interesting fact i have titanium in my spine

i didnt even realize this was a porn bot i was like yeah thats a regular text post on tumblr dot com

I appreciate the sound effects they added in.

I didn’t miss that social cue I just thought it was stupid 

I got too excited while playing chess and told my opponent that I was going to slit his throat and slaughter him like a hog. something to work on for next time

when doctors ask if i have any history of cancer in my family and i have to say that yes my grandmother had 2 types of gastrointestinal cancer and they're like oh wow okay so we'll keep an eye out for that but i'm like no it was probably just all the nuclear radiation and they're like ok hm ok what the fuck do you mean and it's very weird seeing the look on american doctors' faces when you have to explain to them that believe it or not atomic bombs were dropped on this earth 2 generations ago and it did have consequences

You guys are never gonna believe what the name of this sculpture is

Mechanical snencils

driving is so freaking fun guys dont you just love being in a big metal thing that can completely crush you if someone feels like doing stupid things on the road

i wish some of you lived down the street so i could go to your house and bother you in person every single day

i got my new tetanus shot who wants to play bucket of rusty nails withme ^_^

when ur reading fanfic and one character was cooking and the other comes up to them and they start making out and everyones like starting to take their shirts off and the author STILL hasnt mentioned anyone turning off the stove

To: [email protected] Subject: CLASS3290 Question

are you mad at me

I hate the “open floor plan” that everyone is obsessed with in houses now. I want nooks and crannies and bizarre floor plans. I don’t need to be able to see what someone is doing on the other side of the house. I want places to hide and lurk and dwell in the shadows. I am the beast who awaits in the labyrinth