agent-saturn - Tumblr blog

agent-saturn · 5 years

Video

Also don't put out a grease fire with water

Me practicing this housewife thing for when I drop out of uni

159K notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Text

Big baby!

Puma Rescued From A Contact-Type Zoo Can’t Be Released Into The Wild, Lives As A Spoiled House Cat

158K notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Audio

63K notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Photo

(x)

266K notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Text

IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.

You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.

Here is an example video

518K notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Text

I am currently both a teacher and a student, and I am of the apparently controversial opinion that late work should always be accepted. Not just if they have a doctor’s note or their mom’s death certificate. Not just for one or two assignments a semester. Always.

“But that’s unfair to the people who submitted on time!”

I didn’t say you had to give everybody full credit. Drop the grade for each individual assignment by 5% for every day late until it gets down to 20%. Never, ever take it below 20%.

Here’s my rationale:

1. If you are a good educator, then you created that assignment in the first place because YOU WANTED YOUR STUDENTS TO LEARN SOMETHING. You still want them to have an incentive to complete that learning experience even if it’s not “on time.”

2. You want to prepare your students for the the real world, right? Well, if you missed a deadline (for example, submitting report cards), would your boss throw away everything you’d worked on, dock your paycheck, and tell you to try again next time? No. They would be upset with you, but they would ask you to take time out of your schedule to finish the project as quickly as possible. It wouldn’t cease to exist.

3. Based on point #2, if you are teaching high school or below, not accepting late work is holding children (who by the way, generally do not have full control over their schedules or what materials they have access to) to a higher standard than adults.

4. If you are teaching college or graduate school, you are working with adults who are taking years out of their lives and paying thousands of dollars to learn from you. Why make it harder for them than it already is?

5. You have or will teach students with extenuating life circumstances that they don’t tell you about (e.g. chronic illness, caring for children or sick relatives, abusive relationships) because they are embarrassed to share this information or have already been taught to shut up and stop making excuses.

6. You have or will teach students with learning disabilities that they don’t even know about. I was diagnosed with ADHD in high school after years of being treated like I was just a bad kid. I suffered from depression and anxiety for over ten years before I went on medication. I did not even learn the words “executive dysfunction” until I was in grad school.

In conclusion, yes, we all know that being a teacher gives you authority but that’s no reason to flaunt it by imposing restrictions that don’t exist anywhere else in the name of “education.”

85K notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Text

“In 2012, blogger Cliff Pervocracy coined the term “missing stair” to describe individuals who pose a danger to others, but are tolerated within a community because everyone is aware of their issues. If you know about a missing stair in an unlit stairwell, you can work around it and avoid it. No one bothers to fix the missing stair because jumping over it works just fine. But if no one told you that there was a missing stair, and it’s just assumed that you’re aware, it’s all too easy to be hurt. Every time you allow someone with a known history of harassment to drum for your band, or play at your venue, or come to your party, you’re saying that their presence matters more than other people at the event feeling safe. You’re putting the onus on potential targets to be aware enough to leap over the missing stair, rather than roping off the stairwell with caution tape. And if someone does get hurt, it’s their fault; that’s what happens when you use a shitty, jacked up staircase, dude.”

—

an easy to understand metaphor about why the scumbos should be driven out of communities of all kinds.

from IMAGINING A SAFER SPACE: BUILDING COMMUNITY & ENDING HARASSMENT IN PUNK by Lorena Cupcake

(via christophersebela)

13K notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Text

that one really eloquent australian dude getting arrested for dining and dashing is my idol tbh

82K notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Text

Bay Area Gothic

You want to buy a new car. At the Ford dealership, you ask for something sporty. They show you a Prius. You ask for a sedan. They show you a different Prius. You ask for an SUV or a truck. They show you a slightly larger Prius. It is the same at all the other dealerships. Except at Toyota. You do not approach the Toyota dealership. That’s probably for the best.

There’s a man wandering your neighborhood every morning, mumbling the numbers of freeways. The Accident is traveling, he tells you. There is only one Accident, and it roams the freeways, seeking new victims. Don’t take 880 to work today. Find another route.

Slow for the S-curve on the Bay Bridge. It doesn’t stop curving. You keep slowing. Somewhere around the fourth S-curve, you come to a stop. You haven’t seen another car in years. Didn’t they destroy the S-curve already?

You are a member of the Co-op. What does it sell? Who else is a member? No one knows. But you have always been a member of the Co-op. You will always be a member of the Co-op. Do not try to leave the Co-op.

The foghorn blows while you’re trying to sleep. There is bright moonlight on the pillow beside your face, and the stars sparkle threateningly outside your window. The foghorn keeps blowing. Don’t leave the window open. The fresh air isn’t worth it.

There is a protest outside City Hall today. It has been going on for as long as you have been alive. What are they protesting? The signs they carry change every day. Don’t try to read the signs. Your family would miss you.

It’s 3AM, but Highway 101 is bumper-to-bumper traffic. Don’t make eye contact with the other drivers. Try to believe you will get home eventually.

Your barista mutters and gestures over your espresso, and charges you $17 for it. “That should keep you going for awhile!” he says with a slightly vacant grin. Under no circumstances should you drink that coffee.

131 notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Text

Military Kid Gothic

They ask you where you’re from, they keep asking you where you are from, they will never stop asking you where you are from.

They tell you never to go near the old ordinance, it lies behind the warning signs pounded into the ground behind the fenced in backyards of every house in the neighborhood. The landscape beyond a grey waste, blended together by time and memory, undefinable in characteristic of terrain or climate. At night you crawl up to the balcony to listen for explosions, there is only howling and the faint gleam of something metallic.

Your home is a concrete quadplex with typhoon proof windows and ridged steel doors. You are a 45 minute bus ride away from school. Your home is wood and brick, there are rats in the walls near your room that scratch around at night, you have no garage, but a large basement. It takes five minutes to walk to school. Your home has a large garage filled with thousands of black widow spiders you burn with magnifying glasses for fun. You don’t really care where your school is. Your home is small and full of asbestos, the paint flakes off the walls in thick chunks like rotting skin. You do not want to go to school anymore. Your home is the seat of a car, an airplane, a hotel room.

They say “Thank you for your service.” You feel like you haven’t done anything. Not yet.

Your ID card. Where is your ID card? The old gate guards knew your face, why would you ever need it?

You come back to the United States. Everything towers over you, cars move faster, and faster, and faster. The buildings engulf you, they become your fences, you are smaller each day.

Your friend says see you tomorrow. They never come back. An airplane leaves white chemtrails in the sky and you wonder.

You’ve never unpacked that box. Not in your many moves, but something’s beginning to smell, and the packing tape frays at it’s edges.

57 notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Text

i rate fox emojis

a solid fox. good rendering. looks soft. 9/10

an adorable stylized boy!! i’d give him my wallet. 11/10

a simple boy, bold lines. but lacks personality. 6/10

she is adorable and well-groomed. i love her. 10/10

this thing ravished my trash can and stole my first born. 4/10

a tiny boy! hes shaped like a friend. 9.5/10

she is round and kind. i trust her. 10/10

a distinct style, though he too lacks any depth. 7/10

he is kind. but something behind is eyes is hiding something. 8/10

darkness consumes me. 0/10

176K notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Text

Hey, do you know that feeling of hitching up a long skirt so you don’t fall on your face when walking upstairs, and then you immediately become a wretched yet resolute Jane Austen character? It’s a universal thing, right?

328K notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Link

And in other news, water is wet

239K notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Photo

AND a race one since the most affected regions will be Africa, Asia and Oceania

254K notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Text

What does it mean to be a billionaire?

So there’s been a lot of discussion floating around regarding billionaires and society, and I’ve noticed that most people have no idea what a billion dollars is for practical purposes - people tend to think of it as a vague, nebulous concept of “a lot of money” rather than something concrete you can wrap your head around. This is understandable, considering 1) a billion of anything is really hard to visualize and 2) the average person has no real reference point for an amount of money that large. So I’m going to try to break it down for everyone:

Okay, so imagine you have a billion dollars. What can you actually buy with that?

This is a mega mansion that will have an Imax cinema, a bowling alley, and a spa when it’s fully complete. It costs around 4.6 million dollars.

Now let’s buy one of these in every country in Europe - that’s 50 mansions you now own. So how are you going to travel between all your many homes?

This is a Bugatti Veyron Super Sport, the fastest street-legal car in the world. It has a maximum speed of a face-melting 254 mph and can go from 0 to 60 mph in 2.5 seconds. It costs around 2.5 million dollars.

Let’s buy a dozen of them - you know, in case you total a few of them racing around the highway. But maybe a sports car is still to slow for you:

This is an Embraer Lineage 1000. It’s private jet that can seat up to 19 passengers, and we’re going to buy it for 53 million dollars.

How about a boat? The Tatoosh is a 303 ft private yacht, meaning it’s longer than a football field. We’ll take it for 369 million dollars.

Do you like art? Just for fun let’s buy Monet’s most expensive painting ($90 million) Van Gogh’s most expensive painting ($151 million), and this monstrosity, which is made with 8,601 diamonds and costs 65 million dollars.

Now that we’ve gone on our ludicrous and absurdly wasteful shopping spree, how much money do we have leftover? About 12 million dollars, which is almost an order of magnitude more than the average American with a bachelors degree or higher earns in a lifetime ($1.8 million). So if you for whatever reason decided to buy the 50 houses, 12 sports cars, plane, yacht, art pieces etc. and immediately set them all on fire, you would still have enough cash leftover so you never would have to work again if you so chose. This is what it means to be a billionaire.

But we’re not done yet.

The richest person in the world is Bill Gates, with a net worth of 86 billion dollars. If he liquidated his assets, what could he buy?

Well, for starters, the Burj Khalifa - the tallest man-made structure in the world at 2,722 feet tall, costing around 1.5 billion dollars.

The Large Hadron Collider, the world’s biggest and most advanced particle accelerator for 9 billion dollars.

The Hubble Space Telescope for 10 billion dollars (including 20 years of operating costs).

The Three Gorges Dam, the largest power station in the world, more than a mile wide.

And to top it all off, a fleet of five Nimitz-class aircraft carriers, the largest military vessels ever built for around 8.9 billion dollars each. If you look at the picture very closely you can see the people standing on it for reference.

If Bill Gates bought all of this, he would still have around 2.3 billion dollars leftover. That’s enough to go on the billionaire shopping spree I described above twice over (so 100 mansions, 24 sports cars etc.) and still have hundreds of millions of dollars in the bank when it’s all said and done.

But we’re not done yet.

Currently, it’s estimated that there are 2,043 billionaires alive today, with a combined net worth of around 7.67 trillion dollars.

This is Russia, the largest country in the world, extending more than six and a half million square miles, with a population of more than 144 million people. The United Kingdom could fit inside Russia 70 times.

In 2016 Russia’s gross domestic product was about 1.28 trillion dollars. This means that if the two thousand and some odd richest people in the world - less than half of 0.1% of 0.1% of the Earth’s population - liquidated and pooled their assets together, they could buy every single product and service made in Russia for almost 6 years.

So yeah, make of that what you will.

152K notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Photo

261K notes · View notes

agent-saturn · 5 years

Text

Mushroom postcards by German artist, Heinz Geilfus (1890-1956).

5K notes · View notes