Protection Sage

I had a rough couple of days to the point I have lost my voice. My throat is so sore it hurts and I know that I must whisper very softly now. I am so sick of feeling sorry for myself. Some weeks bad I went through an emotion break down and cut all my beautiful hair off all the way down to the skin. At first I didn't like what I saw in the mirror, then I started hearing a little voice in my ear. I need to give myself a reading some time this weekend. I have all of this pinned up energy and it is driving me crazy. The universe is a funny thing: when I was in jail there was this pastor that told that the higher power has a way of putting people in your path for a reason and I truly believe that. Between 2013-2016 my health started to go south and I was demined not to die at a young age like so many of my family members. My plans are to live to be 135 years old. Yes I will have ups and downs along the way however that is a part of the circle of life. From a very young age I saw things that other folks weren't aware of what was standing next to them or what was creeping around your room at night while you were sleep in your bed. The first time I saw scared then as the years went on I found them to be company for me. Especially since it seem like people didn't enjoy my company. Then as I got older and my mother left who I thought was my father; and I started using drugs I found that it made them be very quiet and that made me very happy for a time. Being an incest survivor I found new friends that never left my side cause they were all in my being. I know that there is someone out there that understands what I'm talking about. It feels like your whole being is being tore apart and thrown to every part of the earth and you have no idea how to start putting the pieces back together or how to find all the parts of your being that makes you feel whole. And it doesn't matter at what age it happened. You feel so lost and you start asking yourself what did I do so wrong that something like that would happen to me. I was one of those who when terrible things happen to me, I flow up away from my body and look down at myself letting myself know that this is happening to someone else and not to you my darling friend. You'll make it through this horrible thing and we will be here for you anytime you need that part of yourself to slip away for time and you'll be back soon.

##QUEEN WISTERIA

I know that folks are like this woman serious about calling herself QUEEN WISTERIA. YES I'm dead serious, especially since I know that in one of my past lives I was royalty wish I was now.

LONELY LIFE IN THE WORLD OF COVID-19

I hate this life now. The idea that I can't go outside because I have underlined health issues is a real fucked way to live however I'm not ready to die just yet. I miss the sunshine, the wind blowing on my face or just to see people walking around would be a simple joy to me. I wonder if there are other old folks like feeling the same way. I was once told that I need to sit down and write damn book. I LAUGH cause no one wants to hear the thoughts and ideas of an old black woman in her fucking 60's. It's like I seem a lot in my life, I know that my life has been spared so many times I have lost count.

RISOTTO WITH PORCINI MUSHROOMS

I think my mother should have made this kind of rice dish. I find it to be damn good and I'm enjoying just the risotto

GIVE IT A TRY SEEHOW IT FEELS

FEELING SAD

I truly hate menopause like no 2morrow, You never know which way your emotions will go. And taking pills doesn't help at all cause then you have no interest in anything you like to do. I tried pills before for my PTSD and for my bipolar 1. I do have those highs and lows. In which I hate the high times and enjoy my low points because for some odd reason I can feel all my emotions and not just the ones that make me feel good. Like 2day I watched a very sad movie and it made think of my grandmother who always told me that you have some hard times and good ones. However never give up on your dreams of having happiness and undying love in your life. I should be the happiest woman on this earth. I have a man that loves me with all his heart, he worked ever since we have been together and I know that it's wrong for me to feel like something is missing from my life.

My next project

My Son who hates me