2/5/23

I’m in a dimly lit room with walls made of sharply angled brick of dark flint. I realized I was in an undergrad linguistics class. The TA has all of us lined up and was asking us to say one word to her. If she can’t guess what language it is we get a prize, though she doesn’t specify what it is. Many of the people in front of me have tried less common languages and still lost. One person in line ahead of me said a word in Hebrew and the TA answered correctly immediately and the student was grabbed by the shoulder and pushed to the left into the group of students that lost. The person immediately ahead of me said rubidium and TA answered correctly once more and told the student that she would have known it if the student said rhodium of rhenium. When it was my turn I said leviteracetam. When the TA didn’t know what language it was she told me the word could only have a maximum of three syllables. I then said clobazam, and again she didn’t know what language I was speaking in. When I told her it was an English word she was visibly annoyed. An orange neon light sitting on a table next to her changed from 6 to 7 showing I was the seventh student in the class that beat her. When it was time to hand out the prizes, it turned out that the prize was long plastic tubes that were used to carry shots. When she got to me, I was first given six green ones, but she then loudly said in a sarcastic tone “oh since you beat me using an English word you can have another” as she handed me a seventh.

9/24/22

It’s some time in the 1920s and I’m on a freight train that seems to be infinitely long, made up of either windowless boxcars or cars open to the outside with walls that are about chest height. The train seems to be intended for moving prisoners to an unknown location. I’m with two men who work for me on one of the cars open to the outside. We begin to pass through my dad’s neighborhood when the train stops. I take this moment to jump off the train and look for a way to help the men that work for me off the train. I go through a small field made up of dead grass and mesquite trees to a set of houses with a single street as an entry point which has been gated shut. I climb a nearby tree and jump on to the roof of one of the houses. I walk towards the opposite end of the roof and look down. the entrance pathway ends at a T shaped junction, with the entrance to a house that while looking dingy on the outside, leads into an interior of white marble, with live floral and fern plants on either side of the entrance. I look down at the dirt road again and I see a male and a female lion slowly walking from along the longer road towards  the shorter road where the gate is. Following a short distance behind at the same pace them is a hyena. I move slightly and the hyena looks up to where I was laying on the roof. I turn around and head back to the train. I tell the men who work for me about what I saw and they tell me to go back and see what else is there. I return to the houses but when I look down again I only see a cat in a lion costume. I get off the roof into the road when I’m spotted by a girl about my age. She comes towards me and I turn to the gate and begin to leave when she says she’s going to help everyone off the train. She tells me she’s going to come with me to help and I oblige, letting her follow me back to the train. when I get back onto the train, it begins to move again, off to an unknown location. We manage to break out of the train car but we find ourselves standing on a narrow metal platform that is attached to the side of the train cars. We begin walking towards the end of the train, though we do not know when we will find it.  Ahead of us we see that the train is beginning to go through a dry riverbed, with high stone walls on either side so that even if we are to get off the train, we cannot climb up the walls. On top of and past the walls is a city on both sides, with a mix of building with modern or 18th and 19th century architecture. There is a sidewalk directly on top of the walls with people walking along it. The people I’ve escaped with and I immediately cram ourselves into a small dark space between two of the train cars so we are not seen. It is at this point I notice I’m wearing a sky blue suit and I complain how cramming into this small space is going to make my suit dirty. Once we leave the crowded sidewalks behind us we get out from between the two cars and back on to the platform. While we are still in the city, the walls have lowered to about chest-height and have gone from the tan color of sandstone to light grey, which matched the cloudy sky above us. As I look up I see thin metal arches with Christmas wreathes hanging from them. As I look up, the train slows down and when I look ahead of the train I see that the train has come to the end of the track, with the stone wall of the city cutting us off. I then hear it being announced from somewhere that some president has declared that keeping prisoners on trains was a human rights violation and that we should all be let off the train. As we all get off the train onto a platform, I notice my dad moving around behind the bushes that are alongside the train platform. I go to meet him and see that he’s moving around trying to catch fish that have somehow ended up on land. I begin to help him pick up the fish and he tells me to begin throwing them on to the train. We both begin grabbing fish that are flopping around behind the bushes and then throwing them into one of the open air cars on the train when I notice that my dad is hitting some medium sized red fish with a longer blue fish. I ask why and he tells me to keep putting fish on the train. I grab two of the red fish and thrown them aboard and then look back at the long blue fish, which had been set down on the ground and remained motionless.

7/17/22

I walk into a new class in the anthropology department called the do nothing class. It’s a large class, some 100 people seated at a set of tables placed to make a sort of “n” shape. The professor was seated at the top of this configuration, which is raised by about a foot along the horizontal portion of the “n” shape. The door to enter the room is placed at the bottom of this so when you walk in it appears everyone is looking at you. The classroom itself is lit by meter long fluorescent bulbs embedded in the ceiling, which cast that familiar sterile white light over the room. The carpet is that dull pattern of dark brown-grey-black dots that just barely hides the dirt and stains in it from years of use without being cleaned. It’s a popular class with many if not all the seats filled. I sit at the very end of the lower left of this shape and look to my left. There’s a small line of perhaps ten people waiting to talk to the professor, who is looking down at his desk writing something. Most people along my side are either on their phones, reading something or writing. The guy to my left is writing in a notebook. Trying to fit in I take out my notebook and flip through the pages, which were already filled with doodles. I’m not sure what to do so I get up and walk to where I’m within the “n” shape, on the upper right of the shape, where I sit down. I call out to the professor what the class is for, but he ignores me. A guy sitting across from me some 25 feet away calls out to me saying “it’s called the do nothing class, you do nothing.” We begin having a conversation about a long list of banal things, though all I remember is that I was complaining how, while in a serif font it is easy to differentiate an uppercase “I” from a lower case “l”, it is impossible to do so in a sans serif font, where the “I” and the “l” look identical.

3/21/22

I’m at my college graduation, walking down a long and broad flight of stairs carpeted by olive velvet. Behind me are professor haas and lasser who are giving me advice that I don’t understand. The stairs lead down into an auditorium where the seats of those graduation are arranged as it would be in an orchestra, each angled to face a center podium. Past the podium sits rows of seats gradually filling with people. I realize I’m only wearing a t shirt and jeans. Fortunately just behind the seats of the graduates there’s a gift shop where I can buy graduation robes. I quickly make my way to the shop but when I’m inside it’s crowded and busy as everyone else forgot to buy robes as well. I get to the counter and I’m offered to buy a school yearbook and a scratch and sniff book of Texas related items. i explain I need robes and the cashier tells me she’ll check if there are still any in my size left. As she checks a friend of mine come up next to me and starts paging through the yearbook. i begin to go through the scratch and sniff book. The pages are formatted with text about the item and a large circle to scratch for them smell. The page I opened to was part of a chapter on the drinks made in Texas. I smell the page on whiskey and then page through to pages about Texas pies

8/12/21

I’m sitting shotgun in a van with people who though I do not actually know who they are are my friends. We are speeding down an ice covered mountain trying to escape a maroon C3P0-like robot that had knives lodged in its face. As we speed down the mountain we drove through a cave with the walls and ceiling of the cave being in the shape of a jagged parabola, colored a beautiful deep blue. As we speed through the cave certain sections ahead of us being to slowly lower in the same way they would in Indiana Jones, almost trapping us within that section of the cave. As we speed through each of these sections there is a moment that is paradoxically peaceful and frantic, where we drove through a snow covered pine forest working the cave. I see to our left a deer look up at us from where it had been sleeping and watch us as we sped by. As we make it under one final wall we find ourselves on a well travelled snow covered road. We continue forward and see a massive arch of snow covered ice that we have to pass under. Balancing perpendicularly on top of this arch is a turquoise colored piece of ice in the shape of a bull’s horn and the size of a battleship. We slow down and look up at it for a moment before the driver who I now believe was Taylor M saw it begin to tip backwards such that it would fall in the road in front of us. She yells “aw hell no” and sends us in reverse. We look back at the mass of ice and see it has begun to tip forwards towards us and Taylor M floors it sending us forward, down the mountain. We continue to drive and find ourselves on an airplane tarmac. We pull up to one of the airplane terminals, get out of the van and go up the ramp. From the ramp we end up in a dimly lit hallway with two bathrooms on the left side of the hall. All members of the party but me have to use the restroom so I stand alone in the hall. The robot that had been attacking us in the mountain ends up in front of me but doesn’t seem to notice me. I put the robot in a chokehold and it attempts to reach its arm over its shoulder to cut me with a pizza slicer. I somehow steal the pizza slicer and run around a corner where I find Oscar T and some uninown girl talking to each other. In an attempt to eavesdrop on them I kneel on the ground and using my pizza slicer start cutting through white blue and yellow trash bags that were taped flat to the ground. Though it may have been related to their love life in some way I am unable to discern their conversation and once I check to see that the robot has left I continue down the hall. I end up in a large open portion of the airport where a middle- or high-school dance is underway. I sneak in to hide from the robot and I spot the people I had been driving down the mountain with. I meet back up with them and lean with my shoulder against the wall behind us. The principal from my middle school rounds the corner and demands to see our tickets. The other members of my group show sticker name tags on their chest that say they paid for tickets to be there. Since I don’t have one of these stickers I cross my arms over my chest to hide the fact that I don’t have one. The principal gives the rest of my group a hard time about the tickets but when she looks at me she sees only a white corner of a logo I’ve partially covered with my arms. The principal decides it’s good enough and walks away. We begin to leave the dance and have to make our way through a TSA-like checkpoint where we have to give some information before we are allowed to leave. When it’s my turn in line I see that there are some name tags that others had peeled off their shirts do stuck to a flat metal surface in front of the touch screen computer I had to use. I steal one of the name tags from the pile, though I believe it may have been a girl’s. I start using the terminal but the prior person left it on step seven and I had to call a security person over to help me. He was a nice older man who didn’t look twice at my name tag. We went through the pages on the computer which asked me if I had any contraband. I leave the airport and wake up

6/12/20

I’m sitting in a chair in a darkened DMV office, my back to the wall facing a cubicle with a cluttered desk. To my left is a long line of people waiting to do to whatever it is I’m doing. A woman comes to me and puts circles of painters tape on my forehead, cheeks, shoulders and chest. She tells me to look forward so my picture can be taken. She tries several times to take the picture by pressing a button and reorganizing the tape on my head to get a proper photo. It doesn’t work so she scoots next closer to the desk where I see an open computer with led lights in the case. My mom appears next to the lady and begins to complain to her about her own boss and how he’s a terrible boss even though I know that she just doesn’t understand what her boss is doing. The woman who works at the dmv laughs as she realizes the camera doesn’t exist. I’m scooted back against the wall as a camera in placed in front of me. The woman and my mom then try to get in the photo with me and laugh as I try to fix my hair, which they keep ruffling up. The photo is taken and I now find myself in the passenger seat of maxs car, driving down a country road. This drive is broken into still frames and as the photos play out it shows us following a grey semi truck. In some pictures we’re driving behind it, others we are to the side and in one the we are facing the truck as it swerves to hit us in a head on collision. To get back at the truck we get into a line to the lot where the truck is supposed to park. We aren’t allowed in and thus clog the line. I get out of the car onto the grass to point and laugh at the truck driver. I turn around and I find myself in the living room of my dads house. My dad is laying down on the couch while he complains to me how we never meet up anymore. I walk upstairs and lay down on a weight bench in the room with the fish tanks, the lights turned off and only lit by the lights from the fish tanks. I realize the jeans I’m wearing have zippers that unzip the jeans all the way down to my lower calf. I stand up again and find myself in a girls bedroom, lit only by a salt lamp. Another girl who the room does not belong to appears in the room and trips me into the bed. She comes into the bed with me and begins to take off her clothes and tries to have me get naked and have sex with her. I panic and accidentally unzip the aforementioned jeans and created air resistance that makes it difficult for me to run away. I run into the bathroom trying to find more clothes to put on to make sure I don’t have sex. I look left and I see a cluttered bathroom counter and the mirror where my own terrified face looks back at me. I turn to the right into the closet but I find nothing that fits me and I am led back to the bed where I uncomfortably lay on my back as the girl sleeps naked next to me. In the morning I get out of the bed and go to brush my teeth. My toothbrush is located in an extremely clean airport, the walls the perfect shade of white. The only thing in the building that isn’t white is a trough that is waist high that stands parallel to the high ceilinged hallway. There, beneath the plants in the trough is my toothbrush. I realize I’m accidentally using my dads toothbrush and so I angrily brush my teeth trying to finish as fast as possible. I look around me at the pearlescent white airport. There is only one other person, who is riding an escalator up to another floor. I finish and spit into the plants. I go down the hall to go to bill gatess offic. I round the corner just as he’s leaving his office. I shoot finger guns at him and I say “Bill I got a question and you seem smart enough to know”. I begin twirling a triangle shaped gear in my finger and I ask him for a word I can’t remember. I can’t even remember how to describe the word I can’t remember so he stares at me awkwardly and walks off.

5/29/20

I am in a large arctic wasteland, with nothing but snow and rectangular black basalt stones of varying sizes, from the size of a shoebox to schoolbusses. There is a tight spiral staircase that ascends indefinitely into an empty black sky. My English professor is on the ground with his TA and he calls out to me and other students while we climb up the stairs. He tells us our final assignment for his class is to draw three cartoon images of toilet paper. I draw two on my phone before I vanish into the sky. I now view myself fro the side, as though I’m looking at a Mario game. I, or my character, finds a hole in the ground and enters it. I watch as my character descends these caves, which split into two separate routes, still descending every few meters. I can still see some of these other routes on the right still illuminated though my character descends the caves on the left. Suddenly I am transferred into the game and it turns into a 3D cave system that has the graphics of a Nintendo 64 game. There are walls on either side of me, allowing me roughly four feet between them. The floor is made of what appears to be squares of clay the width of the hall. As I walk in this cave, which has turns of sharp right angles, I begin to notice that certain squares begin to rumble and begin to slowly descend, making it apparent that they are cubes. When I walk over a square some begin to rumble and descend slowly alone but some cause several at a time to rumble. I walk on one section and many of the the squares begin to rumble at once. I begin running to find a safe spot in the cave. I stop at what I believe to be a safe square, but it descends as well, with me on top of it. It takes me down to a nighttime setting composed of a small stone outdoor theater with large trees hanging over it. I see my dad and little brother standing on it and I approach them. I briefly pass them and walk down a small curved staircase to pick something up at the bottom. As I get to the end of the stairs I realize that it’s the San Antonio riverwalk. I pick up the item and I return to my dad and little brother. My dad, my little brother and I then walk into a famous doctors office, long and thin, some ten feet wide and fifty feet long. It looks very cluttered and dingy, with disorganized shelves on the walls that go the fifty feet to the end of the store. These shelves are full of loose papers, archaic books and medical artifacts such as sthethescopes and human bones. We all sit down on chairs in the center, with me on the side looking further into the office, the doctor on the chair facing me, my dad and brother to my left, and a toilet to my right. I realize I haven’t finished my toilet paper homework assignment for English class and so I begin to discreetly finish my last image of a toilet. My little brother is also in this class and he too hasn’t finished the assignment. As I try to scrawl a picture of a toilet on some toilet paper, I accidentally drop it and it drifts down to the tile floor under the bowl of the toilet. It is wet where is lands and so it rapidly becomes wet and unusable. Looking at it now, it just looks like a piece of used toilet paper with a smear of shit on it. Both my little brother and I have to turn in one last toilet paper drawing and before I have a chance, my little brother claims it’s his and we begin to fight

5/25/20

After a party, drunk people are put into large chicken eggs and put into a blue styrofoam carton. I find myself standing next to this carton on a street corner. A bus pulls up on the street next to me. The eggs are then put into this modified school bus that has been made into an egg carrier. The bus was designed such that the roof had been removed and the seats had been replaced with large indentations that mirror what can be found in a case of eggs. The bus is driven by a sassy old woman, who makes cliche remarks at me as I help put the eggs into the bus. I’m holding an iPad with an arbitrary list of these eggs and where they should be placed. I put as many eggs as I can into the bus’ indentations while the woman continues her sassy remarks. After the bus is full, I sit in the seat behind her and she begins driving away. Unfortunately the bus could not fit all the eggs and so some were left behind on the dark street corner. I’m told that the bus is headed to the address Ford, 1 Ford Road, San Marcos. I look at the iPad and see that is close by but the route to get there is a twisted mess of roads.

5/21/20

I am in one of the large lecture halls in the UAC. At the front end of the stairs is a small drop off with a rail guard, similar to what can be found in a sports arena. Anthony, Ryan and I are making fun of people we know. Anthony is one the lower side of the rail and Ryan and I stood on the higher side. Anthony and I are wearing camouflage military uniforms. The one I’m wearing may have been stole from someone we generally dislike, as we were making fun of the sergeant rank emblem on the sternum area. There are many people on the lower area calling out and waving to people on the upper area, as if they are waving us bon-voyage. Someone comes by and yells at people on the lower area to stand a small distance- no more than two feet, as indicated by that line on what looks like a wooden gym floor- away from the upper level rails. The rooms suddenly changes to how it is normally, without a wooden front area, and an awards ceremony begins. It seems to be awarding people with perfect attendance or good grade, with them being given cheap and tacky items like plastic trophies and fake degrees for perfect anttendence and other minor accomplishments printed on cheap cardboard. I do not win anything and I remain in my seat until the ceremony is over. As the crowd begins to file out of the room through the two doors in the front of the room on either side of the podium, I make my way to the trash and recycling bins just off to the right of the doorway. I kneel down on the floor with many of my suitcases now laying open and face up for me to sort items from the trash cans into them. I find several pages of notes from several of my psychology classes in the recycling bin. They feel somewhat rigid, as though they had been soaked in water and dried. As I place these pages into one of the suitcases, someone asks for let to let them get by as they leave the room. I move my pair of black Chelsea boots to the side, and when I do so I see Dr. Lasser approaching me. He asks I’m up do to something with him, though he does not initially specify what. I stand up and Dr. lasser lifts a banana to my face. He asks if I want to help him put his bananas around campus and see how long it takes people to notice them. We go to several spots, hiding the banana among various non edible items that are similar in appearance to a banana. I separate from lasser for a brief moment and move into an area with several types of cheese. I contemplate how I could also hide cheese in various places, using their various color and texture to have the cheeses blend in. I am holding a triangle of white Swiss cheese but I look into a glass case where I take note of the cheese. I see mozzarella, then blue cheese which I grimace at, and then a triangle of cheddar cheese. I turn around to rejoin lasser. We are now both walking down an aisle of a home depot. We reach the end of an aisle and lasser places one last banana into a box at eye level that is full of yellow wrenches.

4/26/20

I’m grocery shopping during the panidemic. There’s a flurry of activity inside the store as multiple stores all team up to make a food display to tout their wares. They make it look humble and slightly rustic. When they finish setting it up and have the food set up on it in a manner such that it looks like if could be in a street side farmers market in Italy, they all take a knee and gesture towards, as though they are presenting some valuable item to a king. I walk past them annoyed as they’ve gotten in the way as I go to check out. I leave the store and I find myself walking up a unlit road on a steep hill just before dawn. I believe I had found the area that could ostensibly be called the candy area. I somehow perceive that a plethora of candy can be easily obtained just off to the side of the sidewalk in the grassy area to my right. As I walk up the hill I’m only searching for chocolate, and I cannot find it. I am almost to the top of the hill when I look to the left. I see atop another hill to my left some 300 meters away, the outline of the male and female sigils used on bathroom signs standing against the background of a dark blue morning sky. I feel that it’s a clue and I look to my right, into the grassy area where I find what I’m looking for – male chocolate. I pick it up and I am transported to the bottom of yet another hill. It’s dark now, the sky no longer dark blue but black without any stars in the sky. Ahead of me on the sidewalk is Alisa, passing under a tree. A street ligh some twenty feet high shines a bright blue-white light on to the street and casts a shadow of the tree’s leaves onto her back. Initially I am walking some distance behind her but I realize she’s slowing down and I am inevitably going to pass her. I look down and pull the drawstrings on my hoodie such that my face is almost entirely covered, save for my nose and mouth, both of which are being firmly pressed on by the hood. My head is angled down and I can’t see where I’m walking, though I perceive I’m quickly approaching Alisa. I get near her and I begin talking in a tone that sounds exaggeratedly normal, as though I’m trying to make casual conversation loudly over a noise that isn’t there and in a way that sounds as if I’m avoiding another topic that needs to be discussed. I see that she’s pushing a small two-tiered shopping cart and I realize it will slow her down as I run past her. I might be carrying some groceries at this point, but Its likely I have discarded them. I leave her behind me and go over the crest of the hill. The road I’m on abruptly turns into a water slide for inner tubes. I begin riding down the slide at great speed. On both sides of the slide there are rocky cliff sides with rocks, ferns, moss and branches all hanging over the edge. I realize I’m going so fast that I’m flying ten feet above the and I have to lean into turns on the slide, which seems to go on in a descending spiral. There’s a number following me in the upper right field of view but I don’t know what it means. It rises with great speed, going up by the thousand in milliseconds. 3000, 4000, 5000, 6000, 7000 are all displayed and vanish as quickly as they came as I fly over the tumultuous waters of the slide. I think I may be racing some girl or perhaps beating her record. I laugh and yell that I’m going to win. I fly over other people going down the slide at a much slower pace than I. They don’t acknowledge me as I continue my descent. I make one more turn before I wake up.

1/14/20

I’m at the oscars award ceremony. Solemani is on stage behind the podium. He says something in Arabic and then goose steps off stage while displaying the North Korean flag. I am called onto the stage. I walk up the stair onto the stage disguised as Melania Trump in a wedding dress. I don’t have a speech prepared so I start doing an improv comedy routine. Matt Damon comes on stage to help me do more complicated improv routines. We call out to people in the audience for ideas and to make jokes about them. Suddenly a laser turret from a Star Destroyer rises up from a seat in the audience and begins to fire at us. We both dive behind the podium to take cover from the barrage of lasers it is firing at us and we wait for it to stop. The barrage is never ending so Damon and I decide to military crawl off the stage and out the door. We eventually end up in a cramped and cluttered office and play smash bros on a tiny CRT monitor. On the desk in a plastic cup filled with water is a small sea creature. I grab a straw and blow bubbles into the water to ensure the animal gets enough oxygen. We exit the room directly into a classroom with the lights off. Matt Damon tells me he is now a high school teacher. He gives me and everyone in the class a photography assignment. I lean on a table and take off my pants. A classmate gives me a wary look and I tell him to mind his own business.

11/18/19

Nazi germany pizza store

9/8/19

Famed race car driver Atticus Custer wins a race after all other cars in the race get into an accident and are unable to drive. Atticus steps out of his vehicle and jumps with his hands in the air. A tire that had beeen launched into the air in the wreck falls on him and knocks him unconscious

8/18/19

It’s the middle of winter and I find myself sitting on a log in the forest. It has just rained and in front of me sits a large puddle with dead maples leaves floating on the surface. I look up through the branches at the clouds which still lingered above me even after the rain had left. “You know, I bet she left because you had a booger in your nose” Jeremiah said, sitting on a log across from me. “Here, I got you” he says while reaching over the puddle between us and putting his finger in my nose. He pulls his finger out, atop which sits a large cucumber slice

7/25/19

I find myself walking down the hall of the Las Vegas airport at a brisk pace pursuing a man with a really cool Hawaiian shirt and khaki cargo shorts. No matter how fast I go he seems go double my speed and after a short time he evades me by going into a very large bathroom. I decide to use a computer at a free internet bar in the airport to pass the time. I sit down at a computer facing two college freshmen as they do their homework. I plug in my flash drive and download a file that has the most commonly used passwords. One of the freshmen asks me if they can borrow my phone charger and offers me his iPad charger as a promise that he won’t run off with my charger. After much bargaining I hand him my iPhone charger and he hands me all of his art projects for class. He then begins to explain all of them to me as I feign interest. The art was mediocre at best and as he finished talking to me about the art he made for his final projects, a poorly done painting done in the rococo style of art, my plane arrived and I got on board. I now find myself exiting the plane into the foyer of my dad’s house. It’s night time and my dad is outside talking on the phone, walking further away. I walk out the door onto the front porch and see on the walls dozens of cicadas emerging from their larval exoskeleton as their fully grown winged version. I look down the street looking for my dad and I see him doing gnarly tricks on skateboard before he hands to to my older brother and walks back to the house. When he gets to the porch we find a very short, perhaps just shy of five feet y’all, version of Matt Hurt there. He starts throwing feeble punches at me and my dad’s stomachs but since he’s so weak we just ignored him, looking instead at the cicadas on the walls. After Matt leaves we look a different wall and see two turtles, a male and a female, walking up the wall. It’s clear that the male turtle is trying to seduce the female turtle but she just keeps walking up the wall. Discouraged by his failure, the male turtle flings himself off the wall and plummets to his death. My dad picks him up and opens his shell. Inside we find a bunch of seeds that look like malted milk balls. “Interesting,” my dad says as he begins to reach up to grab the female turtle “I bet we’ll find the same if we...” As we look to where the female turtle is, she flings herself off the wall just as the male turtle did.

7/18/19

It’s late in the evening and I’m lost in a zoo. I make my way to the section devoted to African mammals where I observe Harambe sitting peacefully with a wreath made of fruit. My dad comes by and gestures towards the exit. I leave through the zoo gates and begin walking up a flight of stairs. It’s November 22, 1963 and I am on the sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository. I sit down next to Lee Harvey Oswald as he dials the sights on his rifle and I look out the window. On the street below us I see a black convertible limousine. In the back of the limousine sits Harambe, waving to the crowd. Oswald breathes in, holds for a moment and fires his rifle.

7/9/19

I am driving my dad’s van down a back county road in a strong thunderstorm, in the seat behind me sits the punisher, who is trying on a myriad of sunglasses which he won in a contest that we have just departed from. Each pair that he doesn’t like, he reaches around and puts them on me. With each subsequent pair of shades he puts on me, the weather changes. It becomes sunny, then it’s hailing, it begins to snow, and finally, with the last pair of shades put in my face, a tornado bears down upon us, launching us upward towards the heavens. We see white, then blue, and finally we look up to find there is nothing but blackness, speckled here and there with planets, stars and galaxies. We look down again and see that the earth is rushing to meet us, the continents having all shifted to make it look like that shitty UwU face. We land gently on yet another dirt road and we continue forward. My dad rises from the trunk with his hands folded over his chest like a vampire emerging from a coffin. He tells us that there’s a town coming up that’s got some food and we should stop to grab a bite to eat; he knows just the place he says. On our approach into the town we run over a bump. “That looked like some pizza crust!” I say. “Good god look ahead of us” says the punisher. The town that we are entering sits atop a massive pizza. The town’s people don’t like outsiders and they begin to pummel the car with pizza topping. We are bombarded with pepperoni, sausage, olives, green peppers, and a massive anchovie. We finally manage to evade the crown and make it to the pizza place, “El Cheapo’s Pizza” which is advertised as the most expensive pizza in town. I try to enter through the front door but I’m called out to. “Hey dumbass, the entrance is over here!” Reno the rat of ratatouille fame gestures towards a manhole. I enter, not knowing what may be before me on the other side.