a stud in black leather on a black motorcycle just revved their engine at me and thank god I tore my demonic uterus out ages ago because I think that would have finally knocked me up

being a lesbian is so dumb. this girl once sent me a photo of a rat she found in a dumpster and i imagined kissing her in a botanical garden

bro we have to shotgun the weed. its not gay its just financially smart to do it. we get twice the value out of weed. come on just kiss me

I'm a law abiding citizen but something about working six times harder than my grandparents for a sixth of what they had is persuasive

When your own OC becomes your blorbo it is both glorious and torturous

have we tried substance abuse my liege

“phones are disrupting natural sleep cycles” I mean true but also bold of you to assume I had one before the tech boom lol catch me out here reading chapter books by the light of my light up pens in the third grade

Sorry for casting Speak with Animals before talking to your ugly ass boyfriend it's just he's really ugly

fake ass idgafer. I saw you gazing off into the distance like you were looking at something far away, something no one else could see but you

Aight who wanna join my Russian roulette orgy

i hope i never ever ever see this image while im high or it will also straight up kill me. it would make me so scared my skeleton would run away And id be a boneless scared heap on the ground

so sad you think the water horse would even notice you lol. The water horse would spit at your piddly little apples don't waste my time

guys the consequences of inaction are noooootttt enough to motivate meeee