remember when they literally sloppily made out in the 1st one. that changed me forever. lets do that again.

i wake up and get fuckin queerbaited. good morning.

(during PRIDE MONTH no less.....)

i wake up and get fuckin queerbaited. good morning.

(during PRIDE MONTH no less.....)

its so hard being human when u feel like ur constantly trying to avoid stepping on landmines with friendships. sometimes theyre not even really there, you've just been told they could be. so it'd be better to just not move at all.

this metaphor is about how i usually try to avoid giving others attention. or showing that i want it. and i'll then feel like shit when i give them too much, since ive been convinced theyll see me as 'needy'. but then theres the fact that people dont like feeling like theyre putting in all the work onesidedly, so its all about the timing of when i'll be allowed to put some of my own effort in.

ive just gotten so incredibly numb over the years. im not allowed to get mad at anyone(and if someone gets mad at me, its my responsibility to play my cards right to convince them otherwise). im merely a vessel for making others feel good. like all my opinions are calculated and specifically for the good of the other persons emotions. cuz if i get mad, it gives them a reason to hate me. its not even a choice anymore, my brain just...doesnt feel mad. tho i cant remember if i ever genuinely did tbh. it couldve all just been being dramatic. (but i think i have).

its hard to tell what thoughts are genuine anymore. good and bad. they all just feel like reactions, but not my own. i dunno, i have this weird thing where anything thats also experienced by others i see as just copying them(even tho thats. literally how humans work. but it might also just be a symptom of this weird close up fusion thing).

i know i used to not be like this. cuz i used to think that u could do anything to ur friends, and since they were ur friends that meant they couldnt leave...i was kind of an ass sometimes. but no one ever actually left. i just started thinking this way all of a sudden once highschool hit.

i have a memory from 2nd grade. my closest friend leaves, pissed, and i say to the person next to me something like 'she'll come back'. i dont remember what pissed her off, but i remember in this context knowing this happened pretty often.

i think the answer to all of this is just accepting that im gonna fuck up sometimes. and learning to deal with the times i have. friends are supposed to like me for who i am, and they wont ever get the chance to see that if i hold back so damn much. obv. its just...i wanna keep myself safe too. if people start hating me for who i am, it'll just fuel my own self hatred more yknow?

sometimes i think i should just get it over with so people will realize who theyre really talking to and leave.

emo ass photo my mom took of me yesterday when i was. very very tired.

KMS TOOLS‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

she took my empire of dirt in the divorce

they should invent a doctor that actually helps you

i am committed to TWO THINGS

FAGGING IT UP

THE BIT

💯🔥🔥🔥🔥💪💪💪💯💯🔥💯💯🔥💯💪💯💯💯💪💪💪💪🔥💪💪💪💯💯💯🔥🔥💯💪💯🔥💪💪💪💯🔥💪💯🔥💪🔥🔥🔥💯💯

girl 1: u look so beautiful in this light

girl 2: blushes

girl 3: (bad at hiding that shes immortal) i swear that mountain is shorter than the last time i saw it

what the fuck ever

nooooo u cant kys u need to watch deadpool n wolverine and get a psychosis induced panic attack in the theater💖

happy pride month i neeeeeed to be properly medicated

wait a minute! this isn't the culminating duel at the end of a burning path of vengeance! you're getting off on this!