I miss the blend of colors you left in my black and white field. 

I dreamt of you

I could feel your lips on my lips. I could feel my arms wrap around your body. Everything still felt so perfect. 

And then I woke up with a hole in my chest, the one that I’m afraid will always be there. 

I wouldn’t mind this quarantine if we were together.

We would have so much fun.

I miss you.

Nothing has ever felt quite like you.

and nothing ever will. 

Nothing makes it easier. I thought it would get easier.

Nothing makes me hurt less. Everything makes me miss you more.

Every. Fucking. Thing. About you.

Your lips. Your laugh. Your skin. Your scent. Your touch. Your smile.

Everything. Always.

Everything hurts

I just want to hold you and breathe you in

I miss you every day.

I feel that God is leading me somewhere that I must go alone. And I understand that you don’t understand that. I don’t fully either, but I trust Him. This is the most painful thing that I have ever had to do. I do love you. I do care for you more than you will ever know. And I always will. I will always love you, no matter what. And I will always be here for you. If there is ever an emergency you know how to contact me. I pray for healing, for us both. I’ve prayed over you every day this past year, and I will continue to pray over you every day. You deserve so much and I cannot wait to see where your life takes you. I will always be cheering you on. I wish it didn’t have to be from a distance, I wish it was from right by your side, but that’s just how it has to be right now. You will forever be in my heart Madison Scout. I love you

Really fucking hard having all your presents made out to your old name.

I miss you so fucking much

Nothing has ever been so hard

Even though you hate me, I love you.

Happy birthday, I am so glad you were born

Missing you

Corn poppies and daisies in an olive orchard in Crete, 1983. Photos by Dennis Stock.

“You do care. You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”

— J.K. Rowling