a3sastrid
welcome to the shit show
TW! dont report just block 18+sw: 200 cw: 162.6 gw: 125 ugw: 100LW: 124.2
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tired of it
#anorexcya#ana trigger#tw ana diary#depressing shit#meansp酶#i want to 猸愶笍ve#tw ana trigger#tw disordered eating#馃暞锔廰s a 馃#starv1ng
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circulating the same 5 pounds hahahaha what if I kill myself <3
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Where are all my adult anas?
It's a different world stepping into Eds shoes again half way through life.
I don't have to worry about my parents getting mad at me
I don't have to worry about my school teachers getting mad at me
I don't have the typical teenage drama that spurred this mentality shift
I remember Ed being a call a shout for help just to be seen and cared for as a teenager. But now no one sees me, I have no watchful eyes on me. No one whispering under their breath, no parents staring at me across the dinner table as I play with a half eaten plate, no boy trouble or pubescent drama fueled by hormonal rage and indifference. I'm not doing this to impress the boy I like or try to fit in with the popular kids.
I am invisible
Except from myself.
I'm in a strange state of visible translucency. I tell people I'm fasting and they believe me, I tell people I'm too tired to come meet them for dinner they believe me.
Fuck, even my live out partner whose been here for the last 3 days who I have said the words 4norexi4 to and who has watched me consume nothing but tea for 3 days doesn't question my choices.
How different a world it is when you're seen but not seen. I am validated but I remain a shadow.
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Dinner was Bojangles - 820 cals
#depressing shit#meansp酶#tw ana diary#ana trigger#anorexcya#i want to 猸愶笍ve#tw ana trigger#tw disordered eating#starv1ng#馃暞锔廰s a 馃
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Breakfast cereal - 188 cals
Lunch is salad (lettuce and tomato Italian dressing) and a cup of steamed broccoli i with Diet Coke - 138 cals
#depressing shit#meansp酶#tw ana diary#ana trigger#anorexcya#i want to 猸愶笍ve#tw ana trigger#tw disordered eating#馃暞锔廰s a 馃#starv1ng
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Starting omad today 馃馃徎 updating weight tomorrow 馃
#depressing shit#meansp酶#tw ana diary#ana trigger#anorexcya#i want to 猸愶笍ve#tw ana trigger#tw disordered eating#馃暞锔廰s a 馃#starv1ng
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Morning weight : 164.6
#depressing shit#meansp酶#tw ana diary#ana trigger#anorexcya#i want to 猸愶笍ve#tw ana trigger#tw disordered eating#馃暞锔廰s a 馃#starv1ng
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Didn鈥檛 have breakfast but lunch is the same as yesterday 3 boiled eggs and Diet Coke
#depressing shit#meansp酶#tw ana diary#ana trigger#anorexcya#i want to 猸愶笍ve#tw ana trigger#tw disordered eating#馃暞锔廰s a 馃#starv1ng
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Weigh in : 166.6
#depressing shit#meansp酶#tw ana diary#ana trigger#anorexcya#i want to 猸愶笍ve#tw ana trigger#tw disordered eating#馃暞锔廰s a 馃#starv1ng
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Lunch 3 boiled eggs with Diet Coke 210 cals
#depressing shit#meansp酶#tw ana diary#ana trigger#anorexcya#i want to 猸愶笍ve#tw ana trigger#tw disordered eating#馃暞锔廰s a 馃#starv1ng
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Starting weight (mostly water weight) : 169.4
Breakfast : shot of raw ACV and oatmeal made with water : 160 cals
#depressing shit#meansp酶#tw ana diary#ana trigger#anorexcya#i want to 猸愶笍ve#tw ana trigger#tw disordered eating#馃暞锔廰s a 馃#starv1ng
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Tired of gaining and losing the same 5 pounds I鈥檓 getting back on track tomorrow!
No more holidays for a while besides new years but not a big deal 馃馃徎
#depressing shit#meansp酶#tw ana diary#ana trigger#anorexcya#i want to 猸愶笍ve#tw ana trigger#tw disordered eating#馃暞锔廰s a 馃#starv1ng
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Feeling really guilty about eating all that food earlier tbh I really didn鈥檛 eat that much and I still feel stuffed after a 3 hour nap 馃槶
#depressing shit#meansp酶#tw ana diary#ana trigger#anorexcya#i want to 猸愶笍ve#tw ana trigger#tw disordered eating#馃暞锔廰s a 馃#starv1ng
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Weight loss is like a Duolingo streak. It doesn't matter if you miss one day, as long as you stay consistent on the long run. After two months of consistency, one day of slip won't be much, so don't get discourged if you mess up one day. It's only that, one day
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Well I definitely tried to eat as little as possible also had some dessert not eating anything else today
Calories = unknown
#depressing shit#meansp酶#tw ana diary#ana trigger#anorexcya#i want to 猸愶笍ve#tw ana trigger#tw disordered eating#馃暞锔廰s a 馃#starv1ng
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Having Christmas dinner today @ 1 gonna stay on track the best I can moderation is key 馃檹馃徏
#depressing shit#meansp酶#tw ana diary#ana trigger#anorexcya#i want to 猸愶笍ve#tw ana trigger#tw disordered eating#馃暞锔廰s a 馃#starv1ng
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