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writeblrcafe · 1 day

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It's been 365 days...

365 days of heartaches and heartbreaks...

365 days of never ending nightmares that's going to consume me for the rest of my life...

365 days of tears streaming down to my eyes until I let out a heart shattering scream to the heaven's above...

365 days of remembering the happy memories that haunted me after that incident happened a year ago...

365 days of the moment I've been caught in a bloody red melancholy spiral. A bloody scarlet red melancholy spiral to be exact...

365 days of when the happy things in my life are slowly taking away from me forever...

365 days of the moment I was trapped into a black void that's covered with red threads that I won't escape...A scarlet red threads to be exact...

365 days of trying to fight between those people who put to blame on a wrong person who didn't deserve to be punished. And no matter I tried to tell the real truth to them, they will always turned their backs away from me, stick to the believing the deception and lies and put the blame to the wrong person who doesn't deserve such punishment and hate because their hearts inside were stubborn like stone...

365 days of suffering from a depression after I saw this heart shattering memory that it will probably eating myself alive...

365 days of the moment I clenched my fists while holding a broken shard glass until both of my hands are bleeding and covered with blood because I can't stop remembering this bloody red memory that it kept disrupted me to go forward to the bright future...A bloody scarlet red memory to be exact...

365 days of never ending sayings of "I miss you"s because of waiting for you to come back and return with new music that I was anticipating...But I know that it's getting too long and I was too impatient that I know that I might cry again and remembering those past happy memories of you for too much...

365 days of looking at the stars that reminds me of you...

365 days of watching a field of red roses that it will always reminds me of you...

365 days of looking of those memorabilias of you as my comfort while waiting for you to come back...

And 365 days of watching different kinds of sunsets so I can ease my sorrows and pains, even it will take years to recover myself from this red trauma from a year ago...A scarlet red trauma to be exact...

But most of all...

Those 365 days of remembering of the memories of you until that tragedy happened, will be more memorable to you...Even if it kills me and left an scar that it could never be removed for the rest of my life...

Because...

Even in the next 365 days, I will forever always remember this dream...A dream that it became a lifetime trauma that my life will never ever be the same again...

And that is how I named this lifetime trauma, known as your departure due to the "scandal" that you didn't deserve to be suffered from that tragic fate like this...

And the name is...

Scarlet Dreams

And I'm already traumatized enough...Once and for all.

(Behind this writing is under "Keep Reading")

Today, April 10, 2024...It's been 365 days since Ravi, the member of the Kpop boy group VIXX. And by tomorrow, April 11, 2024, is the 1st Anniversary of Scarlet Dreams.

It's been a year and it's the most painful journey of my entire life that it changed drastically forever.

From missing Ravi every day to fighting between people who put the blame to him...And no matter what I told them to stop believing the lies and read the whole truth, they would rather scoff off and just continue to believe the lies and put the blame to the wrong person who didn't deserve to suffer because their hearts are too stubborn.

And after all that happening after Ravi left VIXX, I slowly don't feel like myself at all. Especially when I don't feel like listening to new Kpop music for A FREAKING YEAR because I was too traumatized after the occurred events that's going to haunt me... Especially the triggering moments that it made me want to leave this place for a while. Plus, it made me slowly that I don't feel like doing a fangirling over Kpop anymore because the Kpop world right now is too much drama and hatred more than ever that I even saw tragic moments also.

And after so much happening in the Kpop world, I decided to discover something and that's how I started listening to Ukrainian music. In the end, it worked and it became my new favorite genre. I've been listening to Ukrainian music for a year now this year so

Plus, I was hyper-focus about those two new comforts: Honkai Star Rail and Love and Deepspace. Honkai Star Rail became a new favorite because of the concept and the RPG game concept is turn based RPG. For Love and Deepspace, which is an otome combined RPG game, is all thanks to watching their gameplays and walkthroughs on YouTube and that's when I fell in love with Xavier, which is my favorite love interest and began to start playing with due to an event of getting a free 5 star lunar card. (But I know that actually...I love all 3 of them.)

And that's how and why I don't feel like keeping new updates about Kpop and doing my Kpop fangirl life for now and give them a break.

Please understand this my very painful decision for the sake of my well being, my physical health, my mental health and my emotional health.

I hope you have a wonderful day and have a Happy 1st Anniversary of Scarlet Dreams.

With Love,

Queennie 🌹

#member: queenie #poetic prose #tw blood #tw depression #tw mental health

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writeblrcafe · 1 day

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NaPoWriMo Vol. 3, 4.6.24 “How Better to Become a Community"

Nice is too short of a word to get far But when your primary descriptor Is malicious That word has reach Kindness will get you far But ostentatious farther Friendship is fine and dandy But ships set sail and sink Nice, like ice will melt Spite will cut cleaner than any knife Through any ice Any sail Bitterness is full of sounds that shield Be careful how such subtleties Pass from hand to hand While these larger meaner words Keep the world at bay as you might With a stick or any many or sharper thing

Being kind will keep people close Others will have to be Whether they wish to or not Letters alone won’t suffice And words must form to sentences Together kind can become kindness And thought it is close to a mess A clutter

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#member: chris #poetry

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writeblrcafe · 1 day

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Am I supposed to believe the words you say?

The smile on your face,

The gestures that you make?

The sun gets high

And indistinct behind the clouds,

And the shadows smooth out

When I expect them to overwhelm me.

The clouds give me unexpected clarity.

And there you stand,

Expecting me to believe you.

So I'll say I do.

What would I even do with the truth?

#member: august #poetry

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writeblrcafe · 2 days

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She is a white flame

running toward the forest,

a scream in the dark,

a fight for a life

in the dirt,

a prayer answered,

rain ~

"Am I dead," she asked?

her arms,

wing-spread

the angel, p. 2

#poetry

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writeblrcafe · 2 days

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You painted a portrait of my distress.

Painted lines of your own design,

A depiction of my pain

In your name.

Beauty,

You called it.

The shade to my eyes,

Something only I can properly name.

You painted a portrait of your very best success.

#member: august #poetry

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writeblrcafe · 2 days

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NaPoWriMo Vol. 3, 4.5.24 “That Ain’t Playing Phaoroh at the American Dream“

What’s a dollar Dollar bill Y’all? Lying? Trying? Dying? For this green? Grass and trees and leaves fall all the same Why play pretend with markets in the clouds What is a dollar, a buck, a doe? Although without I’m dying, trying, lying Asking why I’m not enough Dollar bill, y’all Survive on these slip Slip, slip, slippery slope Pink slip car loan Pink slip house loan –Reminder I’m a man– Can’t afford my home, my car, my life What’s a dollar An hour? How many? I’m spending my day working for so little When the bed I sleep in, in the house I weep in Will never be bought with that labor Who enjoys the fruits of these planted labors? What juice spills from distant lips?

What’s a dollar? Dollar bill Y’all aren’t all vying for more? Trying for more Dying for more? Why must we play pretend–passing ice-coins Wintered the weather about to maintain this illusion This song and dance Won at the tip of a lance Am I to die on the streets where I sleep After a hard days work Gunned down by a passerby whose offense is taken At my presence In my work, when offense is taken At my presence What sense does it make to not be seen Santa’s little helpers Slaving away So some other might gloat and tote Can I sleep on it? Wipe my weeping tears on it? Who will take what I have Leaving what little for tomorrow And tomorrow’s tomorrow Before I again have to borrow So that this cycle of green Of greed Of grasses–greener Perennially blooms; forebodes doom

Where is safe from this dollar? Dollar bill Y’all The grass is always greener The management always meaner The bankers always keener I am saving, graving, paving the way But not to walk upon but on I am the stone–ascended Who can afford to be single? Who can afford just one? In a market that’s rising–water levels Left to drown I can swim–only so long Tread water, dread water, fed water And drown Green stays afloat It is soluble, solution, able and capable Why must I live to work and not Live and work Where did the and’s go? Where did the green go? Barren and wearing no colors of life The suburbs and cities and folks are all white Washed and packaged for resale again No space is owned save the barony lords

What is a dollar? Dollar bill Y’all Learn all day To work all day ‘Til your dying day What is there to say? “He was a busy and dedicated man to his work” Will his work remember him Remembered for his work Who will grieve the cog replaced The seed replanted The crack that’s mended When the old days are waning The sunset soon fading I will keep working for that return of the green The average mean The stacks slapped in my hand To feed and afford what I can Because what use is a dollar That can never call her Back Buy my time Back Take it all Back What use is a dollar? That can’t buy back my time wasted in youth In adulthood so ruth-lessly sought

What is a dollar? Dollar bill Y’all Aren’t struggle to own any bit of your life Your car is on loan and your house and your wife At the slightest inconvenience The drop of margins Swoops the executive C On to elevate thee Claiming your purchases are just temporary They’ve licensed your time Your work and Your sight All that you own And all that you might Work for that dollar Plug and play on their game I’ll keep dreaming, Filling reem in -of paper And dream of my paper My dollar Dollar bill Y’all

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#member: chris #poetry

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writeblrcafe · 2 days

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NaPoWriMo Vol. 3, 4.4.24 “The Ferocious Centipede“

I am the Hundred marching steps The serpent of the soil Dragon of dirt I am overlooked and overstepped Speeding against all will –forward Little are my secret advances But I will not die For much is left to be done And only I Will see it consumed Within each step writhes anger Eager to stamp and stamp and stamp And stomp the soil until nothing remains Only I will remain Alone with my desire At last obtained

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#member: chris #poetry

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writeblrcafe · 3 days

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NaPoWriMo Vol. 3, 4.3.24 “Prose River“

As I lay to sleep: hesitating,masturbating, contemplating. What the offhand thought is worth waiting here. Am I to doze and drift into dreams? It seems that lights’ morning beams. Guide my gentle-handed to the seams. So that I might: find, rewind, unwind. The moment paused, twixt missed and mind. As swiftly as short lines of thought. Peace can be bought, sought. Wrought from leaves or iron or people caught. So should I find my own? A piece discarded-thrown, wayside down by the side or up high that it might have flown. Here I lay to sleep, left to weep, next to heap, and heap, and heap of laundry left to rot. Will I come, to my conclusion sum, to be greater than one. Let one be done and none remain when morning comes. So let me sleep, sonorous sleep and long and deep as sleep might be slept. Kept tight within my breast not to be shared, nor bared to world ill-fared. Ill-cared for the rest of weary-teary-eyed fools as I. Whose eyes so quickly shine to shed color, tear to rain, plain as pain and drought-plagued plaine. Let me sleep and give my weep to seep to soil. So dreams may grow.

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#member: chris #poetry

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writeblrcafe · 3 days

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NaPoWriMo Vol. 3, 4.2.24 “Will I Remember This Time“

There were not enough moments Captured in sand-grain, steel-handed Red-light-digital-clocked moments To which I told you (all) I loved you Those moments, seconds, minutes, hours, days Passed At last, these days I never told you (all) I loved you Will I recall If you Recall To say to you (all) I love you Although you’re far and plenty few I try to say, to show, I love you

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#member: chris #poetry

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writeblrcafe · 3 days

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NaPoWriMo Vol. 3, 4.1.24 “A Sword-Of…“

By any rights there is a tip In which to puncture, pierce, or point To take direction, or which to lead Articulated as one would a joint From that tip, so sharp as to let blood drip Befalls a blade as sharp and shattered as battle let It serves its purpose in its own service bled To execute all direction, duty-pointed who have met From tip to blade to hefted-hafted handle Across from whom would so carefully guard Where upon I place my hand To carry this is not awfully hard With swift movement to darken nightlight’s candle This is not a heavy thing, yet burdensome to bear Pommeled steel hold all so tight; yet little goes as planned By my side with ease to wear From heft to hit a sword is held As civil shield or callous cutpurse; with it the world – be felled

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#member: chris #poetry

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writeblrcafe · 3 days

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I can't keep holding on,

for my patience is running out

and just like wind blows dust,

fly it to another land,

I also want death to cross my path

so that I can be the forgettable stone

lying silently in the depths of memories

and until when must I count the days

--- h.harouche

#poetry

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writeblrcafe · 4 days

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Trevarius finally makes it to the riverfront....

Most of the afternoon was spent walking along the sidewalk that lined the banks of the Mississippi. Enzo kept his hands deep in his pockets as they walked, and Renata filled him in on the progress and information they had. More than once when he’d been holding his coffee, his other hand had almost taken the one of hers that dangled in between them as if inviting him to once more feel the warmth of another’s holding his. Then he’d also almost wrapped his arm around her shoulders when she’d been visibly upset regarding one of the details regarding a specific child who had been murdered. He was losing his mind, he was sure of it. So, this is what insanity after almost two thousand years of life felt like. Maybe his brain had finally reached the end of its life span.

Even as he fought the desire to physically touch her, he was able to pay close attention to everything she said. No detail was lost, and when there was silence, he was meticulously going over every detail in his head. Hearing everything in his head in her soft voice that had an almost melodic quality to it, wasn’t helping him forget who she was a copy of. Instead it was reminding him that less than two feet away was the exact duplicate of the only woman he had ever loved, would ever love. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and kiss her till they both ran out of air, but he had a feeling that would end up with him in severe pain. As evening was drawing close, Trevarius was finally able to make it down to the riverside. He’d texted a few times with Renata and had been a little perplexed by her responses, so he was looking forward to getting a better bearing on what was going on. He could tell from a way’s off that something was wrong just from Enzo’s posture alone, let alone Renata’s. Nothing good could be going on, and warning bells were going off in his head like a ten alarm blaze had just been ignited.. Renata seemed tense, which was unusual for the woman who normally made everyone feel at ease; and Enzo looked wound so tight that Trevarius was afraid that when he snapped, he’d level the whole of the waterfront. Dante had told him he was going to call and talk to Enzo, had that call gone badly? To check, Trevarius sent him a text while on his way to meet the couple who everyone around them was giving a wide berth. Apparently he wasn’t the only one getting the vibes the couple were sending out.

“Is there a reason that you two look like you’re ready to kill one another?” Trevarius asked as he finally met up with the two of them, his gaze alternating between the two with his brows raised. “I mean you normally look like an asshole,” he looked over towards Enzo and kind of shrugged with one side of his mouth lifted, “but you, what’s wrong, hon?” his look became more concerned as his attention turned to Renata who had looked down and away from him. Like a little sister after all the years they'd spent together, she never avoided him. What had Enzo done? Better yet, how bad was he going to hurt Enzo for it? That didn’t even take into account when Dante got back…

Gently he turned her face towards him and could see the ghost of tear tracks in her makeup. “If he’s been a rank asshole to you, that’s part of Enzo’s charm. I promise, you will get used to it in time. I’m here now and I’ll keep his old and grouchy ass in line.” He gave her a sympathetic smile and a wink. He was going to have to figure out what happened and fast, he had just felt the vibration of Dante texting him back.

“It’s okay, I’ll live, Trev. Promise. It’s just been…” Renata didn’t even know how to describe what it had been. Surreal? Intense? Insane? She honestly just wanted to go home, curl up in a blanket, and cry in front of her fireplace. How long had it been since that had happened? She gave him a tentative smile that didn’t reach her eyes, her fingers gently wrapping around his larger hand that still held her upper arm.

“Trevarius, I need to talk to you.” Enzo suddenly announced and grabbed the other Lemure by the bicep, pulling him back in the direction he’d come from.

This left Renata behind looking stunned and confused. She looked around her quickly before stepping off into the grass, feeling totally unsure of everything now. Slowly she pulled out her phone and began to text Dante. She couldn’t do this, maybe she needed off this case and to be sent to Pluto for reassignment until Dante got back.

“What the fuck, Enzo? That was damn rude! You better have a fucking good explanation, or Dante and I might take turns beating your ass.” Now Travarius’s face showed his irritation, and the growl in his voice said that he wasn’t showing nearly as much as he was feeling. “Start talking boss, because with all you’ve pulled regarding Renata over the past century, treating her like this to her face is a huge fucking slap she didn’t need.” His eyes flicked up to see her standing there looking lost and alone off to the side of the walkway, holding her phone. He had a bad feeling that the night might get worse.

“Shut up! I haven’t done shit in the past century, because I didn’t know she fucking existed! And if you or Dante think that I did, then we three have got to figure out what kind of mind fuck Pluto is playing on me, because there’s another little piece of information that you’re going to love. Not only have I never heard of Miss Renata over there, never received a damn letter or call from her. As far as I knew, Dante was the only Lumure besides you in St. Louis. That blonde that you’re about to kick my ass over, she’s the exact copy of my dead wife come to life.” The shock that bloomed on Trevarius’s face was at least a comfort. It meant that at least he hadn’t known, and Enzo was going to bet that neither did Dante. “So save the fucking speach about slapping her in the face on purpose. I got one fucking hell of one when she turned around; so, I’m doing my best to not call her the wrong name, or forget that she is NOT the woman I married two thousand years ago. So it’s been a mind fuck since we met, and yeah, I’ve fucked this day up. So now we have to figure out what game Pluto is playing, how to UN-fuck this, and what is going on with your kid killer.” Enzo’s own frustration and irritation bled through. He knew things were going to be very bad with Renata for a while, and potentially bad with Trevarius depending on what the man in front of him said next.

“Boss, then I’ve got some complicated news for YOU that is going to make this whole thing worse.” Trevarius scrubbed his face, then his hand went up through his hair. He looked over to Renata, who looked worried and was fidgeting more with her phone. Fuck, could the four of them kill Pluto? That might make this better. “Dante’s in love with her, has been for over a century, and I think it has become mutual. They went out to dinner the night before he left and…they laid everything on the table. When I say everything, I do mean EVERYTHING, and they are very much a couple. An actual legit couple, Enzo. One with Pluto’s blessing to take it all the way to the altar, Dante’s already asked.” Now it was Enzo that got another punch to the gut. “I’m not going to tell him who she looks like. I’ll leave that up to you, but he’s held her hand since day one, boss. It was over a century of walking her through getting over her family. So, I agree, if he’s the one who did this, then Pluto has created quite the shit show. Now, why?” Trevarius sighed.

“We have to tell Dante. We can’t tell her though. Dante will believe me, he’s known me long enough. I’ve fucked up things too badly with her for it to go over well if I told her something like that. And, if there is something with Dante, after the way this morning started, it will come off like I’m trying to fuck that up for her. I won’t do that. Not to her, and not to him. We’ve got to get him back from Prague.” Enzo closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose hard, scrunching up his eyes. “This is a fucking disaster. At least how long do we have before the current child becomes a shade?”

“Three more days. Let’s get Ren, I’ll drive to a great pizza joint that we all go to. We’ll get some pizza, some beer, and we’ll relax. She’s gone over the case in her usual meticulous detail, I’m sure, but how much do you know about Ren and how we work down here?” Trevarius’ brow went up and he looked over at Renata with a smirk now and winked. Hopefully she got the hint that things were relaxing.

“Nothing more than was in her case file.” Enzo admitted. “This morning wasn’t exactly the best time to start asking questions. This has been awkward as hell, and I have a feeling until you, me, and Dante have a chance to talk it’s going to get worse..”

“Probably true. For the moment though, you’ve got me. And I happen to be a charmer with the little lady.” Trevarius winked at Enzo and inclined his head back towards Renata. “Come on and follow my lead. Try to get the stick out of your ass while you’re at it. Otherwise, she’s going to cry on the phone to Dante, who I imagine is who is texting her right now. I’ve heard you out, Dante might not be as patient in hearing your side. He’s a little protective.” Now he grinned, raising both brows before heading over to Renata.

“Oooooohhhhh…are we sending international love texts?” Trevarius gave Renata two steps before he plucked her phone out of her hands and hid it behind his back with a shit eating grin on his face. “What did I tell you about cheating on me with Dante, it wounds my soul, Ren. Deep, deep wounds. He leaves town and that smile of yours leaves with him. All this time, and I’m still second.” He feigned hurt, earning him rolled eyes and a laugh.

“Give the phone back.” Renata tried reaching around both sides, but Trevarius had a good eight inches or more on her in height, and his arms were longer. “You know I love you Trev.” She kept trying to get her phone back and laughing. Trevarius was more like a big brother, but they teased each other mercilessly, and Dante.

Trevarius lifted the phone over his head, sending a text to Dante, who it was that she had been texting, that she was sorry but she had decided that her love for Trevarius was too great and she could no longer deny it, so they were running away together to the south of France to bask in their joint love of chocolate and wine. He hit send, locked her phone and handed it back to her. “Fine, as long as you love me, I guess you can have it back.” No sooner had he handed it over than his own rang.

“I don’t know what you sent him, but I have a feeling he wants to discuss it.” Renata laughed as Trevarius pulled his phone out of his jacket and answered it, simultaneously sticking his tongue out at her. That only made her laugh harder.

Enzo watched the exchange between the two of them, marveling at the ease of exchange. Even he and Dante didn’t have quite that ease after many centuries. The chemistry between them was effortless, and it was clear why they worked well. Watching Trevarius on the phone and laughing at who he assumed was Dante, a bit of envy crept in. He was going to be the outsider, an outsider watching someone with the face of his wife be at ease with two other men, yet almost avoiding him.

Trevarius leaned over and said something to Renata that made her laugh. The laugh kicked Enzo in the heart. There was not one thing about the woman that was not an exact duplicate of his wife. Why? Why had Pluto done this? And to keep him away from her for so long, but bring him to her now. Now, when she and the man he considered his best friend were forming some kind of relationship. This had to be torture.

After Trevarius got off the phone, he dropped an arm across Renata’s shoulders and started leading her back over Enzo. Enzo could immediately see the change in Renata’s whole energy and body language. She was relaxed and at ease. Her one hand had risen and her fingers were laced with his, they were talking to one another, she was smiling, and she was animated in a way he hadn’t seen her be since he’d met her. The envy was growing, and Enzo was powerless to stop it as they approached.

Trevarius did not miss the look of envy and touch of hurt on Enzo’s face as they came up. He hoped Renata missed it though, that was not something that they needed to have to explain at the moment. He’s been able to drop enough hints on the phone with Dante, plus whatever Renata had texted him, that the other man was going to be on a flight back that night, and getting someone else to cover for him in Prague.

At least with Dante back, one of them could keep Enzo distracted from Renata until they could solve the case, then they could figure out what Pluto’s mind fuck was. If they were lucky, they wouldn’t have to clue Renata in that there WAS a mind fuck. She was a strong woman, but if he and Enzo were still having a bit of a hard time dealing with the fact that either Pluto or someone on his level was being a rank asshole, Trevarius was pretty sure that she would deal with it even worse. He still wasn’t sure how Dante was going to deal with it.

On the walk to Trevarius’ truck, he kept himself between Renata and Enzo. That actually seemed to keep them both the most relaxed. It also kept Renata mostly out of Enzo’s line of sight. She was quiet, letting the two men talk about old cases and crap that they’d been involved in with Dante in the past. He wasn’t sure if she was interested and listening, or if she was just glad she wasn’t the one having to talk to Enzo. Whichever it was, she kept tucked in close to his side the whole walk back, and Enzo didn’t challenge when Trevarius opened the front passenger door for her. Hopefully the rest of the night would go as well.

#fiction

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