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akakailisiandrago-blog · 7 years

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Purpose in opposition

I have lived my entire life hearing a set of certain words from people around me.

Mainly, “you’re too much drama.” or “you create too much drama.” or “you’re the problem, you’re the reason....” and so on.

And to be honest, they were, in a sense, right. I wasn’t TOO much per se, just too much for them. They just didn’t get it. And that’s OK.

But today, I am fucking proud of it.

After years of heart ache, years of feeling like the black sheep and playing victim from it, years of feeling hurt and lost, I finally am completely and totally okay with it.

Some “drama” could have been spared, maybe, if I had just kept my mouth shut. But when I look back on it, most of it was for a purpose and a passion. Something inside of me that is innate. It was GIVEN to me. I did not choose it. It is truly part of me, who I am, and what I LIVE for. So why would I try to suppress it or mask it or hide it? Why would anyone ask me to stop, to stop being WHO I AM? My own parents, my “friends”.

I think forward, to having my own children and supporting their passion. I would never want to limit my child from being who they are born to be. I would only want to nourish and protect their divine energy.

Mine, I have come to realize, is to stir up questions within others, to create a path for them to question WHY, and HOW they do things and WHAT they believe and WHY they believe it. And IS IT RIGHT? IS IT THE BEST WAY?

Being uncomfortable is what creates the greatest change. And if I have to be that person to create discomfort to lead to massive amounts of great change, then so be it. I am not ashamed. I am not afraid. I will not be quiet or walk small or shrink so that others may feel comfortable in mediocrity, or mundane, monotonous, unquestioned “society.” As most of us know, (but seem to be unwilling to fight), society ain’t so great anymore....

So often we quote Marianne, but are you really listening? Are we really DOING and BEING what our hearts know we should be. Are we following our calling, our own, INNATE, birthright? Our highest voice?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

#roomforchange #change #life #lifegym thoughts

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akakailisiandrago-blog · 7 years

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The Jewel In The Lotus Of The Heart.

“Om Mani Padme Hum.”

Aum. OM. Aum.

In a world completely consumed by doing, how many of us are doing the inner work that it takes to lead a truly fulfilling life?

The popular mantra seems to be that if you work hard, it will pay off. Fair enough. My question is, is this not also true for your internal world? It seems so many of us identify with hard work in the external world, but when it comes to the internal, we are barely even home.

Knock Knock. Who's IN there? Anyone?

What could we be missing out on by neglecting this very core part of ourselves? How much have we sacrificed in chasing and achieving the life of our 'dreams,' only to still, perhaps, be left feeling empty inside at the end of the day?

Is there a balance to be found? Yes. In fact, getting in touch with who we are can open up in our lives in ways we never even imagined.

Aligning the inside, directly reflects on the outside. Getting to know ourselves is not as scary as it seems... But it does take work. And it does take honesty. Corrosive honesty.

This doesn't happen overnight. It is a process of peeling back layers of who we are not to get to the jewel in the lotus of the heart. Om Mani Padme Hum. And sometimes those layers can be stubborn. Very stubborn. It is only in unwavering commitment to our process that we are able to unlock our greatest potential.

Work hard, but not just to make money, work hard to find your jewel. Surface, sweet lotus and bloom, from the inside out.

#bali #travel #blog #thoughts #innerwork

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akakailisiandrago-blog · 7 years

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Expression

ex·pres·sionikˈspreSHən/

noun

noun:

expression

; plural noun:

expressions

1.the process of making known one's thoughts or feelings."his views found expression in his moral sermons"synonyms:utterance, uttering, voicing, pronouncement, declaration, articulation, assertion, setting forth; More

2.the look on someone's face that conveys a particular emotion."a sad expression"synonyms:look, appearance, air, manner, countenance, mien"an expression of harassed fatigue"

3.a word or phrase, especially an idiomatic one, used to convey an idea."nowhere is the expression “garbage in, garbage out” any truer"synonyms:idiom, phrase, idiomatic expression; More

4.the production of something, especially by pressing or squeezing it out."essential oils obtained by distillation or expression"synonyms:squeezing, pressing, extraction, extracting"essential oils obtained by expression"

5.GENETICSthe appearance in a phenotype of a characteristic or effect attributed to a particular gene.

the conveying of feeling in the face or voice, in a work of art, or in the performance of a piece of music."eyes empty of expression"synonyms:emotion, feeling, spirit, passion, intensity; More

MATHEMATICSa collection of symbols that jointly express a quantity."the expression for the circumference of a circle is 2πr"

the process by which possession of a gene leads to the appearance in the phenotype of the corresponding character.noun: gene expression; plural noun: gene expressions

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A word that has made itself known to me for the last 6 weeks.... the word EXPRESSION is quite elaborately expressing itself in my life lately.

First it was a sore throat. For weeks. At first I thought it was, well, just a sore throat. Maybe too much gym? Too much drinking? Too much hanging around other sick people?

I tried everything. It would go away, temporarily, and then come back. I dont think I was sick sick, just this, sore throat. I started to question it. And then my friend Krista and I pulled some healer angel guide cards and the one I got that day was suffering. It was a warning to be careful. But that whatever hurt, pain and suffering I might feel physically, could lead me to recluse in order to heal.

I told her about my sore throat and then said, maybe it was a Throat Chakra blockage. Only half kidding. And then I looked it up....

“ Throat Chakra Blockage

A blocked throat chakra can significantly impact your ability to communicate effectively for fear of ridicule and judgement. A throat chakra blockage can also manifest as the inability to express and realize your truth in the world. When the fifth chakra is open and balanced, you are able to express yourself clearly and honestly in any situation with confidence. Common Signs of Throat Chakra Blockage: You may find yourself unable to speak your truth when you need it the most, or holding back on expressing your needs and desires. Perhaps, you long for realizing your dreams and living with a strong and clear purpose, but seem to not be able to quite get there. These are common signs that your throat chakra does not function at its optimal level.

When the throat chakra is blocked or otherwise imbalanced, energy flow is hindered and can lead to physical symptoms affecting the head, mouth, throat, and neck. It is not uncommon to experience neck pain, headaches, hoarseness, and sore throat when the flow of energy through the throat chakra is disrupted.

Some common physical symptoms of blockage include:

chronic sore throat

frequent headaches

dental issues

mouth ulcers

hoarseness

thyroid problems

laryngitis

Temporomandibular disorders of the jaw (commonly known as TMJ)

neck pain

Consequently, the blockage can also impact your physical health. When you experience such signs of physical discomfort, healing practices focusing on the upper body area, in particular your neck and shoulders, can bring relief and allow energy to move more freely. Of course, for serious and recurring symptoms, please consult a physician whom you trust.

Emotional Signs of Throat Chakra Blockage

When the throat chakra is imbalanced, the blockage can also manifest through non-physical symptoms that may impact you at various levels from psychological and emotional, to psychically and spiritually.

Non-physical signs of blockage can be more prevalent. Among the more commons signs are:

fear of speaking

inability to express thoughts

shyness

inconsistency in speech and actions

social anxiety

inhibited creativity

stubbornness

detachment

For instance, perpetuated blockages that are fairly significant can cause one to become arrogant, deceptive, domineering, or manipulative. On the contrary, energy that flows freely through the throat chakra promotes effective, truthful communication. You are able to “find you.” You are confident, responsible, and can easily find the right words to express your thoughts.

A blockage of the throat chakra can cause you to become stoic, quiet, and fearful. The imbalance may also create feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and shyness when it comes to self-expression and speaking to others. Public speaking can cause near paralysis when the issue is a blocked fifth chakra.

An imbalance in the throat chakra can adversely affect many aspects of your personal and professional life. You may find you avoid social situations and are more comfortable alone. You may even become distrustful of your inner voice.

What To Do About A Blocked Throat Chakra

Clearing the throat chakra involves learning to let go and trusting your inner voice. Not a small task for a lot of us! Check out the general guidelines for throat chakra healing for practical ideas on how to restore balance in this center.

A few basic steps to clear this chakras include:

Working through and releasing all negative emotions, including guilt, hurt, and resentment can work wonders to restore energy balance in the throat chakra. Sometimes a good cry can also help alleviate a blockage of the fifth chakra.

Practicing mindful speech, action, and deeds can help you maintain throat chakra balance. For example, talk openly and honestly with others on a regular basis.

Meditating on and incorporating the throat chakra’s color, blue, into your life can also calm emotional upheaval. For instance, introduce blue-colored flowers or decor to your home environment.

http://www.chakras.info/throat-chakra-blockage/

All of this was totally relational to me. I felt right at home in that damn webpage. I had the AH HA! moment even. But then the question was, how the HELL DO I MAKE IT ALL STOP! How do I FIX THIS?

Krista’s gave me some crystals that seemed to help....

But there was more, there still IS more. SO much more.

My first day in Sydney I found myself drawn into the ONE stone/crystal/psychic tarot card reader shop in all of the WestField Mall. And if you know anything about Westfield malls.... in Sydney, then you know what I mean. Not long into mosey-ing around the store I felt myself drawn to aquamarine - I mean, I knew it was my birthstone, but I read the card and felt like it was the one. So I grabbed three raw stones all of beautiful symmetric shapes. Mosey-ed around a little more and came up to the counter. Teagon - the young woman working - grabbed this smooth, round stone that had a hole carved into it. Beautiful light blue with darker blue waves, like the ocean. She said - Here, hold this up to your throat for a moment. - So I did. I felt a rush of emotion move through me. But it started in the lump of my throat that burst into tears after asking her why she felt I needed that stone there. Her reply - I felt some type of blockage there, something about your expression.... Blue lace agate, this stone, is very good for clearing that. ---

And that was it, just like a tidal wave, I burst into tears. She just hugged me. I think she does that kind of thing on the daily. She doesnt need to know if she is right or wrong. Shes just there, dressed in all white, like a perfect messenger angel.

Left that mall with all I needed.

Later I decided to look up the deeper meanings of aquamarine. Low and behold - the ultimate throat chakra healing stone. Who would have thought! I guess im pretty in tune with what I need too. ;-) But.. was this giong to fix all my “expression/throat chakra blockage/public speaking/need to be heard problems”?

Since then, the term expression for me has come up several more times.

Ill have to add in all the details later. But fast forward to tonight.

Here I am, in Bali, and a friend I have been feeling the need to connect with, walks right into the same restaurant where I am eating. Just like that. Granted I knew he was in Bali, but I did NOT tell him where I was eating. We get to talking, and through everything said, the final answer is that our purpose in life is to express ourselves. That is the GOD CREATION and CREATOR. He said he realized this through his own struggle with expression. And then I realized later tonight, after I got home, that it wasn’t about the answer, or the fact that he had been there. It was exactly what he said when he first sat down... That he was there for me. He was meant to be there for me.

So what - What with all of this. Well, funny thing is. I still dont know. I am not quite sure where I belong, where I fit in, if i fit in at all or if im even meant to, but right now, thats ok and I dont need a clear answer. I think the path has made itself know and its all about EXPRESSION.

And so.... Here I go....

#throatchakra #throat #expression #chakras #crystals #synchronicity #openness

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akakailisiandrago-blog · 7 years

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Where beginnings end and endings begin....

I dont know what it is thats got me in this mood. I have a journal, one that I color on, sometimes. Its supposed to be a form of therapy. For me, it takes a lot of time and focused effort. Something I suck at. Like, REALLY suck at. Probably why I decided to take to typing instead of actually writing in my journal. My handwriting sucks too. Better that something in my life is somewhat organized and legible. If anyone cares.

Part of me never wants to start because I thought about it ages ago and just never did it. And so, that time passed. But what am I saying, #NOW is the time anyway, im always saying that.... And lately, in my travels, from losing a “day” in a matter of one 9 and one half hour (said in my best foreign accent) flight and being in the future, to traveling “back” in “time”, talking to friends who are in “yesterday” but its all still happening right NOW. Hashtag.... what is that anyway. Hashtag like someones going to look up the hashtag #NOW. Like I even care.

I guess the benefits of time, for me anyway, is that I got to have two birthdays. One in Australia time and one in United states-ish time. Like the full 365 days around the sun.... guess it makes more sense when you think of time like that. Its just a matter of a journey through space.

To date - 19 (or 20th) of March (depending on where in the world you are) 2017, I have traveled , a total of 10,958 days around the sun including the 8 extra “days” I got due to the 8 leap years in my 30 years of life thus far. That almost doesnt seem like enough days. Its really quite amazing that one year is only 365 days, and sometimes 366. And what do we do with that SHORT TIME? It seems to go so much faster as we get older because we pay so much more attention to it, don’t you think? As kids, we could have cared less, except when it was time to come in from playing outside in the street with your friends. But what we focus on becomes more prominent in our awareness, they say. “They”.

I think we need to start saying “we say” rather than “they say”. Who is “they” anyway? They is us, right?

Anyway.

So now that I have found my beginning in this time, place, and space let me stop rambling with my ever wandering thoughts.

On March 5th 2017 I found myself on a very early morning flight out of Honolulu. Somehow, I got on the flight. I was excited, a little nervous, as it was my first time traveling out of the country and overseas, alone. I was also a little delirious and maybe slightly still drunk from a night of partying and staying up all night with my best friends and (cough cough) Paul Oakenfold himself, whom happens to be a great friend of mine. He had decided to come to Honolulu just to throw an amazing sesh of DJing for me to help wish me well travels and an amazing 30th Birthday. (Dont worry, Ive got video to prove it, if you really want to see...)

So, there I was, on the way to the airport, driving the Uber driver crazy (bless her heart) thinking I had forgotten something every other red light and making her pull over so I could check. (I think I was delirious from no sleep and being slightly, maybe, possibly a little bit still drunk...which I mentioned already...but the more I think of it, it confirms so. So judge me. Its my birthday, I do what I want...) Frankly, I dont even really remember making it on the plane, but I did. And somehow, I slept almost the entire time to Sydney.

Note for seasoned travelers and first time travelers alike, taking your favorite most comfortable real sized pillow will be your ultimate life-saver, forget everything else. Take the damn pillow. Especially on flights 8 hours or longer. You. Are. Welcome.

Touch down in Sydney, on March 6th at approx. 4:30pm....even though the flight was roughly 9(and a half) hours...TIME TRAVEL there you go.... through the airport, head to currency exchange. Get stiffed about $120 cuz the guy took me for an American fool. Which, I guess I kind of was. I mean, I knew the exchange rate, but he lied to me and made me believe it had changed.

Another note to newbie travelers: Never exchange money in the airport, and if you do, make sure you tell em to go fuck themselves if they try to stiff you. Actually, this could be a great social experiment. Just go to the guy at the exchange place in the airport and pretend to be stupid, let him ALMOST get you, and then throw his paper at him right before you sign and say, “FUCK YOU! What do you think IM STUPID?” Do it please! Just for me? =D

Ok now that I got that out of my system.

True wanderlust at heart here. Touch down in Sydney, airport, figure out the bus ride, had NO clue where I was going to stay. Hadnt booked a hotel, not even an airbnb or a hostel, nothing. I think this actually goes back to my whole lack of planning, effort, work, etc.... Its just my excuse that im a real “free spirit”.

So hop on the bus from the airport to Bondi Junction and switch buses to Bondi Beach. Huge stupidly heavy suitcase which I instantly regretted not just taking my backpack. You should have seen me drag that thing up this huge flight of stairs to the first hostel desk, because, oh yeah by the way, my phone hadnt acclimated to Australia yet either and was choosing to not connect, AT ALL. But, no luck, they were booked out. Thankfully my first taste of Australia was very much to my liking as everyone was so helpful and the guy even carried the stupid suitcase back down the stairs for me. Smile on my face, I walked about 4 blocks and down 3 more to the next place he told me to try and to my luck, they set me right up, and for dirt cheap!

Now, something you should know about me. I LOVE nice things. I love my nice rooms, my luxury EVERYTHING, but staying in the hostel was awesome. A gal traveling on her own for the first time, its important, no, actually, necessary, to have a taste of the hostel world and honestly, its amazing.... assuming you get pretty decent roomies. Also, if you’re really trying to budget and meet some great people, hostels are the way to go. (You’re probably reading this thinking, DUH.) I mean, I know, im 30 years old (today -er- yesterday) and just now traveling to different countries that aren’t still attached to the united states or islands that are still US territories. Im sure you’ve got all of this already. Hopefully you can read this and smile a little and reminisce on your oh-so-long-ago travel experiences.

Note for travelers. Stay in a hostel sometimes. And Other times, stay in a gorgeous, quirky, modern funk style expensive as shit hotel, called the Ovolo in downtown Sydney. You. Are. Welcome. Again.

To be continued......

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