mess because i was trying so hard to put all the pieces back together i guess i just didn’t realize my communication was like throwing paper airplanes and hoping they landed where they were supposed to. i’m trying to fix the things that made me sad, trying to keep my head down and build some form of stability. i think i’m getting further and further out to sea though, and i can’t even see the lighthouse anymore.
i think i need to find joy in the drifting again. i haven’t felt joy much less hope in so long. i spent most of this godforsaken pandemic working at a healthcare clinic. it has perhaps irreparably harmed and traumatized me. the first bit of hope i felt in a long time was with the vaccines, but people’s ignorance and selfishness has circled us back into the same hopeless situation. i am disconnected from my community, from people, from friends, from my partner. switching jobs has made a lot of the seething rage subside, but now it’s all awash with melancholy. i’m not sure where the healing kicks in.
everyone is dying around me, and i can’t do anything about it but grieve. freak accidents and a horrible, terrible unspeakable and senseless murder, and sickness, and age: so many people just disappearing. i am never going to get the feeling of my brother’s cold, dead hand off of my skin. it feels so permanently stained into my palm. different people, different last words exchanged. “you suck, but i love you”. “you’re doing a really good job”. calls never returned because there’s never enough time, and so, so much of my time has been stolen by this fucking pandemic. my time and my hope are gone.
i sometimes worry i’ll never love people the same again. i’m hesitant now. i feel like if i don’t anchor myself then it won’t hurt as bad when they’re gone. i’ve always had commitment issues, but now i’m just afraid. maybe that’s the price of setting boundaries, you have to be able to drop people like they’re lead sometimes. you can’t be responsible for them. i don’t want to be responsible anymore. i don’t think i ever wanted to be, but there was no one else. i have spent so much time alone, why am i putting myself in a position to be lonely again now? why can’t i just talk and connect with people? build those tethers again for a little while to brave the rest of this absolute fucking hurricane.
#alyxeris#personal#just need a space to send words into the Void to since i haven't been in therapy in months#i went through 5 deaths without therapy because i couldn't afford it and i am fucking scared now#because i haven't been able to work through all those feelings and losses and endless fucking grief#and i still think you're just going to call me out of the blue because this was not the future that was supposed to happen#i saw it all so clearly and it will never be fair that you didn't get that healing and more stable life you deserved
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historically, pixel art was rendered on limited hardware, there were strict limits on how many colours could be displayed on screen at once and in a single sprite.
These limits no longer exist, so you are no longer beholden to any of them. Despite what you might hear in certain pixel art spaces, there aren’t really any rules anymore, because there’s no technical limitations forcing you to work a specific way. You can make your pixel art have as many colours as you want, be whatever size you like, and have as many frames as you want it to.
However! the smaller you make a sprite, the harder things will become to read unless you shrink down the number of colours in equal measure.
In a photo you might have. i dunno. 1,000,000 pixels in it or something like that. Thats like a really small photo but that’s still so many pixels that you don’t really notice any of them individually. They all blend together into one big mass to tell you what you’re looking at in groups of hundreds!
On the other hand, in a 16x16 sprite you’ll only have 256 of them. Every single individual pixel can have something to say!
But if every pixel is trying to say something at once, it muddies the sprite and makes it hard to read. However, if a group of pixels are all the same colour, they’re all saying the same thing, and it becomes a lot easier to understand what you’re looking at.
like, for example, take a look at this 16x16 crop of a random photo.
does that look like a whole lot of nothing? yeah . theres 256 pixels, and theres 256 colours. the pixels aren’t really working together to tell you anything, so instead it just becomes one big vague mass. if i reduce the colour count to just 6 colours and increase the contrast, though,
it starts to look less like visual noise, and more like water at sunset!
The contrast is important - part of why you want to keep your colour count low is to make groups of pixels distinct from each other.
But, how exactly do you keep your colour count low, anyway?
a colour ramp refers to the gradient of colours in your palette that are used to shade one particular colour, such as tempests hair or her skin
instinctively you’re probably going to want to make individual gradients of colour for each of these things.
however, if you connect these ramps together, you can greatly reduce the number of colours you’re using in your piece. This also helps create a cohesive palette!
when it comes to connecting ramps, value matters much more than individual hues. you want to have a good range of values to have a readable sprite!
I think actually a really good example of value mattering more than hue in sprites, is this guide to anti aliasing by pixeljoint user ptoing
also just generally good advice, but take a look at this bit in particular
despite the wildly varying hues, they work together just fine. by focusing on the value when you combine your ramps, you can create some really interesting colour palettes!
anyway. now for some vaguer notes on how i do lighting
anyway thems just some thoughts for you all
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This is so important. From Daniel Sloss HBO standup special 'X'.
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these are the voyages of the starship enterprise, its ongoing mission: fuck around and find out
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It just occurred to me that people do not know about what some people make chicken coops out of and it’s a Shame
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“Speak softly to yourself, for frustration can often only draw you backwards, and does nothing to change the situation itself. You deserve kind words. You deserve respect. So, give it to yourself.”
— Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin
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it’s like I DO want to be feminine in the way a man is feminine. if I’m performing feminity I don’t want it to be read as an inherent reflection of my gender and who I am. I don’t want someone to call me ma’am or be called a girl. like. it’s drag. only it can’t be drag for me, because it’s not actually subverting anything, is it? so I’m in this spot where I either cannot allow myself any femininity or I do and accept the consequences of perception. my wearing eyeliner isn’t a subversion, a quiet rebellion, it’s perceived as fulfilling an expectation. somehow I can never be masc enough to be percieved as I want to be, so any introduction of femininity feels like a defeat. and yet sometimes I want to wear the pretty things that are still in my closet! or play around with makeup. but it isn’t a young boy getting into his mother’s vanity and heels, it’s growing up into the fulfillment of the wants of the mother and the rest of society as a blank whole.
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