That ASSSSSSSSSS!

Carsten Jensen, We, the Drowned

Bricket Texts

Ben: That's it then? You're gonna pretend like you didn't just completely blow up on me for talking to another girl?

Ben: I'm so fucking done.

Ben: But hey, when you finally realize what you want from me, let me know. It'd be nice to actually know what's being expected of me instead of finding out later when you're pissed off and hurt.

Cricket: (unsent)Seriously?! You cannot just let it go? Do you have nothing better to do than to instigate? I am sorry that I just wanted to pretend like that did not just happen. Do you think I like exploding with feelings? Do you think I like making a fool of myself and texting you shit like that? Do I fucking look like that kind of person?! Because if so, then you must have never understood the kind of person I am.

Cricket: (unsent) Do you want me to say that I like you?

Cricket: (unsent) Ben, I have been in love with you since the day I met you.

Cricket: (unsent) Feel better?! Or do you need me to fluff your ego more?

Cricket: (unsent) Tell me Ben, what exactly is going to happen if I do like you? Are you going to return such feelings back, or should expect pity? Because that's what everyone is about right? Giving me pity because I cannot take a little bit of my feelings being hurt.

Cricket: This is completely stupid and I refuse to have this conversation through text.

Cricket: I also refuse to have my appetite ruined by you.

Bricket Texts

Ben: We started out as friends. You have never made it clear that you've wanted anything more than that. When I first met you, I was in the midst of a break up with my fucking fiance. Ex fiance. I didn't have any mentality towards a relationship or even an eye for any other women, alright? Women didn't look /nice/ to me. They didn't look nice because they weren't her.

Ben: And now, just now as I'm finally getting out of that kind of mental state, terrified of flirting, terrified I'm gonna fuck up, apparently I already have?

Ben: You are not allowed to put those sorts of expectations on me. I'm sorry, Cricket, but you just can't. That's not fair, it ain't right.

Ben: You're fucking gorgeous.

Ben: Now go eat your damn pizza.

Ben: Goodnight.

Cricket: We are friends. I am sorry. I am just being stupid and it is late.

Cricket: (unsent) I am proud of you, Ben. When I met you, I am actually going to do this because it is 1:40 am and i have nothing better to do, you were an asshole. You still are and I love it. I didn't know exactly what was going on with you, because you don't really share your feelings with me, specially when you are drunk. But if that is what was going on then I am very proud of you because like I said. Your game is good. You are back in it and look at you A BEAUTIFUL girl seems interested. Go, Ben! You are doing great there and your business will grow with you or something like that I do not even remember where I was going with this. I DO NOT DO FEELINGS. You are cool. Like pizza.

Cricket: It wont happen again, yo.

Cricket: Thanks. Good night, white boy.

Bricket Texts

Ben: ...this is bullshit.

Ben: If you fucking like me, you have to say something. You can't just throw all of this at me and pretend like I've known about it. There's nothing I hate more than games and trying to put people together like a fucking puzzle.

Cricket: No feelings here.

Cricket: Actually just jealous you're being nice to her, you never call me pretty. I may be just a friend and shit, but I like to feel nice every now and then. Is that so hard to ask for? Like, some type of appreciation. "Hey, Cricket, you look so nice today" "Are those new sunglasses, they look nice" "Hey, how about a nice dinner, I'll cook". I do not know. I'm sorry if you feel like I was trying to come on to you there or trying to confess some sort of secret love. But I was just, jealous. It does not mean I like you, it just means I feel neglected.

Cricket: But if you only treat girls that you actually like, like that then I understand. I am not going to ask for more. We're just friends, and you owe me nothing more than what you are already offering. Which by the way, thank you. You have been so much help to me and I appreciate it.

Cricket: I am very sorry for any inconvenience my "girl emotions" may have caused you.

Cricket: May I go, or do you wish to accuse me of something else? I have a very hot pizza waiting for me and I am not planning on letting it go to waste, so just make it quick.

Bricket Texts

Ben: ...don't tell me.

Ben: Is little bug...is she...could she be...

Ben: Is this jealousy??

Cricket: Do not flatter yourself, Reuben. If I were to be jealous, it would not be of her. Trust me.

Cricket: Jealous of you, your game is amazing, and wow, you are so smooth. And I mean, look at her, she is beautiful and so smart and just a good catch.

Cricket: But listen, I would love to stay and chat about your new friend, but I have a very important and hot date waiting for me. Good night.

Bricket Texts

Ben: Now I know I've fed you before, shush.

Ben: And liar? What exactly are you going on about, bug?

Cricket: Mmmmhhhmmm... you have... yes.

Cricket: Nothing. Just, it's getting so late. Sleep texting.

Bricket Texts

Cricket: And the award for best liar goes tooooooo... Ben Pauslen! How surprising!

Cricket: Hey, Ben, when have you offered to make me food?

Oh, don't worry about it, I'm Cricket. It is a very difficult name to remember, so I will not take it personally. 

Yeah, that’s me. I…don’t remember your name I’m so sorry. Wow, i feel so bad. I remember meeting you though.

Hey, I remember you, Copper. Right?

whatdo—you—expectfrom-chunk liked your photo

yourstruly—cricket liked your photo

Hey.

Are you and Melody together or nah?

Why does everyone seem to be interested in other's life's? Is it a new thing to ask people about their personal life? Me and Melody are not together, she is my best friend and a princess. There is nothing there. Just friends.

So, nah. 

Ugly? Cover it with a peace sign. #swag #yolo #whateverisgroovyinthistimeofyear

When you see an opportunity, you take it. It's something different from all the other restaurants. Cat cafes are booming right now and when that first opened up many people thought it was crazy. Trying new things is what many people like to do now, weird. But if it makes money then the food must not be too bad. I'd be willing to try... some of it. 

That's good, are you getting ready for summer vacation, because that is all I am thinking of. Besides studying, obviously, any second now finals will pop up and I need to be ready for that, I am not planning on spending this summer at the school. 

Oh, dear...

I mean, I do use it very, very sparingly but this is a bit above and beyond. Mayo milkshakes and mayo fondue seem to be a bit much. I’m doing well though. Staying busy, as I like it. How about yourself?

I never thought I would hear of mayonnaise fanatics, but here you are telling me that there is such a thing as a restaurant dedicated just to mayo. Sounds odd, but trying something new does not hurt anybody, right? Oh, sorry, do you not like mayo? How do you eat sandwiches?

Hello, Aurora, how are you?

Oh, dear...

There’s apparently such a thing as mayonnaise restaurants in Japan. I must say the thought makes me queasy…