zephyrraine
a moon in some life, a star in this one
tryna life but failing at it royally | gae af | she/they | introverted mess | give me books and I'll hate you a lil less | I kinda write but like okay
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neil and matt’s friendship headcanons because i love two (2) idiots
neil and matt are, of course, best buds
matt may be well over a foot taller than him but they roughhouse like eight year old brothers and are constantly chasing each other around during practice
matt is always checking up on neil and frowning disapprovingly whenever he jokes about not sleeping or other bad habits
this is how he and andrew strike up the WEIRDEST alliance
they’re like divorced parents whose shared devotion to their child has resulted in an awkward detente
“hey, uh, neil went on a run this morning…but i was in class so i don’t know if he ate after…and you know how he doesn’t like to eat in the morning” “he did.” “oh, okay. cool”
(neil is very capable of surviving, but he isn’t very good at just living, so everyone’s gotta help him along with that)
speaking of eating, neil and matt eat a LOT
everyone on the team eats a lot because they’re hardcore exercising for like 6 hours a day and that burns a lot of calories, but neil runs miles daily and matt is very tall + needs to keep his muscles
the team develops this joke where anytime they order food together they have to section off a portion of the table that is “neil and matt’s domain”
they’re technically not supposed to eat beyond their domain but they usually do because how can you refuse them?
andrew refuses them all the time out of pure spite, even if he’s not going to finish the stuff on his plate
renee and nicky are the biggest breakers of this rule and sometimes they’ll take more than they need just to hand it off to neil or matt later
matt likes to eat a lot at one time but neil just continuously snacks throughout the day…he is THAT kid in your lecture who just keeps on producing oreos from his backpack or demolishes a party size bag of doritos while furiously scribbling notes
sometimes matt will text neil in class about how stressed or frustrated he is and neil will be waiting for him outside after to silently pass off whatever giant pack of junk food he was working his way through
neil and matt are definitely the “perfectly smart and competent on their own but together share ½ a braincell” friends
matt forces neil to watch finding nemo and neil doesn’t care about that movie at all except for the seagulls yelling MINE
he just finds it…intriguing
they start screeching it at each other during practice while they’re doing drills or scrimmaging
so matt will be throwing the ball and neil jumps to intercept it while yelling “MINE!”
neil tries to get past matt to score but matt pops their rackets “MINE!”
kevin, eye twitching: “i’m going to kill you”
it stops because wymack threatens to sign them up for a triathlon (“i know a marathon would be too easy neil don’t test me”)
matt also has a thing against bikes because he’s too tall and neil despises swimming
aaron: “please, please test him”
but it’s so conditioned into them so sometimes other teams will get the shit scared out of them because neil will just scream “MINE!” when matt passes him the ball
the foxes will go on the occasional night out and by the time they’re staggering home at some ungodly hour neil is on matt’s back and he has his hands over his eyes and is telling him where to go
“wait, wait, left! left! more left!” “is this my left?” “nO!”
*cue andrew, stone-faced, pushing matt with one arm to the side so they don’t run into a street lamp*
allison always films videos for her story but they’re shaky because she’s cry laughing at them and then she’ll jerk the camera over to nicky and dan, who are collapsed on the sidewalk and wheezing
matt does start boxing lessons with neil and he is constantly reminded of how little neil cares about his own wellbeing
“hey remember when you sucker punched gorilla?” “…yeah?” “can you do that to me?” “NO”
neil explains he’s been watching muay thai videos and they say getting hit can develop your strength or something and matt is beyond speechless
afterward andrew opens the door and sees neil sulking behind matt
“go ahead, neil. tell him” “i have nothing to say”
andrew is still waiting
“neil asked me to sucker punch him” “for STRENGTH DEVELOPMENT”
andrew pulls neil inside without another word and he and matt exchange a nod before he shuts the door
when neil gets asked to be matt’s best man, he agrees immediately and drafts a good 10 different versions of his speech
finally, he settles on something that involves this:
“thanks for carrying me around, and refusing to punch me. thanks for splitting custody with andrew, and that one time you bought every flavor of pringles to see which one is my favorite. i know you’re technically dan’s now, but you’ll always be mine.”
he gets hugged so tight by the two of them he thinks they popped a few vertebrae
he doesn’t mind
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Andrew always says that he has strict rules for himself and the world, that everything must be black-and-white, good or bad, honesty or lies, no in-between whatsoever. Unsurprisingly however, his life isn’t so clear cut. He says that he doesn’t trust people and he makes deals for people to stick around, and yet he’s friends with Renee and trusts Bee, with no strings attached. He says that everyone sees him as a monster and says that he doesn’t care if people do, and yet he’s absolutely dying for someone to see himself, a person who was fucked-up by the monsters of the world and desperate to keep himself alive. He says that his brother and cousin, and later Kevin, are the only things keeping him around, but the truth is that he found the smallest reason to stay and latched onto it with all he had. He wants to stay just as bad as Neil does because no one has ever let him stay, every home he’s ever been in has been temporary and he’s just waiting for this one to go away too. Andrew himself contradicts his own rules because he is nether good nor bad, he’s not a saint and he’s not a monster, he’s just a person, he’s just an incredibly wounded human being who has stopped believing that truly good people exist and yet still craves love and trust so fucking deeply.
Maybe Andrew Minyard pretends that he lives in the black-and-white to keep others from realizing that he’s so gray.
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from his time on the run, neil has learned to match his accent to that of the people he’s talking to, which means that sometimes this happens without thinking and sometimes he doesn’t even think before blurting out a fake name, because, after all, old habits die hard
so one day while the foxes are out to eat after a game (a random restaurant they drove by on their way back home) neil makes a mistake
the waitress happens to have a distinct irish accent, and neil copies it instantly. when she introduces herself and asks for their names, neil automatically goes with jack murphy, before freezing, eyes widening as disgust flashes across his face.
but the foxes don’t hesitate
that night, andrew becomes james walsh, allison becomes grace o’sullivan, and so on and so forth until they’ve all become different people.
nicky and matt try their best at an authentic accent and both fail miserably, their words awkward and jilted,
but aaron’s already explaining to the poor, confused waitress that those two were kicked out of ireland by the president himself and are still in denial,
dan comes up with an elaborate story of how they all happened to grow up with each other in galway while renee nods along and helps dan fill in the details,
neil fights back a smile while famous exy player kevin day tries to convince the waitress that he’s truly daniel o’clery. he’s never even met a guy named kevin?
and andrew is the grounding force at his side, not saying anything, but pressing his knee into neils thigh so his mind stays present, even as the goalie rolls his eyes at the teams efforts,
and by the time their food arrives, neil’s thoughts are as far as they can be from his time on the run, he watches his family as they laugh and share insults and he’s once again hit with the realization that he’s home,
neil josten has found his reason to stay and a family that doesn’t run from his past
and the smile that appears on his face is nothing like his fathers
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matt: the sun’s really bright today
dan: you’re looking at neil smiling, matt
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allison: hey, do you have a bag i can borrow?
neil: the only bags i have are the ones under my eyes, and they’re specifically designed to carry the burden of my existence
allison: literally all you had to say was no
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"It’s about second chances, Neil. Second, third, fourth, whatever, as long as you get at least one more than what anyone else wanted to give you"
~ Nora Sakavic, The Foxhole Court
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there’s something to be said about Nicky Hemmick. Nicky who lived in fear and shame about who he is because his parents are cruel—Nicky who was strong and brave despite it. Nicky who found his soulmate in Germany and loves him with every inch of his being, could wax poetry about Erik for hours. Nicky who dropped everything to raise his cousins, who are difficult and abrasive and were let down by everyone around them, but Nicky stayed. Nicky who is naturally reserved but compensates for silences with smiles and laughter and jokes. Nicky who is flawed and clumsy with his words and doesn’t always say the right thing but tries and tries and tries.
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does anyone else think about Andrew, living away from everyone he worked to keep in his life, away from Neil, watching himself slip back into old habits? not getting out of bed unless he has to, forgetting meals, floating through actions without feeling a thing. forgetting the ties he made and falling further and further into loneliness like he’d never felt before. an old thought comes to mind and he’s thirteen again. i don’t want to do this anymore. he’s sixteen. i want to be done. he’s back in every home, back with every dream of tipping over the edge into peaceful nothingness. nothing feels real and he’s all alone and he just wants to be done—
but then, there are four little paws scratching at his bedroom door. two demanding meows calling from the hallways. two greens eyes and two blue staring up at him from the floor, begging for their dinner. suddenly, he’s down on his knees and both cats are purring and rubbing their heads against his hands. suddenly, above all the whirring thoughts and wishes, there is something more important: taking care of his cats.
and then, when Neil isn’t home and Nicky is away and Aaron is busy and Kevin has a life, Andrew sits with his cats— the stray kittens he wanted to give a home and love, the kittens he promised to take care of, his kittens— and thinks, i won’t leave you alone.
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The center of every love poem is this:
"i have loved you, I have to deal with that."
-Salma Deera, from Letters From Medea
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Neil: you two have to trust me! Have I ever got you into a dangerous or uncomfortable situation?
Jean: … yes?
Kevin: literally all the time
Neil: well, then you should be used to it by now
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just a neil josten at the arcade headcanon
I feel like Neil is one of those people that are really good at anything at first try.
Y’know, like the foxes would take him on an arcade cuz of course homeboy has never been there before-
and he’d ace (get it??) every single game on his first try and everyone is surprised and is all like- are you sure you haven’t tried this before?
And they would’ve just thought that Neil was messing with them when he genuinely looked confused and said “no, I really haven’t” if it wasn’t for the fact that he seems legitimately sincere.
Plus he keeps asking one of the foxes how to play the game before playing, and keep asking “like this?” as he continues to set high scores after high scores.
Neil hated basketball (cuz it’s not as good as exy) but he was actually surprising good at the bball games.
He also got a lot of tickets from a slot machine at his first try.
Nicky insisted he use his good luck and play again until he gets bajillion of tickets but Neil said it wasn’t fun so he went along to other machines leaving Nicky all alone and sad basically killing off his dream to swim in tickets.
He and Andrew killed a lot of time on the shooting games and played really good, to the surprise of no one.
He also played air hockey with Kevin although both think that air hockey was a rip off and just stupid.
Didn’t stop them from making it a competition and getting near ties though.
Also winning a lot of tickets.
I like to think that Kevin is also good at games but that’s for another post.
Renee taught him skeeball and whack-a-mole.
Also the upperclassmen dragged Neil to the photobooth and took LOTS of pictures.
They only stopped when Neil looks too rabbity to be comfortable.
He came back with Andrew later when everyone was busy to take ONE picture.
No one needs to know.
He and Aaron battle it out in videogames.
Aaron is pissed but secretly impressed.
Andrew and him also played one of those driving games. Neil would later claim it was one of his favorites.
Nicky took him to the crazy dance dance machine and of course Neil nailed it.
Point is, Neil was surprisingly good at every single game he tried out.
The really shocking thing though was the fact that Neil can freaking get a toy out of the claw machine.
Every. Single. Time.
Like by the time one of the staff went to check the machine to see if it was rigged (it wasn’t), Neil was already deciding on the next machine he’ll try cuz he was by then bored and each fox has a stuffed toy for themselves.
Andrew had three.
Neil Josten just defied the curse of the claw machine.
Also, Neil got so much tickets alone for winning the games that he got to pick two prizes- one was an oversized stuffed animal (a rabbit for funsies) (also because i’ve been in the arcades my whole life and not once had i seen an overgrown fox, which is a travesty) and the other was a large pack of candies.
Both obviously went to Andrew, who’s already hugging the toys he got from the crane.
No comments ensued because of the knives.
Nicky got pictures tho cuz his baby cuz is-
I don’t know how to end this but Neil tried out every machine before they went home and set new high scores.
Some of the pictures they took on the photobooth he kept in his family scrapbook, Andrew’s and his going straight to his wallet.
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Neil: i’m not good at advice, can i interest you in a sarcastic comment?
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... about the yes/no thing
I’ve been seeing this for a while and it’s a personal peeve but I lowkey hate how some people treat Andrew and Neil’s yes or no as a hurdle to overcome. Like, they make it seem like the less they ask permission to do a certain thing equates to them trusting each other more and that really rubs me off the wrong way because no, it’s not like that? (Because then it makes it seem like them asking yes/no in the first place more means they trust each other less but the fact that they’re already asking for this already speaks volumes). Like, some make their putting a label to their relationship as means to immunity to the yes and no altogether and that the less they ask for permission is some sort of milestone and maybe that’s just me but yeah, it’s just not it.
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Neil/andrew/ one of the traumatised foxes (????) :
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*preparing to go outside* i'm normal. i know how to cross the street. i avoid eye contact in an organic non weird way, as if i simply do not notice fellow pedestrians.
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