No. 27

Dear ______

As part of a class assignment I am writing this letter, however I feel this as an opportunity to express myself about what is going on currently, hoping that things are better in some months. First things first, I am feeling a little bit down lately, as a matter of fact, last night I cried my eyes with mom but things are ok now with her, yet I feel lonely sometimes, even when I am with my best friends, I don’t feel like trusting any of them. Even though the loneliness is there, I try to be optimistic and focus on the goal.

By the moment you read this, I hope we will be at the verge of graduating and therefore leaving a lot of things behind, I hope to feel nostalgic but not sad, since it is not good to attach to some things. In addition, it would be great to have acceptation letters from the universities we will apply to, such as NYU, Politècnica de Barcelona, Tec Moneterrey or U. Andes, and hopefully some financial aid or scholarship. Nothing could be better than being ready to pack my bags and just start college somewhere else, like a clean slate. Although, I would not mind staying here and hopefully keep in touch with those I care for that will live in Bogotá.

We have always kept or eyes on the prize and reading this just before achieving one of our goals is delightful. Now, there is still a long way to go, four or more years of college awaits us and we should try to graduate with some kind of graduate program as well, preferably in another country. No matter what others say or suggest, after graduating college, starting our own business is the goal, maybe with a partner that can help us change the world as we always wanted. Remember all the things we want besides success; working at the UN in order to write HABITAT IV, trying to renew Bogotá’s ugliest areas and creating a company that creates sustainable spaces all around the world! Like I said before, it will not be easy nor fast, but life would be boring without challenges.

That being said, never forget where you came from and all the sacrifice that you and others made so you could be where you are reading this. Remember those who supported you throughout these past months and make them proud, also those who did not, cut them loose and use their negativity as motivation. Make the best out of each day and focus on the goal. Try to be a better person, treating people equally and respectfully. But most importantly, care for yourself too! No achievement will matter if we feel lonely, depressed or stressed, self care should be a priority for the next years. Finally, as was said in our favorite movie: “you is kind, you is smart, you is important” (TH).

Have fun!

P.S. after reading this and hopefully realizing things are better now, write an email to the one person that made this message possible: Martina! Please do not forget, do it immediately.

No. 26

Hey Bitch,

How is your life right now? You should be investing now. Remember your lifetime goals and within-5-years goals? That hardcover yellow notebook of "100 Ways To Annoy People"? I swear, if you didn't study or talk to financial advisors or accountants or even uncle Rey or aunt Win---kill yourself right now. Financially stable? Your own hospital? KKK organization?

Throw it all away out the nearest window. Remember the numerous Post Its of quotes from the Millionaire Next Door book?

"Do you want to end up stupid AND poor? NO." (This was my way of motivating you. Hoped it work. We gotta be harsh to each other to actually move, you know that, lazy bum.)

Remember that, 'kay? At that time your color test was pretty positive because you wanted to learn shit. The only downside was your loneliness. Sincerely hoping you're okay now. Relationships? Lol, who knows? I'm not expecting much.

DON'T end up with an a-hole, got it? No matter how much you may 'love' him right now (if there is even someone in the first place), NO. Your past self forbids it. Your past self looking at the future forbids it. Your dignity forbids it. WE forbid it.

Starcrossed lovers, anyone? Don't ever disappoint me. It may seem like I have high standards, but I myself am just looking out for you. It may seem like I care more about our love life more than anything, and it's true. We know you'll do well in anything, with a little push and a will of shoving. Only relationships are the ultimate untravelled territory here, and I hope you're not pregnant right now. Just in case you are and need your own advice---here it is:

Consider yourself, okay? We both know how you'll consider the baby's life, too and everyone else. I'll accept you, through and through, no matter what everyone else thinks. I'm here. You're here. We're here. But most of all---what is the most important thing to you? That's the only decisive answer I can give you.

If you're not pregnant, great! I wonder what your boyfriend looks like. If you have one. If you don't, sorry for reminding you of our loveless life. Okay, I really am hoping you have someone by this time. I mean, you're still pretty young, but we need experience, OK. Don't fuck a friend you might see as someone more in the future. Hope you still hate that complicated drama.

This was written on the day we were still plotting our lives. Getting distracted by hunter x hunter manga (Hisoka is so hawt), Kim Soo Hyun was your favorite actor, that cartoon character mattress on the double decked bed that had no ladder or any support for going on the upper deck, the fleas of cats that you tried to remove SO HARD, the collapsing ceiling where it would drizzle inside the room, trying to level up in the movie geekiness category, dreaming of THAT GUY WITH K and Kick-Ass. Good times.

You know, if we were separate individuals and actually existed in the right parallel universe, we'd just marry each other, because we know ourselves best. And we get along, and we don't even need to go through those annoying mind games people play when dating. Don't date people like that, okay? You need someone straightforward. Going around in circles and beating around the bush ain't gonna get you nowhere unless it's foreplay. Also, you pretend you don't understand those signals a lot. I myself don't know why. Less drama?

So who's the president now? I seriously freaking hope you voted the right candidate. Damn those politicians. Have you lost weight? Although I do hope you're being fit, I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't have time for exercise. Don't stress yourself out! Slap some sunscreen and moisturizer regardless of how much sun you won't see being stuck in school, studying, or worse, the hospital. Do you wanna get wrinkles? At that age? No shit no this is me preventing your detoriation of your beauty (or what's left of it) haha.

I hope you have fulfilled your five year plan. ❤️

No. 25

Dear _______, 

I hope that you are doing well. Me, I'm not so sure anymore. Everything usually feels..faded, and sleepy. As if I'm not always awake. I spend my days playing video games and listening to music, and my nights devising crazy imaginative ideas, (like that one about the three aspects and colors.) I have a good life though. Everyone is nice. I have to start looking for jobs though. Honestly, I want to work, I really do, but I don't want the money. I feel like I don't really need nice things. I feel like I'm ready to transcend into the next level of my existence. I suppose I'm not though. I've got lots of things to learn and God has his fate for me, so I can't give up so easily. Hopefully you've found something productive to do with yourself now. Something helpful to mankind. Maybe not huge, but something helpful at least to someone.

I feel like I have spoken a different language from everyone else, for the longest while, feels like they don't understand me, or don't want to. It isn't really like that though. I'm just as bit as equal as anyone else. Hope you've learned to stop being so impatient and headstrong with things. After what happened with tori and Cameron, I would have hoped so. I know you're probably all fearless and shit, but the world isn't. They have to take things slow, and steady. If you ever hope to find a mate, you must learn this. Or, well, maybe you could just keep looking. There's someone out there.

Speaking of which, hope you've gotten control of Toge. The spirit of the wild, of the free. The spirit of passion, and desperation. The Spirit of Intensity. Hope you stopped doing the fleshful things too. While those things are slowly becoming more accepted as the years pass, that doesn't make them ok to do. They keep you from wanting to experience the better. Gotta keep clean. Maybe every one in a millennia, but not often.

Anyways, keep going. Help the world around you, those less fortunate.

No. 24

Dear ______, So I'm standing in the kitchen eating some "fast food" style french fries & an idea pops into my head. You know your brain, always taking things to far until you get obsessed and must execute. But this I can't execute, not now. Hopefully you can or you can in the future. So anyway, the fries were in one of those red plastic baskets with the red & white checkered paper liner. I picture it being filled w/ fish & chips. Remember those? Well I don't know how it came to me but I would like my children to someday put on a "restaurant" for family & friends. The whole sha-bang. Here's a rundown. First, they will have polaroid cameras or something & take pictures of food they order when they go to restaurants. Then, they will keep a little album with all the foods, especially what they liked. Hopefully they are adventurous eaters. So they keep that & then you tell them they can put together a restaurant. You will send invites to the grandparents, brothers, husbands family... neighbors or good friends... whoever! They will say they would like to come at whatever time (for free!) & that's their reservation. (I'm assuming I have a bunch of kids so there is enough, otherwise they whole thing might have to be cut down) So the kids will seat the guests when they arrive & give them a simple appetizer, a main mean & a dessert. The appetizer can be something like chips & salsa so it doesn't require too much work since they will be working on the main meal. If their are two kids old enough to cook then there can be two main courses & the customer can choose (cook = waiter/waitress, too). Make sure you let the kids create the menu, but of course within reason. We can make the dessert ahead of time too. So they will be focused on their main course & serving that. Basically, it allows them to learn how to cook in a fun way, see how a restaurant works & maybe make some money off tips. Isn't this idea genius? Maybe they could do this semi-annually so it'd become a tradition & get passed down. Or maybe it will be a complete disaster & everyone will just laugh about how I thought this was a good idea. Hey, I'm 18 when I'm thinking of this, give me a break. Kids aren't my forte.

Hopefullyyyyy, this will be something that actually happens. This is your reminder. If the kids are too young then go back to futureme.org, copy, paste & send to a more accurate date. Because I honestly have no idea what the future will hold. Maybe I'm not even married... I would hope so though cuz I'm leaving my 20's in a couple years! Good luck!

No. 23

Dear _____, You are just about to find out if you made it or not. If your dreams will come or not come true. I know how much effort you put to fulfill you deepest dreams and I am sure that a path will open in front of you leading to that beloved course of yours. The coin has two sides and so as life and today you are going to face one of them. Option A or Option B. I know you don't want to face the second one but you just can't know about what lies ahead. Option A makes you happy you are here in front of that screen and you just can't help it as you cry out of joy knowing that your efforts pay you off. Suddenly you party and let your family know about your success. You take a breath like you are now set free of any burden and start living the way you should. Option B is a painful story. You went through this last year and I know how courage you had to take in order to stand up and deal with everything from the beginning. But life was never just. You just have to accept it. It is not your fault things ended up like that. It is not your fault belonging to a system where dreams are destroyed by the ministry. As I said if you do really want this you keep fighting and then suddenly you prove everyone wrong because willingness is stronger than everything. Option B is that road full of ostacles the one that builds stronger people. Anyhow, you cannot know what the day obscures you either fly or temporarily being trapped in a cage. It is you that will unlock you from it. Positivity and hope will help you to reach the sky to get in that airplane and save the world. Dear me, i know how much you want all of this otherwise you would not be standing here with eyes full of hope and dreams. I wish you best of luck and I believe that God will make sure that you'll get what you deserve. JUST DO NOT EVER GIVEUP. JUST KEEP PUSHING AND CARRYING ON. INVEST IN YOURSELF. BE STRONG AND GET THE HELL OUT OF YOUR DEMONS AND THAT CAGE. YOU CAN DO IT. I AM SO POSITIVE ABOUT IT. I HAVE THAT FELLING THAT LIGHTS MY SOUL IN A POSITIVE WAY. I FEEL THAT YOUR HOPE WILL LIGHT THE WHOLE WORLD <3

No. 22

Dear _____, We need a better paying, full-time job. You have been working on this.

What progress have you made? I wish that you could write to me with advice and tips.

I will miss having summers off but not the misbehaving children or the obnoxious supervisor.

Our family needs more money and more affordable healthcare benefits.

Have you found an office job or driving position somewhere? Please don’t let us down.

You don’t have perform miracles; you do need to try.

Success is your only option; failure is not. Keep working to get what you deserve.

I care about you.

Sincerely, Me

No. 21

Dear _____, I want you to know it’s okay. It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay when things don’t workout with guys. Yes you keep telling yourself you’re at fault. But maybe every second you spend with a guy isn’t ever supposed to be more than that second. Maybe they are meant to come and go because well maybe they aren’t meant to stay in your life. You aren’t at fault. Remember when you were in middle school and so couldn’t get over that soccer guy that you barley had a conversation with, yet you couldn’t hopelessly imagine what it would be like if he saw you? Remember that guy freshman year that continuously manipulated you, & put you down? You often told yourself it was love, because it hurt. Remember that popular guy that you wished so bad to connect with, that you wished so bad to know him, he had already had his first love. You were second place, last place even. Remember that guy from another town that met with you that night, & y’all just couldn’t keep your hands off each other. It finished quickly just as it started, yet you managed to love him in a way he never could’ve loved you. But most of all remember your first love, the one where you still haven’t question why he still makes your heart race when you see him, the one that makes your heart tug when you see him with another girl, the guy that loves you, the guy that you’ve always loved. Yet y’all couldn't ever seem to stay away from each other, yet y’all couldn’t seem to bring yalls self to one another. Remember he said “it’s funny how life works” you scrunched up your face when he said that because for a moment it seemed like those books you use to read. But I bet you now your agreeing with what he said. And I bet he’s the only one you’ve ever actually never forgotten. I know your thinking right now “what if I’m meant to be alone, what if I’m not capable of being loved.” But that’s not true people aren’t capable of seeing your worth, but you are. And I think that’s bittersweet. So what if these type of guys are the ones that come and go, you knew love for what it is, what it will be and what it was & nobody can tell you what love was or wasn’t for you because you know love for what it is.

No. 20

Look. This is not a letter. This is a reminder that you matter.

I know how you feel; worthless, unwanted, untalented, the runt of the group, the last in your class, a piece of shit. Trust me, I've been there before. You feel like you are a failure, a weakness, like your dead weight, like you have no purpose. Everything you do seems to amount to nothing, whilst other people just glide by with ease. You look around you and all you see is expectations and targets - other people look like gods to you, masters of their craft with no flaws and no imperfections. Even if you toil away for hours honing your skills and your attributes, it amounts to nothing - whist for others it seems that they do a little work, a fraction of what you do, and they seem to get the top grades and the achievements while your there crying your eyes out because you worked so hard for a grade to only fall at the final hurdle. And that's it your life is over, your life is ruined all because you managed to fall before the finish. You don't understand how, you just did. But, somehow you get a second chance, though it doesn't feel like it, it feels like pity. It feels like they are saying 'let him have another go'. You can hear the surprise in people's voices when they hear you fell. They didn't expect you to fall, and yet you did. Even though you put in the hours, it was all for null.

And after this you feel worse than ever. You feel like you are an imperfection, a failure, a waste of time. Your friends support you, but secretly you envy them, they have the smarts, the wit, the knowledge, the ease, everything while you feel like you are retarded, you struggle to see why you ever chose this subject, why you ever wanted to go through with this. You feel like you should have just got an apprenticeship somewhere and be secure. You ask yourself often 'why did I not just surrender myself'. 'It would be easier to finish yourself off than having to go through failure after failure after failure.'. You constantly worry if you are good enough, if you are a failure, if you actually mean anything at all. Your death would be meaningless you feel, everyone would still have each other.

If you feel this way, why haven't you killed yourself yet? Why haven't you done it? Because you matter. No matter what people feel, you matter. You may feel worthless, but trust me you aren't. Your family and friends love you. Just work hard and you will be fine.

P.S. make sure to publish a book.

No. 19

To the person reading this, No matter how bad your week was, whether something that happened that was bad or someone telling you something negative, you are enough. You are not ugly, you are beautiful. You are enough, and you don't need to change yourself for anyone. Whether you're dealing with something pretty serious, or you're just down today, you are a wonderful person. You are a great person, regardless of what others say about you. I don't care about your background, your ethnicity, your gender, whether you're part of the LGBTQ+ community or not, you are amazing. You are wonderful in your own unique way, and you shouldn't let anyone be the cause of your mood. There will always be people trying to bring you down, but it's just because they see the beauty that is you. They see everything they want to be in you. They feel their insecurities around you much more, so they feel they need to make you feel bad about yourself, to feel good about themselves. Continue to be the confident and strong person you are. If you aren't the most confident person, I want you to know it's there. You've just buried it underneath the negativity that is present in your life. Let your confidence shine for today, and if someone is rude to you, forget about them. I know it's not easy to, but do it for yourself. be the confident person you should be, and don't let anyone knock you down from your throne. You are all kings and queens, so let that shine. Signed, Me

No. 18

Dear ______,

Question everything, the big the small and all aspects in between, then accept the answers. If there isn't an answer, accept that too. There are so many things in life that you aren't going to get an answer to, so it's better to spend your time accepting the answers you do get and the fact that many things just do not have a clear answer. Life is crazy and confusing and sometimes when you learn something new it can feel like your whole world is ending because you may have never looked at life that way before, but that's okay, it's all about learning. It's okay to challenge ideas as well, don't be so accepting of ideas that you may not agree with or find morally sound. This will allow you to find your morals and build upon your developing moral compass. Also, be open to loving everyone. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness, so please don't be so quick to jump to judgment. With that, it's necessary to be aware of the good and the bad. Don't allow others to leech off of you and take away that happiness you have been working so hard to grow inside of you. The bad things may feel crushing in the moment, but they will not define you and can allow you to learn. PLEASE allow yourself to continue to feel everything. Vulnerability is key to living your life unequivocally. Be open to learning, feeling, thinking, and questioning. Life isn't black and white, and it isn't gray either. It's a spectrum full of beautiful colors, tints, and shades. Take the time to soak up all of that color and let it paint your mind with insightfulness. I know you won't always have a positive outlook on life, your depression and anxiety will likely set in this semester because of the 20 credit hours, but don't let it consume you, let it push you to be better. Take the time to breathe, take in your surroundings, and accept imperfection. Strive for the enjoyment of learning for the sake of learning and find your passion for it again. Where's that little girl who would memorize body parts on her LeapFrog tablet or did the entire take-home math booklet your teacher gave you for the summer or who created the house with an elevator and your own electrical wiring or who would write thriller stories or who would create animations of a motorcyclist doing a wheelie or who made a Christmas ornament by mixing different chemicals? Think about how much enjoyment all those things brought you and manifest that into your life now. Not everything should be so hard and full of drudgery like it's felt for the past two semesters. Coming out of high school you were in a rut and never accepted the things in life that affect you because you believed you were above that, but that was far from the truth. You have grown so much in this last semester and I can't wait to see you thrive even more. Please, please, please take care of yourself. Your physical health is much more important to you than you realize, don't just sit around watching tik tok's or wallowing in the responsibilities you have but aren't doing. You'll be surprised how much easier life is when you take care of yourself. I can't wait to see all of your accomplishments this year (I really, really, really hope you are on campus right now) and take life by the reigns because you deserve a chance at happiness and to love yourself.

Until next time :)

No. 17

Dear _____, Do what excites. I'm literally so freaking tired of being who everyone wants me to be, and I want to do what I want to do. Stick to your goals, but also go out and do fun things. Stop being so afraid of everything. I know social anxiety is hard but no one gives a crap - I don't notice it in other people, so get out of your head and start doing things.

I'm writing this in quarantine, and probably going to send this to myself in the fall. Hopefully, I'm in Provo, and not doing online school. Things are finally looking up, but I'm realizing it's easier to stay inside because I don't have to deal with the problems I had before, like friends. So my goal post-quarantine is to get out of my head, and do fun things. It doesn't really matter with who. But start doing them because you already regret the last 19 years in some ways. Don't make the next years suck.

Love, but also stop being so afraid, Nat from May 2020

No. 16

Dear ______, Hey Vani! how are you doing? You better say amazing! You're such a loved person by sooo many people, I know 2018 and beginning of 2019 was difficult and so many things changed in your life but hey YOU ARE STILL BREATHING!! WOW!! a lot of people really don't see that as a accomplishment but it is you woke up today alive, healthy, you are okay! And for that I am proud, if that is all you can do right now its all okay, you're doing your best. Whatever you are going through right now will pass quickly, pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice! I am so sorry about all the pain I put you through at this time I wish I was a little stronger mentally and emotionally but your getting there at the moment. You are currently not in a good place but I believe that by the time you read this you will be so happy you forget to worry about everything, you are also learning how to love yourself in every way, which is going pretty well. I am so proud of you, so many people dont know how to love themselves, and that's where insecurities come in place. Remember "Insecure people turn to insecure lovers", don't be that insecure lover, it has stopped you sooo many times in the past, don't do that to yourself so focus on you and only you!! love yourself with everything you got!!! I love you

Sincerely,

Past and unexperienced Vani

No. 15

Dear _____,

The road is long so is life No journey without end No life without goals

Have u become a better man, as u want to be ?

No. 14

Dear _____, You can do it. You have made it this far and we both know it's been a hell of a ride. Life has been hard but let me remind you: YOU are worthy of love. You deserve to be loved by someone who loves you, not your body, not your looks; you. You deserve nothing short of everything you hoped for. Don't sell yourself short. Don't let your mind trick you into thinking that you're only purpose here is to please others. You cannot make others happy until you are happy yourself. Please for the love of everything good in life LET YOURSELF BE HAPPY. You deserve to be as happy as you strive to make everyone else. You can allow yourself to help and care for others without throwing everything you want aside. Spend a day for you. Just for one day don't worry about what other people want, don't worry about other people at all. Spend a day making yourself happy. Go get yourself a smoothie, take a long hot bath, watch charlie st. cloud and laugh and cry all to yourself without wondering or worrying about what you could've been doing to make someone else's day better. and remember no matter how bad today was, this week, month, or even year was: Tomorrow will be better. -xoxo your past self at one of her lowest points in awhile

No. 13

Dear ______,

I hope you are excited to be back at school. Think about those 3 months you spent quarantined, trying to reach your students through Google Meets, and wondering how on Earth can I actually teach them through a computer?!?!?! Every time you get frustrated in class, remember those times. Remember when you missed seeing kids every day enjoying the books you've loved too. Take pleasure in lost books because it means they were reading them! And keep reading yourself too.

I hope you are enjoying your new home and that it's come to be your home. July 31 was a big day and I hope it was an awesome one. Your dog probably loves the new house as much as you do.

Past Me

No. 12

Dear ____,

There are a lot of ways to live a good life. Remember to be mindful and your actions and words. Live fully in each moment and remember to make each choice out of love for your people, yourself, and humanity.

You are happy now. You decided how your life goes and who you will be. Remove your ego from your work and it will become a much more fulfilling pursuit, one of discover and understanding devoid of fear of judgment from others and fear of failure to your self.

In this next year I know you will grow in skill, deepen your understanding in your field, and contribute novel ideas. This next year and ever year following I give you permission to be fully the best that you can be in every way. Mind, body, work, relationships, empathy. I love you.

No. 11

Dear ________,

The future is an unpredictable thing. The highs and lows life brings with each day are so unpredictable that moving on seems like an endless battle. And as we are not sure of many things, we can only hope.

I hope it’s easier now. That the demons you’ve been battling for a eternity have failed to make their way into your heart or your mind. I am aware that a year is not time enough to fully heal from all the things we’ve had the displeasure of experiencing but I hope that even the tiniest progress has been made. Small steps are not pointless, they will help you to get further on your travel, no matter how insignificant they might seem. Have patience.

I hope that the pain from losing a loved one has stilled itself. They say the emptiness will never leave your soul, but we are strong believers that pain does not last forever, no matter how excruciating it might be.

I hope you’re taking care of yourself. Drinking enough water, eating healthy, and not focusing yourself on activities that will lead to nothing.

And last but not less important, I hope you haven’t lost the spark that lies within your soul. You might deny it now, but you are unique, one of a kind. Your empathy and your intelligence will change the world someday, even if the smallest bit.

Believe me.

Love, Your Past Self.