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this-hazbin-quoted · 2 days

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Alastor: How much murdering do I get to do?

Vaggie: None!

Alastor: Your plan blows.

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this-hazbin-quoted · 14 days

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Exterminator: What is he? Your boyfriend?

Alastor: You're a child. An infant. Your mocking is thus infantile. He's not my boyfriend. This man is more to me than you can dream. He's the moon when I'm lost in darkness and warmth when I shiver in cold. And his kiss still thrills me, even after a millennia. His heart overflows with the kindness of which this world is not worth of. I love this man beyond measure and reason. He's not my boyfriend. He's all and he's more.

Angel Dust: You're an incurable romantic.

[Alastor and Angel kiss in front of the stunned Exterminator]

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this-hazbin-quoted · 21 days

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They're inseparable.

Angel Dust: We're going to have to split up, like in Scooby Doo.

Angel Dust, to Charlie and Vaggie: You guys are Scooby and Shaggy. You can search the bathrooms.

Angel Dust, to Alastor: Velma, you get the spooky looking fridge in the basement.

Alastor: What? Why am I Velma? And why do I get the... dubious looking device?

Angel Dust: Because only Velma would say "dubious device". Alastor gets the spooky fridge in the basement.

Vaggie: And what does that make you, Fred?

Angel Dust: Bitch, I'm Daphne.

Angel Dust: Husk is Fred.

#hazbin rebloged

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this-hazbin-quoted · 22 days

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Husk: You’re too big to be a little spoon!

Alastor: :')

Lucifer: You can be my little spoon.

Alastor: :D

Lucifer, turning to Husk: Don’t talk down on my husband’s dreams again!

Angel Dust: Damn, skipped the dating part and just dove into marriage.

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this-hazbin-quoted · 22 days

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Velvette: What do you think butterflies taste like?

Vox: Bad.

Velvette: How do you–

Vox: You asked and I answered. That's all you're gonna get.

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this-hazbin-quoted · 22 days

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Angel Dust: We're going to have to split up, like in Scooby Doo.

Angel Dust, to Charlie and Vaggie: You guys are Scooby and Shaggy. You can search the bathrooms.

Angel Dust, to Alastor: Velma, you get the spooky looking fridge in the basement.

Alastor: What? Why am I Velma? And why do I get the... dubious looking device?

Angel Dust: Because only Velma would say "dubious device". Alastor gets the spooky fridge in the basement.

Vaggie: And what does that make you, Fred?

Angel Dust: Bitch, I'm Daphne.

Angel Dust: Husk is Fred.

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this-hazbin-quoted · 1 month

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Lilith: I would let that realm burn if it wasn't where I kept my stuff.

Adam: What about your daughter?

Lilith: I said my stuff!

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this-hazbin-quoted · 1 month

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I have a gun, so I'm in charge. Many governments around the world function on this principle, and some of them even last months!

– Valentino

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this-hazbin-quoted · 1 month

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Husk: I'm peeling those sour gummy strips into long strings and putting them in energy drinks to make something I am going to call "battery acid spaghetti." Will return soon with the results.

Husk, later: Don't do this.

Alastor: At what point did that sound like a good idea?

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this-hazbin-quoted · 1 month

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Rosie: Hey, where’s that person I introduced you to?

Alastor: We had an argument. Theyre in the garden.

Rosie: I was just out there but I didn’t see them.

Alastor: Dig deeper.

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this-hazbin-quoted · 2 months

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*Alastor, watching Lucifer enter the bar wearing fancy clothes*

Alastor, sad: I see you have a date. Who's the lucky person?

Lucifer: …

Lucifer: I forgot to ask you out, didn't I?

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this-hazbin-quoted · 2 months

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Niffty: That's when I thought to myself, "Don't think, Niffty. Act!"

Alastor: So you weren't thinking?

Niffty: Not at all.

Niffty: I cannot emphasise enough how little I was thinking.

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this-hazbin-quoted · 2 months

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Angel Dust, in the hospital: Blood loss? No, I know where it is. It’s on the floor back at the warehouse

Charlie: Angel, the blood is supposed to be inside you!

Alastor, in the next bed: Mines inside me!

Charlie: Al, you have internal bleeding! That’s not good!

Niffty, concussed in bed on the other side of Alastor: But you said the blood is supposed to be on the inside Charlie! You’re impossible to please!

Charlie: *exhausted groan*

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this-hazbin-quoted · 2 months

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Angel Dust: Thank you for inviting me to Al's wedding today, Miss Rosie.

Rosie: Yes, it’s no problem, dear

Angel Dust: This is probably a stupid question, but who is Alastor marrying? I haven’t seen them?

Mimzy: You. You’re the fiancé. This is your wedding with Alastor!

Angel Dust: Wait, what?

Mimzy: There’s your officiant. This is your wedding ring. I suggest taking him somewhere far, far away for your honeymoon.

Rosie: For a week!

Mimzy: Here’s some money, make it two!

Alastor, walking in: Oh! This is beautiful! Who’s having a wedding today?

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this-hazbin-quoted · 2 months

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Charlie: They say if you seek revenge, you should dig two graves.

Alastor: That's a stupid fucking quote.

Alastor: I'm going to kill way more than two people.

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this-hazbin-quoted · 2 months

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Vaggie: We can have a nervous breakdown later. Everyone get it together.

Husk: Ok but when we do have our nervous breakdowns I'm going first.

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this-hazbin-quoted · 2 months

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Valentino: Can Velvette come live with us?

Vox: Of course she can, we just have to wait for her lease to finish up first.

Velvette: Wait a second, don't I get an opinion?

Vox & Valentino: No.

Velvette, pouting: Fine. Not like I would've said no or anything.

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