sixofcrowsnw challenge week two: favorite secondary characters

“how’s my land?” she’d ask every day when his father returned from the fields, and later jesper would learn that the farm had been in her name, a wedding gift from his father, who had courted aditi hilli for nearly a year before she’d deigned to give him the time of day. 

“blooming,” he’d say, kissing her cheek.  “just like you, love.”

     - leigh bardugo

Jesper’s mother was the one to teach him to ride a horse, bait a line, clean a fish, pluck a quail, to start a fire with nothing but two sticks, and to brew a proper cup of tea. 

aditi taught him to shoot, but she also taught him enough skills that he’d know how to get and prepare food as well as to make fire, all of that as a child. I think, in a way, that’s also a means to protect him, ensuring even at a young age he could survive if needed be. at the same time, what this tells me about her is that this isn’t a concern without reason. she knows all of those things because she needed to learn them --- and she teaches him that because there was no one who taught her any of that.

And she taught him to shoot. First with a child’s pellet gun that was little more than a toy, then with pistols and rifle. “Anyone can shoot,” she’d told him. “But not everybody can aim.” She taught him distance sighting, how to track an animal through the brush, the tricks that light can play on your eyes, how to factor wind shear, and how to shoot running, then seated on a horse. There was nothing she couldn’t do.

even when shooting, she taught him to hunt, which also fits in the more survival aligned skills. at the same time, some of those? seem a lot more like they were meant for a fight (like teaching him how to shoot running). because it’d be one thing to just teaching him to shoot for fun and that definitely doesn’t seem to be the case here imo.

I was thinking about the fact a few years after aditi’s death the “dusty man” (leoni’s father? guardian? something like that? I assume?) goes back to the faheys to say she’s gifted too and that there are teachers in the west that can train them and that? seems to imply there isn’t any sort of formal institution in novyi zem that does the same, which is odd to me given it’s the one place that treats grisha better?

mamma fahey will you teach me to shoot too.

ADITI WILL ADOPT YOU INEJ. 

“Of course,” A useful skill to have, even for one already so deadly on her own. “Adding more weapons to your arsenal can prove very useful --- and if those knives of yours tell me anything, you shouldn’t have much of a problem learning to aim.”

but also going back to the books I was thinking about this

Jesper’s mother was the one to teach him to ride a horse, bait a line, clean a fish, pluck a quail, to start a fire with nothing but two sticks, and to brew a proper cup of tea. And she taught him to shoot. First with a child’s pellet gun that was little more than a toy, then with pistols and rifle. “Anyone can shoot,” she’d told him. “But not everybody can aim.” She taught him distance sighting, how to track an animal through the brush, the tricks that light can play on your eyes, how to factor wind shear, and how to shoot running, then seated on a horse. There was nothing she couldn’t do.

and the fact jesper is still tiny when she dies so she really was out there teaching a seven-ish year old to shoot and. I have many thoughts.

“  i’m sorry, i’m not what you think i am.  ”

more prompts for your feels

It was one of the few memories she had kept, even in the first few days when her mind was too hazy to be certain of anything -- the little boy, no more than seven or eight, full of energy and eager to help her in any house chore that occupied her at the time, from cooking to laundry to taking care of the dishes when they were done eating. His name had been on the tip of her tongue, then, and yet far beyond her reach; but the love she felt was undeniable, and she spent years thinking of what would have happened to him, if he was safe, how had he grown.

Jesper’s name returned later on, as many things did. Glimpses of her farm and its Jurda fields, the time she began to teach how to shoot with a child’s pellet gun. She had only been able to return to him now, many years after that. He had been so small back then; enough she could sweep him up in her arms and call him little rabbit. 

Now that the confusion and tears and explanations had passed, as well as the elation of ending her search after so long, it hits her even stronger than before all the things the years apart had robbed of them. There was so much of his life she had missed, first tied to a bed because of her own body’s weakness, then looking for them with little clue where to look. 

Her dark eyes look up to his face, so similar to her own, and although it hurts to think of everything lost, everything that could have been different, there is joy in her heart, even then. How could it not? She is there at last, reunited at last, so close she can touch his cheek, the gentlest touch, all the love kept in her heart made manifest even in that seemingly simple gesture. 

“Am I mistaken to think you are my son, Jesper?” A quirked brow, but there is no harshness in her words. He is not her little boy anymore, but he is her boy nevertheless. She did not know everything --- did not remember everything, even from before. That had never made her love him less.  “Whatever I don’t know about who you grew to be, there will be time to learn. You are my son. That won’t change, just like my love for you.” Thumb caresses his cheek softly, before she draws away her hand, eyes still upon his, gray like his father’s. “Don’t apologize for what you are.”

ZOWA. It simply meant “blessed.” That was the word Jesper’s mother used instead of Grisha. We’re zowa, she would say to Jesper as she made a flower bloom with a flick of her fingers. You and me.

still thinking about aditi remembering jesper as little seven year old boy she used to call her little rabbit and then only being able to reunite with him around ten years later when he’s taller than she is...................

more prompts for your feels

“  what am i supposed to do when i can’t even trust my own mind?  ”  “  i have to believe death is the end. because all that waits for me in the afterlife is a debt of sin i don’t think could ever be paid off.  ” “  what do you see when you look into my eyes?  ”   “  it doesn’t always have to be you, you know?  your shoulders aren’t the only ones that can bear the weight of the world.  ”   “  i don’t think hearts break. shattered things can only be broken once. but torn things can be mended again and again until it’s all scars and stitching.  ” “  i can’t remember what it’s like to be truly wanted.  ” “  every time you look at me i feel invisible.  ” “  loneliness is a slow and cruel poison.  ” “  i’m afraid that if i let you see every side of me, you should shrink back in fear or disgust.  ” “  for once in your life, what is it that you want.  ” “  i’ve been wrapped in my sorrow for so long, i’m afraid i’ll feel too cold without it.  ” “  i just want to see you smile again.  ” “  can’t you stop running for one second?  ” “  i’ll be here. when you’re ready to talk.  ” “  being strong doesn’t mean never asking for help or admitting you’re in pain.  ” “  don’t shut me out. please.  ” “  don’t look at me like that.  ” “  the world isn’t made up of heroes and monsters. just broken people balancing between the two.  ” “  i just wanted to do something good for once.  ” “  why can’t you tell me what’s wrong?  ” “  just trust me. please.  ” “  why can’t you let me in? what are you so afraid of?  ” “   you’re so worried about losing me/them you’re missing everything in front of you.  ”   “  i’m not leaving you.  ” “  you’re not alone. i’m here.  ” “  you see everyone so clearly except yourself.  ” “  don’t you understand? i love you. and nothing you’ve done, no matter how much of a monster you think you are, is gonna change that.  ” “  i find broken things interesting. maybe that’s why i like you so much.  ” “  i want to be whatever it is you think i am.  ” “  you see the good in everything. that’s why i like it when you look at me.  ” “  i’ll still be here when you wake.  ” “  i promise i’ll never hurt you again.  ” “  as long as i have you, the rest doesn’t matter.  ” “  what did they do to you?  ” “  i’m not sure i should leave you alone.  ” “  i won’t hate you. i know you think that’s what you deserve but it’s not.  ” “  i want to love the parts of you that you hate.  ” “  i’m scared of what you’re becoming.  ” “  i’m sorry, i’m not what you think i am.  ” “  you’ll always have a home with me.  ” “  what happened to you?  ” “  i thought i’d never see you again.  ” “  you’re such a fucking coward.  ” “  i envy anyone who has the privilege of being loved by you.  ” “  you scared me.  ” “  please, don’t ever give up on me.  ” “  i’m not giving up on you. not ever.  ” “  i know you love me. but it’s not the way i want to be loved.  ”

@sixofcrowsnet heist: family — the faheys

“How’s my land?” she’d ask every day when his father returned from the fields, and later Jesper would learn that the farm had been in her name, a wedding gift from his father, who had courted Aditi Hilli for nearly a year before she’d deigned to give him the time of day.

“Blooming,” he’d say, kissing her cheek. “Just like you, love.”

* tag drop: aditi hilli.

* general / BLESSED. * character study / I CANNOT BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I AM‚ AND IF MY GIFTS CAN HELP PEOPLE‚ IT’S MY DUTY TO USE THEM. * isms / ANYONE CAN SHOOT‚ BUT NOT EVERYBODY CAN AIM. * in character / SHE SEEMED TO TAKE JOY IN EVERYTHING. * aesthetic / FLOWERS‚ I REMEMBER FIELDS OF FLOWERS‚ SOFT BENEATH MY HEELS. * physique / SHE WAS A BIT LIKE SPRING. * dynamics: jesper fahey / WE’RE ZOWA. YOU AND ME. * dynamics: colm fahey / THEN YOU MUST KEEP ME CLOSE.